Chapter 51

You took my smile.

Gu Yi pretended like nothing had happened as she pushed the door open, crashing into Xu Guanrui who had just reached the second floor. In the narrow space, she sidestepped and hurried downstairs, almost stumbling. Her lips were slightly swollen, and her expression was full of shame and anger. The harsh light from the yard and living room stung her eyes. She thought, this must be the punishment for a dream returning to reality.

Liang Daiwen was blocked by Xu Guanrui at the stairs. The moonlight made the two men’s stances even sharper, their confrontation cold and intense. Xu Guanrui said seriously, “I have one principle: no matter the reason, a man should never make a girl cry. She’s a comedian, and happiness should be overflowing before it can be shared with others. Any man who keeps making her sad isn’t worth anything.”

After saying that, he smiled. “If you give up, Gu Yi will be mine.”

It wasn’t a big deal. It was just a breakup. She wasn’t so heartbroken. She forced herself to pull together and walked into the yard. Guan Xingxin was standing at the door, saying goodbye to the audience. After the comedy show, she patiently reminded everyone at the door that there were three shows every week, and invited them to follow the public account to sign up. A guy asked if he could add her on WeChat. She promised that next time they’d definitely meet, and adding each other on WeChat would make it feel more fateful. She made a pinky swear. Compared to the girls in the yard who wore bright, eye-catching outfits, Guan Xingxin was like a sheer curtain moved by the wind, quietly softening the dreams of all the men. Yu Dule had been standing far away in the living room, chatting with comedy enthusiasts about how to write jokes, and how to make people laugh within three lines. He really was a comedian with a unique temperament—melancholic—while Guan Xingxin seemed to make that melancholy sharper, since he had gotten her, yet not fully.

Women always found a hint of flirtation in him, but after a few words, it became clear that his interest in comedy outweighed his interest in women, or rather, his ambition for his career surpassed his pursuit of romance.

Lu Ming noticed something was off with Gu Yi. “Did things not go well with Liang Daiwen?”

Biting her teeth, she paused for several seconds before replying, “I got dumped. Don’t ask.”

“Coincidentally, I’m also heartbroken.”

“Huh?”

“To be honest, I just rejected Guan Xingxin.”

“…”

“She gave me some hints. But I told her that I wanted to focus on paying off my debts for now, and that dating someone while carrying debt would be too much pressure. At first, I really liked her—enjoying the taste of youth like a carefree kid—but now, it feels like waking up from a dream. I realized I’m in my thirties, and I can’t help but think about the future. She’s so great, but in a house that could collapse in an earthquake, people would rather go outside to see beautiful, fragile things than bring them into their home.”

Thinking about the four family members Guan Xingxin mentioned in the taxi, it seemed that only she knew this. Guan Xingxin set boundaries so clearly—she would never let anyone know her secrets unless they were close friends, and no one could cross that line. Gu Yi asked one more question: “Did you ever like her?”

”Of course. I still feel heartbroken now, but impulses are only temporary, and passion gradually fades.” Lu Ming had just returned from his hometown and now carried a more realistic air about him. ”Rabbit, stick to your path in stand-up comedy. Hobbies can become a part of who you are. But love is fragile—when faced with real-life problems, a person can be knocked down in an instant. When lovers turn into enemies and strangers, you’ll realize that what seemed like intense infatuation was just a feverish phase.”

Even half an hour ago, Gu Yi would have believed these words. Now, she understood that a man’s rejection always had real reasons behind it. She said, ”Uncle Lu, can you be honest with me?”

”You’re too smart.” Lu Ming’s cigarette smell was heavy. ”My ex-wife said she would clear the debts within a year, and maybe we can remarry. People are selfish, right? It’s hard for her to find a new partner. Our divorce was mostly because of the debt. And as for me… I won’t give up any chance to get back to my daughter.”

In the distance, Guan Xingxin picked up her bag. ”Dule, shall we go home?”

It didn’t seem like she had just confessed her feelings.

Gu Yi lay at home, in a daze. Heartbreak had stolen her imagination, and she no longer felt like writing jokes. Guan Xingxin called her, but she only put the phone on speaker and set it aside, forcing herself to focus on editing a document, the keyboard clicking loudly. On the other end, Guan Xingxin didn’t mention Lu Ming at all, instead endlessly talking about Liang Daiwen’s current situation: ”He hasn’t left Shanghai yet. Dr. Shen said he was supposed to meet in the U.S., but he delayed his start date by half a month. The leader isn’t happy about it, saying there’s no urgent work, but the sooner he connects, the better. They hope the position can produce some results soon…”

”You don’t have to tell me all this.” Gu Yi said, her voice trembling. ”He even delayed just to avoid seeing me.”

”He has a lot to do—his studio is canceling the lease, paying severance for his assistants, his contract with the big company is ending, and the project is being handed over to the team in Hangzhou. It seems like the accessible hotel renovation project is being passed to someone else too… Looks like you’re not the only one he left behind. If he’s doing all this, it must be because the accessible design project is very important to him. If emotional obstacles need treatment, then getting over his mother’s death is also something that needs to happen quickly. Once he’s done, he will definitely come find you.”

Gu Yi had thought about these things. Her fingers hovered in mid-air, unable to continue editing the document. Guan Xingxin seemed to sense it: ”Actually, he’s really pitiful. He once said that the things he wants to feel, he can’t, and places with memories disappear quickly, like some kind of destructive condition.”

Gu Yi thought for a moment. The ounce had already turned into a mediocre bar, and the Korean restaurant had recently closed for renovations. Could it be that he broke up with her because he was afraid of disappearing? Imagining herself getting hit by a car, pushed off a building, or electrocuted in water, Gu Yi shook her head. ”What about the Van Gogh Gallery? Did he cancel the lease?”

”That house was bought by his father. Although his relationship with his father isn’t great, his investment sense is decent. The house has been sitting there for many years, and his father never thought to rent it out—typical of old-fashioned Northern people. After returning from studying abroad, Liang Daiwen has been living in that Van Gogh Gallery. He designed and renovated the house himself. I’m telling you all this so you can understand, little rabbit, Liang Daiwen really likes you. I may not have the position to ask you to wait for him for half a year, but at least we’ve talked it through, right? Even if you end up dating Xu Guanrui, don’t hold a grudge against Liang Daiwen. Are you willing to throw away all those memories?”

At least the Van Gogh Gallery house still belonged to him. Gu Yi looked at herself in the mirror. Her lips were pale, her face looked haggard, and her cheeks were sunken like they had been vacuumed. She picked up her phone and smiled. If she really was just an item on his last-minute checklist, could its importance be bumped up just a little bit?

With a sudden instinct, her phone vibrated—Liang Daiwen had sent a message: ”Can we meet on Saturday? I’ll wait for you at the restaurant across from Rongmao Theater.”

Gu Yi replied almost immediately: ”Okay.”

Neither of them used any exclamation marks. One was cautiously testing the waters, while the other was still feeling disheartened.

On Saturday morning, Gu Yi woke up early, carefully putting on makeup to hide her greenish complexion. When she took out her dress, she saw the chest pads. Thinking about the stand-up show at Rongmao Theater, she calmly put it back in the wardrobe and switched to jeans and a jacket. By the time she was ready, it was still four hours before one o’clock. She sat in front of her computer, starting to sketch little cartoons.

”Never believe a man when he says something artistic or romantic. Behind it, there are always practical reasons. Metaphors are their lies. Don’t believe in overly serious vows either. They’re preludes to rejection, mostly leading to hurt.”

”When you stand in a sea of people and can’t be the most dazzling one, try being unlucky. Once you hit a streak of bad luck, you’ll become the unluckiest one in the crowd.”

”Don’t expect too much from love. In the end, it’s all about facing reality. Even the sweetest moments are just kissing each other and tasting each other’s saliva.”

”A woman might buy a thousand lipsticks, but in the end, she’ll only use one or two. People always want to meet the one they love the most, and the color will always stay on their own lips. After all, that kind of ‘going all the way’ is a woman’s greatest romance.”

She barely made it through four hours. Finally, Gu Yi left the house, running downstairs, and when she arrived at the entrance of Rongmao Theater, she made sure to fix her hair. Even though he had taken time out of his busy schedule, she still wanted to treat it with respect, to be at least the most important thing in his life for that moment. If Liang Daiwen’s attitude was sincere, if their bond was deep enough, she could wait for half a year.

She pushed open the door and looked around. The restaurant only had two couples and a young man working on his laptop. Gu Yi didn’t see Liang Daiwen. Instead, the waiter came up to her: ”Miss Gu, right? Your friend has been waiting for you for three hours, but he took a call with an urgent matter and left. He asked me to give you this.”

On the table was a music box and a cake. The waiter explained from behind her: ”Mr. Liang asked me to tell you, because he won’t be able to celebrate your birthday for the next six months, he wants you to take the cake and gift with you. He said he will definitely come back to find you.”

Gu Yi angrily dialed the phone: ”Where the hell are you?”

”I can’t explain it to you. I’m sorry.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m on my way to Pudong Airport, T2.”

“You’re in such a rush? Have you started your job?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t move. I’ll come find you. Liang Daiwen, you owe me an explanation. I can give up my pride, but not this!”

Gu Yi hung up the phone, left the cake in the shop, stuffed the music box into her bag, and ran. Strange, she couldn’t get a car at this hour. She ran along the road, checking the ride-hailing app, but it was full.

She ran to the eighth bridge when a car stopped in front of her. It was Xu Guanyu. “Where to? In such a rush?”

“I need to go to Pudong Airport... Liang Daiwen is going to the U.S.”

“Get in. I’ll take you.”

Gu Yi got in the car, and Xu Guanyu immediately started making phone calls. “I’m really sorry, I need to rush to a meeting. Could you rest at the airport for a while? About three or four hours. If you’re coming to the city later, it’s hard to get a car, so maybe you should rest at a nearby hotel. Of course, I’ll pick you up personally, and we’ll have a drink at the izakaya later.”

When he hung up, he just said, “Hold on.”

Xu Guanyu drove aggressively, overtaking car after car, taking shortcuts off the congested elevated roads, weaving through lanes just inches from solid lines, driving recklessly like a thug. Gu Yi was nearly car sick, gripping the armrest, her face pale. “It’s not necessary. If we don’t make it, so be it.”

“Stop pretending. If you really didn’t want to go, you wouldn’t have gotten in my car.” Xu Guanyu slammed on the brakes, stopping at a red light and lighting a cigarette. Gu Yi sighed. “Stop being so nice to me.”

“I can give everything for you.” Xu Guanyu focused on the road ahead. “I can’t stand seeing you upset.”

As they neared the elevated road, the car suddenly hit something hard, jolting violently. Xu Guanyu quickly put on his hazard lights and stopped on the side of the road. “Damn. The company’s car. I’ll get out and check. Wait for me.”

After Xu Guanyu got out and carefully walked around the car, inspecting the wheel, Gu Yi felt disheartened. It was only three weeks, and the best timing had turned into the worst. Her and Liang Daiwen’s relationship was reversing so quickly, it was as though God was holding up a sign saying, “Run.” Maybe it didn’t matter; she didn’t have to be with Liang Daiwen. In the city, once you’re out of the inner ring, relationships feel far away. Changing jobs meant changing partners. It was like eating too delicate a fast food meal—just digest it and move on...

But when Xu Guanyu returned to the car, Gu Yi’s heart was still racing. “Faster, please. Please, faster.” Uncle Lu, what you said makes sense. A failed love is just a high fever. But I still want to feel that hot, dizzy sensation. Not everyone gets hit by a meteor, and even if I catch a cold and suffer the consequences, this city’s coldness and the clouds and buildings blocking the sky make it all the more intoxicating. I want to chase this feeling, no matter where it leads.

At the airport, Xu Guanyu stopped on the departure level. “Go ahead. I’ll wait for you in the underground parking lot.”

In the vast terminal, Gu Yi couldn’t find Liang Daiwen. She ran wildly around the departure level, searching for the tall, slim man with a large suitcase. Where? Where are you?

“Gu Yi.”

Gu Yi turned around. Liang Daiwen, only carrying a backpack, holding a ticket and phone, looked at her with sadness in his eyes. That gaze—fragile, sensitive, filled with sorrow—was all because of her. Gu Yi, who had been full of grievance and anger, softened. “Why are you leaving me again?”

“I have something urgent—very urgent. But I don’t want to explain anymore. Everything feels like an excuse.”

“You have to convince me. You can’t just let me misunderstand you.”

He closed his eyes, and for a second, Gu Yi felt that Liang Daiwen was truly someone who was not favored by fate—his love life failing, work going poorly, and maybe she had been too harsh on him. Perhaps her pride didn’t matter so much. It was just a fever, after all. She wiped her tears. “Liang Daiwen, no matter where you go, take me with you, okay? It doesn’t matter if it’s the U.S. or Beijing. There are plenty of comedy companies in Beijing now, stand-up is trending, it’s not so bad. I can find a new job. Take me with you, please?”

“Don’t do this. Stay in Shanghai. I’m not worth you giving up your job.”

“You don’t understand. I’m the kind of person who can’t bear to throw away a milk tea cup after it’s empty, even if it’s only been with me for an hour. I’ll wait for it to get moldy before I throw it out. How could I possibly let you go after knowing you for so long? Liang Daiwen, you’re the only person who can come to me when I call and leave when I push you away, because I love you.”

Liang Daiwen only looked at her with sadness.

“Say something. Liang Daiwen, give me an answer. I’ll wait, as long as you say it’s okay. Where are you going? The U.S. or Beijing? I can find a job. Has your luggage been sent away? Why are you so light?”

The ticket fell to the floor. When Gu Yi bent down to pick it up, she saw the destination was Dalian. She nearly went crazy. “Where are you really going? Liang Daiwen, which part is real and which is fake?”

Liang Daiwen took the ticket, his expression returning to its usual indifference. “I would never lie to you.”

“Forget it, it’s not necessary.” Gu Yi choked back a sob and took a step back. “Goodbye.”

“I’ll come find you when I return.”

“No. I don’t want to see you again. One day, you’ll regret losing me. You’ll never meet someone who loves you like I do.”

She turned and left, and unexpectedly, the tears stopped suddenly. Xu Guanyu was also at the departure level, riding the elevator down. “I couldn’t relax, so I came to find you. How’s it going?”

“It’s nothing, we’re over.”

The car drove smoothly toward the city. Xu Guanyu no longer stepped on the gas, just played some soft music. He had thought that the person in the passenger seat would cry her eyes out, but instead, she just sat quietly, staring out the window, mechanically opening and closing the box in her hands. The melody played in a jerky fashion. He needed to take Gu Yi back to the city, then go to Hongqiao Airport to apologize to the Japanese production team. He was never the type to slack off at work, and even though he had made an exception this time, he wasn’t happy about it.

Perhaps neither of them knew that in the one minute they walked in opposite directions, it was Gu Yi who looked back first, biting her lip, her eyes red and tearful, staring at Liang Daiwen, before turning around quickly to increase her pace. A few seconds later, Liang Daiwen turned around, about to call out to her, as if regretting his decision. But when he saw Gu Yi walking away with determination, he tightened his grip on his plane ticket and, with a sense of desolation, turned away.

Xu Guanrui had been watching all of this, but he didn’t say a word. To him, once it was missed, it was missed.

Moreover... he didn’t really wish for the two of them to end up together.