Psst! We're moving!
When You Lift Your Head
It had been hectic since the beginning of the month.
As expected, the issues from last month had been delayed due to shipping problems. Because of that, Jae-hee had been glued to her phone from the morning, desperately trying to resolve things.
“Yes, I’ve already informed the product team about that. Yes, yes. Ah… I’m so sorry, what should I do? …Yes, I know, I understand that it’s uncomfortable to proceed so urgently like this, but… if you could just help us this time…”
Jae-hee rubbed her temples in frustration as she spoke.
Most large companies were in the dominant position, but occasionally, they found themselves in situations where they were at the mercy of others. Sometimes it was because of deadlines that forced them to pressure factories, or urgent issues that required hasty schedule adjustments. This was exactly one of those times.
She matched the tone of the external contractor’s annoyed voice while standing awkwardly to answer the phone.
The marketing team members glanced at her, exchanging looks as they observed her expression. Did the person on the other end of the call know that their marketing staff, who was humoring their irritable tone, was the fiancée of Cha Kang-joo, the heir of Seongang Group? If they did, they wouldn’t be speaking like that…
A month ago, Jae-hee had returned to the marketing team. Originally, she was supposed to return after a year, but she had come back a little over half a year later. The team members, who hadn’t expected her return at all, were genuinely surprised and held a welcome party for her.
They had thought she would be living a life of luxury as the fiancée of the executive, enjoying her freedom. They had even joked lightly, asking if she was planning to spend her life with the company after all.
The reason she was able to return sooner than expected was due to Younghyun’s encouragement. She had told Jae-hee that everything was fine now, and she should come back soon. Younghyun even visited her accommodation personally and invited her to return to Korea with her.
Jae-hee wondered if Younghyun had somehow found out that she and Kang-joo had been meeting. Was she going to say that the contract was void? Feeling uneasy, Jae-hee bit her lip, but Younghyun smiled at her gently.
“When you get back to Korea, let’s start preparing for the wedding. Since we’re doing it, it might as well be early. And if possible, I hope we can see grandchildren soon. It’s up to you two, of course, but that’s how I feel.”
It was a sudden and overwhelming permission for marriage. Less than a year had passed, and she was even being welcomed back with open arms.
Jae-hee, confused and not knowing the reason, nodded absentmindedly, her face breaking into an uncontrollable smile.
From then on, everything proceeded smoothly. After returning to Korea, Jae-hee rejoined the company and, in between work, also began preparing for the wedding.
In fact, there wasn’t much for Jae-hee to prepare. Kang-joo’s side wasn’t asking for any dowry, and there was no particular need to arrange for a wedding hall or other minor details. Before she knew it, everything was falling into place, and the wedding day was quickly approaching.
It didn’t seem like much had changed, but when she thought about it, a lot had actually changed.
On weekends, she would casually visit Kang-joo’s family home with Hyojeong, and sometimes they would visit Younghyun’s art gallery.
Younghyun had been unexpectedly kind every time they met, so much so that Jae-hee was surprised. As a future mother-in-law, once she was sure of someone, she seemed to shower them with everything. She wasn’t easy to approach at first, but once she got close, she broke down all barriers.
It was tiring to say it again, but in that way, Younghyun was very much like Kang-joo. That was why Jae-hee liked her future mother-in-law so much.
Jae-hee held Hyojeong’s hand as they entered the hospital room at the end of the corridor. As soon as the door opened, a fragrant scent filled the air. The scent of fresh flowers in vases by the window was carried in by the breeze.
“Mom, we’re here.”
Jae-hee pulled back the curtains and opened the window. Hyojeong, watching Jae-hee tidying up the room, took her mother’s hand.
“Mom, do you know? Unnie is getting married.”
“I already told you about that last time, didn’t I?”
Jae-hee playfully replied as she wiped down the window sill. Hyojeong pouted, then patted her mother’s hand again as she continued.
“Mom’s future husband is really handsome, right? He’s rich too. You probably know, don’t you? It’s Kang-joo oppa. Unnie is marrying him. Isn’t that amazing?”
“Mom already knows. She’s met Kang-joo a few times. She’s already done the first greeting with him.”
Jae-hee laughed teasingly as she pressed the speaker button to play some music.
“Ah, Unnie—!”
Hyojeong grabbed her mother’s hand tightly and turned her head to glare at Jae-hee. Because of that, neither of them noticed the slight twitch in their mother’s eyes for a brief moment. Hyojeong, distracted by Jae-hee, continued to run her fingers through her mother’s hair and spoke again.
“Cha Byeongjun, that bastard, got what he deserved. Everyone knows Mom is innocent. They say if you’re wronged, you’ll rise from the afterlife, but our mom is so kind, she just lies here…,”
At those words, Jae-hee didn’t respond with any more jokes. She quietly stepped behind Hyojeong and placed her hand over her mother’s, aligning her hand with her mother’s hand on the back of Hyojeong’s. The warmth of the three of them stacked together. Jae-hee gently whispered as she held both of their hands at once.
“Mom, the only thing left is for you to wake up. You know that, right?”
“……”
“Mom’s two beautiful daughters will wait.”
Towards a mother who couldn’t answer, Jae-hee softly released a long-held wish.
She wished her mother would wake up. She wanted her to smile brightly at seeing both grown-up Hyojeong and herself.
Someday, she hoped they would be able to hug each other and be happy together… she truly hoped for that.
And three months later, when Hyojeong and Jae-hee saw their mother’s finger move, they screamed in joy.
Late at night. Jae-hee and Kang-joo had spread travel brochures out on the terrace table. While Kang-joo’s side was handling all the wedding preparations, Jae-hee wanted to choose their travel destination herself.
Except for the trip to France, which was almost forced upon her by Younghyun, Jae-hee had never traveled abroad. She hadn’t even gone on a simple trip to Jeju Island. It was a natural consequence of her impoverished life.
Maybe that’s why, when she thought about taking her first proper trip with Kang-joo, she couldn’t contain her excitement. Jae-hee looked up and asked the person across from her.
“Kang-joo, where would you like to go?”
The cool evening breeze gently lifted Kang-joo’s neatly combed hair. He brushed his bangs aside and answered.
“A beach resort. A private resort on a secluded island where no one else is around.”
Jae-hee had expected him to give an answer like, “Anywhere that’s good for you, Jae-hee,” but instead, he gave a surprisingly firm destination. Jae-hee skimmed the contents of the travel brochure and asked.
“Do you like the beach? Is it because you grew up in Jeju Island?”
Jae-hee nodded, knowing Kang-joo had grown up in Jeju. Kang-joo shook his head easily.
“Not really, I prefer lakes.”
“Then why the beach?”
“Because the beach offers better privacy than a lake.”
“Privacy?”
Jae-hee lowered the book she had been holding and repeated his words. Kang-joo, resting his chin in his hand, raised the corner of his mouth with a mischievous grin.
“Because we’re going to do it a lot, frequently, until you’re so exhausted you can’t go anymore. Whether inside or outside, it’s important to have privacy for that, don’t you think?”
“……”
A red heat began to spread slowly from the back of Jae-hee’s neck. She lifted the book quickly to cover her reddened face.
“Wasn’t it always like that, doing it until we couldn’t anymore? Every time...”
She muttered awkwardly, trying to hide her embarrassment. Now that she thought about it, it was true. She was always the one to fall asleep first, and it was always Kang-joo who overflowed with energy. Even now, she didn’t know what more could be done about it...
She always felt like his stamina was too good, and his skills were excessively good. She wanted him to stop already… but then, she would crumble under the pleasure he gave and end up clinging to him again.
‘…How many people must he have been with to be like that...?’
For some reason, she felt a little frustrated. She wasn’t planning to dig up old pasts to get angry, but she couldn’t help but feel a bit wronged. After all, Kang-joo was the first for her. He had perfected his skills all on his own.
Jae-hee mumbled to herself, running her fingers over the words in the book that no longer seemed to make sense.
“Now that I think about it, it’s a little unfair. Kang-joo is so good at everything... and I’m the one who’s his first. But he’s already way ahead, so it’s hard to keep up with him…”
At that moment, the book that had been raised in front of Jae-hee was slowly lowered. Kang-joo’s hand had taken hold of the book and lowered it. After removing the book from in front of her face, Kang-joo stared intently at Jae-hee.
His face seemed to be struggling to make sense of what Jae-hee had just said, as though he was trying to figure something out in his mind.
“Your first…?”
He slowly repeated what Jae-hee had just said. Jae-hee nodded nonchalantly.
“Yes.”
“So… you’re saying our relationship is your first?”
“That’s right, so what?”
What’s so strange about it? Jae-hee asked again with an innocent expression. Kang-joo, on the other hand, appeared flustered, rubbing his forehead slowly. He hadn’t expected that he would be her first experience.
She must have had a boyfriend before. She wasn’t some 18-year-old teenager—she was already well into adulthood, after all…
Kang-joo suddenly recalled the first night he spent with Jae-hee.
Come to think of it, it wasn’t a particularly sweet night.
He had been overly agitated, feeling insecure about Jae-hee’s ex-boyfriend, Jeong Mincheol, and halfway mad with the thought that he could hold her in his arms. And when he finally saw her naked, he became intoxicated with excitement as though under the influence of drugs. The primal impulses and intense desires had consumed him, and the sensations were still vivid in his mind.
Because of that, he hadn’t been considerate.
He had forcefully held her struggling body down, roughly tearing through her delicate petals, and painfully pried open her resistance, forcing himself inside. He remembered squeezing so tightly that it hurt, as though her walls were trying to reject him.
In the end, there had even been blood...
“……”
Kang-joo wiped his face with a look full of self-loathing. A dry sigh slipped through his fingers.
“I’m sorry, Jae-hee. If I had known earlier, I wouldn’t have…”
Kang-joo usually didn’t make vague, unfinished statements, but now, he couldn’t bring himself to say more.
If he had known beforehand, he wouldn’t have taken her first time in such a violent manner. He would have opened it gently, holding her with tenderness. He would have become one with her kindly, with fear and anxiety in his heart.
But Jae-hee didn’t seem to care about Kang-joo’s guilt.
“What do you mean, sorry? What’s there to be sorry about? I didn’t even say anything. It was a little embarrassing that I hadn’t done it by this age… and I never had the chance to talk about it.”
She said nonchalantly, smiling faintly.
Kang-joo gazed at her for a while, then smiled wryly, his face filled with a look of defeat. After that, he whispered something Jae-hee never could have expected.
“I was a virgin too.”
“Pardon?”
“I was a virgin, too.”
“……”
Jae-hee blinked slowly, unable to properly process his words. Her eyelids moved as she tried to make sense of what he had said.
He was a virgin?
...Does that mean Kang-joo had never been with anyone else?
Oh my! That’s when reality hit her. How could that even be possible? With his background, that face, and that body?
The book she had been holding crumpled in her hands.
“You were a virgin? Really?”
Instead of answering, Kang-joo nodded.
“Someone who’s a virgin... can do all that so well?”
Jae-hee shouted in disbelief. Kang-joo crossed his arms, regaining his composure, and smiled at her.
“Jae-hee, my boyfriend does everything well. Studies, work, and sex.”
“......”
“It’s just innate.”
It was a brazen statement, ridiculously shameless. But Jae-hee couldn’t even refute it. Because those words were painfully true. In his school days, he was definitely good at studying. His abilities in handling the 상무 (Managing Director)’s work were also worthy of praise. His nighttime activities were also unparalleled.
For some reason, she felt irritated. Not wanting to lose, Jae-hee hit the table with a bang and spoke challengingly.
“As for me, my first kiss was also with Kang-joo-ssi.”
It was right to say that he was both her first and last. Because she had never done it with anyone else. It seemed she would win this time. Even if the man in front of her had somehow lived a celibate life, he must have at least experienced kissing. She had secretly watched him, always surrounded by female students.
Kang-joo’s smile became even more relaxed.
“Me too.”
At that point, Jae-hee was truly dumbfounded.
“…How… How can that be…?”
Jae-hee stammered in a deeply dejected voice. How could this be? This was truly not a possible thing. It was right to say that it was logically impossible.
To Jae-hee’s question of how that could be, Kang-joo answered quite seriously.
“It doesn’t stand up for anyone but Jae-hee. A friend of mine once asked if I was impotent, so I thought about it for a moment.”
Ji-hyuk, the managing director of OU Entertainment and Kang-joo’s friend, would occasionally say. That he should probably go to the hospital soon.
Because his business field was in entertainment, Ji-hyuk was always surrounded by beautiful women. Because of that, he was always concerned about Kang-joo, who was always alone, and tried hard to push him towards them. But Kang-joo showed consistent indifference even when looking at the radiant women before him.
He had even gotten genuinely annoyed once. Telling him not to come to appointments with other people. While other people were even buying him drinks asking him to please introduce them to someone.
Seeing Kang-joo act as if he had no middle part, Ji-hyuk had once asked seriously.
‘Are you really impotent…?’
Of course, Kang-joo hadn’t even worried about it.
‘Well, I guess I could be.’
He had accepted it nonchalantly and hadn’t paid any attention to it.
He had only shaken his head as if he had no interest towards Ji-hyuk who was raising his voice saying that it wasn’t an incurable disease and that early treatment was important for erectile dysfunction.
Kang-joo really had no interest in the opposite sex. He felt a slight discomfort even just imagining touching lips, let alone having a relationship. It wasn’t to the point of disgust, but he had decided that there was no need to deliberately challenge something that would clearly not be enjoyable.
The only one he had desired was Yoon Jae-hee. The only one he had ever been anxiously restless for was always only Yoon Jae-hee.
It was an emotion like a chick being imprinted on its mother after breaking out of its egg. The place where his heart went, the place where his gaze reached was always her.
It was a natural thing because only Jae-hee was his life, his purpose, and his direction.
He didn’t even know when it started.
He had felt lust for the pure Jae-hee who smiled at him, calling him “Kang-joo oppa.” He wanted to suck on her red lips wildly, forcefully push his tongue in, and stir inside her. He wanted to put his hand under her clothes and touch her white and soft skin.
The desire to strip her completely naked and pour himself fully inside her burned his body.
But at the same time, he also felt like it would be enough to just hold her. That it would be good to just feel her small warmth while holding her tightly.
If only she would stay by his side, in any way.
There was certainly no problem with his sexual function. If there was a problem, he couldn’t have become so excited just by thinking of Jae-hee’s smiling face. He wanted to cherish and embrace her as the most precious thing in the world, but he also wanted to push her roughly and make her cry.
All his desires were directed only at her, so there was no way his eyes would turn to anyone else.
He had masturbated a lot while imagining Jae-hee, but he had never done it with another person in mind. Kang-joo could never reveal such darkness to Jae-hee, so he only showed her a nonchalant smile. He hoped that this dark inner self would not be seen in her eyes. That she would never know.
Meanwhile, Jae-hee, looking at Kang-joo who was smiling brightly at her, thought.
How could he have been so confident until the first kiss? No matter how much she thought about it, it didn’t make sense.
“So, Kang-joo, was your first kiss in high school too?”
“In high school?”
His smile faded for a moment.
“Yes, our first kiss was in high school… in that room…”
Jae-hee awkwardly fanned her face with her hand, feeling a strange tightness in her chest. The idea of a first kiss seemed like something that could make her heart flutter just by imagining it.
Kang-joo’s eyes narrowed, and he had a look of suspicion.
“We had our first kiss in a hotel. Who did you kiss in high school?”
“With that jerk, Cha Kang-joo.”
“……”
Kang-joo’s expression became even more ambiguous.
No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn’t remember anything. If it had been with her, he surely wouldn’t have forgotten. He was the kind of person who remembered the color of the pencil case she used to carry around in high school—a teal cloth pencil case with a gray zipper and a pink logo sticking out at the end.
Kang-joo stared at Jae-hee with a troubled look. As long as no one had hit him on the back of the head and wiped his memory, it was impossible for him to forget his first kiss with her.
Jae-hee bit her lip and gave an awkward smile. Was it possible that he had forgotten because it had been so long ago? Cautiously, she decided to explain to him.
“When you were sick... I brought you some medicine... and then... I kissed you while you were sleeping...”
Jae-hee’s ears quickly turned red. Even though it was a past event, her actions felt incredibly shameless. Trying to kiss someone while they were asleep—wasn’t that borderline sexual harassment?
“And then, while you were half asleep, you held me... You really don’t remember?”
Jae-hee looked at Kang-joo, who still had a stiff expression. She could see his eyes wavering as if something was flickering in his mind.
After a moment, his face slowly dropped. He crossed his arms and looked downward, shaking his head slowly.
“Ha...”
A bitter laugh escaped from him. Jae-hee became uneasy, looking at his face, wondering if he was upset.
Kang-joo continued to look down, mumbling to himself.
“That wasn’t a dream. That... wasn’t a dream.”
Another bitter laugh came from him. Kang-joo chuckled to himself, then slowly lifted his head. There was a look of disbelief on his face, but his smile hadn’t quite faded.
“Why did I kiss you back then?”
“Because I liked you.”
Jae-hee answered without hesitation, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Her response felt so straightforward that she felt a little embarrassed. What was she saying? She had exposed her feelings so easily. Was he just trying to get a confession out of her with his sly questioning?
Her heart suddenly began to race. Even though they had already done everything, it still felt as though she was facing Kang-joo from back then, and her heart fluttered as if she were meeting her first love again.
It felt like meeting the Kang-joo from long ago—the one she couldn’t look at, the one she couldn’t want.
Kang-joo’s expression softened as if he couldn’t quite believe what she had said. He even furrowed his brows, as if he didn’t quite understand her words.
“You liked me? You? Me?”
Jae-hee slowly nodded her head. She looked up at him, her expression full of surprise. His eyes only reflected genuine disbelief, and Jae-hee felt more confused than ever.
Why was he asking? Didn’t he already know? He was the one who had set up walls between them, distancing himself and then leaving without a word.
“You liked me? Why?”
Seeing him keep asking the same question, Jae-hee fiddled with her ear nervously. Kang-joo seemed different today—something was off. What should she say when he kept asking why she liked him?
“Because... I’ve liked you since I was young. You were my first love... If I had to give a reason... Hmm... How should I put it... I think I liked you because you were handsome... No, it’s not that I’m someone who really focuses on looks... it’s just that you were exactly my type...”
Embarrassed, Jae-hee scratched the bridge of her nose, but Kang-joo suddenly grabbed her hand strongly. After firmly holding her hand, he brought his face closer and asked again.
“You said I was scary. You said I was scary. You said you didn’t like me.”
“What are you talking about? Your eyes are scarier right now.”
Jae-hee smiled lightly and tapped Kang-joo’s hand with just her fingertips. His hand gripped hers so tightly that only the top of her fingers could move slightly.
“Before I left for America, you said it. You said I was scary.”
Jae-hee quietly scanned him, her eyes searching his face as she remembered that moment. She tried to recall it, but no matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t remember ever telling him that he was scary. She tilted her head slightly.
“When did I ever say you were scary, Kang-joo? The only thing that scared me was when you got into trouble with the chairman because of that violence incident. That was really scary.”
“…….”
Kang-joo’s eyes slowly contorted. He stared at her without saying a word, his gaze intense and full of something unspoken. He tried to say something with his eyes but stopped, eventually lowering his head and clenching his teeth.
Jae-hee’s hand gently touched his cheek.
“Kang-joo?”
“…….”
“Are you okay?”
Jae-hee’s hand rubbed his smooth cheek, and her eyes looked closely at his face, trying to read the hidden emotions beneath his expression.
Kang-joo slowly leaned his forehead against her shoulder. The mix of frustration, despair, and regret was overflowing, almost too much to bear.
You foolish idiot. You stupid jerk. The words he directed at himself churned inside him, gnawing at him. If only he had known sooner. If only he had known earlier.
Kang-joo reached out and pulled Jae-hee into his arms, holding her so tightly that it was hard to breathe. He clutched her, burying his face in the back of her neck, as if holding on for dear life.
“Jae-hee.”
“Yes.”
“Jae-hee...”
“Yes, I’m here.”
Jae-hee ran her fingers through his hair.
When she felt his touch, Kang-joo finally exhaled a long breath. Despite the unexpected embrace, Jae-hee gently patted him as if comforting a child. She could feel his lips pressing against the back of her neck, and though it tickled, she continued to stroke his back.
Perhaps it was because of the trauma. Sometimes, when he clung to her like this, holding her tight, calling her name again and again, pulling her close with trembling hands, as if trying to suffocate her with the strength of his embrace.
During those times, she knew all she had to do was wait.
When he called her name like this, “Jae-hee,” it was enough to let him know she was there. She was right in front of him, reassuring him. Then, just as now, Kang-joo would finally relax, his tension easing.
“Jae-hee.”
“Yes.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Jae-hee answered, her hands tightening on his back, almost playfully, making the response ticklish.
His whispered words scattered softly over her neck.
“From the moment I first saw you, it’s always been only you. I’ve always...”
He swallowed his words and rubbed his cheek against Jae-hee’s. Every time their skin touched, a warm fragrance rose, filling his heart with a swell of emotion. Her unique scent calmed his anxiety and filled his heart with peace.
Sweet and fragrant, Kang-joo lightly kissed her skin. A violent impulse rose within him, wanting to bite her deeply, devour all of her and pull her into himself. But he restrained himself, pressing only a gentle kiss to her.
His life had always been covered by shadows. He had been afraid, terrified that being with Jae-hee would make her as dark as him. It had felt as though there was nothing but pitch-black darkness, with nothing visible.
Then, he lifted his head, following the shadow. At the end of it, there was Jae-hee. She was the only one standing at the point where the light began, reaching out her hand to him. She had pulled him out of the mud, guiding him toward the bright light.
She was my light. My Jae-hee.
“Jae-hee.” His quiet voice touched her ear. Jae-hee stopped patting him, and for some reason, her heart tightened.
“You’ve always been there. At the end and the beginning... It was always only you.”
It was a deep and profound confession. His voice was so heavy, as if it had barely dragged itself out, like scraping the bottom of an abyss.
The silent moonlight flowed through the dark clouds, spreading like a still night. He was silent. Jae-hee quietly pulled Kang-joo into her arms, brushing his back gently, leaning her body against his. Their warmth, pressed so closely together, slowly spread like ice flowers melting.
She couldn’t bear the tenderness of this great man. His confession that she was the only one for him made her want to cry with love.
The time they would spend together would continue. They would hold hands and walk the same path. Knowing that, a deep, full happiness seemed to seep into every corner of her body.
“I’ve always been only yours, Kang-joo.”
At Jae-hee’s calm confession, Kang-joo clenched his fist tightly. His fingertips tingled. His heart was pounding so fiercely that it hurt. He wrapped his arms around Jae-hee, pulling her close, as if desperately holding onto a lover he had waited years to find.
Feeling her in his arms, a sense of relief washed over him.
Kang-joo closed his eyes. After many misunderstandings and long years, he had finally earned her heart. He treasured the heart he had finally held onto, protecting it in his chest.
Even the sound of the wind brushing through the leaves felt warm. He wanted to hold her forever, just like this.
It was complete happiness.