Chapter 43

Morning Dew Lotus

I looked at him in disbelief. Yinze under the starry sky was as beautiful as a 水墨画 (shuǐmòhuà, traditional Chinese ink painting). But such a handsome man could actually do such a thing, say such words. I had once loved him so unconditionally. The servant said that Divine Lord Yinze was blind. I think the blind one was me. I didn’t want to show weakness in front of him, nor did I want him to look down on me again. However, my vision was blurred by tears, and it was only a matter of time before they burst out. I trembled, “Is it interesting to toy with me like this?”

Yinze frowned without speaking. I said, “How can you be so selfish? It’s true that I confessed first, but I haven’t done anything to betray you. You knew I liked you, yet you hurt me again and again. Are you trying to drive me to death?”

He glanced up at me unintentionally, and the air froze for a moment. In that brief instant, he showed a look I had never seen before, giving me the illusion that he was deeply hurt as well. However, illusions are just illusions after all. Suddenly, two figures flashed across the sky, and he quickly looked up before returning to his previous indifference: “I hate it most when women threaten to die.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t die, and I can’t bear to die. I like you so much...” In my anger, I almost blurted out, “There’s your child in my belly, how could I bear to die,” but after thinking about it for a long time, I held it back. Yinze is so tired of me now, I can’t guarantee what he will do to this child. I sneered, “I like you so much, how could I bear to die.”

Unfortunately, what I intentionally concealed could not be hidden from others. At that moment, two men in golden robes landed beside us, and one of them said, “Divine Lord Yinze, this lady is pregnant. May I ask what relationship she has with the Divine Lord?”

Yinze was startled: “What...”

The golden-robed man’s eyes lit up as he scanned me: “It’s been about three months. May I ask, Divine Lord, is this your child?”

I immediately protected my abdomen and took a few steps back, ready to run away at any time. Yinze closed his eyes for a while, then opened them, his gaze cold: “It’s not mine.”

The golden-robed man said, “This lady, is the child’s father not Divine Lord Yinze?”

“No,” I smiled, answering with unprecedented calmness, “Divine Lord Yinze has nothing to do with me. The child’s father is someone else.”

“What a pity,” the golden-robed man laughed, “We were going to congratulate the Divine Lord on the birth of his son.”

Finally, I realized that falling in love with someone can happen in an instant. But seeing through someone takes away all your youth.

Looking back on the past, no matter how many sweet words and old dreams, or how gentle the spring breeze, it was all just a one-person play. I had fantasized countless times about spending the rest of my life with him, growing old together, but it was nothing more than a one-sided infatuation. Whether it was the stunning glimpse when we first met or his cold back when we parted, no matter how good he was in my heart, how much he haunted my dreams, this person had nothing to do with me at all.

I think I’ve completely given up.

Due to overwork, I returned to Suzhao and was bedridden for several days, recuperating. Interestingly, whenever no one was around, Su Su would transform into human form and come to my bedroom to take care of me, playing music for me. His skills were no less than Kong Su’s, but his music was more melodious, with a hint of coquetry at the end, just like the smile in his eyes. Once, a servant girl heard the music and thought I was playing the qin, and even teased me, saying, “Your Highness, now that you have a child, even the music you play is quite full of amorous feelings.”

After that, spring soon arrived. As time passed, my abdomen grew heavier, and I could no longer hide my pregnancy. An unmarried princess being pregnant, rumors spread wildly in the palace, and it didn’t sound pleasant at all. My second sister, under pressure from public opinion, also hinted to me vaguely that I should find someone to marry and find a father for the child. However, looking at my big belly, which man from a good family would be willing to marry into the royal family and be a kept man? Besides, in this situation, I only had one person in my heart, and I didn’t have the heart to marry anyone else.

One morning, the sun rose over the mountains, and the snow filled the Luo River. As the cold snow began to clear, the palace servants collected snow water and used it to boil warm tea. The plum blossoms fell to the ground and turned into mud, only the fragrance remained. I walked through the mountains where the snow had melted and passed through the ground covered with red flowers. I walked more cautiously than usual and it took me nearly an hour to reach my brother’s grave. I bent down, washed away the dust on the tombstone with snow water, and then placed the cherry blossoms I had picked from the Qinglong Heavenly Realm in front of the tombstone.

“The cherry blossoms from Fahua Sakura never wither, so this branch can be kept until next year, right?” Looking at the big words “Tomb of Brother Chen Zhi” on the tombstone, I smiled and touched the tombstone, “Brother, don’t worry, I won’t come to see you until next year.”

I’ve thought a lot about it these past few days. In the long river of life, what is true love? Perhaps I myself have never truly understood. For a couple to spend a lifetime together, what they ultimately seek is companionship and mutual respect. Passion is fleeting, and it contradicts the enduring nature of true love. Not many people can see through this. With my heart wholly devoted to Yinze, I had been blind, and I had never given my brother a chance. Naturally, I would never know if he could have been a good husband.

The spring was cold, and the wind ruffled the grass on the grave. I picked up a blade of grass from the tombstone and suddenly realized that my brother had been gone for half a year. Yet, the memories he left behind were so vivid, as if he had never left. The chubby little boy who pretended to be mature in front of the teacher, the young man who smiled lightly under the blooming flowers, the heartbroken lover who confessed under the moonlight, the elder brother who protected me from monsters and ghosts… All these fragments of him were pieced together into the sixty years of my life.

I still remember when we were both young and inexperienced, in the Fahua Sakura Garden. At the moment you kissed me, if I could do it all over again… I think I would trade half my life for it.

You said that no matter how hard or tired I was, as long as I turned around, I would immediately see you. Now I’ve turned around, but where are you?

Alas, you were affectionate when I was indifferent, and I became affectionate when you were old.

That summer in Suzhao, the lotus flowers bloomed exceptionally well. A sea of red scorched the ten-mile Luo River, with countless flowers flying wildly, contrasting with the distant vermilion towers in the mist and water. In the morning twilight, I gave birth to a daughter and named her Xi He. Perhaps because her father was the God of Cangying, when she was born, all the water in Suzhao flowed horizontally and vertically, blooming like flowers in the air, a truly magnificent sight. According to both the customs of Suzhao and the divine realm, newborn children should not have surnames, but out of my longing for my brother, I gave her the surname Fu.

Having a surname for the child was fine, but when it came to giving her a title, that’s when the problem arose. The full moon banquet was the latest time to decide on a title, but since even the father was unknown, my second sister was very embarrassed in front of all the officials and could only hold Xi He and pretend to be deaf and mute. And among the old ministers, there were always one or two stubborn ones who had to get to the bottom of things. For example, the Chancellor, unafraid of death, stepped forward and clasped his hands, saying, “Your Highness, the little princess is concerned about the face of the royal family and refuses to say. I deeply understand, but as far as the royal bloodline and reputation are concerned, Your Majesty must give an explanation. Who is the father of Miss Xi He?”

“This...” My second sister stroked Xi He’s head and looked at me with difficulty, “If the Chancellor asks me, how would I know?”

The Chancellor immediately turned his attention to me and questioned, “Your Highness, for the sake of the Suzhao royal family, please answer truthfully.”

“This is just my child, she has no father.” Unlike my second sister, I was never polite to these old ministers, no matter what they thought, this was the only answer.

“I heard that Miss Xi He has a private surname.”

“That’s right.”

“Regardless of whether it’s in Suzhao or the outside world, there has never been a custom of a child having the same surname as their maternal uncle. Yet, Your Highness has given Miss Xi He the same surname as Your Highness’s brother, could it be...”

My second sister scolded, “Nonsense! My younger sister and brother are innocent, how can the Chancellor speak so carelessly?”

Just as the Chancellor was about to kowtow and apologize, I said, “That’s right, this child is Chen Zhi’s.”

As soon as I said this, everyone was shocked. My second sister looked at me in disbelief, and all the kings, princes, and ministers started to discuss it. I said calmly, “Chen Zhi and I are not related by blood, what’s wrong with a man and a woman loving each other? We had already privately promised each other and made a marriage vow, but unfortunately, he passed away, otherwise it wouldn’t be your turn to question me here.”

“Nonsense, utter nonsense.” At this moment, another voice came from the door, “The child is clearly mine, Weiwei, do you think I’m so unworthy of being seen?”

Hearing this voice calling me “Weiwei”, I felt goosebumps all over my body. I saw Su Su walk in, revealing a delicate and handsome face. Su Su had never shown his face in public before. With his sudden appearance, the whole scene became as chaotic as scrambled eggs.

Fortunately, my second sister reacted quickly and dragged Kong Su over, finally stopping the rumors about two women serving one man from spreading. After that, Su Su insisted that the child was his, while I insisted that the child was Fu Chen Zhi’s. Many of the older ministers couldn’t accept it and retired early due to the shock.

Su Su didn’t seem upset at all, and he even introduced himself generously, saying that he was the spirit of the Su Lian flower, and that Su Lian was a divine flower and the Luo River was divine water. The king of the lotus and the little princess of Suzhao were a perfect match, like a phoenix and a dragon. The key point was that he smiled harmlessly, with a touch of elegance, and some people actually thought that what he said made sense.

In short, Xi He’s full moon banquet became a farce, and no one pursued the question of who the child really belonged to.

When I returned to the bedroom, I didn’t know whether to scold Su Su or thank him sincerely. In the end, I put Xi He on the bed and turned to look at him expressionlessly, trying to figure out what he was up to.

However, unexpectedly, he looked at me with a smile in his eyes, not feeling shy or guilty at all, and lifted my chin to kiss me. I avoided his lips and quickly took a step back, patting my chest and saying, “What kind of game are you playing!”

Su Su’s reaction was so normal it was abnormal: “Your Highness is looking at Su with such ardent eyes, isn’t it because you’re expecting something?”

“Of course not!” I pointed at him with trembling fingers, “Su Su, open your eyes and see who I am. I’m the little princess of Suzhao, the mother of a month-old baby, you’re too bold...”

“You say that, but it seems to arouse my interest even more.” He actually pushed me directly onto the bed, smiled lightly, and landed a gentle kiss on my forehead. His fingers slid down my hair to my waist, and he untied my belt, “Young mother, you’re even more alluring than an eighteen-year-old girl. Little Princess, let me be Xi He’s father from now on.”

Regardless of whether this brother’s taste was a bit strange, daring to treat this little princess so disrespectfully, the result would naturally be death. In the end, I used an ice cube to whip him until he hid back in the pool, continuing to be a quiet little lotus flower. I gave him a warning look and went back to coax the crying Xi He to sleep.

As a child, I often fantasized about becoming a flower spirit. Flower spirits were beautiful and pure, unlike fox spirits who were full of sensuality. Su Su, being a flower spirit, was also part of that lineage, and his appearance was indeed worthy of such a race. With just a casual stand, he was breathtakingly beautiful, far more charming than Kong Su, who had changed his appearance. Occasionally, when my second sister passed by, she would be captivated by his charm, causing my brother-in-law to become incredibly jealous.

However, many beautiful things are as simple as fools. Su Su, being in his human form for the first time, was no exception. After initially letting loose, he began a relentless pursuit of me, without any subtlety or strategy. Whenever he had the chance, he would push me against the wall, throw me onto the bed, or hold me on his lap. He was omnipresent and quite annoying.

But from another perspective, he truly had a heart as beautiful as a flower. In the middle of the night, when Xi He cried incessantly, he would be the first to come and take care of her, waving his hand to make all the flowers in the room bloom together, making Xi He laugh heartily. He never got angry, and he rarely even frowned. If there was a conflict, he could always cleverly change the subject, and even Xuanyue liked him very much.

One day a year later, Su Su and I took Xi He to the Luo River to play. Xi He climbed onto Xuanyue’s back and ran around everywhere, disappearing in the blink of an eye. Su Su took this opportunity to pin me down on the grass. Out of instinct, I pushed him away as usual, but I couldn’t help but ask, “Mr. Su, I’ve always wondered, you’re so beautiful, why don’t you find another girl? Even if you like the child’s mother, there are countless beautiful women in the world. Why are you so persistent about me?”

“Because Su only has Your Highness in his heart,” he replied quickly. It was clearly an answer without much thought.

“Do you really like me?”

“Yes, I like you very much.” I looked at him helplessly for a long time and sighed, “That’s not what liking someone is. Liking someone isn’t that easy.”

“Is that so? Su hasn’t thought about it too much. I just feel happy being with Your Highness, so I want to do intimate things with Your Highness. If Your Highness doesn’t like it...” he smiled as sweetly as honey, “Su won’t give up. As the saying goes, ‘A young woman has springtime thoughts, and a gentleman tempts her.’ Your Highness also has springtime thoughts.” He was misusing the saying again. Usually, Mr. Su would read books in his room when he had nothing to do, and he would only pick up some playbooks to read, telling Xi He and Xuanyue many moving stories. In fact, he just wanted a woman, but he mistakenly thought that this was love. I really don’t know whether to say he was too pure or too vulgar.

I sighed and was about to enlighten him, but he almost kissed me and then we started another round of confrontation. It wasn’t until later, when Xuanyue and Xi He started fighting over a beautiful stone, that he finally let go of me to take care of the children.

Looking up, I saw Xuanyue had been knocked over by Xi He. I thought to myself, this child will definitely be more ferocious than me when she grows up. Su Su walked over, carrying one child in each arm, and walked towards me with a smile.

As I reached out to take my daughter, I touched the jade ring on my finger. Then, I thought of the ring’s original owner and the pain he had brought me. I suddenly realized that it had been a year since I last saw him. Before, I had always thought that living with a child without a father would be more painful than hell. But it wasn’t like that. Seeing Xi He laughing happily in the sunlight, her eyes as bright as water, and her little nose so cute, I felt truly happy and satisfied. As for Yinze, I only hoped that time would eventually erase the scars he had left in my memory.

One afternoon, the summer sun was warm and the roses were fragrant. When I saw Su Su walking towards me with Xuanyue and Xi He, I never would have imagined that this simple and frivolous man, who seemed like a passing guest, would never leave from then on. Life is like that. The people we initially identified with, the people we were determined to never give up on, often disappear without a trace, turning into a wisp of smoke when we least expect it. Sometimes, a passerby who stays for a night can quietly stay for decades without us knowing.

I have to admit, Su Su was a very persistent person. No matter how much I rejected him, he would relentlessly pursue me. It wasn’t until one autumn night twenty-four years later that things changed slightly.

As Yinze and Ling Yin Shenjun had predicted, the drought had continued for decades, and Suzhao had suffered greatly as a result. Over the past twenty-four years, water sources had gradually dried up and the climate had deteriorated, which was a slow poison for any race, especially the Suzhao clan and the plant spirits. I had stronger spiritual power and didn’t feel overly uncomfortable, but Su Su fell ill for the first time and was unconscious for four days and four nights. I stayed by his bedside the whole time, and Xi He would come to see him whenever she wasn’t studying. On the fourth day, he finally woke up, his eyes red as he looked at me, “Your Highness... why are you here?”

“Of course I have to be here if you’re so sick.” I lifted the back of his head and brought the brewed medicine to his mouth, “Come on, drink this, you’ll get better after drinking it.”

He glanced at the medicine in the bowl and shook his head, “I’m not just sick because of the drought. Don’t waste such good medicine.”

“Why is that?”

“All things turn into spirits, and spirits return to all things. It’s just that my time to return to the spirit world is approaching.” The so-called returning to the spirit world was basically the same as dying. My heart tightened, then I thought it was impossible, and I looked at him disdainfully, “Do you think I’m Xi He, so easy to fool? You’re returning to the spirit world after only twenty years? Are you too low-level, or is the Su Lian flower too low-level? You’re just sick, don’t make excuses to avoid taking medicine.”

“You’re still as smart as ever, I can’t fool you.” He smiled and sat up to drink the medicine. Then, a red leaf fell from the branch and floated to the bedside. His lips and face were bloodless, in stark contrast to the deep red of the fallen leaf. He looked up at me, his hair like seaweed, his face as white as snow, and his shoulders thinner than before, but he smiled gracefully, “Thank you, Your Highness, for the medicine.”

“You’re welcome, I just hope you get better soon.”

Su Su lowered his gaze, lay back on the bed, and sighed softly, almost inaudibly. I stayed with him in the room for a while. He looked a bit tired, and his gaze would inadvertently glance over me, but he didn’t linger. I originally thought he was like this because he was sick, but after that night, even though he still spoke frivolously, he never made any intimate moves towards me. I thought he was resentful of me, so I teased him, touching his hair and his face, but he just avoided me with a preoccupied expression. I never really understood his thoughts, but I vaguely felt that this scene seemed familiar.

We continued our usual routine, spending our leisure time drinking, playing music, and admiring the flowers and moon in the garden. And so, another sixteen years passed by in a leisurely manner.

This year, Xi He turned forty, and I had just turned a hundred. On what should have been a day of celebration, there was widespread discontent and many deaths in Suzhao. The drought had continued, and even the Cang Sea had dried up by a third. The Nine Heavens and Six Realms were in turmoil, with famine spreading everywhere. To make matters worse, at such a critical juncture, the divine realm and the demonic realm once again launched a war, and the gods were too preoccupied to deal with the drought, exacerbating the water shortage. Now, wherever you went, you could see creatures eating grass roots and tree bark, and there were even cases of cannibalism. The Six Realms were in chaos, with demons running rampant. I saw demons that I had never seen before. I gradually realized that if we continued to sit idly by, Suzhao would sooner or later face a great disaster, so I decided to leave my homeland temporarily and go out to find a way to solve the problem.