Chapter 64: Settling In (3)

When Qi Ying returned in the evening, Lady Yao was still there, so the three of them—Qi Ying, Shen Xiqing, and Lady Yao—had dinner together in the flower hall.

It had been four days since the awkward incident, but this was Shen Xiqing’s first time seeing Qi Ying since then. Even now, whenever she thought about it, her face would flush red with embarrassment. After reflecting on her behavior that day, she realized just how bold she had been—she had pushed him away, told him to leave, and even dared not answer his questions. Her audacity shocked even herself, and as a result, she felt too ashamed to meet his gaze now, keeping her head bowed throughout the meal.

Both Qi Ying and Lady Yao noticed the girl’s unease. While Qi Ying understood the reason behind her discomfort, Lady Yao assumed it was due to the change in living quarters.

Lady Yao thought to herself how cautious and reserved the Fang family girl was. She couldn’t help but wonder if her son had been too harsh with her in private, causing the girl to fear him so much. To ease the tension, Lady Yao brought up the topic of moving Shen Xiqing to a new residence.

Shen Xiqing kept her head down as she heard Qi Ying respond indifferently, “Mother has been thoughtful; let it be.”

The sound of his voice sent a ripple through her heart, reminding her of the moment he had urgently grabbed her wrist and called her “Wenwen.” She wasn’t sure whether she was recalling the warmth of his fingers or the timbre of his voice, but her heartbeat quickened nonetheless.

After dinner, Lady Yao prepared to return to the main house. Qi Ying rose and said, “I’ll escort you, Mother.”

“Where is there any need for you to send me?” Lady Yao laughed. “There’s still some preparation left for the flower-viewing gathering. I estimate it will take another day or two to get everything ready, so I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Qi Ying didn’t argue further with his mother but turned to Shen Xiqing instead. “I’ll see Mother down the mountain. You go to the study and wait for me.”

Shen Xiqing nodded timidly.

Lady Yao chuckled and shook her head. Seeing this, she allowed Qi Ying to accompany her down the mountain.

As they descended, servants walked ahead with lanterns while Qi Ying supported Lady Yao. As they walked, Lady Yao said to him, “Don’t be too harsh on Wenwen. She’s a girl with delicate sensibilities, not like your younger brothers who can handle your sternness.”

Qi Ying sighed and replied, “I really haven’t been harsh.”

Lady Yao shot him a glance, snorted softly, and countered, “How have you not? If you hadn’t been, why wouldn’t she dare look at you all evening?”

Qi Ying was at a loss. He couldn’t explain the events of a few days ago to his mother, so he remained silent.

Lady Yao took his silence as confirmation and seized the opportunity to lecture him further. “You’ve personally taken responsibility for her, so do it properly. Don’t make her suffer by showing her sour expressions now and then. She’s an orphan,可怜, and you need to be patient.”

After saying this, she saw that Qi Ying remained silent, so she nudged him and asked sternly, “Did you hear me?”

Surrounded by the shadows of bamboo and winding stone steps, Qi Ying sighed silently and answered, “I heard.”

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Shen Xiqing entered the study, found her usual chair, and sat down quietly, waiting for Qi Ying to return.

A few days earlier, General Han Shouye had caused a commotion here, leaving the study in disarray. Now, after several days, everything had been restored to its original neatness. The books on the shelves were meticulously arranged, and the stacks of documents on Qi Ying’s desk were neatly organized. Only the decorative porcelain vases had been replaced with new ones.

Seeing everything as it had been, Shen Xiqing felt a sense of comfort. She loved this place, though she couldn’t quite explain why. Sometimes, when she passed by the study at night and saw its bright lights, she felt a deep sense of peace.

This was the first time she was alone in the study without Qi Ying or anyone else present, giving her the perfect opportunity to explore openly. After waiting for a while and realizing he might still be talking with Lady Yao, she mustered the courage to approach the bookshelves and began examining the books.

The books on the shelves ranged from old to new. As Shen Xiqing scanned them, she noticed one particularly worn-out volume. Its binding was heavily damaged, as if it had been read countless times. She thought it might be one of Qi Ying’s favorite books. Curious about everything about him, and seeing that he hadn’t returned yet, she stealthily reached out and pulled the book from the shelf.

Opening it eagerly, she felt as though she was uncovering a secret about him. Her heart raced with excitement.

The book was a collection of writings by an ancient author named Baopu Gong, a former official who had retired to the mountains. The collection focused on rural anecdotes and pastoral pleasures.

As Shen Xiqing flipped through the pages, she noticed not only frequent signs of use but also many annotations in the margins. Next to a humorous essay describing Baopu Gong napping by a stream and being startled awake by splashing water from jumping fish, there was a handwritten note:

“Though I cannot reach it, my heart yearns for it.”

The handwriting was bold yet refined, sharp like a swiftly drawn blade, yet elegant and expressive.

She recognized it immediately—it was Qi Ying’s handwriting.

Shen Xiqing was naturally sensitive. While others might dismiss such a note as ordinary, she suddenly felt a surge of emotion. From this single line, she began to piece together a multitude of insights.

Qi Ying was renowned throughout Jiangzuo, and she had heard tales of him since childhood. Later, fate brought her under his care. Though she didn’t know him deeply, she had seen more of him than most. She always assumed he was thriving—holding high office, respected by all, capable of handling anything.

But this single line of text awakened something in her. It made her realize: He is tired.

She glanced at his desk, piled high with thick stacks of official documents. No matter when she entered the study, the desk was always overflowing with paperwork. No matter how many he reviewed, new documents would soon arrive to fill the void. Each document likely involved complex lawsuits or even conspiracies threatening the nation. And there he sat, day and night, reviewing them one by one, resolving issue after issue, over and over again.

…How could she have ever thought he had everything going smoothly?

He was exhausted.

Shen Xiqing suddenly thought of her own father, recalling the weariness etched on his face whenever he returned home after long absences. Though he would recover after spending a few days with her mother, the first day back was always marked by an overwhelming heaviness.

Reflecting now, perhaps her father was like Qi Ying—both held high positions and had to deal with countless troubles. But her father could find solace in her mother’s company, while Shen Xiqing had never seen Qi Ying rest.

He was perpetually weary, never stopping for a moment.

She should have noticed earlier. There were signs everywhere, like how he named his study “Forgetfulness Room”—what was he trying to forget? The mundane affairs that burdened him? Or the idyllic streams and forests he yearned for?

It was so obvious, yet she had failed to see it. Instead, she had constantly relied on him… while he was already so burdened, she kept adding to his troubles. For instance, when he returned from Nanling, despite his exhaustion from days of travel, he had comforted her, tended to her wounds, and applied medicine. All she did was cling to him, pouring out her grievances, and eventually even took his bed.

She wasn’t helping him at all—she was only causing him more trouble.

Overwhelmed by guilt and remorse, Shen Xiqing suddenly heard a sound at the door. Turning around, she saw Qi Ying stepping inside.

Their eyes met, and Qi Ying noticed the girl looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher. Her beautiful eyes shimmered, and he wondered if she had been crying. Feeling uneasy, he approached her and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Shen Xiqing looked up at him, unwilling to make him spend more time comforting her. Quickly composing herself, she hastily shoved the book back onto the shelf and replied, “I took the liberty of reading one of your books earlier. There was a passage that moved me deeply—I’m very sorry for touching your things without permission. I won’t do it again.”

Her movement had been so swift, and Qi Ying’s position blocked the light, so he didn’t see which book she had returned. Believing her, he dismissed it and went to sit behind his desk. “It’s fine,” he said. “From now on, you can read any of the books here without asking.”

Shen Xiqing was surprised. Before she could fully process his words, he gestured toward her usual seat. “Sit.”

She responded softly and took her seat.

After she settled, Qi Ying said, “I’ve already sorted out the situation at home. Master Wang likes you and stood up for you. Although he will continue teaching at the Qi household, he has decided not to accept female students anymore.”

Shen Xiqing was astonished. She knew Master Wang had shown her guidance, but she hadn’t expected him to go this far. Overwhelmed by gratitude and surprise, she didn’t know what to say. Then Qi Ying continued, “Master Wang said you are calm and a good candidate for learning. What about you? Do you still enjoy studying?”

Shen Xiqing thought for a moment and replied, “…Yes.”

Qi Ying nodded. “The household situation is complicated, and it’s not suitable for you to return. From now on, you’ll stay at Fenghe Garden, and I’ll tutor you.”

Shen Xiqing’s earlier emotions hadn’t fully subsided, and hearing this made her feel even more anxious. She believed she was causing him more trouble and burdening him further. Her heart ached as she lowered her head.

Seeing her silence, Qi Ying assumed she didn’t like the arrangement. Worried she was still dwelling on the embarrassing incident from a few days ago, he hesitated before saying, “If having me teach you makes you uncomfortable, we can…”

Before he could finish, Shen Xiqing interrupted him earnestly, raising her head. “No, it’s not inconvenient. I just…”

She paused, unsure how to continue. Qi Ying raised an eyebrow and prompted, “Just what?”

Shen Xiqing lowered her head again.

“I just…” Her voice grew softer. “…I just don’t want you to be too tired…”

I just don’t want you to be even more exhausted because of me.

I don’t want you to feel tired at all.

Though she didn’t voice these last two sentences, Qi Ying slowly discerned the emotion in her eyes—guilt, and…

…pity?

It was an unfamiliar expression to him. He rarely saw such emotions in others’ eyes, let alone in the eyes of a young girl under his protection. For a moment, it amused him.

Lately, he had seen many emotions in others’ eyes: respect from Xu Zhengning, fear from Jiang Yong, panic from Pei Jian, praise from his father, feigned affection from the Emperor, and flattery from countless colleagues. Yet, none of these compared to what he saw now in Shen Xiqing’s eyes.

He found it amusing, but also… touching.

It was fleeting—a moment of vulnerability from her, a moment of understanding from him, and a seed of something profound planted between them. Afterward, neither could fully explain it.

Qi Ying was momentarily lost in thought, then began to deduce why she felt this way. Being exceptionally perceptive, he quickly connected her hurried action of returning the book to the shelf and glanced at where she had been standing. It wasn’t hard to guess what she had seen.

His heart softened.

“Wenwen.”

Shen Xiqing looked up at the sound of his voice. His features were unusually gentle, carrying a faint smile that seemed to transform the snow of Jiankang into a warm spring rain—gentle and generous.

He said to her, “I won’t be as meticulous as Master Wang was with you. I’ll simply tell you what to read and how to study, occasionally checking your progress. That’s all, so it won’t be tiring.”

His tone was meant to reassure her, but after a pause, his smile faded, and his expression turned stern again. “Of course, I won’t hit your hands with a ruler either. If you don’t study well, I’ll simply stop teaching you and let you waste your potential.”

The weight of the word “waste” struck Shen Xiqing. Unsure whether she feared his exhaustion more or dreaded being abandoned by him, she didn’t know what to say. Hesitating, she saw him rise and approach her. She stood up as well, watching him stand before her, his head slightly bowed as he spoke.

“For now, it’s not your place to worry about others. Think about what you need and what will make your future better. Once you’ve decided, discuss it with me. I’ll give it to you, and you take it. That’s all.”

Shen Xiqing furrowed her brow and asked, “Will that mean you won’t be tired?”

Qi Ying thought for a moment, his features softening again. “It means I’ll be tired for something worthwhile.”

His straightforwardness made Shen Xiqing suddenly understand something in that moment.

She was like a lotus seed just sinking into the mud, not yet sprouting roots or stems, yet already worrying about things beyond her reach. She didn’t want him to be exhausted. Only when she grew up, developing sturdy leaves, would she no longer burden him—and perhaps even shield him from the storms.

But that day was still far away, and she didn’t know when it would come.

Seeing that the girl seemed to have calmed down somewhat, Qi Ying observed her relaxed expression and added, “There’s one more thing I’d like to discuss with you.”

Shen Xiqing blinked, surprised by his use of the formal term “discuss.” Feeling a bit nervous, she looked at him and said, “…Master, please speak.”

Qi Ying noticed her tension but maintained a serious demeanor. “I may seem strict, and I’m not always attentive, but I’ll never mistreat you. If you have concerns, you can tell me directly without hesitation or fear. If there’s something you don’t wish to share, I won’t pry. Don’t overthink things.”

Shen Xiqing wasn’t sure if this counted as criticism, but she detected genuine care in his words, which warmed her heart.

She obediently nodded.

“Don’t just nod,” Qi Ying sighed. “Truly act on it.”

His exasperated tone made Shen Xiqing smile, and unconsciously, she added a hint of coquettishness as she replied, “I understand.”

Seeing her smile, her features brimming with innocence, Qi Ying’s tone relaxed further. “An ancient saying goes, ‘Where the heart finds peace is home.’ Settle your heart here, and this place will become your home.”

Home.

That word had become empty and distant on the snowy night her father left. Now, in this man’s presence, it regained substance—becoming the changing flowers and trees of Fenghe Garden, the candlelight burning late into the night in the study, and the serene grace in the man’s eyes. Shen Xiqing’s heart fell into a profound silence.

She looked at him and nodded again.

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Author’s Note: She will come to understand him deeply.