Chapter 18: Perhaps Most People Lie About Their First Time

Perhaps she hadn’t loved her boyfriend deeply. Perhaps the fear of being in an unfamiliar place outweighed any anticipation of sex. Or perhaps she simply hadn’t found pleasure with young boys. The realization that relationships between men and women could be interesting seemed to come only after years of being in love.

Yu Zhimei suddenly dreamed of the night she became a woman. It was autumn when she was nineteen, and she had gone to Yunxiang with her boyfriend for the first time. They mistakenly stayed in the sparsely populated Shuhe Ancient Town due to a wrong guidebook entry. That night, with the lights off and no one around, she had only listened to the sounds outside. Aside from the ancient town, Yunxiang wasn’t particularly lively. Later, recalling the muddy sneakers, the spilled plum wine, and the passionate kisses in the cold bathroom that left her trembling with goosebumps, Yu Zhimei always felt it hadn’t been a truly meaningful transformation into womanhood. Perhaps she hadn’t loved her boyfriend deeply, or perhaps the fear of being in an unfamiliar place overshadowed her expectations of sex. Or maybe she simply hadn’t found joy with young boys. The realization that intimacy between men and women could be enjoyable seemed to emerge only after years of being in love. As for her first time, it was likely an experience so terrible she didn’t want to remember it.

In truth-or-dare games with friends, such questions were inevitable. Yu Zhimei would always pretend to think long and hard before slowly answering, “Maybe twenty-one or twenty-two? I don’t quite remember.” When pressed for explicit details, she’d evade by drinking. Only men with a morbid curiosity about seeing women embarrassed seemed to take an unforgettable interest in such topics.

After taking Shi Rui back to the city on her motorcycle, Yu Zhimei never saw her again. Instead, she often dreamed of the dingy rented rooms from her post-graduation days and the string of unsavory men she’d encountered there. It wasn’t until she searched online for a few photos of Jian Zhaowen and downloaded them to her phone that he finally appeared in her dreams. In the dream, as she moved into the attic for the first time, Jian was already at the neighboring window, greeting her: “I’m Jian Zhaowen. Are you the new neighbor? Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“Who proposes dating on the first meeting?”

“Because I know I’m your type. If you don’t agree soon, I’ll be moving out!”

Waking up, Yu Zhimei smelled the dampness of her pillow. The small room on the third floor of Miaolin Dessert Shop had a tiny window. Ruru stood on the table, gazing outside. There were no flowers, plants, or birds—only a few small windows across the way—but he still curiously watched the insects flying past the window before leaping onto the bed, his paws dirtying the blanket. This was the same blanket she and Jian Zhaowen had once shared. Jian had a pleasant scent—when he sweated slightly, it was irresistible, especially when he held her close. Even in deep, drunken sleep, he would fling his arm outside the covers, dividing the blanket into three sections like a battlefield.

Thinking further would probably drive her mad. She got up, tidied herself, locked the inner door, and left. Ruru would now stay alone in He Jie’s small bedroom. And… since moving out of the old house, she hadn’t seen Shi Rui in a long time.

Lily, a former intern who had just joined PwC, sent an entire box of imported snacks to the company. Monkey Brother carried the camera and stuffed chocolates into his backpack before heading out with Xiaolong. He cheerfully urged Yu Zhimei: “Sister Mei, hurry up with the new script! We’ll read it in the car and start shooting as soon as we arrive.”

“Five minutes. I remember everything you said last time.”

A few nights ago, Monkey Brother had received a message from Yu Zhimei late at night: “Monkey, let’s do something big—how about a new nostalgia series?” Perplexed by her sudden shift away from ads, Monkey Brother watched as she walked into Boss Xing’s office with a fresh proposal. To attract new users, Yu Zhimei had re-planned a program called Talking Cars with Heart , telling stories about popular cars on the market. Instead of writing ads, she began crafting narratives around trending topics among young people—romance, brotherhood, urban tales—and weaving in the developmental history of various car models. Boss Xing, worried about the lack of new advertisers, reluctantly approved the plan despite his doubts about the plot, allocating a budget.

The company now had two independently operated video series. Boss Xing ran one called Brother Xing’s Car Adventures , featuring his own and his friends’ cars, which he modified and filmed for videos before selling them off. No full-time copywriter was needed for that. Meanwhile, Yu Zhimei, Monkey Brother, and Xiaolong worked on scripted content, focusing on everyday car models, advertisements, and trending topics. Monkey Brother, though not conventionally handsome, had been the soul of his university drama club—a born comedian. Today’s star was a BMW Z4, and they were headed to the suburbs to shoot, planning to return before the end of the workday. Yu Zhimei had crafted a refined yet roguish character for him—someone with a hidden sports car passion who also wanted to flaunt in the city, drawing women’s attention. After receiving the new script, Monkey Brother messaged her: “Sister Mei, am I worthy of this script? Is it tailored for some handsome guy?”

“Of course, it’s for your acting dream.”

“I see. This is your ideal type. I can feel your love for the character in this script.”

“That’s my love for the Z4. You know how excited I get about cars I like.”

The Z4 was a flamboyant soft-top convertible, its design rivaling the Porsche 718, with handling superior to others in its price range. Yu Zhimei had test-driven it before writing the script, and just sitting behind the wheel made her heart race. During lunch breaks, she and Monkey Brother had passionately debated whether this car or the M2 would be their dream first sports car. After much deliberation, she chose the Z4. An M2 confined to the city was like a wild horse without a prairie—it belonged on a track. Reflecting on their lofty dreams while raising a toast, they laughed at themselves: how much wine had they drunk to dare dream such grandiose plans when they couldn’t even afford a license plate?

Especially now, living in the dessert shop, her top priority should have been finding a new place. With her eyes closed, she could recite every station along the subway line. Without her garden loft, she halved her budget, hoping for a modest, livable space. Boxes were stacked in the small room at the dessert shop, and she jumped on the bed, thinking she needed to find a place quickly and move out within three days—or risk running into He Jie’s clandestine visitors. Every app was flooded with housing recommendations; even casually scrolling through Weibo showed rental listings. Who invented these algorithms? They relentlessly reminded her of her need for a home.

Algorithms, algorithms—why so many?

When He Jie heard that Yu Zhimei had been evicted, she immediately cleared out the small room on the third floor of the dessert shop. Yu Zhimei didn’t want to live there—it was He Jie’s business, after all, and staying might disrupt operations or disturb her rest. Moreover, thinking about the men frequenting the shop, she felt the little room had likely witnessed many scandalous encounters. He Jie, of course, knew what she was thinking: “Do you think I rent this place out for secret affairs? Please, I may be lonely, but I’m not desperate. Are you going to let me help you or not?”

She couldn’t argue. There were almost no pet-friendly hotels in the city center, and renting required a hefty deposit and three months’ rent upfront—her bank account couldn’t handle it. Walking down the street, Yu Zhimei felt a pang of guilt. In this city where every inch of land was precious, moving was exhausting. Friends like He Jie were rare.

What she didn’t expect, however, was being followed. On her way home from work, after buying dinner from a convenience store, she noticed someone lingering nearby. In the anti-theft mirror above, she spotted a curly-haired man in a denim jacket wearing a mask, unbothered if she saw him. Thinking she was being stalked, Yu Zhimei stopped at a corner, pressing herself against the wall. When the man hurried closer, she stepped in front of him: “Are you following me?”

“No—I’m looking for Qingke. Do you know her?”

Yu Zhimei understood. Qingke was a nickname derived from “Jinghe,” He Jie’s online alias. The man’s target was He Jie. But why follow her instead of going directly to the dessert shop? Before she could respond, the man removed his sunglasses, revealing deep-set eyes beneath high brows: “Are you Qingke’s friend? Can you get her to remove me from her blacklist? I want to see her, but if I approach her directly, she’ll hate me.”

“What?”

“I said the wrong thing—I told her she was getting old, and she blocked me. But I really like her… I gave her my first time… I just need a chance to apologize.”

The phrase “first time” stung awkwardly. Yu Zhimei closed her eyes to steady herself: “I’ll pass on your apology. But stop following me. I’m only staying there temporarily, and I don’t want to help you. If you really want to see her, just go to the shop and have some dessert.”

“She’s married, I know. We agreed not to disrupt her real life.”

Yu Zhimei was shocked. The boy in the denim jacket gave a bitter smile: “I’m too pathetic—she doesn’t like weak men. But I don’t know what else to do…”

“Forget about her.” Yu Zhimei felt a tightness in her chest: “She’s not worth it.”

When she returned to Miaolin Dessert Shop, He Jie was chatting cheerfully with an elderly couple. Her face seemed more animated than when she hid under her umbrella, almost content. Seeing Yu Zhimei, He Jie greeted her lightly. Feeling irritated, Yu Zhimei went straight upstairs. He Jie followed, scooping up Ruru: “Why are you so angry all of a sudden? Work not going well?”

“The boy you’ve been flirting with online has been following me for days.”

“Which one?”

“The one with big, mixed-race eyes.”

“Oh, him.” He Jie squinted: “He’s kind of cute, even though it’s obvious he’s had plastic surgery. But—it’s not love. He wants me to buy him things, like bags. That’s not affection; it’s extortion.”

“Be careful. At least he won’t disrupt your life. If you meet someone who pushes you to expose everything, you’ll be in trouble.”

“Not at all. If I can’t even shut a man up, how could I call myself a seductive older sister?”

“What about the time you got slapped?”

“When did that happen? I don’t remember.”

He Jie denied it outright. As Yu Zhimei stared in disbelief, He Jie glanced down at her half-grown nails: “You should thank Jian Zhaowen for creating that app. If he hadn’t told me there were still apps where people could connect and ease their loneliness, I’d have suffocated by now. Even if nothing happens, just chatting makes me feel less like I’m sleeping in a morgue every night.”

“Don’t act so pitiful. Your husband’s already chasing you to the dessert shop. Does he have no idea you’re cheating?”

“What you see has nothing to do with this. And—you’re judging me now, aren’t you? In the end, you think I’m immoral, a whore, right?”

“Your husband loves you so much, and you’re out here like this. Anyone would think you shouldn’t be doing this, right?”

“What if I told you my husband’s family looks down on me, emotionally abuses me, won’t let me work outside, and refuses to divorce me? Opening this dessert shop is just a temporary measure. Would you still think I’m immoral?”

Yu Zhimei froze. The image of He Jie being slapped after borrowing a motorcycle on that rainy night flashed in her mind. Everything matched her suspicions exactly. He Jie’s expression turned serious, then collapsed into a nervous smile: “I’m joking. Remember to keep today’s conversation a secret, okay?”

He Jie set Ruru down and walked out. Yu Zhimei stood rigid, unable to move as He Jie’s words—whether true or false—left her stunned. Before leaving, He Jie turned back: “What’s Shi Rui been up to lately? She usually comes for health-focused desserts. Did she move out too?”

Yu Zhimei avoided answering: “He Jie, when was your first time with a guy…?”