SOTBW - 30

Najane muttered to herself bitterly. At her words, Maximón hesitated. He couldn’t immediately respond with a “no.”

From the start, he had intended to use Najane, and that thought still lingered in his mind. Though it was no longer as firm as before, it remained an important issue in Maximón’s mind.

He wanted Najane to stay by his side for as long as possible, yet at the same time, he hoped that because of her, Edwin would choose him. Lucas had often raged, saying Maximón would one day become the Marquis of Elgort, but Maximón had no interest in a title.

What Maximón desired was simple... He wanted someone who would love him unchangingly, even knowing he was a terrible person. And the only person who could do that was Edwin. Edwin’s paternal love was the most massive and profound love Maximón had ever witnessed.

Maximón lowered his head and gazed at Najane, rubbing his eyes. Would he really throw her away if she became useless? No, that couldn’t be. He wouldn’t discard her. In fact, he thought he would be glad if Najane became so weak that she couldn’t go anywhere.

He knew that people had started calling Najane the White Knight. That news had probably reached Edwin as well. The king would praise Edwin, and that positive momentum would eventually reach Maximón.

But while Maximón wanted Najane to shine as a knight of Romsoa, he also wished for her to fall more miserably than anyone else. He already knew how disgusting and ugly he was, but still, he couldn’t stop imagining that Najane would become isolated and only look at him.

Maximón would rather have Najane be unhappy at his side than happy with someone else. He wished for her to abandon all hope and rely solely on him, clinging to him, so that she wouldn’t think of anything but him...

No one would ever call such terrible feelings love. But for Maximón, he needed Najane. While with her, he could forget his own brutality, cruelty, and the occasional thought of killing people as easily as he killed Serith.

Maximón, with a twisted expression, looked down at Najane. It seemed she was just as uncomfortable with the situation as he was. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to stop her from saying anything more, to seal her lips and bind her tongue before she could crumble.

Rubbing his forehead, Maximón tightly closed his eyes and then opened them.

“Am I scary?”

He hoped Najane would answer “no.” But she didn’t speak. Maximón cupped her face with both hands and tilted it upward. Like someone being chased, he asked again.

“Answer me, Najane. I asked if I’m scary.”

“Captain, I...”

“Are you afraid I’ll kill you like I did those pig-like mercenaries?”

He waited, hoping Najane would finally look at him. He didn’t realize that his face was so twisted, as though it might break into tears at any moment.

It was the same for Najane. She refused to meet his gaze. As her eyes sank lower, Maximón’s heart began to race faster.

The pounding in his ears grew louder, and Maximón was suddenly aware of his heartbeat. It was a sound he hadn’t consciously acknowledged since childhood.

Najane, dropping her practice sword, carefully pushed Maximón’s hands away from her face. In that moment, Maximón felt his heart drop. His reason, which had been passionately connected to the rhythm of his heartbeat, shattered in an instant.

He could no longer control his expression. Najane, staring at the Serith’s eye Maximón had forced into her hand, spoke in a melancholy voice.

“As long as I’m useful to you, you won’t do that, will you? Because you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t. The reason you’re looking after my curse... is not really for me, but because you need my ability...”

The area around their quarters became noisy. It seemed the knights had returned.

“You must be tired. I’ll go now. See you at the battle meeting.”

Najane, avoiding Maximón’s gaze, hurried into the quarters like she was running away. Maximón stood still, staring at her hair swaying like the tail of a fleeing colt.

‘Ha, hahaha, stupid bastard! No one in this world will ever understand a monster like you. My father? My father, you say? He’s still human. You’ll be rejected by everyone because of the things you’ve done. Everyone will fear you and run away! Remember my words, Maximón! You cursed bastard!’

Lucas’ mocking words began to gnaw at Maximón’s mind. He stared at the direction Najane had disappeared and then, as if trying to tear himself apart, cupped his face with his hands. He recalled Amelia, who had been forgiven by Najane.

“Why...”

Why won’t you forgive me, Najane? Maximón’s pale face twisted more painfully than ever. He felt as if he might collapse from the agony and turned away.

His heart raced rapidly. He wanted to tear it out. He thought that if he did, this anxiety and frustration would disappear.

Suddenly, he remembered what he had hidden deep underground in the abandoned room. To rationalize that he was human, he had to hide it in the dark, damp basement.

He began walking with vacant eyes. Among the people, Maximón’s laboratory was known as the “abandoned room.” Beneath it, there was a large space created during the old wars to hide important figures of the fortress, a place that was virtually unknown to anyone other than Maximón and Didina.

Maximón firmly locked the door and surveyed the cramped laboratory. The blackout curtains made everything pitch black, but to his eyes, everything was as clear as daylight.

He threw aside the books piled haphazardly and pushed the clutter aside, revealing a hidden door under the carpet. Without a lamp, he descended the long stairs. The secret space contained only a broken-down chair about to collapse and a small storage box placed on it.

Maximón stood still, staring down at the storage box. Inside, something continued to throb and jump.

Kneeling, he carefully opened the box. In the pitch-black darkness that enveloped the basement, nothing should have been visible, but Maximón clearly saw what was inside the box.

It was a bright blue heart. A blue heart that could never exist in a normal human body.

On the first day he arrived at Noctis Fortress, Maximón had torn out his heart from his chest and hidden it here. It didn’t matter. Beyond his ribs, he still had another heart, just like any other human.

Maximón leaned his forehead against the creaking chair, closing his eyes. Ever since Najane rejected his touch, his heart had hurt terribly. He had never experienced pain before because any wound he suffered would quickly heal. So Maximón thought there was only one way to deal with this pain: to rip out his red heart.

Maximón clutched his chest, feeling a violent nausea and stabbing pain in his solar plexus. The reason he tore the blue heart out at the age of nineteen was simple: he didn’t want people to discover that he was a real monster...

But now, he feared that emotionally reacting to Najane’s rejection and abandoning his last shred of humanity to become a complete monster was worse than tearing out his heart.

If he replaced his heart, he would be able to handle things more rationally. He could abandon any useless hope and use Najane efficiently. He wouldn’t feel guilt, and his relationship with her would become much drier.

For a moment, he was lost in a foolish delusion, caused by the wind shaking the blue barley fields that day...

Maximón unsheathed his sword and chuckled softly. Without hesitation, he drove the blade into his chest. Clenching his teeth, he dragged the sword downward, and hot blood poured out in a surge. The blood that soaked the damp floor was red for a moment, then quickly turned blue.

He threw the sword aside and shoved his hand into the wound. The heart he gripped in his hand throbbed violently. Maximón ripped it out with a dying gasp. The thick blood vessels tore with a harsh sound, and blood gushed out in torrents.

Maximón, gasping for breath from the intense pain, shoved the cold blue heart into his gaping chest. Immediately, the wide wound closed, and the heart naturally settled back into its place.

Maximón stared at the heart in his hand, then buried his head in the ground.

If he gave this to Najane, would she be happy?

Curled up in the blood puddle, Maximón laughed like a fool.

Now, thinking of Najane didn’t make his heart ache anymore.

________________________________________

“I heard you were seriously injured. Was the head maid exaggerating?”

Najane, inspecting the holy sword, flinched at the sudden voice and turned around. It was Belshua. Belshua, holding his helmet by his side, was looking down at Najane with a doubtful expression, as if questioning whether she was really okay.

“It was just a shallow cut, so as long as I don’t overexert myself, I should be fine...” Najane replied.

“No need for formalities. We’re both knights.”

“But I heard you’re the longest-serving knight in Romsoa.”

“I was just lucky. Don’t use honorifics, it sounds uncomfortable. You spoke casually to Daniel.”

“That’s because Daniel said it was fine...”

“You can speak casually to all the knights of Noctis.”

Belshua smiled meaningfully. However, Najane thought his words were more of an attempt to make her feel at ease than anything that held deep meaning.

“Then from now on, I’ll speak casually.”

Najane quickly dropped the formalities, as it seemed ridiculous for Belshua to insist on them. She heard the sound of drums from the direction of the battlements. Looking up, she saw veteran knights rushing to the frontlines.

Among them was Maximón. He seemed uninterested in his matters with Najane, showing a much more emotionless expression than usual. A shadow fell over Najane’s face as she gazed at him. Belshua, looking at the knights, asked.

“Did you fight with the commander?”

“...Suddenly?”

Najane flinched inwardly but responded calmly.

Belshua, looking down at Najane, smiled faintly.

“I just thought he seemed upset.”

“Why do you think it’s because of me?”

“Well, the commander’s only concern is you.”

Najane hesitated at Belshua’s unwavering certainty. She wanted to ask how much Belshua knew, but it seemed like a futile question, so she awkwardly smiled instead. However, Belshua didn’t leave, as if determined to find out what had happened between Najane and Maximón.

Scratching her cheek, Najane asked in a quiet voice.

“...I’m curious about something. Did the commander...?”

“The incident with the mercenaries being executed without reason? I know about it. I was there too.”

Najane’s eyes widened at Belshua’s calm words.

It was then that Belshua seemed to have guessed what had transpired between the two of them.

“Believe it or not, it was the best choice at the time. The commander always believes the choice he makes in the moment is the best one, even if it brings unforeseen consequences later.”

Belshua, wearing his helmet, gazed at the darkness settling around the fortress.

Looking back, humans had always been like this. They always sullied and advanced history in selfish ways. They were creatures who, despite knowing that tragedy would strike, made choices driven by pain and regret. In their fleeting lives, they desperately tried to shine like stars, both beautiful and disgusting.

“Help me... It has to be you. I can’t do it alone. I’ve failed so many times already... If I don’t complete this now, I’ll never see Sainth again. I’ll beg you. Please, please save Sainth...”

Belshua, recalling the longing voice, turned his gaze to Najane. Najane looked just like that person in Belshua’s memories. The only difference was the color of her eyes.

Belshua, remembering that person’s violet eyes, turned his back to Najane. Before heading to the front lines where Maximón was waiting, Belshua spoke.

“Tonight, the Tenia mercenary group will guard the third wall with the Recheo knights. Watch how the mercenaries fight. Then, you might understand him a little better.”