PSE - 25

The day before, after riding off on her electric scooter from the hotel, Ha Yue never expected that Xue Jing’s “see you later” would come true the very next afternoon.

On Saturday, Jinzi was off duty and drove Xue Jing to inspect a used car. After finalizing the deal on the spot, Xue Jing, out of gratitude, insisted on transferring an introduction fee to Jinzi. Xue Jing offered 18,888 yuan, but Jinzi refused—it was just a small favor, after all.

That evening, Xue Jing visited the largest mall in town and purchased some high-end gifts for Jinzi’s wife, Cao Xiaoyu, and Jinzi’s mother, Siqin Tuoya—items useful for daily life.

The next day, Teacher Xue paid a visit, bringing along all those fine gifts. Jinzi and Xiaoyu insisted on keeping him for a casual meal.

Thus, on Sunday evening, after closing the store and returning home, Ha Yue parked her tricycle at the doorstep, inwardly grumbling about which fool had blocked her parking spot with such a large, beat-up pickup truck. Then, just five meters away, she saw Xue Jing sitting in Aunt Siqin’s courtyard, drinking tea.

Under the dark, windy night, Xue Jing’s jawline was as sharp as a blade, its silvery glow colder than the frost of dawn.

Yet this man radiated warmth, dressed head to toe in either cashmere or suede, exuding leisure and elegance. Perched on his nose was a pair of gold-rimmed glasses, and his affable smile masked any trace of severity.

Xue Jing’s demeanor was gentle. One hand rested on his knee, while the other held a salty milk tea that even Ha Yue found hard to drink. He chatted and laughed heartily with Aunt Siqin, seemingly already forming a close bond despite their age difference.

Amidst Aunt Siqin’s bell-like laughter, Ha Yue was so startled by the scene before her that the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. It was like spotting a tiger feigning sleep in a crowded rabbit hutch. Without lingering, she quickly dashed into her house and hid in a corner to calm her racing heart.

What exactly was Xue Jing trying to do? Yesterday, riding the electric scooter, he had dressed like an innocent college boy, but today he had already switched to the refined scoundrel look? And who in their right mind would sit on a splintery stool wearing finely tailored cashmere pants?

Just looking at it made her feel sorry for the fabric. Money wasn’t meant to be wasted like that.

In the yard, Zhao Chunni had just finished feeding the piglets when she pushed open the door and saw Ha Yue tiptoeing nervously to eavesdrop by the wall. She loudly scolded her: “Hey! What are you doing? Why are you hiding in the corner instead of eating? Are you out of your mind?”

Zhao Chunni’s voice thundered as if she wanted all the neighbors to hear.

“Mom!” Ha Yue’s body jolted like a startled tiger, letting out a faint whimper from her throat. She quickly dashed from the yard into the living room, leaping over a few obstructing geese along the way, resembling a hurdler in action.

Her fingers pounded heavily on the back of the sofa. On the verge of losing her composure, she immediately pulled out her phone and sent Xue Jing a message.

“What are you doing at my aunt’s house?”

“What are you talking to my aunt about?”

“I’m warning you not to talk nonsense about us! I still have to live here after you leave. If you say anything inappropriate, I’ll make sure you regret it!”

In her imagination, Xue Jing’s words wouldn’t be kind—he would probably talk about how she had abandoned him in the past, calling her a habitual liar who bragged everywhere. Now, she wasn’t any better—putting on her pants and pretending not to recognize people.

Who knew that a best-selling author could be more shameless than a difficult woman? The local thug was instantly caught by the scruff of the neck, collapsing mentally and wanting to roll around on the ground in frustration.

Soon, Xue Jing replied to her messages with an innocent tone and reasonable explanations.

“?”

“Lately, I’ve been troubling Jinzi by using the car from the Cultural Bureau, so I bought some gifts for his family.”

“Jinzi and his wife are very hospitable and insisted on having me over for a meal. I couldn’t refuse.”

“I was just chatting with Auntie about the new novel I’m writing.”

“This time, I plan to use Suicheng as the setting, and everyone is very happy about it.”

“Ha Yue, didn’t you once say you hoped I’d write better?”

“The tone of this new book is quite innovative; perhaps it can break through the limitations of my first book. Aren’t you happy for me?”

“I thought you really hoped I could achieve something in literature. So it was all a lie.”

Ha Yue stared at his messages, her earlier panic instantly turning into guilt. She had wrongly suspected him, thinking the worst of him.

She had assumed that her string of bad romances lately meant Xue Jing had started resorting to the clichéd revenge of destruction if he couldn’t have her.

Her face flushed red and then pale again. Ha Yue bit her lip with her front teeth, rubbing her itchy earlobe forcefully. Just as she felt utterly ashamed and regretful for misunderstanding his intentions, Xue Jing sent her two more messages.

“So, it’s not daytime now. Can you come over tonight?”

“If transportation is inconvenient, I can pick you up and drop you off, okay?”

Perhaps afraid she wouldn’t be infuriated enough, Xue Jing added a picture of a Maltese dog after the question marks.

The little dog, identical to her profile picture, was wagging its tail cutely at the screen.

City hospital, Jinzi’s house, the market.

Throughout the week, Xue Jing “coincidentally” ran into Ha Yue three times and invited her each time. But without exception, Ha Yue firmly rejected him every time.

The last time, he hadn’t even opened his mouth yet, merely glanced at her sideways while wearing a cloak-like overcoat at the fish stall.

Ha Yue directly cut off his false friendliness, pulling him by the arm to a secluded corner. With her arms crossed, she scolded him sternly, using both his given name and surname: “Xue Jing, don’t you think you’re being a bit creepy right now?”

“You really need to talk some sense into yourself.”

“People shouldn’t only think about the present; you need to consider the future. Haven’t you seen the news? The situation across the country isn’t good recently, and many places have started restricting travel again.”

“You can’t stay in Suicheng forever because of this, can you? You’ve already been wandering around here for weeks. If necessary, I’ll accompany you a few more times, but then you should hurry up and leave.”

At that moment, Ha Yue’s face was serious, her back turned to the warehouse where fish were being processed. Inside, an old woman washing river fish under the tap threw an unfresh crucian carp towards the doorway. Immediately, a sleek, oil-shiny tabby cat jumped out from the shadows and picked up the fish from the ground.

The stray cat, accustomed to being fed, wasn’t afraid of people. It curled up by Ha Yue’s feet, tearing at the fish.

The fish wasn’t completely dead yet, and its survival instincts made it thrash under the claws and sharp teeth, blood-stained water splashing and turning the creamy white paws of the cat crimson.

The scene was absurd and full of dark humor.

Animals killing for food seemed so natural; captured by photographers, it carried a kind of cruel beauty.

But humans, driven by soft desires, running around everywhere, always appeared so base and vulgar, drawing disdainful looks from others.

So, who gave humans the right to pretend to be aloof and hypocritical to appear noble? Weren’t they also human?

Love was inherently filled with selfishness and jealousy. To achieve one’s goals, it would never be too dignified.

Xue Jing watched the cat eat the fish and didn’t feel he had done anything wrong. He had figured things out and wasn’t satisfied with just a few encounters. Since past issues had been clarified and compensated for, he held no grudges. His current desire was: hopefully, Ha Yue would voluntarily change her mind and say she still wanted to be with him.

That feeling would surely be wonderful. He wouldn’t need to wait a second for his answer.

Xue Jing shifted his gaze downward; the fish head fell to the ground. He seriously contemplated and answered Ha Yue’s question.

“I shouldn’t be considered a pervert. Desire begins in the heart and manifests in actions. I’m just using a very simple and honest way to express my thoughts to you.”

“Honest?” Ha Yue’s posture remained defensive, but Xue Jing could see her blushing again. Her sclera was tinged with the warm hues of the setting sun, no longer emitting the cold, steely blue light like before.

Having emotions was better than having none.

People shouldn’t experience such grand and beautiful love when too young, as their minds weren’t mature, and their bodies were still developing. Once all the detestable adult patterns were fixed, youthful infatuations became fossils, permanently remaining in the utopia of thought.

That broken thing couldn’t be thoroughly erased. Even swallowing broken teeth and blood couldn’t stop it—it was like a tenacious spore, waiting for spring to grow, reproducing wildly and blooming flowers even on corpses.

He was simply determined to wait for that romantic wind. He would wait, and he could afford to wait—it wasn’t the first time he had done so.

But Ha Yue was busy spraying powerful pesticides all over these lingering emotions.

Hands on her hips, her originally tea-colored freckles now glowed with warmth. “You really have some nerve, Xue Jing! You call messing around with men and women ‘simple and honest’?”

“You’ve truly mastered the art of wordplay.”

“Then may I ask, how many people are you maintaining such ‘simple and honest’ relationships with right now? I’m not good at time management. If I’m the other woman, you need to give me a schedule so I don’t accidentally step on other sisters’ toes.”

“Oh, or maybe I’m the eighth or ninth? I’ve heard that scumbags who fish around handle multiple lines at once, numbering and labeling them. May I ask what number tag I am?”

In this nine-minute fencing match, Ha Yue thrust her sword fifteen times in succession, her expression disdainful, believing she had struck his weak points every time.

However, in this verbal sparring, Xue Jing didn’t become angry or humiliated. Instead, he watched her increasingly red ears with interest and asked, “Ah, so you really care about my current romantic history? Just like I would feel hurt?”

“The other day, you asked me why I kept such an ugly scar. In the days we haven’t seen each other, have you thought about it? Have you guessed the conclusion?”

The argument’s tone suddenly became unsettling again. Ha Yue pursed her lips and remained silent, thinking she wouldn’t fall for answering these stupid questions again. She stiffened her body and took a step back to indicate her outright refusal. But regardless of whether she responded or not, Xue Jing continued to offer her well-meaning reminders.

A gust of wind blew through the room, tangling strands of hair from Ha Yue’s forehead into her eyelashes. The strands pricked at the roots of her lashes—shouldn’t it be itchy?

But how could she keep from blinking? He wasn’t a flood or a ferocious beast—what was there to fear? Her hands dropped from her waist, and she crossed her arms again—a typical psychological defensive posture.

Xue Jing’s tone was self-assured as he raised his hand to smooth her hair. To avoid losing face, Ha Yue gritted her teeth and endured without screaming or dodging. He bent his head slightly along with the gesture.

His voice lowered with the change in perspective, creating an intimate atmosphere akin to lovers whispering secrets.

“There’s no one else by my side. In recent years, I haven’t entered into any romantic relationships with others.”

People say that to erase the traces of love, at least double the time is needed to forget.

He was a bit slow in this aspect. For four years, he hadn’t been able to muster interest in triggering dopamine secretion. Now, when it came rushing back, it caused a flood within him.

“After graduation, I regularly attended the 15th Jid University alumni gatherings, hoping something would happen after running into you.”

But Ha Yue hadn’t attended even once. Not only had she separated from him, but she had also lost contact with all her classmates.

“Last year, I stopped going because some alumni said you had left Jicheng for New York, earning an annual salary of five million and marrying a second-generation rich heir whose family was in industry. You know how spoiled rich kids are—how many of them aren’t rotten to the core? At that time, I prayed every day for his family to go bankrupt, preferably through a hostile takeover, or for him to crumble under the weight of his family’s legacy and overdose on drugs.”

But that imaginary rival seemed not to exist either, which was a great relief. He didn’t genuinely wish for anyone’s death.

“After we broke up, I wanted to wish you happiness, but honestly, I couldn’t. I was actually happier knowing you weren’t happy because didn’t that prove that you could only find happiness with me?”

Her earlobes were rosy pink, her lips the color of tea roses.

Xue Jing’s breath grew closer. He spoke with a smile, his lips slightly curled upward, ready for a kiss.

Ha Yue bit her tongue, her face flushed red. Behind her was a tsunami; in her eyes, an earthquake. To control her overloaded heartbeat, she had even stopped breathing.

Ha Yue’s nature was rather cold, and she hadn’t had close friends. So over the years, she hadn’t told anyone that her first boyfriend was very skilled at kissing.

This was the result of both of them practicing and refining their technique by watching shoujo manga and adult films together. Even the most wretched person has a streak of narcissism. Those personally set preferences always felt more special because they were self-created, thus the best.

Comparing her ex-boyfriend’s skills to custom-made items might not be appropriate—it carried the implication of objectifying men and offending equality. But in the thrill of a close kiss, Xue Jing was like the crystal high heels every little girl once dreamed of. If Ha Yue put them on, she could dance all the way to the moon.

But she was no longer a little girl. She knew how wonderful the feeling of weightlessness was, and how heavy the subsequent weight could be. Therefore, she rejected this foolish and naive romance.

“Xue Jing!”

Ha Yue pushed against his chest to stop him from getting closer, but her warning was useless. The unruly contestant continued to break the rules frequently. Xue Jing gazed at her lips, even considering the posture for a kiss. His nose wasn’t low, so Ha Yue would need to tilt her head slightly to accommodate him.

She used to be very willing to cooperate. If he did well, she would gently stroke his neck with her fingers to encourage him, never stingy with praise. That day too, she said she felt very comfortable, her whole body warm and wet.

But now Ha Yue was a bit far away, so he took another step forward.

The words in his heart naturally spilled out of his mouth.

“Of course, it’s not just about that one thing, but that matter isn’t bad either. Didn’t you often tell me to be more proactive, not to pretend so much? You also said that Eileen Chang wrote about the path to a woman’s heart leading through…”

Before Xue Jing could finish, Ha Yue stepped forward—not to comply with his affection but to firmly press her right hand against his chin.

He had stopped pretending, completely shedding that polite armor, like the emperor wearing new clothes, yet Ha Yue still wasn’t satisfied.

After a week, the boomerang of harsh words returned from that hotel room where the sheets were ruined. With her right palm pressing hard on the corner of his lips and her left hand tugging at his collar, Ha Yue’s voice was filled with anger and shame. Her thin eyelids were red, as if smeared with cinnabar for warding off evil.

In front of the cat and the dead fish, she growled at him to shut up and stop talking nonsense, just as he had done that night.

Her inner resolve had unconsciously weakened somewhat, but she harshly told him that good men don’t dwell on past glories and to stop spouting nonsense.