SOTBW - 36

While waiting, Najane reflected on the points she needed to be cautious about as she returned to the knight’s order. From now on, her only task was to stand guard at the fourth section of the wall in the corridor of the knight’s headquarters. The buildings of the knight’s order, standing in a straight line, were all dark. She grabbed a chair and settled into the corridor. From beyond the walls, there was a constant commotion.

It was so quiet within the fortress that it was hard to believe people were out there, risking their lives in a battle with Serith. Najane wrapped a blanket around her and huddled up. Could she really stay like this through the night in such cold weather?

At first, she had considered watching the wall from the window of the reception room in the main building, but for some reason, the chilly air, enough to take her breath away, felt good. Perhaps it was because her mind was clouded from Nathan’s words—the talk of Maximón’s fiancée, and his suggestion of finding a good husband…

Najane leaned back in her chair and laughed softly. If she told Amelia about this, she would immediately jump up and urge her to accept Nathan’s proposal. The thought of it made Najane laugh foolishly without realizing it.

But Najane was in no position to go anywhere. She would stay at the Noctis Fortress until she found out where Luna was. After that, she didn’t know.

Where could Luna be? On such a cold day, was she trembling, naked like a slave? Was she crying, cursing her foolish older sister? Or worse, had she been overwhelmed by the thought of wanting to die and had ruined herself?

Luna had always hated fear and avoided pain like the plague. The thought of such heavy shackles being fastened around Luna’s ankle, to the point that her skin might be torn, made Najane’s heart ache.

She was glad she hadn’t asked Maximón for help. Though she doubted whether he would have helped out of goodwill, Najane was relieved she hadn’t blurted out her secrets in a fit of rage. If she had shared everything in a moment of intoxication, she would have regretted it.

Seeing Maximón’s sudden change in attitude had made her realize again that she couldn’t rely on anyone. She had been betrayed by the people she trusted, losing Luna, and yet she still found herself easily trusting others.

Maximón had been right. Najane was soft. Her indecisive nature had driven her and Luna to this place.

She looked at the wall with dry eyes. Her nose had started to feel cold. She exhaled a white breath as the bell rang three times from the opposite wall. It signaled that the holy forces had pushed forward to the rear.

Instinctively, Najane assessed the source of the sound. The second wall, or maybe even the third, she thought.

If the bells didn’t stop, it would mean great danger. She gently grasped the holy sword set against the pillar. Fortunately, the bells stopped quickly. It seemed the holy knights had managed the situation. Najane let out a sigh of relief and lowered the sword.

As the tension eased, her body began to shiver. She rubbed her frozen forearms, then suddenly froze. The strange sensation rising from her lower body… It was the sign that her heat was coming on.

Realizing it, Najane quickly pulled out a cigarette she had pre-rolled and took a quick drag, not wanting to be caught by the scent in case anyone came outside at this hour. The drugs and sedatives she used didn’t make her heat disappear entirely, but at least they kept her from losing control of herself.

The sensation, as if dozens of people were teasing her, made her feel weak. Sometimes, when it was severe, her lower abdomen ached so much that walking became difficult, and her body trembled with the urge for release. But she had learned to control that impulse, even if just a little.

She took a deep drag, and the restlessness in her hips subsided. Not wanting the smell to linger, Najane set the blanket on the floor and stared into the distance. She hoped the drug would take effect sooner, even if just a little faster.

Instinctively, her lower lip trembled, and as she clenched her thighs, she swallowed the smoke deeply and sighed. How long could she keep relying on the drugs? Recently, she had been mixing so much drug and sedative that she was almost at her limit.

She had even considered finding another man. It seemed silly to refuse sex to maintain her chastity when she was already broken…

But she couldn’t do it. She didn’t have the courage. Najane was a coward. She was afraid that if Maximón found out she had sought another’s help to solve her heat, he would disregard her forever.

Despite her body slowly deteriorating from the cheap drugs, Najane instinctively thought of Maximón first. She had even briefly considered throwing herself at him, closing her eyes and embracing him like an idiot. But the fear that Maximón would only hold her as if it were a chore stopped her from knocking on his door.

She tilted her head back, exhaling the smoke. A chill ran down her exposed neck. Maybe the cold air would help with the heat. Najane thought foolishly, laughing helplessly, then glanced at the knight’s quarters.

Just as she was about to put the cigarette back in her mouth, she froze. She felt a gaze. Someone was standing in the external corridor leading from the main building to the quarters. It was Maximón. She recognized him immediately but pretended not to notice, keeping her gaze forward and casually placing the cigarette in her mouth.

She had repeatedly told herself not to care anymore, and now, even seeing him, she felt indifferent. As the footsteps drew closer, Najane hastily inhaled the smoke. When Maximón climbed the corridor, she threw the cigarette on the ground and stamped it out with her boots.

Rising from her chair, Najane greeted him in a flat voice.

“Good evening, Commander. Though I suppose it’s not really a time for greetings.”

“What are you doing here?”

Maximón stopped right in front of her. His emotionless eyes looked down at Najane, as if interrogating her. Najane glanced around at the noisy walls and answered.

“As you can see, I was just waiting.”

“So why are you doing this?”

“I volunteered.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a knight of Romsoa, and I volunteered out of devotion. Is that not reason enough?”

Najane gave a dry laugh, as if she felt no emotion. Maximón stared at her for a moment, then lowered his gaze. He seemed to be looking at the cigarette, which had been stomped on to the point where it was barely recognizable.

“Were you smoking?”

“You told me before that there’s a sedative provided to the soldiers.”

“You think I’m a fool? The sedative I gave doesn’t smell like that.”

“Is that so? I’m not sure, to be honest.”

She wished that Maximón would just leave and go back to the barracks. Confronting him in this situation was foolish. Normally, when their paths crossed, they would ignore each other, so she didn’t understand why he was acting this way now. Najane knew that the only way to keep her peace of mind was not to engage with Maximón.

So, she lowered her gaze and simply smiled. A faint, almost soundless smile, as if she had forgotten how to laugh out loud.

Maximón stared at her intensely. Her hair, drained of life; her eyes, bloodshot; her hollowed cheeks; the darkened and swollen lips…

The corridor was completely dark, without a single light, but Maximón could clearly see how wretched Najane looked. He realized immediately that something was wrong with her, and before he knew it, he had come here.

Around Najane, there was a distinct smell of bitter herbs. He knew what that smell was, and it made it impossible for him to suppress his anger. But more than that, he couldn’t help but feel vexed by the way Najane was avoiding his gaze and lowering her head.

Najane was physically expressing her desire to avoid facing Maximón any longer. Her blatant rejection made Maximón want to grab her slender arms, shake her violently, force her to look him in the eye, yell at her, kiss her dry, twisted lips, and tangle with her. Every time he saw her, he wanted to hold her, again and again, until she begged him to stop.

After changing his heart, Maximón felt a strange lightness. He was certain that no matter what he did, he could maintain a calm, detached demeanor. He remembered seeing Najane injured after fighting with the soldiers and dealing with the monsters.

If it were the old Maximón, he would have rushed in, furiously killing anyone involved with her injury, including the mercenaries and the creatures.

But he didn’t do that. He felt no such urge. If she had died that day, it would have been a bit regretful, but he wouldn’t have felt the usual anxiety or fear.

It was only then that Maximón realized: he had thought of Najane as something special because he was trying so hard to appear human. And once he let go of that desire, he was freed from the anxiety that had gripped his heart.

He fought like a man reborn. Now, he didn’t need someone like Najane. Even as he spoke cruel words that would hurt her, he felt no guilt, no sorrow.

At that moment, Maximón realized that he had truly returned to his true self. After that, Najane no longer mattered to him.

His interest in Najane had ended, and naturally, she disappeared from his field of vision. He saw no reason to search for her or meet her anymore. He believed it was all over.

But still, Maximón waited for her, as if it were completely natural. He expected her to come knocking on his door, asking for help, and to fall into his arms. Every time he heard someone moving in the next room, he looked toward the door.

Maximón didn’t understand himself. Could it have been because sex with Najane had been special? Perhaps. After all, she was his first—his first kiss, his first time. He had seen her in heat before, and he expected that she would eventually come to him.

“I don’t need you anymore, but you don’t feel the same.”

He waited. Like a dog waiting for its master, he waited, believing that Najane would come to him, whether because of the curse or some other reason. Tomorrow, the day after, the day after that.

Maximón was sure that she would open the door, so he could wait indefinitely. His ears were alert to every sound of Najane’s footsteps as she quietly passed through the corridor.

Najane didn’t hesitate at all when she reached Maximón’s door. She knew he was there, but she entered her own room as if she had no lingering attachment. If she had hesitated, Maximón would have opened the door.

Why?

Why, Najane?

Don’t you need me?