PSE - 39

“Don’t explain anymore. The relationship is very significant. This is our collective child. Yours and mine.”

As he spoke, Jinzi put an arm around Director Zhao’s neck, pressing their heads together, crying and shouting: “And Director Zhao, although he usually seems like a fool, once he knew that Xiaoyu’s matter was related to the developer of the cultural town, he immediately helped me contact them.”

“All of you are my family. If it weren’t for you, I would have jumped out of the hospital window several times.”

“The hospital fees are so high, and now Xiaoyu is unemployed too. No company wants to hire a pregnant woman these days.”

“It’s so hard... Living is so hard... We just wanted to have a child.”

Jinzi, a strong man, suddenly cried like a three-year-old child. Xiaoyu, listening to his drunken rambling, initially giggled secretly because the windows in the hospital ward were very small, and Jinzi couldn’t possibly fit through them. But as she laughed, her eyes gradually reddened without her noticing.

Director Zhao didn’t want to get too close to Jin Zhenliang, thinking his face was oily and unhygienic. But after hearing about his intention to jump from the building, his attitude softened. He put an arm around Jinzi’s shoulder and patted it heavily: “Little Jin, I understand you. When I was young, I also wanted to die. After failing the civil service exam, I didn’t dare tell my family. I hid alone in an internet café to check my results. Seeing that I had failed made me feel exactly how you feel. Returning to my semi-basement rental, damn it, there was even a thief who stole the only 200 yuan I had for living expenses. I went home to ask for money to eat, and my father slapped me three times across the face.”

“He said he had never respected me. That all my education had gone to waste and that I should go back to farming.”

Probably recalling the taste of eating instant noodles, breaking them in half due to hunger in that rented room, Director Zhao began to sob into his hands after finishing his story.

“I am the only graduate student in my village. The burden on me is heavy.”

Ha Yue lowered her head, her ears filled with the cries of the two men.

She was somewhat drunk. Although the voices were very close, they reached her eardrums with a fuzzy sensation, as if through frosted glass. She didn’t notice anything wrong with what Jinzi said, nor did she understand why Xue Jing was eager to explain that he hadn’t done any good deeds.

Ha Yue lowered her eyelids, her perky nose tingling intermittently, her cheeks flushed red. For some reason, in her vision, she could see her own lashes, which had been invisible for over twenty years. Blinking again to dispel those tiny shadows, Ha Yue stared at the unfolded ultrasound report on the table with confusion and persistence, her delicate brows furrowed. After staring for a long time, she still couldn’t understand the patterns and white dots on it.

Looking back and forth, it was like trying to thread a needle but not being able to find the hole. She felt anxious.

So she turned her head, grabbed Xue Jing’s wrist, and asked him to look at it with her.

Her voice was puzzled and slurred: “Xue Jing, where is our collective child? Why does this paper keep moving? I can’t understand it.”

There wasn’t a breath of wind in the room, so the paper naturally wasn’t moving. What was swaying was Ha Yue’s shoulders and her neck, which kept drooping downward.

Fortunately, this wasn’t the first time Xue Jing had seen a fetal ultrasound. In his first year of graduate school, due to the needs of a character in his book, he had specifically paid a medical student to tutor him in medical imaging for two months on weekends.

Thus, with practiced ease, Xue Jing steadied Ha Yue’s body, interlaced his fingers with hers, and used his hand to guide her index finger onto the small black-and-white image, explaining it to her in detail.

“Here is the hand, here is the foot, and this round part is the head.”

“Do you see this glowing spot? It’s a strong echo from the baby’s heart position, but don’t worry; the test results still show everything is fine. More than 95% of these bright spots disappear by late pregnancy. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It seems their persistence was right. Luck does happen. The mistake was mine.”

“Wow.”

“How magical.”

“Healthy? That’s great, really great.”

As Xue Jing explained, Ha Yue’s frown relaxed, and she softly gasped, lifting the corners of her mouth. This was her first time seeing the form of a fetus. At fourteen weeks, the little thing already had complete fingers and toes.

She repeated “that’s great” many times because, besides that, there were no appropriate words to express her feelings.

It was unimaginable—Xiaoyu still looked like the same Xiaoyu from last year, but now her body contained two heartbeats. Considering all the suffering she had endured, now being able to conceive new life and fulfill her wish was like spring flowers blooming, giving her an inexplicable sense of emotion.

Moreover, as Jinzi put it, this child was “saved” by everyone together.

Opposite, Jinzi and Director Zhao were still hugging each other and crying. Jinzi talked about medical expenses and formula costs, while Director Zhao discussed the difficulties young people face in finding jobs and the invisible gender discrimination in the workplace. One spoke about everyday life, and the other about broader societal phenomena. They appeared to be chatting enthusiastically, but in fact, there was zero communication; they were each talking about their own topics.

Hearing them cry and shout, Ha Yue didn’t find it noisy. Instead, she felt an urgent impulse to join in.

After staring at the ultrasound report for a while, she suddenly looked up and asked Xiaoyu, “Xiaoyu, has the baby got a name yet?”

Xiaoyu nodded, shyly touching her belly: “When I was hospitalized, I either ate or slept every day. I researched online repeatedly for a long time. Finally, Jinzi and I decided to name the baby Jin Jingning. Whether it’s a boy or a girl, the name works.”

Although they didn’t know the baby’s appearance or personality yet, their only hope for the future was that the child would live a lifetime of peace and health.

This was their greatest wish at this stage.

“Jingning.”

Ha Yue gently chewed these two words between her teeth. Then, feeling a stir in her heart, she took advantage of her drunkenness to return the paper in her hand to Jinzi. With a thick tongue, she consoled him: “Jinzi, coincidentally, I’m planning to sell Chunni’s convenience store recently. Isn’t Xiaoyu having trouble finding a job? How about you take over the store?”

Xiaoyu couldn’t handle it alone, but Aunt Siqin could help. As for Jinzi, he could continue being a driver.

This way, the neighbor’s family would have an additional source of income. Although it wasn’t a fortune, raising a child in Suicheng should be more than enough. Over the years since she returned to Suicheng, Zhao Chunni had relied heavily on Aunt Siqin’s help; otherwise, she wouldn’t have made it this far.

She wanted to repay this kindness fully. Fortunately, there was a good opportunity now, and she couldn’t miss it.

“You don’t need to rush to pay me back. You can pay me back gradually as you earn. I might need your help with many things in the future.”

“For example, handling funerals or setting up new graves. Roughly calculating, the money I have should be enough. I don’t want to be criticized after death. I plan to leave cleanly without causing any unnecessary trouble for anyone.”

　　”What about you? What will you do after selling the convenience store, Sister? Won’t you need money to hire someone to take care of Aunt Zhao later?”

　　”Me?” Ha Yue paused for a few seconds. Initially, because Xue Jing was nearby, she found it difficult to speak. But soon, she thought that since she was going to die anyway, it didn’t matter if she told another lie. Thus, her face showed a calm and enlightened expression: “It’s okay. Next spring, I’ll take my mother away. You all know her condition is getting worse, and I might not be able to take care of her alone.”

　　Ha Yue’s words were full of ambiguous implications.

　　Xiaoyu’s eyes shifted between Ha Yue and Xue Jing, excitement outweighing concern, and she naturally expressed envy: “Sister, are you and Teacher Xue going back to Jicheng? It makes sense; the facilities in the nursing homes there must be better than here. Aunt Zhao will also enjoy life.”

　　”Mm.” This time, Ha Yue didn’t turn to look at Xue Jing’s reaction. She just smiled brightly and nodded vigorously, “Yes!”

　　”Good, good.”

　　”Sister, you must come back often and not forget about us.”

　　”Okay.”

　　Five minutes later, the urgently needing-to-pee Ha Yue was half-supported by Xue Jing up to the second floor.

　　The restroom on the first floor was too dirty and messy to use. After secretly settling the bill, Xue Jing specially informed the boss and took Ha Yue to the restroom on the second floor.

　　Using disinfectant wipes to clean his hands thoroughly, he borrowed a mop to clear the stains on the tiles. After Xue Jing had finished cleaning the restroom, he squeezed into the small stall with Ha Yue, preparing to help her with the next step.

　　But Ha Yue leaned against the partition with her eyes open. A few minutes ago, she looked at him with full trust and was very obedient. However, when he instructed her to hold his neck and bent down to pull out her shirttail, as soon as his fingers touched her belly swollen from alcohol, Ha Yue pulled his hair like an electric shock and awkwardly shouted, “I’m not drunk! Don’t touch me!”

　　”I can do it myself!”

　　With his hair pulled, Xue Jing had no choice but to give up helping her unbutton her pants. He kindly asked her to let go of his head first; though he had a lot of hair, it couldn’t withstand such pulling.

　　Ha Yue slowly considered and finally released him. Before Xue Jing could say anything more, she turned around and used her palm to push him out of the stall, quickly closing the door.

　　Xue Jing’s chest turned red from her palm strike, and his hair was disheveled. He found Ha Yue’s efforts to maintain dignity while drunk amusing. He casually combed his bangs with his fingers and reminded her several times outside the door to call him if she couldn’t stand up. Then, he turned around to wait in the corridor.

　　Downstairs, Jinzi and his wife were settling the bill and getting dressed, preparing to send the once-again fainted Director Zhao home. Since they assumed Ha Yue and Xue Jing were intimate lovers, their chatting voices were not guarded and drifted up the stairs to Xue Jing’s ears.

　　”Do you think Aunt Zhao’s illness can be cured in Jicheng? I heard Mom say that Alzheimer’s isn’t an incurable disease, right?”

　　Xue Jing’s eyebrows twitched, and he glanced toward the women’s restroom direction. Soon, Jinzi’s voice tinged with regret came into his ears again.

　　”Alas, it can’t be cured, but we can’t just let Aunt Zhao wait to die, right? This afternoon, Mom said she went to her house and saw a big hole in the window of Aunt Zhao’s room. All the mirrors were covered with newspapers, and the room was a mess. In this cold weather, who knows how they managed to get through this month.”

　　Xiaoyu sighed, but her tone was still hopeful, “Things will get better soon. Anyway, Teacher Xue has money and will surely take good care of them in Jicheng. Sister Ha Yue is lucky. Isn’t he her ex-boyfriend? Look at how close they were tonight. It’s not just some slight fondness; Teacher Xue likes her a lot, right?”

　　Jinzi pondered for a moment, touching his wife’s face as if regaining some sobriety amidst drunkenness, “But they’re not married. How long can this kind of help last based solely on affection? It’s not as simple as borrowing money for medical treatment.”

　　”Why worry so much? Isn’t this how ordinary people live? You help me, I help you, and we get through tough times. If we only worry about the future, how can we live? We’ll be consumed by worries.”

　　”Maybe they’ll get along well and get married? Stop worrying unnecessarily. Both of them are smarter than you.”