Chapter 91

A man who can calmly feel jealous is capable of creating the most absurd flower meanings.

Jacqueline suddenly stopped him: “Going to propose?”

“Yeah.” Huang Wendai looked at himself in the mirror through his phone: “Anything you want me to do? Or should I stop?”

“You’re joking.” Jacqueline turned back to her office with a blank expression: “Good luck.”

She returned to her office, turned the floor lamp on and off, and stared at the cord for a long time.

Gu Yi had a meeting at the company, but couldn’t help asking other actors about signing contracts. Becoming a signed actor would allow her to perform at the theater’s opening, and a few days ago, Yu Dule had performed. She deliberately bought a front-row ticket. The man dressed like a rapper, with naturally curly hair forming two small hooks on his forehead, looking both stylish and hilariously funny. Most importantly, he stole her mom’s jokes, starting with: “My friend’s mom...”

Jealousy makes people ugly.

Regarding the signing, the company’s reply was: there were too many signed actors, so focus on doing your main job first. Gu Yi slapped her thigh and sighed in frustration: it’s because I do my main job too seriously that you refuse to give me the chance to sign, if I had known, I would’ve slacked off!

Yu Dule laughed at her in the messages: “I told you to come earlier, devote yourself to Yizhou. Now that the variety show is over, everything’s on the rise.”

A person can only have one prominent specialty, after all. The public account grows followers daily in multiples, and more and more people are joining the open mic at Antelope. Gu Yi is so busy that it’s hard for her to even leave work on time, let alone get on stage. And just when she was feeling frustrated about not being able to sign a contract, a big incident happened at the company—a champion actor was arrested by the police for drug use. The company’s atmosphere became heavy, and the matter was avoided and not discussed. It was on the trending topics for several days, and there were more abusive comments in the backend. The mood of the interns dropped, and one of them, after half a month, submitted their resignation.

For people in the media industry, handling negative information is nothing unusual, but for a new industry that has just gained public attention, where standards have yet to be established, such turmoil is indeed unsettling.

During a brief break, Gu Yi played basketball with her colleagues in the yard. After dribbling the ball back and forth a few times, a male colleague passed it to her, but when she lifted her head, she got hit and saw stars. Standing in the hot sun, her face was burning, and her eyes were watery. One of her colleagues said, “You’re like Xu Guanrui. A few days ago, he came to the company to play, and while making a layup, he got distracted and fell, had to go to the hospital and get a cast. His hand got messed up, poor guy.”

Gu Yi froze for a moment: “You know Xu Guanrui?”

“Of course, we know him. His company handles all our performances. The comedy venue that’s about to open is also being set up with his help.”

“I thought he was traveling around the country.”

“A workaholic, he can’t stay idle for long. It’s kind of sad. He went to the hospital by himself and had the cast around his neck. Now he’s helping Antelope find a new venue. The company wants to set up a new theater and start selling tickets...”

If she heard correctly, Xu Guanrui had returned to Shanghai after months of working away. Recently, he was hanging around Antelope. She was scheduled to shoot a video for an actor that night and decided to take a chance.

After all, when she heard about him going to the hospital alone, she immediately realized that Xu Guanrui had no friends anymore.

Xu Guanrui sat in Antelope, his hair still loose, romantic and lazy, but his expression extremely focused, not allowing anyone to disturb him. The performance on stage had reached the last act, and he hid at a small table in the hallway, discussing the venue with someone. After listening for a while, Xu Guanrui insisted that the theater should be located in a commercial district, preferably a place with a lot of young people and a shopping atmosphere, with a good bookstore nearby; it should also have a space for selling merchandise, as products would eventually be launched—after all, the company had jokes submitted through the public account, and all content rights belonged to the company... Though currently a one-armed man, he shook his head as he held the pen: “Originally, you were a very commercial company. There’s no need to make the theater into high art. The positioning needs to be upscale, and it should focus on urban comedy. Isn’t that right?”

Gu Yi sat beside him listening. Xu Guanrui had been keeping an eye on her work. The Antelope performance was already over, and the venue was almost empty, just the two of them left. Xu Guanrui finally spoke: “I’ve already seen you. Couldn’t get away. Are you performing today? I didn’t see it.”

“I came to listen to some jokes.” Gu Yi didn’t want to admit that she specifically came to find him. The flirtatious vibe didn’t fade; Xu Guanrui always exuded the aura of a rose knight when he saw a girl.

“How’s Liang Daiwen?”

“Mm. Still sticking to barrier-free design, recently really into researching visual capture technology, now he doesn’t even see me anymore. What about you?”

“Same old. I went out for two months, then got a call from my dad. He’s still drifting around looking for the women he once loved. For a moment, I felt disgusted, realizing that I must have inherited the same trait of being a romantic. I can’t do it, I need to come back and get something done.”

She laughed, “It seems like you’re not into women anymore. I heard from colleagues that you go to the hospital alone now. In the past, girls would definitely come to find you.”

“Tired of it—rose knights get tired too.” Xu Guanrui scratched his nose with the bandage, as if trying to relieve an itch. “I don’t write music reviews anymore, so I don’t need love as inspiration.”

They shared an unspoken laugh. Then, they discussed the news about the comedian being arrested for drug use. Xu Guanrui said bluntly, “Stand-up comedy is now included in the Music Association, so it’s considered a form of traditional art. But your company’s stand-up comedians are all too star-like, and the variety shows mocking celebrities are also in collaboration with entertainers. In the era of mass idol worship, once the word ‘drug use’ comes up, it gives the impression that there needs to be restrictions. In such a young industry, if a few more people commit crimes, it could stir public anger and completely erase the progress made.”

“I’m afraid this industry will sink again like it did before.”

Xu Guanrui smiled: “That won’t happen. Your boss is working so hard on variety shows, and young people are flocking to it. He won’t let this issue damage the stand-up comedy scene.”

Xu Guanrui, not being part of the industry, judged everything coolly. But there was a bit of pity in him, probably because the woman he once liked did stand-up. He always spoke brutally. The gentle moments of the past were just attached care from liking her; being overly meticulous had only distorted the meaning. Now, his cast and bandages gave him an odd kind of elegant aura—still charming but much lazier. He continued to show basic gentlemanly behavior towards Gu Yi, even using his shoulder to hold the door open with one hand.

When leaving Antelope after work, Xu Guanrui suddenly said, “I have fireworks sticks in my bag. Want to go set them off secretly?”

“Xu Guanrui, are you a wholesaler? How do you always have these?”

“This bag is from last year. I decided to carry it today, and then I ran into you. It’s not that I always have fireworks sticks, but every time I meet you, my bag just happens to have them, like some kind of coincidence.”

Every encounter in life is a coincidence. Gu Yi was touched: “Let’s go.”

They made their way to their usual spot, where Gu Yi handed Xu Guanrui the lit fireworks stick, and with the one still burning brightly in her hand, the dark alley was lit with the glow. The sound of the fireworks was pleasant, and they didn’t want to speak much.

Xu Guanrui asked, “Rabbit, is the happiness Liang Daiwen gives you what you wanted?”

“Mm.”

“Can someone with emotional obstacles still get what they want?”

“What he gives and what he receives might be a bit different from what I expected.” Gu Yi thought, after all, it was fragmented childhood memories mixed with years of rational analysis, and suddenly overwhelming emotions that she hadn’t processed yet. Liang Daiwen’s reactions were always just slightly off from what she imagined. “But the feedback is always unexpected, and as long as it’s sincere and not a lie, it gives me more peace of mind than words carefully weighing the pros and cons.”

Xu Guanyue smiled and said, “Then I can rest assured.”

At that moment, the sparkler went out. Xu Guanyue’s face darkened in the glow of the fire, like a curtain call. He said, “The fleeting fireworks that appear up close may only last for a moment, but they burst brightly, hoping to become a beautiful memory for you.”

“It definitely will.”

As they walked out of the alley, Xu Guanyue said, “The rose knight won’t let the girl go home empty-handed. I’ll give you a bouquet of flowers.”

Standing at the flower shop’s entrance, talking with Xu Guanyue, Gu Yi was completely unaware of Liang Daiwen standing behind them, his gaze cold and dark, his brow furrowed as he watched them exchange glances.

Gu Yi didn’t feel the need to explain. After all, if she were to work with Xu Guanyue in the future, they’d inevitably see each other often. Their collaboration was purely professional, and since they were both almost always stationed at the Van Gogh Gallery, the apartment she rented only stored her old books and clothes, now almost uninhabitable with cupboards growing mold. Liang Daiwen had no reason to be jealous. What, was he going to fight? Xu Guanyue was now a one-armed man, and couldn’t win in a fight with him...

However, Liang Daiwen remained calm. “What were you two discussing about the design plans? Let me help.”

“Really?” Xu Guanyue looked excited. “This is something I’ve been struggling with. If it were in a commercial district, I still haven’t decided what kind of space to create.”

The two of them chatted for a few minutes at the flower shop, and Liang Daiwen agreed to help him draft a design sketch. On the way home, Liang Daiwen remained silent, and eventually, the inevitable confrontation came. Gu Yi didn’t try to pacify him. “Old friends will always run into each other at work. What’s there to be jealous about?”

“Old friends giving flowers?” Liang Daiwen asked.

“It’s not a rose,” Gu Yi said, sniffing the bouquet. “We’ve barely even met. It’s quite pretty, actually.”

“Oh. Baby’s breath represents paternal love, June chrysanthemums symbolize farewell, hyacinths mean sadness, eucalyptus is for casual encounters, and moth orchids are associated with a lack of desire and marital disharmony... What was Xu Guanyue up to?”

The more she listened, the more it sounded made-up. Gu Yi tilted her head. “…Is that true?”

“I know dry flowers, of course,” Liang Daiwen shrugged, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Nothing more, just good memory and a smart brain.”

Gu Yi caught up with Liang Daiwen. “I’ve realized, even though you can’t feel emotions, jealousy seems to come naturally to you?”

“Who would give away what belongs to them?” Liang Daiwen grabbed her collar and pulled her into the house. “Haven’t seen you care so much about emotional expression disorder.”

His brows furrowed deeply, and Gu Yi couldn’t help but laugh. “The way you look when you’re jealous, you look like a pufferfish.”

“...”

“And you’re puffing up! You really are petty,” Gu Yi teased, stretching her hand to mock him.

Dr. Shen had secured an administrative position at the hospital and continued to offer psychological counseling on weekends. One day, he invited Liang Daiwen and Gu Yi to attend as listeners. Liang Daiwen was even invited onto stage as a classic case, sharing his journey with the crowd. There was also a girl on stage who skillfully translated everything being said into English, her fluent British accent leaving Gu Yi feeling a little inferior — they both had the same two lips and a tongue, but hers were meant for simultaneous translation, while her speaking skills could also make people laugh.

Liang Daiwen sat on a chair, his long legs almost reaching the stage. The microphone was against his chin as he listened intently to Dr. Shen’s lecture. His brow furrowed in concentration.

Dr. Shen used a laser pointer to highlight the screen. “To be precise, emotional expression disorder is not a disease, but more like emotional color blindness — or, to be harsher, it’s like being blind. There’s no ability to express feelings. All a doctor can do is guide and intervene, but there are no significantly effective solutions, nor is there a mature adjustment mechanism. Those with emotional expression disorder can only regulate themselves, such as by watching plays, painting, listening to music, and interacting more with people. And further, falling in love might help.”

The audience laughed. But Dr. Shen remained serious. “I didn’t believe in the power of love before, but just like how parents might donate organs to save their children, human motivation is influenced by many factors. Love can catalyze powerful actions. They say impulse is the devil, but ‘motivational ability’ used in the right way has effects beyond what we can imagine. The anterior temporal lobe, hippocampus, and the lower corner of the lateral ventricles are all responsible for emotions. When an animal’s amygdala is stimulated, it will show fear, withdrawal, or even attack. Humans are the same. Those with emotional expression disorder often cannot distinguish pain from sensation. If the disorder is severe, they lose functionality completely — they may not even know whether what they see can be eaten until they try it, repeatedly checking or touching things. Even a live mouse could be touched. As for emotions, don’t even mention it. They compensate with behavior. The amygdala also controls facial muscles and expressions, and when it malfunctions, the ability to smile is lost. Sounds painful, right?”

Gu Yi sat in the audience, watching Liang Daiwen from the side, his hand on the microphone, deep in thought. Her heart ached. Dr. Shen turned to him and asked, “When you were at your worst, what did it feel like?”

“There was no feeling back then, just rational thought. Everything was highly efficient. But when you try to feel the emotional world, when you step through that door, you realize you’re standing in a ruin, with no one around. That indescribable feeling of loneliness makes you realize the discomfort in your chest. If someone reaches out to you, don’t forget to grab their hand. I’ve only recovered about fifty percent, but I can live normally now. Don’t let this make anyone feel like they’re disabled...”

Gu Yi thought to herself, You and your constant talk about barrier-free design.

Turning her head, she noticed a tall, handsome guy standing outside the door, occasionally glancing in, seemingly looking at the interpreter on stage. Gu Yi felt like she had seen him before. Such a handsome face, how could she forget after seeing it once? As the event ended, she walked out and observed carefully, calling out to him, “Ah, you’re the ghost from the escape room!”

The handsome guy, who had facial blindness, nodded. “Who are you?”

“Will I die at thirty?” Guan Xingxin said, holding the phone as she unpacked boxes. “Tell Aunt Chen that she can keep the four-million-dollar house. I can marry whoever I want. Xiaoyi passed away, and what they should be doing is ensuring the quality of their projects as licensed supervisors, not using me as a form of atonement. You four need to wean off me and find something you enjoy doing. Haven’t you bothered me enough? I have a job and can support myself. From now on, unless it’s about something other than marriage, don’t call me.”

“You can’t say that! Aunt Chen has been worried sick for you!”

“I’m grateful, but she can’t keep using a house to tempt me. I don’t care about it.”

“That Yu Dule really led you astray. I’m telling you, if you continue like this, I will...”

“Jump off a building? Mom, enough is enough. If I don’t get married and you die without peace, why not live well and watch me do something with my life? This kind of life, always trying to gain face through me, even I, as your daughter, look down on you. Aunt Chen can’t use bribes anymore. The netizens are smart. Now that I have some fame, they can trace her as a supervisor, and the projects she worked on will be hard to explain. And don’t come to Shanghai looking for me anymore. Even if you’re begging, I’ll pretend I don’t know you.”

She hung up the phone. The cardboard boxes were soaked and soft, and she threw them downstairs, panting. She saw a Maserati turning into the neighborhood. Huang Wendao got out of the car. “Is this neighborhood okay? What about the security?”

“I bought three cameras. The Xuhui police station is 200 meters away.” The rain had stopped, and the sun burst through the clouds. Guan Xingxin, unusually disheveled, said, “What are you doing here?”

“To ask if you want to marry me.”

“Is this a proposal or a confession?”

“I have a ring,” Huang Wendao said, taking a red box from the car. The diamond was at least three carats, something he’d shown her before at the Peninsula Hotel, sparkling under the sunset. She had imagined countless moments of being proposed to, standing in romantic settings with different men, each scene adorned with stunning decorations. But now, she was still wearing gloves, with her hair tied back, and a faint musty smell on her clothes. Huang Wendao didn’t kneel but had a serious expression, looking almost like he was making an ultimatum, a pushy stance in front of bystanders.

“I like you. Although it’s not quite love yet, think about being with me. It’s not a bad thing. You can do whatever you want, and not worry about money or your parents. I can’t say ‘let me take care of you,’ I just want you to be yourself. I don’t like women who are too dependent, and you’re definitely not that.”

She smiled. “Is this really what a proposal is supposed to sound like?”

“All those vows, which one actually gets fulfilled after marriage?”

“That’s really pessimistic.”

“Yes. So, will you agree?”

What lay before her was the most suitable opportunity. Huang Wendao was interesting, loyal, had an alluring charm, had deeply loved someone before, and had been deeply misunderstood, knowing how to love a partner. From the first time they met, they had seen through each other, no secrets between them. Even the night they ate junk food and looked out at the cityscape was beautiful. She believed in Huang Wendao’s sincerity at that moment and knew that he was the most fitting person to step into marriage with her. But with tears in her eyes, she smiled softly, “Sorry.”

Huang Wendao clearly hadn’t expected this. “You don’t like me?”

“I do.”

“And yet, your answer is you don’t want to marry me?”

“I want to be myself.”

“You’re really a strange woman.”

“I used to think that Cinderella’s glass slipper fit only her because her older sisters couldn’t get into it, and it was her turn. But why did it fall off at the ball? It must have been to lure the prince. A woman who’s obsessed with a perfect love story, searching for the perfect match, always complaining about her family and leaving her shoe behind, waiting for someone to find her. But now... Cinderella should walk on her own.”

“Using my identity, so many things are within reach.”

“Things that come too easily will eventually backfire on those who desire them.”

Just then, the sunset quietly dipped below the horizon. Huang Wendao smiled, “Alright, I’m leaving.”

The man’s back looked a bit disheveled as he opened the car door, as if he had lost face. Guan Xingxin suddenly called him, “Huang Wendao.”

He stopped.

“Living alone in Shanghai must be tough. You need a friend to eat junk food with. If you’re lonely, just message me.”

“No need. I don’t need friends.”

The Maserati revved loudly and sped out of the neighborhood, full of anger. Guan Xingxin stood downstairs, unmoving. The night breeze blew through her hair. She thought, I still need to install cameras at the door. There aren’t any chairs at home, probably have to wait until tomorrow.

A few minutes later, the familiar engine noise came again. The Maserati, angry yet without backbone, stopped in front of her. “I’m thirsty. Let’s go upstairs for a drink. Moving is such a hassle, and no one’s here to help. That’s really pitiful.”

Guan Xingxin took out her keys. “Alright, I’ll begrudgingly order a burger, double cola—gotta be generous when hosting a friend.”