Chapter 8. Two years of being close yet distant.

Her heart gave a violent twitch. It was just a lie, but it drained her of all strength. She had thought that even her hatred had been worn down to nothing after two years of separation. Yet with one simple lie from him, she was left utterly defenseless. She was so pitiful—so utterly pitiful in front of him. She had long since lost all hope; she no longer dared to dream of reconciliation. Two tears fell silently onto the bedspread. He said, “Su Su, don’t cry.” If only she wouldn’t cry, he would do anything—anything to stop her tears. Her frail shoulders trembled as he pulled her into his arms, kissing away her tears. Once she was in his embrace, he could no longer suppress the longing in his heart. He wanted her—he wanted only her. Even if she no longer had her heart, having her presence was enough…

The sky gradually brightened. The beige curtains, with their faint golden patterns, became clearer, and the outlines of flowers could be vaguely discerned. As the pale morning sun shone through, the golden designs turned into a radiant orange, blooming like flowers before their eyes.

The curtains in the small reception room were a pristine ivory white, embroidered with intricate passionflower motifs—dense blooms and buds, with elaborate branches and leaves. Madam Murong sat there, personally sealing red envelopes for the children’s New Year’s gifts. Su Su walked in and softly greeted, “Mother, Happy New Year.” Madam Murong looked up and smiled warmly. “Ah, good girl, Happy New Year. Why didn’t you sleep a little longer? Lao San hasn’t gotten up yet, has he?”

Su Su’s face reddened slightly as she replied, “No, he hasn’t.” Madam Murong said, “You’re still waking up so early. None of them are up yet. Your father has a group of guests over—you don’t need to go there. Go upstairs and check on Lao San. If he’s awake, tell him to come down for breakfast.”

Su Su had no choice but to return to the room. Murong Qingyi shifted in bed and, seeing her enter, seemed to relax. She didn’t know what to say, so she simply sat quietly. He fidgeted in bed for a moment, clearly uncomfortable. Glancing at her calm expression, which revealed nothing, he asked, “Is Mother awake?”

She replied, “Yes.” He said, “Then I’ll get up too, so Father doesn’t scold me for being lazy.” She lowered her head, fingering the delicate embroidered edge of her handkerchief, which felt like a raised scar pressing painfully against her fingertips. When he emerged from the bathroom and saw her still sitting motionless, he couldn’t help but call out, “Su Su,” startling her. She looked up at him with wide, startled eyes. He hesitated, then finally said, “I—I’ll go downstairs first to wish Father a Happy New Year.”

On the first day of the lunar new year, many relatives and friends came to pay their respects. Su Su helped Madam Murong entertain the guests, mingling among the women. Amid the bustle, Wei Yi suddenly laughed. Madam Murong whispered, “This child—she’s already a mother, yet she’s still so immature. What’s making her laugh so foolishly?” Wei Yi replied softly, “How is this foolish laughter? I’m just amused by Third Brother. In such a short time, he’s come in three times, each time just glancing at Third Sister-in-law before leaving. Is he afraid she’ll fly away or something?”

Madam Murong chuckled. “Don’t tease your third brother. Look at Third Sister-in-law—she’s already embarrassed.” Su Su’s face flushed crimson, and she quickly excused herself to greet guests at the door. Just then, Murong Qingyi strolled by, and upon seeing her, he paused, turned, and walked away again. Su Su softly called out, “Ah,” causing him to turn back and look at her. She whispered, “Wei Yi is laughing at us.” Hearing this, he unexpectedly smiled, his features softening as though brushed by a gentle spring breeze.

Wei Yi, observing them from afar, leaned in and whispered to Madam Murong, “Mother, have you seen Third Brother smile like this all year?” Madam Murong sighed lightly. “These two are quite the pair.”

By evening, Su Su went to Madam Murong and said, “Mother, I’ll take my leave now.” Madam Murong glanced at Murong Qingyi and replied, “Very well. After all the commotion today, my head is pounding. You must be tired too. It’s quieter over at your place—go home and rest early.” Su Su murmured, “Yes,” but then Madam Murong added, “Lao San, you should go with her. Come back together with Su Su tomorrow morning.” Murong Qingyi agreed and turned to call out, “Bring my car around.”

Su Su remained silent for a moment before saying, “Things aren’t very organized over there. I’m afraid if there’s any urgent business, it might delay his time.” Her meaning was clear—she expected him to react angrily, as he usually did. To her surprise, Murong Qingyi said, “What urgent business could there be during the New Year? I’ll go take a look. If there’s anything missing, I’ll have them arrange it.” Madam Murong, hearing this, relaxed and said, “Exactly. This house was originally purchased for the two of you when you got married. I support young couples living independently. But because I’m getting older, I like having you all nearby, so I didn’t insist you move. That’s my selfishness. Young people naturally prefer freedom. Besides, it’s close to Shuangqiao, so coming and going is convenient.”

Hearing her tone, Su Su sensed another layer of meaning. She had always respected her mother-in-law, and given the warmth in her words, she couldn’t bring herself to object further. Because she had always maintained a detached demeanor, the staff below had grown accustomed to taking shortcuts. When she and Murong Qingyi returned together in the same car, it threw the household staff into a flurry of activity. Murong Qingyi noticed how clean and tastefully decorated the house was. After changing clothes, Su Su came downstairs and picked up a book to read. Seeing her indifferent demeanor, he remarked, “It’s very quiet here.” Walking around the house, he added, “I’ll have someone replace this carpet tomorrow—the color doesn’t match the curtains.” After a moment’s thought, he asked, “Should we change the curtains instead? What do you think—change the curtains or the carpet?”

She didn’t want to respond, but her heart softened. Moreover, he was staring at her intently, his expression not about trivial household matters but as if waiting for her decision on something important. Finally, considering his pride, she said, “Changing the curtains might be easier.” Pleased that she had responded, he said, “Then I’ll arrange for someone to come tomorrow. Don’t read—it’s bad for your eyes.” Then he added, “If you really want to read, turn on the main light.” Though he spoke casually, his eyes betrayed a flicker of hope. Remembering how delighted he had been earlier when she initiated a conversation, and now how carefully he tread, trying not to upset her, her heart softened. She murmured, “I won’t read anymore.”

After the Lantern Festival, work gradually grew busier. Lei Shaogong arrived early, but Murong Qingyi hadn’t yet come downstairs. He waited, watching as Su Su entered from the garden, followed by someone carrying a branch of flowers to arrange in a vase. He quickly stood up to greet her. Su Su, always polite, returned the greeting and asked, “Is there something urgent? I’ll send someone to fetch him.” Lei Shaogong replied, “I just called upstairs. Third Master will be down shortly.” Over the past two weeks, shuttling between the two residences had been inconvenient, but Murong Qingyi didn’t seem to mind. When he came downstairs and saw Lei Shaogong, he asked, “Have you been waiting long? Give me a moment—I’ll be right with you.” He exchanged a few words with Su Su before heading out.

Noticing Murong Qingyi’s good mood, Lei Shaogong ventured, “Third Master, what about Miss Wang? She’s been unable to reach you lately and keeps pestering me.” Murong Qingyi chuckled. “She’s pestering you? Just humor her—it’s a favor.” Lei Shaogong laughed. “Thanks, but I can’t handle that kind of ‘good fortune.’”

Murong Qingyi went to a meeting, while Lei Shaogong retreated to the duty room to review documents. Not long after, Miss Wang called again. Hearing her voice immediately gave Lei Shaogong a headache. Without hesitation, he said, “Third Master isn’t here.” Wang Qilin gritted her teeth in frustration. “Is he deliberately avoiding me?” Lei Shaogong replied, “He’s busy with work.” Wang Qilin sneered. “Director Lei, don’t try to placate me. Tell Third Mistress I’ll invite her for tea.” Lei Shaogong, usually mild-mannered, felt a sudden surge of irritation. Coldly, he responded, “I advise you not to entertain such thoughts. If you’re intent on self-destruction, go ahead and try.”

Wang Qilin fell silent for a moment before murmuring, “So it’s true? People are saying they’ve reconciled.” Lei Shaogong corrected her. “That’s wrong—they were never estranged. How can you call it a reconciliation?”

Wang Qilin sneered again. “Don’t give me that official talk. Everyone knows Third Mistress has been languishing in the cold palace for nearly two years. Why has Third Master suddenly remembered her now? We’ll see how long this lasts.”

After hanging up, Lei Shaogong muttered curses under his breath. That evening, he told Murong Qingyi, “Among all your girlfriends, Miss Wang is the most troublesome. You’d better find a way to end things with her soon.” Murong Qingyi replied nonchalantly, “You handle it.”

When he returned, Su Su was still awake. Seeing him enter, she stood up. He said, “There’s no need for formalities since there are no outsiders. You’re dressed lightly—don’t sit by the window.” She casually took his coat from him. Over the past ten days, he had been paying close attention to her expressions, and seeing her faint smile made him extremely happy. He asked, “What did you have for dinner?”

Su Su apologized, “I’m sorry—I didn’t expect you to come back so late, so I’ve already eaten. I’ll have the kitchen prepare something else for you.” He asked, “What did you have for dinner?” She replied, “I had Yangzhou fried rice.” He immediately said, “Then I’ll have fried rice too.” Hearing this, she couldn’t help but give a faint smile, and he smiled back at her.

Mu Lan and Zhang Mingshu were getting married, and upon receiving the invitation, Su Su was delighted. The Zhang family was wealthy, and they hosted a grand banquet at Mingyue Pavilion. It was truly bustling. Cars lined the streets like flowing water and dragons, and guests filled the city like clouds. Mrs. Zhang, sharp-eyed, recognized Su Su’s car and greeted her warmly with a beaming smile. “I didn’t expect Third Madam to honor us so,” she said, personally escorting Su Su inside. Many of the women present knew her, and they surrounded her like stars circling the moon, exchanging pleasantries. After some time, Su Su managed to excuse herself and went inside. With just a word of congratulations, she took Mu Lan’s hand, admiring her resplendent embroidered gown, velvet flowers in her hair, and the fine diamonds on her hairpin that sparkled like starlight under the lamps. Mu Lan looked radiant and full of joy. Su Su couldn’t help but say, “I’m truly happy for you.” Mu Lan was equally delighted. “After all these years, we’ve finally reached a conclusion,” she said.

Naturally, Su Su was seated at the head table. At such a lively event, there was little opportunity to eat much, so when she returned home, she had the kitchen prepare noodles for her. Murong Qingyi, who had been reviewing documents, set aside his work and joked with her, “You’ve just come back from a banquet of abalone and shark’s fin, and now you’re having plain noodle soup?” She replied, “I can’t eat those things. I noticed the bride didn’t eat much either.” He asked, “Were there many guests?” She murmured an affirmation and added, “Mu Lan introduced me to the bridesmaid, Miss Wang. She’s very kind, and Mu Lan is quite close to her. We’ve planned to meet for coffee sometime soon.”

He said, “It’s good to go out with friends often—it’ll keep you from being cooped up at home all day.” Then, suddenly remembering something, he asked, “Miss Wang—whose daughter is she?”

She answered, “She’s the second daughter of Minister Wang.” His expression changed briefly but quickly returned to normal. “That Fang Mu Lan—you should distance yourself from her. We’re related to the Huo family through marriage. Don’t stir up trouble later.” She paused, surprised, and said, “Mu Lan and I have been friends for over a decade. It’s been years since Mr. Xu’s incident—I thought it wouldn’t matter anymore.”

He said impatiently, “How can you be so naive? If others find out, they’ll laugh at us.”

She replied, “I can’t abandon my friends just because I’m afraid of gossip.”

He grew irritated. “I forbid you from associating with them. If you want to make friends, why not with the women from the Huo, Mu, or Chen families? They’re all very pleasant people.”

She sighed softly. “They’re only kind to me because I’m Third Madam, not because of who I am.”

He retorted, “Why do you always say such strange things? Aren’t you Third Madam?” After a pause, he added, “You know how much gossip there is among our old family connections. I don’t want you unintentionally getting dragged into anything or used by people with ulterior motives.” Su Su simply said, “I understand.”

Recently promoted, he naturally appeared busier than usual. On this day, after returning from a business trip, he first visited his parents at Shuangqiao before heading home, where Su Su was having dinner. He said, “Don’t get up—there’s no one else here.” Turning to the servants, he instructed, “Have the kitchen add a couple more dishes and bring me chopsticks.” Noticing a small glass dish of marinated snails on the dining table, their reddish-brown color and pear-like shape making them resemble tiny pears, he asked, “These are rare—where did they come from?”

Su Su explained, “Mu Lan and Mr. Zhang returned from their honeymoon in Pingxin Sea and brought back a basket of these for me to try.”

He picked up a chopstick and tasted one. “Very fragrant,” he remarked, then asked, “Did you change chefs? This doesn’t seem like their usual style.” Su Su replied, “Last time, Mother mentioned that you liked these, so I was worried the kitchen would make them too salty. I tried marinating these myself to see how they’d turn out. I was planning to taste them tonight, assuming you’d return tomorrow.” Murong Qingyi smiled broadly. “So these were marinated by Third Madam herself? I’m truly honored.” Seeing how pleased he was, Su Su smiled and said, “As long as you enjoy them, that’s all that matters.” When the kitchen brought in some porridge, he casually asked, “Did you meet them outside, or did they come to the house?”

Su Su replied, “Knowing you dislike having outsiders at home, I arranged to meet Mu Lan outside. I treated her and Mr. Zhang to dinner—they chose the place. It’s called Qian Chunlou, and it cost 140 yuan.”

Hearing this, he chuckled. “That’s enough—I was just asking casually. You don’t need to report everything in such detail.” After a moment’s thought, he added, “I forgot—you only get 500 yuan a month for spending money. That might not be enough. I’ll let them know to transfer my salary directly to you starting this month.”

Su Su said, “I don’t spend much. I can’t even use up the 500 yuan each month.” He countered, “Prices have been rising lately. Even buying a piece of clothing could cost over a hundred yuan. Your 500 yuan would vanish after treating friends to tea a few times.” She responded, “Mother has clothes made for me that I can’t even finish wearing, and besides, many places allow us to put purchases on account. You must have more expenses than I do—there’s no need to give me your entire salary.” This amused him. “Silly girl, those few thousand yuan in salary aren’t worth much. Don’t worry about me. If you have leftover money, buy something you like.” Seeing her slightly embarrassed, he changed the subject. “That Qian Chunlou sounds interesting. How was the food?”

Su Su replied, “It’s a newly opened Yunnan restaurant. A few dishes were quite unique, especially a type of dried bowfish that was delicious.” Upon hearing this, Murong Qingyi felt a bit uneasy but still smiled and asked, “Why did you decide to try Yunnan cuisine?” Su Su answered, “Miss Wang is from Yunnan. She recommended we go and try it.” Hearing this, Murong Qingyi showed no reaction on his face but said, “Stay away from that Miss Wang.”

Su Su found this odd and asked, “Why?”

He evasively replied, “If you don’t understand, don’t ask. Just avoid her.” Seeing him intentionally vague, Su Su thought for a moment and asked, “Is it because of the political situation?”

Murong Qingyi wanted her to misunderstand precisely this way, so he said, “Just don’t ask further.” Believing she had guessed correctly, Su Su remembered Madam Murong’s frequent teachings on this matter and decided not to pursue the topic, silently noting it in her mind.

A few days later, while having dessert with Mu Lan, Mu Lan said, “Qilin invited us to go to Beiyun to play. I’ve already agreed—what about you?” Su Su shook her head. “I can’t.” Mu Lan asked, “Isn’t Third Master away from home? Why not go out and have some fun? It must be boring staying home alone.”

Su Su replied, “I’m used to it.” Mu Lan said, “Look at you—aren’t you afraid of getting sick from boredom? Though your complexion has improved recently.” Su Su said, “Really? Maybe I’ve been eating well and gained a little weight.” Mu Lan laughed. “You? A gust of wind could blow you away, and you call that gaining weight? I’m the one who’s really gained weight.” Suddenly, she remembered something. “The theater is performing The Nutcracker the day after tomorrow. Let’s go watch it. I heard the new dancers are excellent.” Su Su was genuinely pleased. “Sure, call me when the time comes, and we’ll go together.”

On the appointed day, Mu Lan called to meet Su Su outside the theater. Only then did Su Su learn that Wang Qilin was also invited. Remembering Murong Qingyi’s words, she hesitated but, having already arrived, couldn’t leave abruptly. She entered with them. Watching ballet wasn’t conducive to much conversation, so they quietly focused on the stage. Both Su Su and Mu Lan were connoisseurs and found the new dancers impressive. Su Su watched intently when she suddenly heard Wang Qilin whisper, “I heard Third Madam once performed Butterfly Lovers , earning praise even from the mistress.” Before Su Su could respond, Mu Lan laughed and said, “Su Su is extremely talented.” Su Su forced a smile and said, “That was many years ago. I can’t dance anymore.” Mu Lan added, “My bones have stiffened too. Last time I tried, I couldn’t even lift my leg.”

Afraid of disturbing others with their conversation, Su Su refrained from responding further. Near the end of Act Four, she noticed several people in the farthest box turning around, one even standing to acknowledge someone. Curious, Mu Lan turned to look and saw several figures approaching in military uniforms. Leading them was a tall, elegant man—Murong Qingyi. Recognizing him, the audience in the surrounding boxes, all wealthy or influential individuals, began to stand and greet him. As Act Four concluded, Su Su was clapping when she turned to see him entering. Surprised, she stood up. “What are you doing here?”

Murong Qingyi smiled. “I returned home and found you weren’t there—they said you came here, so I came to pick you up.” Wang Qilin’s heart raced. Murong Qingyi hadn’t expected to encounter her here and hesitated briefly. Aware of the curious eyes watching, he calmly greeted her. “Miss Wang, it’s been a while.” He nodded to Mu Lan. “Mrs. Zhang, hello.”

Wang Qilin smiled faintly. “Third Master and Third Madam are truly affectionate. Even a moment apart, and he personally comes to fetch her.”

Su Su, always sensitive, murmured softly, “Miss Wang is teasing.” Murong Qingyi said, “I haven’t had dinner yet.” Su Su, hearing this, naturally replied, “Then let’s go home first.” Murong Qingyi retrieved her coat and handbag but handed them to the attendant. Su Su politely excused herself to the two women. “Sorry, we’ll take our leave now.” They exchanged polite farewells and saw them off.

When they got into the car, Su Su noticed that Murong Qingyi’s expression wasn’t very good. She softly said, “I didn’t know Mu Lan had also invited her. Please don’t be angry.” Murong Qingyi smiled faintly and gently patted her hand. “It’s fine—I’m not angry.” Lei Shaogong then said, “Third Master, I’d like to request leave for a bit. I have some personal matters to attend to.” Murong Qingyi replied, “Then go ahead.”

They had originally come in two cars, but now Murong Qingyi and Su Su left in one. Lei Shaogong lit a cigarette, leaning against the car as the cool night breeze blew. He gazed at the brightly lit exterior of the grand theater, illuminated by giant posters. On the poster, the female lead was bent over, her thin chiffon dance dress resembling a half-withered hibiscus flower. Under the light, it was incredibly captivating. Staring at the poster, he became lost in thought. In the distance, the sounds of the bustling city could be heard faintly, as if from far away. He casually extinguished his cigarette and lit another. Before finishing this one, Wang Qilin emerged alone from the theater. Under the streetlamp, her face was clearly visible—she appeared slightly pleased. As she approached, her smile gradually faded, and she asked, “Did he tell you to wait for me here?”

Lei Shaogong replied, “Miss Wang, let’s talk inside the car.”

Once Wang Qilin was seated in the car, she asked, “What did he say? Go ahead and tell me.” Lei Shaogong said, “Miss Wang is a smart person. Making a scene like this only gives others something to laugh about. What good does it do?” Wang Qilin smiled. “What have I done? Your Third Madam and I get along well. We were just having dinner and watching a play together. Are you afraid I’ll eat her or something?”

Lei Shaogong also smiled. “Everyone says Miss Wang is clever, but I think you’re being foolish this time. You know his temper—if he gets upset, it won’t end well for you.” Wang Qilin still smiled sweetly. “Director Lei, tell me the truth. Has he set his sights on someone else recently? I’ve always known he doesn’t care much for this Third Madam. I’ve seen enough of him this past year. I didn’t expect him to grow distant with me. Let me die knowing the truth, alright?”

Lei Shaogong replied, “His affairs—we subordinates know nothing about them.” Wang Qilin glanced at him and chuckled softly. “Look, Director Lei is speaking in official jargon again. If you don’t know about his affairs, then no one does.” Lei Shaogong said, “If you insist on putting it that way, there’s nothing I can do. Just give me a little face. Whatever conditions you have, name them, and I’ll relay them back to him.”

Wang Qilin said, “Don’t rush to report back. What conditions could I possibly have? What kind of person do you think I am? I was just curious and wanted to take a closer look at your Third Madam—to see what kind of beauty she is that could captivate an entire nation. Now that I’ve seen enough, and since you all don’t want me associating with her, I won’t bother her anymore. However, quite a few people know about my relationship with him. I can’t guarantee they won’t say anything.”

Lei Shaogong said, “Miss Wang knows when to advance and retreat—that’s what makes her smart.”

Wang Qilin smiled brightly. “Smart? I’m actually quite foolish.”

The next day, Lei Shaogong told Murong Qingyi, “Miss Wang is suspicious that you’ve recently taken an interest in someone else. It seems she’s acting out of spite and doesn’t plan to back down easily. But I think she understands the stakes and won’t act rashly.” Murong Qingyi said, “Then tell her I’ve indeed taken an interest in someone else—it’ll save her the trouble of bothering me.” Lei Shaogong chuckled. “You want me to lie like that? She might not believe it. She insists on speaking with you directly to clear things up.” Murong Qingyi said, “I don’t have time to see her. Whatever she has to say, she can tell you. She used to seem so understanding, but now she’s tangled up.” Hearing the regret in his tone, Lei Shaogong consoled him. “Though Miss Wang is difficult, she’s a respectable person and won’t create a scandal for others to laugh at.” After a moment’s hesitation, he added, “That Mrs. Zhang seems to be playing dumb. Your wife is an honest person—she might get hurt.”

Murong Qingyi said, “She just likes to gossip. I doubt she’d dare say anything to Su Su’s face. Let her be.”

Since he said so, and Lei Shaogong received another call from Wang Qilin, he simply told her, “Third Master really can’t spare the time. Whatever you have to say, you can tell me—it’s the same.” Wang Qilin sighed. “I didn’t expect him to be so heartless, refusing even to meet me.” After a moment’s thought, she said, “If he’s going to be like this, then fine. But I want him to do one thing for me.”

Hearing her finally mention conditions, Lei Shaogong was pleased and said, “Go ahead and say it. I’ll relay everything to him faithfully.”

Wang Qilin said, “For the Qiyushan project, I want him to assign it to a specific company.”

Lei Shaogong hesitated. “That’s a matter for the Planning Bureau. I don’t think it’s convenient for him to interfere.”

Wang Qilin sneered. “If you can’t decide for him, then go ask him. Honestly, this request is already quite generous of me. Is he really unwilling to help with just a word?”

Lei Shaogong said, “I’ll ask him and get back to you.”

That evening, seeing that Murong Qingyi had some free time, Lei Shaogong relayed the matter to him. As expected, Murong Qingyi frowned. “She’s asking for too much. The amount involved isn’t small.”

Lei Shaogong said, “I already mentioned that you’d find it difficult. It’s not a trivial matter, and it’s not under your direct jurisdiction. If word gets out, it could cause trouble.”

Murong Qingyi grew impatient. “Fine, fine. Let her have her way. I’ll arrange it. Once and for all, to stop her from causing more trouble.”

As they spoke in the living room, separated by floor-to-ceiling windows, Lei Shaogong saw Su Su approaching from the garden and fell silent. Murong Qingyi turned and saw her, then asked, “I see your skills have improved lately. Are you arranging these flowers?”

Su Su replied, “I’m just learning from Mother. It’s like imitating without truly understanding.”

Seeing her enter, Lei Shaogong excused himself. Murong Qingyi observed Su Su wearing a pale green cloud-patterned silk qipao with delicate pearl-gray embroidery. He said, “The weather is getting warmer. Wouldn’t Western-style dresses be cooler than qipaos?”

Su Su replied, “I’m not used to wearing Western dresses at home—the skirts are too short.” Her response made him laugh. Feeling embarrassed herself, she quickly changed the subject. “When will you return from this trip?”

Murong Qingyi said, “I’m not sure yet, probably in two or three days.” Seeing her holding a small silver scissors, carefully trimming the excess leaves from roses, he said, “Once I’m done with this busy period, let’s go somewhere together. After all these years of marriage, I haven’t taken you anywhere.”

She said, “It’s alright—you’re so busy, and honestly, I’m lazy to move around.”

He said, “When I return this time, I’ll make sure to arrange a few days off. I’ll take you to Changxing Sea. There’s an official residence there—it’s very convenient.” Casually taking the rose from Su Su’s hand, he pinned it to her collar. “It’ll just be the two of us, quietly staying for a few days.”

Hearing him speak like this, Su Su felt a deep longing. Seeing him gaze intently at her, even after years of marriage, she instinctively lowered her head. The fragrance of the rose on her collar was sweet and intoxicating.

After he left, Su Su stayed home alone. That day, she went to the Shuangqiao residence and had lunch with Madam Murong. Coincidentally, Wei Yi came over with her child. Su Su played with the child in the courtyard. Seeing how affectionate Su Su was with the child, Wei Yi turned to Madam Murong and whispered, “Third Brother has finally come to his senses. Poor Third Sister-in-law has endured so much these years.”

Madam Murong sighed lightly. “There’s still something lacking. If only there were a child—it would be the perfect addition. Your third brother will be nearly thirty in a couple of years. At his age, your father already had your eldest sister and second brother.”

Wei Yi seemed to recall something and glanced at Su Su before lowering her voice. “Mother, I heard a rumor outside. I’m not sure if it’s true.”

Knowing her youngest daughter rarely spread gossip, Madam Murong found this unusual. “What is it? Does it concern your third brother?”

Wei Yi whispered, “I heard that Wang Qilin has been very close to Third Brother this past year.”

Madam Murong asked, “Wang Qilin? The second daughter of the Wang family—the pretty one?”

Wei Yi nodded. “Xicheng saw them together twice. You know Third Brother’s temperament—he doesn’t hide such things.”

Madam Murong chuckled. “Young people often have wandering eyes. Playing around outside isn’t a big deal. Your third brother knows better. Lately, he’s been behaving properly.”

Wei Yi sighed deeply for some reason. Sensing her troubled tone, Madam Murong asked, “What’s worrying you? Spit it out.”

Wei Yi glanced at Su Su from afar. Su Su was holding the child, feeding bread to the fish, which made the fish rise to the surface. The child laughed gleefully, and Su Su smiled, tearing off pieces of bread to teach the child how to scatter food into the pond.

Wei Yi whispered, “Mother, I heard that Miss Wang is pregnant.”

Madam Murong’s eyelids twitched slightly, and her expression turned serious. “Are you saying the child is your third brother’s?”

Wei Yi said, “That’s what people are saying outside, though it’s hard to believe. Only those two know the truth.”

Madam Murong said, “Lao San wouldn’t be so foolish. Who told you this?”

Wei Yi said, “It reached my ears through several twists and turns. I don’t fully believe it. But there’s another matter—I don’t know if Mother is aware of it.” After a pause, she continued, “This Qiyushan road renovation project—Third Brother reportedly took full control of it and handed the entire contract to one company. Coincidentally, this company belongs to Miss Wang’s uncle.”

Madam Murong’s expression grew grave. “Now that you mention it, there does seem to be some truth to it. How could Lao San act so recklessly? If your father finds out, it’ll cost him dearly.”

Wei Yi said, “Third Brother has risen too quickly in recent years, and people are talking. His reckless behavior will eventually catch up with him.”

Madam Murong thought for a moment and said, “When Lao San returns, I’ll ask him about it.” Gazing at Su Su’s back, she added, “Don’t tell your Third Sister-in-law—she doesn’t need the added stress.”

Wei Yi teased, “Mother, do you think I don’t know that?”

Su Su returned home after dinner. As soon as she entered, she received a call from Mu Lan. “I’ve been looking for you all day—you weren’t home.” Su Su apologized with a smile. “I was at Shuangqiao today. Was there something you needed?”

Mu Lan said, “Nothing urgent, I just wanted to invite you to dinner.”

Su Su replied, “I’m sorry—I’ve already eaten. Let me treat you next time.”

Mu Lan said, “There’s something very important I need to tell you. Come over—I’ll wait for you at Yixin Pavilion.”

Su Su hesitated. “It’s so late. How about we meet for tea tomorrow?”

Mu Lan insisted, “It’s only a little past eight, and the streets are lively. Come out—it’s really urgent. Hurry, I’m waiting for you.”

Hearing the urgency in her tone, Su Su thought it must indeed be something important. She had no choice but to take a car to Yixin Pavilion. Yixin Pavilion was an old-established Suzhou restaurant catering to high-ranking officials and celebrities. The staff recognized her car from afar and hurried over to open the door for her. “Third Madam is truly an honored guest,” they said. Su Su disliked such flattery but simply nodded with a faint smile.

The waiter asked, “Is Third Madam here alone? Shall I prepare a private room?”

Su Su replied, “No, Mrs. Zhang is waiting for me.”

The waiter smiled. “Mrs. Zhang is in the Three Laughter Room. Allow me to escort you upstairs.”

The Three Laughter Room was an elegant pavilion, distinguished by a painting of a lady hanging on the wall—an authentic work by Zhu Zhishan. The other calligraphy and paintings were also masterpieces by contemporary artists. Su Su, with her growing experience over the years, immediately recognized their value. She saw Mu Lan sitting alone at the table, lost in thought while staring at a cup of tea, and smiled. “Mu Lan, you rushed to invite me out—what’s so urgent?”

Seeing her, Mu Lan slowly revealed a bitter smile. Su Su quickly asked, “What’s wrong? Did you have a quarrel with Mr. Zhang?” Mu Lan sighed and said, “I wish it were just a quarrel.” Su Su sat down as the waiter approached. “What would Third Madam like to order?” Su Su replied, “I’ve already eaten. Ask Mrs. Zhang to order.” She then smiled at Mu Lan. “Quarrels are common. Don’t be upset. Let me treat you. Eat heartily—it’ll surely make you feel better.”

Mu Lan told the waiter, “You can go for now—we’ll order later.” Once he left and closed the door behind him, Mu Lan took Su Su’s hand and said, “You poor thing—you really don’t know, do you?”

Su Su never expected the conversation to turn to herself and asked in confusion, “Know what?”

Mu Lan hesitated, struggling to speak. “I shouldn’t tell you this, but I doubt anyone else will. Su Su, I’m truly sorry.”

Su Su grew more puzzled, forcing a smile. “Look at you, making me confused. You’ve never been like this before. After all our years of friendship, is there anything you can’t say to me?” Mu Lan said, “Please don’t get angry or hurt when you hear this.” Su Su began to suspect something and calmly asked, “What did you hear?”

Mu Lan sighed again. “I met Wang Qilin last year because she’s related to Ming Shu’s cousin. I never imagined things would turn out this way.”

Su Su gave a faint “Mm,” her tone indifferent. “I don’t blame you or anyone else. No wonder he told me not to associate with Miss Wang—so this is the reason.” Mu Lan added, “From what I hear, Third Master has ended things with Wang Qilin.”

A vague smile flickered across Su Su’s lips. Mu Lan said, “Don’t look like that. He’s clearly protecting you, or he wouldn’t have warned you to stay away from her.”

Su Su rallied herself and said, “Let’s not talk about this. Let’s order food—I’m actually hungry now.” Mu Lan paused, then said, “There’s one more thing—I don’t know if I should tell you.”

Su Su sighed softly. “Just say it.” Mu Lan continued, “I only heard this from others—they say Wang Qilin is pregnant.” At this, Su Su’s face turned deathly pale. Her gaze fixed blankly on the teacup in front of her, as if trying to pierce through it. Mu Lan gently shook her shoulder. “Su Su, don’t scare me. It’s just a rumor—no one knows if it’s true.”

Su Su picked up the menu, her hands trembling slightly, but her face remained expressionless. Mu Lan urged anxiously, “If you want to cry, just let it out.” Su Su slowly raised her head, her voice faint. “I won’t cry. I’ll never cry again.”

Mu Lan watched as Su Su called the waiter to take their order, seemingly unperturbed. When the dishes arrived, she mechanically ladled spoonfuls of the water shield soup into her bowl, filling it to the brim and spilling over without stopping. Mu Lan called out, “Su Su.” Only then did she notice, setting the spoon down and saying, “This soup is too salty—it makes my mouth dry.” Mu Lan said, “You don’t look well. Let me take you home.” Su Su shook her head. “No need—the driver is waiting downstairs.” Reluctantly, Mu Lan escorted her downstairs, watching her get into the car. Su Su gave her a faint smile. “Go home quickly—it’s already so late.”

The calmer Su Su appeared, the more unsettled Mu Lan felt. The next day, she called again. “Su Su, are you alright?” Su Su replied, “I’m fine.” Unable to discuss further over the phone, Mu Lan exchanged a few casual words before hanging up. As soon as Su Su placed the receiver down, the phone rang again—it was Murong Qingyi. “What are you doing at home? I’ll be back today. Shall we have dinner together?” Su Su murmured, “Alright, I’ll wait for you.” He sensed something off. “What’s wrong? You sound unhappy.” She softly replied, “I’m not unhappy. I’ve always been happy.” Still uneasy, he pressed, “Tell me the truth. What happened?” She said, “Nothing. I might have caught a chill while sleeping yesterday—I have a slight headache.”

As the afternoon heat intensified, she lay in bed, sweat clinging uncomfortably to her neck. She wanted nothing more than to take another shower. Gradually, her eyes grew heavy, and the book in her hand slipped lower. In her drowsy state, she suddenly felt someone gently press against her forehead. Opening her eyes, the first thing she saw was the gleaming insignia on his shoulder. He hadn’t changed; he must have come straight upstairs after arriving, breathless from hurrying. His face glistened with sweat in the heat. Seeing her awake, he smiled and asked, “Did I wake you? I was worried you had a fever—you look so flushed.”

She shook her head. “Go change. It’s so hot.” After he bathed and changed, she had fallen asleep again, her brows slightly furrowed as if shrouded in a faint mist. Unconsciously, he leaned down, as if intending to smooth the knot between her brows with a kiss. But just as his lips touched her forehead, she startled awake, instinctively pulling back. Her eyes flashed with unmistakable revulsion. He froze, reaching for her hand. She let him hold it but lowered her gaze. He asked, “What’s wrong with you?” She merely shook her head. “What happened?” She simply replied, “Nothing.”

Her cold detachment infuriated him. Despite being right in front of him, she seemed impossibly distant, stirring his frustration. “Su Su, you’re hiding something.” She remained calm. “No, I’m not.”

The summer heat pressed on, cicadas shrieking outside. He struggled to control his temper. “Don’t hide things from me. Speak plainly.”

She remained silent, fueling his growing anger. “I rushed back early because I was worried about you, yet you keep shutting me out. What do you want from me?”

How could she dare ask for anything? That he had remembered her at all was already a great indulgence—why should she expect more? The desolate smile lingering on her lips only fueled his anger. “Don’t be ungrateful!” She retreated further, leaving him defeated, unable to face her. Despite his efforts, his carefulness—she still feared him, even loathed him. Just days ago, she had given him hope, but now, that hope was utterly lost.

He stared at her, her face pale and fragile like a blade of grass. Yet this grass, rooted in his heart, had grown into a terrifying wasteland. He suppressed his temper, fearing he’d say something hurtful, but she remained silent. Silently, he clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms. She was right in front of him, yet impossibly far—like an insurmountable chasm stretched between them. Only she—only she made him feel so powerless, with no solution, no recourse, nothing but helplessness. Even self-deception felt like a futile fantasy.

After visiting his parents at Shuangqiao, he stayed to have dinner with Madam Murong. Later, in the lounge drinking coffee, Madam Murong dismissed the servants and asked gravely, “What’s the matter with that Wang Qilin?” He hadn’t expected her to bring up this topic and was momentarily stunned. “Why do you ask about her?” Madam Murong replied, “The rumors are everywhere. Have you lost your mind? I heard she’s carrying your child—is it true?” Murong Qingyi blurted, “Impossible. I haven’t seen her all year.” Madam Murong’s expression eased slightly, but her tone remained stern. “You can’t gloss over this. Tell me the truth. If you won’t, I’ll have your father question you.”

Murong Qingyi said, “Mother, I’m not that reckless. I did associate with her for a time, but we parted ways after the Lunar New Year. The pregnancy must be a lie. If it were true, she’d be at least six months along—how could she still be seen in public?”

Madam Murong nodded lightly. “That’s good. I assumed you weren’t that careless. But the rumors are spreading wildly—they’re pinning it on you.”

Murong Qingyi snapped, “How absurd. I didn’t expect her to act so recklessly.” Madam Murong said, “It’s your carelessness. You always have to learn the hard way. Su Su ignores your affairs, but if she hears such talk, it’ll break her heart.” Murong Qingyi recalled her demeanor and suddenly realized, “She must have heard it already. When I returned today, her behavior was odd.” Madam Murong said, “It’s all your fault, one mistake after another. It’s only fair she gives you the cold shoulder.”

Guilt weighed on his mind as he returned home, pondering how to explain. Upon arriving, Xin Jie informed him, “Madam has gone out.” He asked, “Where did she go?” Xin Jie replied, “Shortly after you left, Madam received a call and went out.” Seeing Su Su’s car still at home, he asked, “Who called? Why didn’t she take the car?” Xin Jie shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Summer nights fell late, but the darkness thickened. Outside the window, the outlines of trees blurred like ink diffused in water, indistinct and shadowy. Growing restless, he paced back and forth in the living room. Lei Shaogong, about to leave for home, noticed his agitation and hesitated. “Third Master, shall I send people to look for her?” Recalling her earlier demeanor—her cold, resolute gaze—a sudden fear gripped him. What if she had done something rash? Panic seized him. “Quickly! Send everyone to find her.”

Lei Shaogong agreed and hurried to arrange it. Meanwhile, Murong Qingyi, consumed with worry, suddenly remembered something. He told Lei Shaogong, “Call Wang Qilin for me—I have something to ask her.”

Hearing Murong Qingyi’s voice, Wang Qilin laughed like tinkling bells. “What made you think of me today?” Murong Qingyi, unwilling to engage, cut straight to the point. “What nonsense are you spreading?” Wang Qilin feigned surprise. “What are you talking about? Why are you accusing me?” He sneered. “Don’t pretend. Even my mother has heard the rumors—you’re pregnant? With whose child?”

Wang Qilin scoffed, her voice syrupy. “How cruel of you to speak like that. Who told you such a thing? Who’s being so malicious, spreading such lies? If my family heard, they’d be furious.”

When she flatly denied it, he coldly said, “I’ve done what you asked of me. We’re even now—no debts between us. You’d better not pull such stunts again, or you’ll regret it.” Wang Qilin gave a soft laugh. “No wonder they say you’re the most heartless. Indeed, you are.” Not wanting to waste any more words with her, he hung up the phone.

By the time it was past ten o’clock at night, his anxiety was mounting. He sat down to review official documents but couldn’t focus. Lei Shaogong, fearing something might go wrong, stayed behind instead of leaving. Occasionally glancing at the clock in the corner, he noticed that there had been no word from the servants sent out to look for Su Su. Murong Qingyi, deeply worried that something might have happened to her, slammed the document in his hand onto the desk and said, “I’ll go look for her myself.” Before he could finish speaking, the telephone rang. Lei Shaogong quickly picked it up—it was Mu Lan. She didn’t recognize his voice and assumed he was just a servant. “Please let Third Madam take the call,” she said. Hearing this, Lei Shaogong felt a strange sinking sensation in his heart and asked, “Mrs. Zhang, isn’t Third Madam with you?”

Mu Lan replied, “I just got back from going out. I heard someone called here earlier looking for me, so I’m returning the call. And you are—?” Lei Shaogong answered, “It’s Lei Shaogong. Didn’t Third Madam make plans to meet you today?” Mu Lan said, “I had dinner with her at Yunhua Terrace, but she left before me. I went to watch a play, so I’m only returning now.”

Murong Qingyi had been listening the entire time and was now even more worried. Fearing an accident, his mind raced with panic. He immediately told Lei Shaogong, “Call Zhu Xunwen and ask him to send people to help look for her.” Lei Shaogong hesitated, knowing that Murong Qingyi wouldn’t listen to reason, and reluctantly went to make the call.

Meanwhile, Wang Qilin held the telephone receiver, hearing only the busy signal on the other end. Facing her was a full-length mirror reflecting her figure in a radiant rose-red qipao. She leaned lazily against a tall table, her reflection resembling a flower in full bloom, delicate and enchanting. Her face, lightly powdered and rouged, seemed unwilling to waste the beauty of the moment. After replacing the receiver, she lingered for a moment, smirking at her reflection in the mirror. Slowly adjusting her hair, she walked through the reception hall into the inner room, smiling sweetly at Su Su. “I’m truly sorry to keep you waiting so long while I took that call.”

Su Su responded indifferently, “It’s late. If you have nothing else to say, I’ll be going.” Wang Qilin smiled demurely. “It’s my fault for keeping you here so long, chatting away without restraint. Let me have the driver take you home.” Su Su declined, “There’s no need.” Wang Qilin insisted, “Today, at least, I’ve cleared things up with you. Third Master and I are merely ordinary friends—those rumors outside are ridiculous. It’s good that you don’t take them to heart. But as the saying goes, ‘A thousand accusations can melt gold, and repeated slander can destroy bones.’ I feel like I’ve been unable to defend myself. Meeting you today and explaining everything in person has made me feel much better.”

Su Su simply said, “Miss Wang, there’s no need for such politeness.” She rarely spoke much, and her words remained detached. Wang Qilin personally escorted her out, repeatedly offering to have the driver take her home. Su Su declined again, “I’ll take a rickshaw. Miss Wang, there’s no need to worry about me.” Wang Qilin smiled faintly and finally instructed someone to hail a pedicab for her.

Su Su took the pedicab back home. The night was deep, and the streets were quiet. As the vehicle moved through the cool breeze, she stared blankly, lost in thought. Earlier, at the Wang residence, through the translucent screen of sandalwood and jade, she had overheard a snippet of conversation: “You heartless man.” The words were soft and sweet, like flowers whispering or jade exuding fragrance. Imagining how those words must have stirred the listener’s heart, she realized anew the pain buried in her memory—it still cut through her like a knife. She recalled that Wang Qilin and he had already spoken before, long ago. Now, it was merely reopening an old wound and sprinkling salt into it.

She had deceived herself all along. His life was a tapestry of vibrant colors, and she was merely a fleeting adornment among them. An occasional glance of favor from him had foolishly given her false hopes. Because she bore the title of “Third Madam,” Wang Qilin had deliberately come to her to muddy the waters further. The greatest irony lay in the fact that during their phone call, Wang Qilin’s charming laughter and flirtatious words painted a vivid picture, never imagining that Su Su was just steps away.

She told the rickshaw driver, “Please stop here.” The driver turned around in surprise. “We haven’t reached your destination yet.” Without a word, she handed him a five-yuan note. The driver hesitated, then stopped the rickshaw. “I can’t break this bill.”

“Keep the change.” Watching the unmistakable joy on his face, she felt an endless wave of sorrow… For others, money could easily buy happiness. With just five yuan, she had bought a smile—but for her, smiles had become unattainable.

The shop was about to close, and she ordered a bowl of taro pudding to eat slowly. The shopkeeper bustled about, tidying chairs and sweeping the floor. His wife washed dishes by the stove, grumbling to him as she worked, “Look at the way you sweep—it’s like drawing charms! I must have owed you something in my past life!” Wiping her hands on her apron, she snatched the broom and began sweeping herself. The shopkeeper chuckled awkwardly, scratching his head before returning to washing dishes. This everyday domestic bliss—a life she had missed—was forever beyond her reach.

Putting down her spoon, she became lost in thought. Suddenly raising her head, she saw a figure standing before her. Gradually, her eyes widened in astonishment. “Mr. Zhang.”

Zhang Mingshu managed a strained smile. After a moment, he called out, “Miss Ren.”

He still addressed her by her maiden name. A bitter smile appeared on Su Su’s lips. There was still someone in this world who remembered her as Ren Su Su, not as Third Madam. She asked, “Why are you here so late?”

Zhang Mingshu replied, “I was heading home and passed by Miss Wang’s residence. I happened to see you get into a pedicab.” Worried, he had intended to discreetly follow her home, instructing his driver to stay far behind. But when she got out halfway, he instinctively followed her into the shop—and found himself unable to look away.

Su Su sighed softly and said, “I’m fine. You can go.” He murmured an acknowledgment and slowly walked toward the exit.

Her taro pudding had grown cold, and eating it made her stomach feel as though weighed down by a heavy stone. She stood on the street like a sleepwalker, the sparse pedestrians occasionally interrupted by the flash of headlights. A pedicab jingled its bell, and the driver asked, “Need a ride, miss?”

Still dazed, she got into the pedicab. When the driver asked, “Where to?” she was silent.

Where could she go? Though the world was vast, where did she belong? What she called home was nothing more than a gilded cage, locking her away for life. Suddenly, amidst her dull pain, she summoned the courage to resist—she didn’t want to return to that house. Even if it was just for a brief escape, it would be worth it. Even a fleeting moment of freedom would suffice.

The small inn she found had blue cotton bedding that reminded her of her childhood when both her parents were alive, and she was a child with a real home. Her mother, busy with work, would leave her playing alone on the bed. She had been such a quiet child, content to sit for hours with the bedding. Occasionally, her mother would glance back and kiss her forehead, praising her with a gentle “good girl.” That single word could make her sit quietly for even longer. Her mother’s warm lips seemed to linger on her forehead, but time flowed swiftly like water, dreamlike and unreal. She remembered her early days in the ballet troupe when Mu Lan had confidently declared, “I want to be the brightest, most famous star.” Turning to her, Mu Lan had asked, “And you?” At the time, she had simply replied, “I want to have a home.”

Living in luxury and admired by many, she often woke in the dead of night to find the moonlight pouring in like water, flickering like a dream. Even when he was occasionally by her side, his presence felt distant and unreal. Now, even that unreality had crumbled into dust, leaving only shattered fragments of a dream. All she had ever wished for was the simplest kind of happiness. Yet, in the few short years since meeting him, it felt like an entire lifetime—one destined to be lonely and sorrowful.

Outside the window, the sky gradually lightened into a lotus-blue hue, then turned dove-gray, slowly brightening with a streak of pale white. Though the night had been so dark, dawn inevitably arrived. But she remained forever trapped in the abyss of darkness, unable to glimpse the morning light.

It wasn’t until nearly noon that she emerged from her room. As soon as she opened the door, Zhang Mingshu, who had been standing in the corridor, instinctively stepped back. His expression was a mix of relief and unease. Catching her gaze, he involuntarily turned his face away. Slowly, she realized that he had been unable to rest easy the previous night and had followed her here, staying awake all night to watch over her.

He was so devoted… How could Mu Lan bear it? Clutching the doorframe, she lowered her head weakly. Finally, he spoke: “I… My driver is outside. Let him take you home.”

Her steps felt light, as though walking on clouds. Her voice was weary, almost spent. “I’ll go back on my own.” Stumbling forward, she made her way toward the entrance hall. Just as she crossed the threshold, she tripped. He rushed forward, calling out, “Be careful!”

Dizzy and disoriented, she instinctively grabbed his arm. In her haze, she thought she saw a familiar face—those eyes, the eternal enchantment and imprisonment of her life.

“Ren Su Su!”

Her body trembled as she looked up, only to see Lei Shaogong rushing forward. “Third Master!” Attempting to grab his arm, Murong Qingyi shook him off violently. Before she knew it, he had yanked her toward him. His eyes were terrifying—”Slap!” He struck her across the face.

Zhang Mingshu angrily demanded, “Why are you hitting her?”

The world spun before her eyes. She felt his grip tightening, as if trying to crush her. Despite everything, she managed to say, “It’s not his fault.”

After a night of worry, fear, confusion, and frantic searching, his eyes burned with fury. Yet her first words were to defend another man!

He cared for her—so deeply that the night had nearly driven him mad. And this was what he heard. She was so fragile, like a wandering soul he could never capture. Panting, he glared at her, but she met his gaze fearlessly. She had always bowed her head in his presence, and now, this sudden courage—only for someone else.

Lei Shaogong’s face was etched with anxiety. “Third Master, let go of Third Madam—she can’t breathe!” With a sudden jerk, he flung her away, causing her to stumble and nearly fall. Zhang Mingshu instinctively moved to steady her, but he shoved him back forcefully. “Don’t you dare touch her.”

Almost simultaneously, she pushed his arm away as well. “Don’t touch me.”

Those words cut into his heart like the sharpest blade. Her face was lifted stubbornly, her eyes filled with unmistakable revulsion. She did not love him—she truly did not love him. It was clear, painfully clear, and now she had finally voiced it. All these years, he had relied on his power to keep her by his side, yet he had never possessed an ounce of her heart.

In front of her, he had lost utterly, beyond any hope of redemption. For so many years—for so long—she had become a pain that seeped into his very bones. Every flicker of hope had only led to deeper disappointment, until today… when it had finally turned into despair. A profound sense of hopelessness welled up within him. With this one sentence, she had sentenced him to death, erasing even the faintest trace of longing or unwillingness that had lingered in his heart. Like a drowning man gasping for air, he forced out a single phrase through gritted teeth: “I won’t touch you! I’ll never touch you again in my life!”