PSE - 46

Far away, as pandemic restrictions were gradually lifted, Jicheng, as a transportation hub, saw a sharp increase in infections due to its dense population. In Zhou Shuang’s office building, located outside the Fifth Ring Road, fifty percent of the staff were infected—let alone in the SOHO district where Ha Yue’s former boss worked.

Sun Qiming’s household was hit hard. Four elderly family members were successively infected, and after caring for them, both of his children fell ill as well. Hospitals couldn’t provide medication—all beds were occupied by infected patients. Pediatric fever reducers were being scalped at astronomical prices, and even common over-the-counter drugs like ibuprofen were completely sold out at pharmacies.

The day before, Sun Qiming’s two children had finally tested negative. But that morning, he spiked a fever of 39°C. Despite his insistence that his employees continue working while sick, they all went on strike, leaving him no choice but to go to the office himself. Before heading to work, without hesitation, he took the pediatric fever reducer his wife had prepared for the children, adjusting the dosage for adults.

When his wife woke up and discovered that their youngest daughter, who had previously recovered, was running a low-grade fever again, she searched frantically and found that the children’s medicine was gone. Furious, she confronted him in a heated argument.

That evening, when Sun Qiming returned home after finishing work, none of his employees answered their phones. Preparing to go on a business trip to personally oversee the order, he asked his wife to pack his suitcase.

His wife, who had just finished breastfeeding, had managed to beg half a bottle of expired infant ibuprofen suspension from a neighbor in their residential group chat. After feeding it to the children with a spoon, she herself was running a low-grade fever, suffering from severe body aches and difficulty breathing. In no condition to pack his underwear or socks, she kicked his suitcase aside and finally broke down, sitting on the floor, covering her face and sobbing.

Feverish and confused, her accusations were nonetheless clear: she blamed Sun Qiming for their family’s misfortune, saying they were cursed because of his immoral actions. What good were all the years of wealth he had accumulated as a boss if, in the end, they had to rely on the kindness of strangers for medicine? If everyone in the world were as heartless as Sun Qiming, she and her two children would have died long ago.

Not only did he exploit his employees mercilessly, but he also showed no regard for his own family. As parents, they should endure anything—even burning with fever—how could he take the children’s fever medicine during such a critical time?

Did a boss have no responsibility to care for his sick employees? Did he really think of himself as some modern-day version of Zhou Bapi, the infamous miser?

Ha Yue’s phone call that night exacerbated the conflict between them. Sun Qiming’s travel plans were completely disrupted. To appease his wife, he promised not to leave the house until the pandemic situation improved, ensuring he wouldn’t risk the family’s health. He also vowed to compensate the severance pay he owed his former employees.

But such a large order was hard to let go of. If there was any way, he didn’t want to abandon it. Even if it meant reducing profits, earning something was better than losing the client altogether. After three years of struggling to keep his business afloat, he had finally seen a glimmer of hope—his career couldn’t withstand another blow like this.

The next evening, lying in his study at home, Sun Qiming stared at the financial reports in his hand, gripping a cold cup of tea. After much deliberation, he finally removed Ha Yue’s number from his blacklist. Quickly organizing his thoughts on rehiring her, he cleared his throat and dialed her number.

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Meanwhile, after drinking three large cups of hot latte at Xue Jing’s house at noon, Ha Yue set off in the afternoon with her pigs in Xue Jing’s pickup truck.

Though she had felt nauseous that morning, after taking her medication and eating, she felt much better. The caffeine rush invigorated her, and her mood was surprisingly cheerful throughout the journey. After last night’s emotional release, she felt as if a hundred-pound burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

It turned out that sharing one’s pain and receiving kindness in return could be so empowering.

In fact, after her family fell apart, it wasn’t just the adults who suffered. When Ha Jianguo suddenly disappeared from their lives, the young Ha Yue had tried to seek comfort from her closest confidante—her mother, Zhao Chunni. But because her father’s infidelity had hurt her mother deeply, Ha Yue became a scapegoat for her father’s sins. Every time she mentioned Ha Jianguo, her mother responded with anger and sarcasm, crushing her attempts to find solace.

Over time, she developed a personality where she refrained from expressing her emotions to others.

The lesson she had internalized deeply was this: any display of emotion would not only fail to elicit sympathy but would also invite harsh criticism.

In this world, suffering is unwelcome. Everyone is quick to distance themselves from the weak and wounded.

Zhao Chunni hated her husband, so Ha Yue was expected to share that hatred. If she didn’t, she was labeled as “willingly degrading herself.”

Now, peeling back the layers of confusion clouding her mind, she reflected on the years that had passed. In truth, she had been like a blind person groping at an elephant, always searching for the key to appearing fortunate and normal.

How to be a filial daughter to her mother, how to be the perfect girlfriend to her first love, how to be an outstanding employee to her boss, and how to be a woman worthy of respect in the eyes of others—someone who always faced adversity with correctness.

But in reality, this so-called correctness and validation were nothing more than brainwashing born out of constant denial.

It was like a cult: you deny my pain, I nod along as if agreeing, and then I go on to deny someone else’s pain. Communication becomes futile, and the wounds of suppressed emotions can never heal.

The consequence of long-term emotional suppression was emotional mutation—collective sorrow magnified infinitely, inevitably leading to irreversible outcomes.

Repressing pain also meant losing joy.

And now, the tool she could think of to combat the quagmire within her heart was to acknowledge her true feelings. Even though her father abandoned his wife and child, she still had the right to cherish the memories of her childhood spent with him. Even though her mother chose her after the divorce, she still had the right to resent her mother’s decade-long resentment toward her.

She felt annoyance, exhaustion, frustration, and loss amid her suffering. Stripping away all the roles life had imposed on her, she was first and foremost a living, breathing individual. Complex emotions intertwined, never reducible to simple binary opposites.

By now, her feelings of love and hate for her parents had faded into an invisible line—a line too faint to sustain her will to live. To truly live, to survive, she had to look inward for possibilities.

She needed to find something she was passionate about, no matter how shallow, utilitarian, or worldly it might be. She needed a chance to shine on her own terms, even if it was just for herself.

In that possibility, there would be no one else—only her.

She had to first stand firm on her own before she could withstand the waves life threw at her.

This was her genuine emotion: unfilial, unkind, incorrect—perhaps deserving of criticism—but profoundly sincere. And in this world, there really was someone else who could listen to Ha Yue’s feelings, just as she had listened to Xue Jing’s.

When clarity struck, it was like a person parched for days suddenly digging a well in the desert with their bare hands.

On the way there, they brought the pigs with them; on the way back, the truck bed was empty.

On the road to the veterinarian’s, Ha Yue scrolled through her phone and changed her mind. She redirected Xue Jing to a nearby small-scale pig farm run by local farmers, where she sold the pigs at a low price.

Relieving herself of the unbearable burden against her mother’s will was the first step. Next, with just a few messages, she finalized the care details with the caregiver who had initially demanded 6,000 yuan, inviting her to come for an interview the next day with a health certificate.

It didn’t matter that she didn’t have enough money to hire the caregiver long-term. At this stage, she had no other path but to take a gamble for herself.

Her mental state couldn’t handle the round-the-clock care her sick mother required. Even though Zhao Chunni repeatedly emphasized “filial piety” as taking medication quietly and obediently, that wasn’t fair to either of them.

If there was a way to survive, no one should be crushed under the weight of societal expectations.

Once she realized this, facing the unknowns of life ahead made her heart race with excitement, much like the unique nervousness she felt before every debate competition in school. After resolving the issue with the pigs, Ha Yue couldn’t wait to get home to use Wi-Fi. On the way back, she used her phone data to reinstall all the apps she had used when starting her business.

When she had built her company’s website, she rented the domain name with a “buy two, get one free” deal. Being fond of bargains, she impulsively paid for three years, thinking she’d give it a try. With practiced ease, she typed the URL she thought she had forgotten but actually remembered perfectly into her phone’s browser.

As her finger tapped to load the page, the website was still active. Just as the images refreshed, it was as if a deity had intervened—she received Sun Qiming’s call, filled with calculated negotiation.

There’s an old saying in the foreign trade industry: even dogs won’t do factory follow-ups. From shipping documents to product statistics, everything has to be meticulously handled. Add in quality control, and the process becomes even more complicated. Salespeople who thrive on commissions in the field would never take on the tedious and exhausting role of a follow-up coordinator. Especially since Sun Qiming’s auto parts supplier was located in Suicheng’s heavy industrial zone, where factories stretched endlessly, the air was heavily polluted, and the sky was perpetually shrouded in a layer of ash from burning waste. Management was chaotic, and coordinating orders was no easy task.

So, when Sun Qiming cautiously dangled the bait of the auto parts order and mentioned his intention to rehire her, Ha Yue raised an eyebrow at Xue Jing and silently snorted.

Putting the call on speakerphone, Sun Qiming, who had been sharp-tongued just the day before, now spoke with feigned righteousness.

He said he had learned last night that Ha Yue wasn’t doing well at home. To make up for the mistake of dismissing her, he decided to rehire her as the company’s chief follow-up coordinator.

For this order, he would exceptionally increase her commission by eight percentage points. If she completed this order successfully, he would arrange for her to be transferred back to Jicheng, providing housing and transportation.

As the evening sun cast long shadows of the car behind them, the roadsides were lined with endless snow. Due to the reflection from the car windows, from Xue Jing’s angle, Ha Yue’s profile was bathed in a soft glow. Even when she was up to mischief, her every expression carried a hint of charm.

Ha Yue pretended to ponder for a moment, wrinkling her nose before delivering a crisp and decisive rejection.

“No need for follow-up work. Just transfer the severance pay to me. The first lesson you taught me during my internship was to keep my mouth shut to prevent clients from being poached. It seems I forgot to tell you yesterday, after leaving the company, I started my own business. Besides, the industrial park you mentioned isn’t far from my house. I plan to visit and source supplies myself.”

“The client you mentioned? I know them well too—it was me who negotiated that deal during my business trip to Europe.”

“Oh, Mr. Sun, let me give you my bank account number. It starts with 63...”

The call abruptly ended, and Ha Yue made a face at the now-blackened phone screen.

Xue Jing held her fingers in his right hand, not showing any sense of justice but instead grinning widely: “Well done, President Ha! So you’re really going to snatch the client?”

“Sure thing. Now I see why you’ve got the makings of a true leader. Maybe I should stop writing books and just handle logistics for you at home.” Behind every successful woman is an unsung man, and he thought he’d be perfect for cooking and cleaning.

With him as such a decorative vase around the house, it would surely be a pleasant sight.

“Nah, no need to go that far. In our line of work, we always leave room for future encounters.”

Ha Yue squeezed his hand back, tracing circles on his palm with her fingertips. Her voice was bright and clear: “It’s just infuriating how he still thinks I’m naive enough to fall for this. Of course, I can do the follow-up work if I want to, but the question is—who’s desperate here? He’s only reaching out because he has no trusted people left to handle it himself. So, this isn’t about me working for him—it’s about cooperation. As for profit-sharing, I won’t ask for much. A 40-60 split will do—me taking 40%, him 60%. The extra goes to you as a token of respect. Fair enough, right?”