Chapter 55

I approach you stiffly, having chosen you to save me.

It seemed that the brick had really made Liang Daiwen give up. Expecting a few more rounds of push and pull, Liang Daiwen suddenly went silent. Gu Yi, typing halfway, found her phone quiet and felt a bit unaccustomed. But she wouldn’t take the initiative to contact Liang Daiwen, even though her longing had already changed into something unrecognizable.

Due to the popularity of the band program, brand events began inviting British bands to participate in exhibitions. “One Week” would release interviews to match the event, and candidates needed to be discussed. A group of people were picking members for the band, unaware that after the variety show, it would be hard to get any band invites. The official communication from the brand would be blocked by agents, and during meetings, Pony was still fretting. Jacqueline suggested that this invitation work should be handled by Lindsey. Gu Yi wanted to complain, thinking that if they wanted her to bother Xu Guanrui, they might as well say so directly.

Xu Guanrui replied quickly: “This year, the second season of the band program will feature a British band, very young, and I have a good relationship with them privately, but they’re not famous enough yet. You probably won’t want to invite them, but once they appear on the show, it’ll be hard to get them for events.”

“Letting luxury brands ignore traffic, like parents who don’t care about their kids’ grades, which lie is more ridiculous?” Gu Yi retorted, “You said the band’s fans are like me, so I’ll just do stand-up comedy at the event.”

“There’s also a band from the first season that was very popular. A brochure? I’ll contact them for you. I can’t guarantee success, but I’ll try my best.”

After Gu Yi sent the PDF, she specifically mentioned that this kind of show would definitely interest them, since it was prestigious enough, with magazines featuring cross-page interviews—celebrities were hard to book. Xu Guanrui said it wasn’t necessarily the case, as these people were into rock, and who knew what they might do.

On the surface, he said this, but Xu Guanrui never failed to meet her expectations. In the end, he casually said it was taken care of, though it would take a lot of time, phone calls, favors, and coordinating performance venue schedules... Jacqueline must have been sure Xu Guanrui would help Gu Yi with this task, just like he had helped her in the past.

The band’s schedule was finally confirmed, and the process with the organizers was set. The hotel, makeup, and styling team details were sent in the group chat, and enough time was reserved for interviews and photos. A row of thumbs-up appeared in the chat, and Gu Yi thought to herself that these people, including Jacqueline, were shamelessly taking advantage. At the critical moment when Liang Daiwen had taken advantage of Xu Guanrui’s efforts, it still felt like a refusal, even though Xu Guanrui had helped her out. Xu Guanrui didn’t accept her thanks, nor did he ask her to join for lunch, which left Gu Yi a bit puzzled. During the lunch break, she called Xu Guanrui, and he sounded like he had just woken up: “I hurt my back while checking the venue yesterday.”

”Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine. I was working overtime and even playing mahjong with the band. I can’t get up today.”

“Then I’ll come find you.”

“...Do you really have to come over?” Xu Guanrui sounded a bit troubled. “My place is a mess.”

“What’s our relationship? And you’re definitely losing to me in terms of mess,” Gu Yi sent a photo of her bedroom, piled high with clothes. “Don’t worry, I’m just bringing you some food.”

Gu Yi knocked on the door with porridge in hand. Xu Guanrui smiled awkwardly, holding his waist as he sat down in the living room. Gu Yi was stunned by the sight in front of her. Xu Guanrui’s living room and bedroom walls were completely covered with vinyl records and CDs, densely packed to form a unique wall design. If Liang Daiwen’s home tried to create a lively atmosphere with various homely things, Xu Guanrui’s place, with its walls stacked with records, had too deep a color, obsessively lacking warmth. It was completely different from his outward appearance—earlier, when she had called him a “scumbag,” it felt more like a misjudgment of her own.

Leaning on the sofa, Xu Guanrui opened the takeout but didn’t eat, waiting for Gu Yi to finish her tour. Gu Yi sat, stretching her neck: “When you mentioned this before, I thought it was a joke. Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m waiting for you to eat with me.” Xu Guanrui opened the chopsticks and handed them to her. “Some of these are from my dad. He travels all over the country to see his mistresses, and my mom couldn’t stand it. She told me to take all the CDs out within a month or she’d throw them away. I couldn’t bear it. How’s things with Liang Daiwen?”

“Nothing’s changed. He’s him, and I’m me.”

Xu Guanrui just smiled and stood up to get the second gift for Gu Yi. “The CD I promised you last time. Since you’re here, I’ll give it to you.”

It was a million-seller album from the 90s, from the synth pop era of Tetsuya Komuro. Gu Yi felt a bit touched. This was definitely a unique collectible, hard to find even as a used disc, and he must have personally hunted it down and was now parting with it for her. Xu Guanrui only said, “Someone who remembers I like fish balls, Four Treasures, and char siu pastry—taking one of my favorite albums is nothing.”

“And iced lemon tea. Let me open it for you.”

“Don’t be this good to me,” Xu Guanrui laughed dejectedly.

Gu Yi didn’t dare look at him. “You’ve helped me so much, what’s this? Besides, I get lonely without someone to eat with.”

“I know you had a fight with Pony to protect my PR drafts.”

“Did Jacqueline tell you?”

“I haven’t been in touch with her. It was Pony who called our new media colleagues, trying to change the drafts word by word. I told her not to touch anything, no matter who the author was. Once the draft is set, as long as it doesn’t touch on sensitive topics, it shouldn’t be altered, right?”

“Comrades.” Gu Yi hugged Xu Guanrui’s shoulders. “There won’t be any friendship like this in the world.”

“But it can’t turn into a boyfriend, right?”

Gu Yi choked up. Xu Guanrui shoved a char siu pastry into his mouth, speaking in a muffled voice, “It’s fine if you don’t give me an answer. But I’ve been waiting on the sidelines for so long, and it feels bad to have to send you away.”

“No, you’re you, Liang Daiwen is Liang Daiwen. I won’t turn you down because of him.”

“Then why apologize to me?” Xu Guanrui said lightly. “If you can say sorry to me, doesn’t that mean you’ve already made a choice in your heart?”

In the moment when Gu Yi turned, she knocked over the iced lemon tea. Xu Guanrui hunched over to grab a tissue, and the two of them frantically wiped it up. Gu Yi’s skirt hem got wet, and Xu Guanrui grabbed it with a tissue, accidentally exposing a strip of her skin. Flustered, their eyes met, and Xu Guanrui hugged her. The iced lemon tea had spilled on their knees. Xu Guanrui said, “If we had developed into bedmates like comrades back then, maybe everything would have changed. Or we’d have directly become a couple, or awkwardly grown apart. But now, being this restrained, it feels like I missed my chance—does everything in this world need unclear boundaries to move forward?”

She didn’t dislike Xu Guanrui. And over the past six months, the small moments of companionship had soaked into her like rain. Even when the sun came out, it wasn’t so easy to dry off. But she really couldn’t explain it any more clearly. Xu Guanrui was too clever and didn’t need much explanation from her.

But his hug was tight, giving her no chance to escape.

Over the weekend, the group was invited by Liang Daiwen to attend a publicity event for barrier-free design. Unlike the small-scale sharing at Liang Daiwen’s studio before, this time there were more than three hundred people at the venue. Liang Daiwen, holding a microphone, stood at the podium, speaking with great enthusiasm. He was the only barrier-free designer in Shanghai, sharing tracking videos of primary tremors in hands and young boys with cerebral palsy. On stage, he spoke about how usability and barrier-free design were complementary in user experience. He emphasized that during every product development cycle, they would actively integrate barrier-free design concepts, considering the inconvenience for disabled people and special use cases for regular users. For example, the team was working on visual effect capture that could gather more sensitive data. In barrier-free scenarios, it could be used by people with physical disabilities, and in health contexts, they could use the captured data for advertising in TV shows and variety programs. They had also worked on many barrier-free projects with universities, like Cameron University’s mobile navigation assistance...

On stage, Liang Daiwen seemed to shine, full of energy. Wearing glasses, every gesture and movement was full of charm—this was the environment that suited him best: simple, sophisticated, refreshing, and his aura seemed to merge perfectly with the PPT behind him. This Liang Daiwen was no longer someone Gu Yi could simply match with magazine copy. He had once thought he wasn’t worthy of her love, but now, it probably made her feel ashamed. And what Gu Yi didn’t expect next was: “As for why I do this work, I’m actually the first full-time barrier-free designer in China. The death of my mother had a huge impact on me and led to a communication disorder during my teenage years. I found it difficult to feel emotions and didn’t like to share with others. In the past year, my life has gone through significant changes. I used to like hiding in the crowd, thinking there was no need to communicate with those who didn’t want to understand me, and I hurt people who cared about me. But now, I want to step forward, change myself, and talk about my personal barriers to get help from others. Then, I’ll do my best to use my abilities to bring convenience to others...”

This part seemed to be directed at Gu Yi. She was sitting far in the corner, and Liang Daiwen’s gaze pointed at her. His expression didn’t change, just like the Liang Daiwen she used to know. Gu Yi’s cheeks flushed. This Liang Daiwen was the one she was familiar with. The passionate Liang Daiwen from a while ago was probably overjoyed just to see her.

The event concluded, and Liang Daiwen gathered his bag and walked over to her. “Liang Daiwen has booked a real-life CS game for team-building, and he’s taking the colleagues. We should go too.”

“Huh?”

“Weekends are for relaxing,” Gu Yi looked at her watch. “Is Xu Guanrui free?”

“He injured himself. I visited him a few days ago.”

“You went to his house?” Liang Daiwen’s expression changed.

“Yes.” Gu Yi didn’t look at Liang Daiwen, but the gaze behind her was clearly intense. Several people squeezed into a taxi, and Liang Daiwen looked at her through the rearview mirror. The expression on his face was anxious, as if he wanted to ask what happened at Xu Guanrui’s house but didn’t dare to.

Liang Daiwen’s booked CS game turned out to be more complicated than expected. The story had an apocalyptic backdrop: operatives were invited to carry out a mission but accidentally walked into a minefield and were surrounded by zombies. Each person had sixty rounds of ammunition; getting hit meant immediate elimination. The zombies would be attracted by the scent of blood (or fuel pellets), and the last person standing would escape. The zombies were played by real people who would act out terrifying sounds and biting motions. The eerie noises could already be heard at the entrance. Everyone helped each other put on protective gear. The armor around the ribs was very hard. Gu Yi held a gun while also holding her phone, and Liang Daiwen walked up behind her. “Let me help you put it on.”

As his fingers fixed it on her back, they brushed against her waist. The lights were dim, and the immersion was early. Gu Yi said, “What are you thinking behind me, taking so long?”

“It’s hard to wear, of course it takes time. ‘Busy behind you,’ that sounds weird.”

Blushing, Gu Yi grabbed her gun and ran off. “Pervert!”

There were a total of sixteen people on the field. As soon as Gu Yi entered, she hid. She had to conserve her ammo. The minefield would expand as the countdown continued, and Gu Yi carefully avoided detection. After twenty minutes, hearing the sound of thunder and gunfire, she managed to escape, becoming bolder, hiding behind others and eliminating two players, gradually developing an ambition to be the last one standing.

However, she had yet to encounter Liang Daiwen. In such a situation, it would be hard to guarantee not attacking him. And of course, what she feared came true. As Gu Yi turned around a corner, Liang Daiwen appeared. She raised her gun at him, but he didn’t react. He stood straight and looked at her. Gu Yi took two steps back, ready to leave. “If we meet again, I’ll kill you.”

“I’ll follow you. I’ll protect you, and I only want to be killed by you.”

She couldn’t stand hearing this kind of talk. The faster she ran, the closer Liang Daiwen got, and he was more terrifying than the zombies. Not far away, there were sounds of thunder and screams, and footsteps behind her. Liang Daiwen teased her, “Come on, shoot me. If you kill me, I’ll be yours.”

“Don’t say anything weird, okay?”

Liang Daiwen’s expression was serious. “If I feel it, I have to say it, and you need to know. You’re still mad at me, right? You could’ve killed me completely, no mercy. You’ve always been ruthless to me. The strawberry sucked too much, slapped me so hard I was bruised, I left for so long, you must have felt wronged. Now, even when you see me, you want to…”

Gu Yi aimed the gun at Liang Daiwen and started shooting rapidly. The sixty rounds in the clip were mostly saved for self-preservation, but now they were all aimed at Liang Daiwen. She chased after him, shooting. Liang Daiwen raised his hands and retreated, closing his eyes and letting her vent. His chest was covered in orange and yellow paint. Gu Yi cornered him, saying, “Pastries expire after six months, their flavor changes. Why do you think feelings won’t change, and you speak with confidence?”

Liang Daiwen didn’t dodge. Instead, he handed his gun to Gu Yi. She took it and pulled the trigger, landing several shots, causing Liang Daiwen to cough. The last shot hit him on the eyebrow. Gu Yi froze, feeling a tremor of fear. Liang Daiwen slumped against the wall, sitting on the ground, panting, surrendering to her gaze. His cheek was clearly hurt, and the corner of his eye was still trembling. Liang Daiwen asked, “Are you satisfied now?”

“No.” Gu Yi gritted her teeth, resisting the urge to run over and hug him. She made a cool gesture, like a tough female agent completing an assassination, and turned around to leave. The loudspeaker announced Liang Daiwen’s elimination. Gu Yi didn’t feel much relief and kept reminding herself that it was his own fault.

After turning a few corners, Gu Yi was suddenly discovered by a zombie. It turned out that when she shot Liang Daiwen, she got paint on her. The zombies traced the scent and found her. She was pursued by bandaged zombies with horrifying makeup, screaming and firing. Her legs grew weak. She hadn’t been eliminated yet, but she had to make it to the final round. The zombies chased her everywhere, but suddenly, Liang Daiwen appeared and protected her. Together, they attracted three zombies. Gu Yi quickly moved in front of Liang Daiwen to shield him, as she was still alive and had the gun.

But wait, she had used the gun on Liang Daiwen…

The zombies were confused. They roared at the two of them for a while. Under the bandages, one of the zombies seemed to frown and asked, “Where’s your gun?”

This question made Gu Yi feel confused as well. Was this her first time seeing a player without a gun in the field? She made a gun shape with her hand and said, “Can you see this? I can make a gunshot sound, and you pretend to fall…”

Liang Daiwen laughed from behind her. It was the first time Gu Yi had heard him laugh. The zombie squinted, trying to suppress the laughter, then roared and went to find other players. Liang Daiwen said, “You comedians can still be funny at times like this?”

“Obviously. You don’t have a gun, I don’t have a gun. Should we wait to die? The rule is that the dead are alive.”

“Why are you protecting me? I’m already dead.”

“None of your business.” Gu Yi suddenly realized she was sitting on Liang Daiwen’s lap, protecting his head. His chin was buried in her chest, and his breath tickled her neck, making her feel itchy all over. The scariest thing was that she could feel some strange changes in his body. Gu Yi blushed deeply and quickly jumped up. “You’re dead! Let’s get out of here!”

Gu Yi didn’t make it to the last round. Without a gun, she was completely defenseless against Yu Dule’s shooting. The game ended, and the group gathered in the rest area to wipe the paint off their bodies. Liang Daiwen walked up behind Gu Yi and said, “You probably misunderstood me.”

Gu Yi didn’t respond. The paint on her face was hard to wipe off. As she looked at herself in the mirror after changing clothes, Liang Daiwen was behind her, wiping off the yellow streaks on his face. He was looking down at his fingers, seemingly not daring to look at her, possibly to control the eager expression in his eyes.

“You said the relationship had soured, but I’ll always stay by your side and give you a fresh start to our feelings.”

“What exactly do you want to do?”

“I... I want to be with you.” Liang Daiwen seemed to have shed his madness, his ears turning red—he was shy.

This familiar sight made Gu Yi’s heart soften.

“Not long ago, I was a little crazy about you, I apologize. I was too excited to see you, and I held back on saying some things because I was afraid Xu Guanyue would get to them first and you’d misunderstand me—I was trying to open up.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“I like you. I didn’t approach you just for therapy.”

“Then why did you bring me home?”

“When I first brought you home, I had intentions. But at that time, I just wanted to try it, and you seemed so pitiful—having to endure the attention of your male roommate and the danger, yet still put up with it for rent. It made me uncomfortable. But when I was at home, I felt calm. I didn’t want anything to happen between us, sometimes when I felt uncomfortable, I’d exercise to get rid of the strange feelings in my body. If I felt anxious in the middle of the night, I’d get up and drink water. Seeing you sleeping in the living room felt like a sedative. It all started when you kissed my neck in the elevator. After that, I wanted to fight for you, to stay by your side, and whenever I heard you talking to other guys, I’d get nervous… You don’t know how sad I was after leaving Shanghai.”

Liang Daiwen looked at Gu Yi. “I thought there would be no major ups and downs in this life. Doctor Shen told me to observe carefully, to feel what happens when I experience love. All this time, I’ve been waiting.”

“Did you wait long?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“I’m done for.”