Chapter 40

If you don’t take being a woman seriously enough on usual days, one day the womanliness you’ve forced upon yourself will backfire.

The public relations materials sent by Xu Guanyue’s team were of poor quality. Gu Yi received them after work, frowned as she read through them, added a flurry of notes to the article, and ultimately decided to write it herself. Being a music lover, Gu Yi completely understood Xu Guanyue’s intentions. The two musicians had different aesthetics, and each had their own insistence—one was determined to do independent music, while the other aimed to permeate pop music into every corner. She had written half of the article and sent a screenshot to Xu Guanyue, who replied after ten minutes, “I didn’t expect that. You’re like a monk sweeping the floor.”

“I can’t be negligent with my comrade. Besides, it’s not that easy to get an article passed by One Week. Your articles might work for WeChat public accounts, but here, they’re not even up to magazine standards—not yet. The aesthetic tone is different.”

“You’re just too kind to me. If I were careless, it would ruin my reputation. I know.”

The sweet message, Gu Yi didn’t know how to respond to. Xu Guanyue sent a photo, and her blood pressure shot up to 140—Xu Guanyue had drawn a ticket for Namie Amuro’s farewell concert early, and was already in line outside the Osaka venue. The two shared a love for Japanese music, and Gu Yi’s jealousy spilled out of her office. Meanwhile, Jacqueline hadn’t come in for three days, supposedly on sick leave. Gu Yi was curious—had the two gone to Japan together?

In the photo, Xu Guanyue was wandering around Umeda and Nipponbashi, all alone.

Guan Xingxin and Gu Yi chatted at midnight, sharing all kinds of strange and amusing stories—their blind dates were like creatures from another world, the rich were unusually stingy, and the poor wanted everything for free; those who couldn’t see through love had to pry into its every detail; those who had joined Buddhism still sought true love... In short, face-to-face bargaining was like looking at the world through a demon-revealing mirror. That evening, she did a live broadcast behind Laila, and during the day had a blind date and met with Yu Dule and Lu Ming. Gu Yi couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to arrange her time. Guan Xingxin sent over her memo, and after reading it, Gu Yi felt... pity. Four parents, hundreds of kilometers apart, had arranged all sorts of blind dates for her. Not understanding, Gu Yi asked why she didn’t just bring Yu Dule home.

“As a stand-up comedian and bar owner, which label do you think my family would be happy with?”

Gu Yi understood now—Yu Dule was the symbol of “unconventional” in the big city. She remembered him wearing a gray hoodie, hunched over at the check-in counter at Ounce, and sitting in front of a computer editing videos, hiding a mind that worked at high speed. But such low-keyness wasn’t something easily explained to parents who believed in the security of a stable job.

Guan Xingxin didn’t want to continue on this topic and just smiled as she continued the voice chat with her. Since meeting Gu Yi, Liang Daiwen had shown noticeable emotional changes. It was time for the two of them to take the next step. Dr. Shen, all the way in the United States, still sent greetings, and had heard that Liang Daiwen was improving steadily. He even specifically asked Guan Xingxin about the cause, to which she replied: love. He stopped replying to her emails.

After chatting with Guan Xingxin, Gu Yi joined the five-person group chat, and Guan Xingxin took the initiative to ask if she wanted to visit Liang Daiwen’s place. The cold-hearted creature who never invited others had immediately responded with a “yes” when she heard it was a gathering.

Gu Yi had once said she would never return to the Van Gogh Museum.

Guan Xingxin immediately sent a private message to Gu Yi, advising: “This time, make sure to dress more feminine. Do you remember what I taught you last time? Wear something that shows off your waist and collarbones. I’m not telling you to deliberately seduce him, but at least remind him that you’re a ‘woman.’ Got it? Absolutely no t-shirts and jeans. Without a waist, you’ll just look like one of the boys...”

Unfazed, Gu Yi went straight to bed. The next day, after showering and putting on makeup, she pulled out a dress she had never worn before. A yellow floral long-sleeve dress that wasn’t too deliberate but looked exceptionally gentle. Standing in front of the mirror, she pondered for a while, then pulled out... silicone breast pads.

There was no intention to create a visual illusion; it was simply that the room had no sunlight, and her underwear wasn’t dry yet, so she needed the chest pads to match the dress, as the old bra without an underwire didn’t fit the outfit. The pads stuck uncomfortably to her chest, but it was better than wearing damp, not fully dried underwear.

A poor appearance was half the disappointment. When she went downstairs, Gu Yi sighed. She had prepared too little; she couldn’t pull it off. She had never taken being a woman seriously, and now she was being backfired by the exaggerated femininity she had forced upon herself.

A few people took the elevator up to Liang Daiwen’s house. Gu Yi saw a bicycle on the 14th-floor safety stairwell—no wonder she hadn’t seen it, Liang Daiwen had already moved it upstairs. Liang Daiwen’s door was open, and the room was still immaculate. Upon closer inspection, it seemed like many things were missing: the dried flowers were gone, the dog food was gone, the messy insect specimens were nowhere to be found—it looked like a proper home now.

Lu Ming and Yu Dule followed behind Guan Xingxin, seeing Liang Daiwen’s apartment for the first time. Lu Ming stood in the living room and looked down: “It’s actually really cozy. I thought it would look like an operating room.”

“Ha, you came late. When I arrived, this room looked like a giant insect showroom,” Gu Yi responded.

The couch was still as soft as ever, and as she remembered her time living there, Gu Yi felt a sense of superiority, as if she were half-owner of the room. Filled with excitement, she snuck into the bedroom and quietly crawled under the bed. The place where the glow-in-the-dark stars used to be was now clean and smooth. The stars that once illuminated her face were gone. Of course, plastic ages and falls apart. Even the robot vacuum cleaner would avoid it... It was ultimately just a beautiful dream.

A pair of slippers appeared beside the bed, and without thinking, Gu Yi recognized the owner. Liang Daiwen suddenly appeared upside down with his head almost touching the floor: “What are you doing in my bedroom, sneaking around?”

Gu Yi jumped in fright, her soul nearly leaving her body. Who would lie on the bed upside down to scare someone? After being stared at for a few seconds, she was too tired to react and casually threw out: “I was setting a time bomb for you.”

They brought beer and ordered fried chicken, while Guan Xingxin brought a lot of board games, clearly planning to stay up all night. After fiddling with the TV for a while, Guan Xingxin asked, “Do you want to watch a variety show? I found a few good ones recently…”

On the screen, a celebrity mystery-solving variety show appeared. Yu Dule awkwardly spoke: “Can we change it? This is too mentally taxing.”

The mood noticeably dropped. Guan Xingxin smiled and changed the channel. Gu Yi, however, could tell that the show’s director was Yu Dule’s ex-girlfriend, and he was still bothered by it. Lu Ming, in a considerate fatherly manner, started unpacking the takeout: “Everything’s the same to me. If we don’t eat the fried chicken now, it’ll get cold. I rarely get the chance to have fried food, so I’m counting on you young people today.”

Guan Xingxin bumped his shoulder playfully: “Stop saying you’re old. To me, you’re just the same age as us.”

It was an awkward atmosphere. Gu Yi couldn’t understand how Guan Xingxin could remain calm between the two men. If it were her, she would have backed out long ago. Liang Daiwen stared at the fried chicken with no interest; it wasn’t on his menu. Gu Yi said, “Eat, it won’t poison you.”

“I only eat boiled food.”

“Try it. Liang Daiwen, break your boundaries, experience it. Babies put everything in their mouths; it’s the first step to experiencing the world. Don’t be afraid.”

“That’s nonsense.” Liang Daiwen picked up a chicken leg and took a tiny bite. After chewing a few times, his expression changed unpredictably, and he finished the chicken leg in a few more bites. Gu Yi observed it: “See, no one can resist fried food.”

The five of them sat in front of the TV, the sunlight streaming in, and the atmosphere was incredibly warm. Gu Yi had the illusion that living here with all five of them might be crowded, but it would feel like a home. Just as she was thinking this, Liang Daiwen’s phone suddenly rang. When he came out again, he was already wearing his jacket and packing his backpack: “Sorry, you guys keep playing. I’m going to Beijing.”

“Ah?”

Liang Daiwen was packing while explaining, “We’ve been working on an accessibility improvement plan for a newly opened five-star hotel. The sliding doors are too tight, too narrow for a wheelchair to pass, the toilet grab bars are at the wrong height, the sink should be adjustable, and the bathroom chairs are too slippery... The budget wasn’t approved, and after a lot of communication, it was suddenly agreed to increase the budget and sign the contract today, but the boss is only available in the afternoon and evening, so I need to rush there.”

He explained it more carefully than anyone else, but getting there would still take at least four hours. Liang Daiwen didn’t even turn his head: “Sorry, I’m tired of designing plans for the rich. This is a great opportunity for a career shift. You all can stay here for the weekend, don’t worry about making a mess, the maid will come to clean.”

The door slammed shut, and the room was left with nothing but the noise from the TV. Gu Yi stared at the door, having not yet had the chance to play a game or ask about the dried flowers and dog food, and even had no opportunity to talk to him more...

No one was in the mood to continue playing. Guan Xingxin noticed Gu Yi’s disappointment and kept trying to ease the atmosphere: “It’s okay, such a nice house, at least we got to enjoy it until evening. Even if he’s not here, we can still have fun.”

The three stand-up comedians chatted with a beautiful audience, talking comedy for the afternoon. They discussed everything from international to domestic topics, drinking until the alcohol was gone. They dug up Huang Xi’s stand-up from the White House, and all three of them remembered an actor from Ounce, a middle-aged man who had worked as a documentary journalist. A year after the Wenchuan earthquake, he quit his job at a newspaper, wandered to Shanghai, and tried various jobs. His jokes were sharp, his satire of current events was bold, and for the past year... there had been no news about him. By 9 p.m., they had drunk all the sparkling water in Liang Daiwen’s fridge. Yu Dule scratched his head: “It’s rare that I don’t have a shift these days, want to go out for a drink?”

Everyone nodded. Gu Yi stood up: “I’ll go home and change first.”

“Seriously?”

“Why would I go out drinking in this dress, having sucked in my stomach all day? I realize I have terrible luck. Whenever I treat Liang Daiwen like a man, it always ends up humiliating myself. Everyone else is going drinking, but I’m going to make myself into a person.”

At home, Gu Yi was struggling with the zipper at the back, cramping up, frozen like a dismembered Venus for a long time. The chest pads, so pretentious, looked worse the more she stared at them in the mirror, and the mood to take them off and keep them was gone. She tossed them aside casually—forget about it. Sitting on her bed, she slipped on her jeans and a cashmere cardigan, feeling lighter, ready for action. If something didn’t fit, it was best to throw it away sooner. When she returned to the bar, Gu Yi stared at the menu for a long time and ordered herself a fig cocktail. Guan Xingxin sized her up, teasingly smiling: “So, are you going to drink until you’re completely wasted tonight?”

“Impossible. Do you know why people in Shanghai can’t get drunk?”

Guan Xingxin sensed that Gu Yi was about to drop a joke.

“Because getting drunk is too expensive. In a place like Shanghai, just the three of us now, ten shots and three cocktails, we’d only be a little tipsy, and if you really want to get drunk, you’d have to add another thousand yuan—being slightly drunk is just a matter of cost control.”

Being just a little tipsy wouldn’t really get rid of any frustrations. Gu Yi drank more and more, thinking about how Liang Daiwen disappeared from her sight in just five minutes. She wasn’t angry, nor was she feeling wronged. She knew, just by thinking about it, that Liang Daiwen was born for this kind of work—no emotional fluctuations, calmly arguing with anyone; not backing away when seeing the miserable lives of disabled people, but rather, able to logically push forward with the work; good-looking, a good candidate for becoming a brand ambassador... He never mentioned his past, was naturally emotionally distant, and there was no chance of being disturbed, independent and driven...

But she felt uneasy inside—her obsession with accessible design was no different from that of an ordinary person. If it could be translated into love, she and Liang Daiwen would have already become a couple. Guan Xingxin saw through her loneliness and gently nudged her: “We’re all still here, don’t show such a lonely expression.”

“There’s nothing to it. I just drank a bit too quickly, a little dazed.”

“Did you notice? Gu Yi doesn’t lie,” Lu Ming pointed at her nose.

“Isn’t that why Liang Daiwen and her are such a perfect match? Don’t think Liang Daiwen is awkward. Girls who play mind games and think they’re deep like moths flock around him, and he doesn’t even blink. The only one he cares about is you, coming to watch your stand-up, helping you move, now tossing out those dried flowers at home...”

“Don’t make it sound so mystical.”

“Moths and butterflies are different. Breaking out of the cocoon is painful. Moths only appear at night, crashing toward the light, flying briefly with weak vitality; butterflies are beautiful, their wings have their own colors, appearing openly in the sunlight...”

Gu Yi slammed her glass onto the table: “Stop talking about it! Don’t keep giving me chances to dream.” She hiccupped, then laughed: “I told Liang Daiwen I’m a star-chaser. Do you know why? Because—no matter what I do, I have to work really hard to get it. In this process, if I lose focus or have even the slightest thought of giving up, it will definitely be in vain. You all think this is normal, right? No pain, no gain. But it’s not like that for me. I never have any luck. It was like that when I was applying to college, looking for a job, doing stand-up. Every time I start to slack off, I end up unlucky... Even love doesn’t come with good luck. The person I like is a mess, and when I get hit on, it only spoils my mood. Eventually, I just stuck with stand-up. As for Liang Daiwen, unless he’s really certain that he likes me, I’ll never think he could end up with me. Do you know how relieved I was when I found out he had an emotional expression disorder? Otherwise, how could good things fall into my lap...”

“Don’t be so pessimistic,” her old friend Yu Dule placed a hand on her head. “You’re already amazing, aren’t you usually so confident?”

“Indeed, I’m confident in things I’ve worked hard for. But love isn’t something you can just get by working hard...” Gu Yi drank three shots in a row and leaned back in her chair. “I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to throw up. I need to rest for a bit...”

In a half-dream, half-wake state, Guan Xingxin pinched her ear: “Little rabbit, wake up, we’re going home.”

In the early morning, the air was warm, and the four of them walked down the street, reflecting on the happiness of living close to each other. They rented near a small area in the city center, and Gu Yi thought, what does it matter that Liang Daiwen isn’t here? With two or three friends, they could chat and have fun together at midnight—men are just things outside of life.

Yet, she still felt a little disappointed. Though they were all friends, Guan Xingxin was happily chatting with the two men, and she was always trailing behind, vaguely feeling like she was left out. Guan Xingxin would occasionally glance back at her, but was clearly too caught up in the conversation with the two men, since they had endless topics to discuss...

A taxi stopped at a nearby intersection, and the three of them suddenly cleared the way. Gu Yi frowned: “What’s going on, is there some truth in the light ahead, a welcoming parade?”

She dragged her backpack out of the back seat and threw it behind her. The familiar figure was—Liang Daiwen. He was carrying a backpack and two bags of odd local specialties, looking travel-worn. Yu Dule couldn’t help but speak up: “Wow, a round trip in one day. He’s really serious about Gu Yi.”

The road cleared, and Gu Yi, a bit drunk, froze in place for three seconds, then suddenly shouted, “Liang Daiwen, what the hell are you doing? It’s three in the morning!”

The man, fifty meters away, of course didn’t say anything. It was obvious he was annoyed by her talking too much, just too lazy to stay for the night—definitely nothing to do with her, so don’t try to force any ambiguity. She couldn’t control herself and started walking forward, almost turning into a run. When she reached Liang Daiwen, she felt a bit nauseous seeing him with four heads and eight bags of specialties...

She had originally planned to question him seriously if he came back for her, but now she couldn’t even open her mouth. Too much to drink...

The three people behind her furrowed their brows. Yu Dule poked Guan Xingxin: “Did I just see something I shouldn’t have?”

Guan Xingxin, both amused and helpless, replied: “Don’t mind it now.”

Gu Yi was about to fall over again, and Liang Daiwen couldn’t be bothered with the things in his hands, using his head and chest to steady her. Gu Yi, unexpectedly knocked into him, felt like her ribs were about to break. Finally, freeing his hands, Gu Yi couldn’t say a word due to the pain, but she understood Liang Daiwen’s lyrics now—”Longing is a pain that breathes.”

Holding the girl tightly, he stood firm. Liang Daiwen’s backpack weighed him down, making him stiff. Gu Yi thought, no way, how can I always be the terracotta warrior in this situation? As she climbed up his body, still grumbling, she said, “Don’t even think about pushing me away again. Every time I’m like a terracotta warrior, you stand firm…”

Just as she finished, Liang Daiwen pushed up forcefully. Gu Yi, holding onto his neck, was now a head taller, able to see his ears and the back of his head, along with the warm street behind them. It was the transition between spring and summer, and the leaves in Shanghai were beginning to fall—strange, it felt like love had agreed to be out of the ordinary. In that moment, she really wanted to confess, fueled by the alcohol, but she was still dizzy and didn’t want to come across as insincere. But shouldn’t love be a little impulsive?

She was lost in thought for a few seconds when Liang Daiwen interrupted her, his tone calm: “Holding your backside seems a bit rude. But I have a question.”

Gu Yi, still holding onto Liang Daiwen and smelling his faint scent of sweat, found it pleasant, “What question?”

“I’ll put you down now.”

“No!” Any physical contact would be ruined, and if he put her down, that was the end of their friendship.

“Then I won’t care if your clothes get dirty.”

“How could they get dirty? Did I throw up on you? You haven’t even been drinking. If you put me down, I’ll definitely puke on you, do you believe it…”

Liang Daiwen wasn’t polite, pushing Gu Yi against the wall, one hand supporting her. The position was exactly like a “wall slam.” In this moment, Gu Yi had to obey, and she felt satisfied. She almost wanted to compliment him, but the position felt too ambiguous. When their gazes met, she thought, this is it.

The sound of their heartbeats was clear, their breaths in their ears. The emotionless man stared at her, a thousand thoughts flowing between them. His eyes were lit up, tired from a whole day’s work and the weight he was carrying, visible fatigue. But the warmth and heartbeat that passed between them didn’t make his ears redden; it was gentle, his gaze changing... No matter how you looked at it, these were two people who had fallen for each other.

The alcohol seemed to make her body feel warm. At this moment, if they kissed, she wouldn’t refuse. In fact, she might even be more serious than him. This time, it’s not as simple as leaving a strawberry mark... He’s good at kissing; maybe she’ll get more addicted than to strawberries, believe it or not...

Liang Daiwen just stared at her, seemingly still frowning. His other hand was tearing something off her jeans. It really ruined the mood; could he please focus? But... something felt off, the sticky feeling was a bit strange. Did she get something dirty at the bar? When Liang Daiwen placed the item in the intersection of their gazes, Gu Yi, halfway sober, froze. The entire world seemed to stop.

It was... the nipple pad from this morning.