Chapter 56

The moment of feeling love - I’m done for.

Even though it was just those three words, Gu Yi quickly understood the meaning. The two of them stood outside the men’s and women’s changing rooms, and Liang Daiwen’s explanation was even more emotional than she had expected:

“The moment I felt love, I was done for. I can’t do anything now, all I want is to love you, nothing else matters.”

Her heart seemed to jump to her throat, and she could barely breathe. The protective suit wouldn’t come off. Liang Daiwen moved behind her and said, “Your clothes are caught, don’t rush.”

“I’m not that dramatic, just pull it out.”

The hand that had reached behind her was suddenly caught by her. Liang Daiwen seemed startled, quickly pulling back his hand. Gu Yi stopped dodging; it was just helping her zip up, nothing major. Her hair blocked her view, and Liang Daiwen gently brushed it over her shoulder, as if touching something fragile. His fingertips grazed her neck, making Gu Yi shiver. Liang Daiwen said seriously, “Avoiding me won’t solve the problem. If you hate me, I’ll stay at a safe distance, I won’t get close to you.”

At that moment, the protective suit slipped off her body, like her heart giving up its defenses. Gu Yi hugged the suit and turned around, but Liang Daiwen had already left the hallway. She rushed into the changing room. In the next room, a girl was saying, “I really like Devin, he’s so aloof, his WeChat replies are so cold, but it’s so addicting. I just saw him earlier being chased and hit by a girl. I felt so sorry for him...”

It sounded gentle, like someone raised with good manners. Another colleague chimed in, “You’re colleagues, take the chance to get closer to him. It’s a pity he reports to America, so he’s not around on weekends. Otherwise, we could hang out more often, you’d have more common topics. That girl doesn’t have your looks or figure, and you’re from Harvard, so why not try?”

Gu Yi peeked her head out and saw a white skirt.

Liang Daiwen was having dinner with colleagues, a group of over ten people had already left. Several girls surrounded him, still seriously discussing a game, and one of them, wearing a white skirt, was closely following Liang Daiwen, clearly liking him. Gu Yi thought, with such an outstanding and upright man, he would never be short of admirers.

Not eating with Guan Xingxin and the others, Gu Yi went alone to ounce to watch as an audience member. Yu Dule wasn’t there, nor were there any other familiar actors. She just wanted to be alone, to accept some strangers’ laughter. Passing by Liang Daiwen’s former studio, Gu Yi stopped and stared at the dark entrance of the villa. Not long ago, she didn’t dare to look because she was too heartbroken. Now standing by the roadside, the sadness was still evident. She knew that even though they weren’t strangers anymore and he really liked her, that most cherished memory was getting further away. She wasn’t ready to let Liang Daiwen of now rewrite that memory. Liang Daiwen had learned how to live a normal life, and it wouldn’t be just her precious memory anymore. The barrier that separated him from others was something she had broken down herself. If she didn’t hold onto him now, he might become someone else’s target.

Was she ready to let him go?

At home, Gu Yi pulled the dirty laundry basket and began washing clothes. The stain on her jeans was from lemon tea. As she picked it up and was about to put it into the washing machine, she noticed two long yellow hairs stuck to the clothes. She never dyed her hair, so they weren’t hers.

Maybe it was from that time during a CS game when they had a scuffle, or perhaps the clothes from the fight shop hadn’t been cleaned in time... Gu Yi’s chest tightened. Women’s intuition was often spot on, and even without thinking it through carefully, the result still surfaced.

Her phone vibrated, interrupting her thoughts. Guan Xingxin texted: “Liang Daiwen wants us to go to his house, remember, he missed an invitation before, so he’s making it up to us this time.”

“You’re definitely the one creating opportunities for him.”

“Don’t say it out loud.”

“You’re really working hard for Liang Daiwen. There are so many people chasing him, there’s no need for you to like me.”

“Little rabbit, I’m doing it for you.”

Gu Yi froze.

“As you said, Liang Daiwen will have many people chasing him, but it has nothing to do with me. You’re my best friend, the one who helped me solve problems when I wanted to end my life. No matter who I’m in a relationship with, you’ll always be my hero. If there’s only one person who can be happy in this world, I’d want it to be you, from the bottom of my heart.”

Not knowing what to say, Gu Yi started the washing machine, and the loud rumbling noise filled the room. Guan Xingxin asked on the phone, “Where are you? Is there any danger?”

“The washing machine. The landlord refuses to replace it, and the lid keeps falling off. It even walks on its own during the spin cycle.”

Guan Xingxin chuckled on the other end of the line, “You’re just like Liang Daiwen—always resisting awkward situations. You really should come to the family gathering. He’s been very serious about asking me to make sure you come.” Her tone shifted to seriousness. “If you really don’t want to, then just end it. Dragging it on will ruin all the memories. You don’t want that, do you?”

Gu Yi finished getting ready at home and took the music box with her—if it really had to end, it would be the only gift worth giving. If she returned it, it would be a kind of farewell ceremony. She was half an hour late to the 14th floor. The room was full of people. Uncle Lu and Yu Dule were sitting in front of the TV, chatting about a comedy show. Uncle Lu was even darker from the sun; his dealings with Russia had made him bolder with vodka. Guan Xingxin was busy in the kitchen, and the table was filled with exquisite local dishes—though she appeared delicate and petulant, she surprisingly managed a warm, cozy home life. Liang Daiwen nodded when he saw Gu Yi and shyly ducked into the kitchen. A man stood up from the sofa—it was Doctor Shen.

After greeting Doctor Shen, Gu Yi intended to help in the kitchen but encountered Liang Daiwen, who was bringing out food. They both tried to pass by each other—left and right, right and left—until neither could make way for the other, and their bodies got uncomfortably close. Liang Daiwen reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder, holding her in place, then swapped positions with her. They exchanged glances for a few seconds, both feeling awkward.

It felt like a robotic waltz. The warmth from their shoulders gradually faded, and Gu Yi watched the man walk toward the living room. Her ears were still red, but his previous frantic delivery of takeout seemed to have faded, like mist on a window. Doctor Shen appeared at the kitchen door, entering sideways. “What are we cooking?”

“Curry.”

Guan Xingxin scooped up a spoonful and blew on it before feeding it to Doctor Shen, eager to see the approval in his expression. She walked back to Gu Yi and greeted her first. “Want to chat?”

The two of them pushed open the study door, and Doctor Shen was direct: “How do you feel seeing Liang Daiwen again?”

“Complicated.”

“What did he say to you?”

“He said he was done.”

“He said the same thing to me in America.”

“Done, and then came to torment me?”

“Don’t like it?”

“It’s not that... I don’t know how to face him. He’s so different from the Liang Daiwen I knew before—cold and aloof. Now... he’s like someone who gives me so little love but suddenly wants to kill me with a fatal dose.”

This made Doctor Shen burst out laughing. “Cherish it. When this phase passes, if you let him, he wouldn’t let you. You know, when he was in America, he underwent hypnosis. I prescribed sleeping pills for him. He said he vaguely dreamed of something. He’s never had much imagination—since adolescence, he hasn’t really dreamed.”

“What did he dream about?”

“Nothing much. It was vague, and he doesn’t remember.” Doctor Shen lit a cigarette in the study. “Meeting him is tough, isn’t it?”

Gu Yi frowned at his habit. Doctor Shen explained, “Well, he kept me up for half a month, so I’m having a cigarette as a bit of revenge.”

Compared to Liang Daiwen’s self-restraint, Doctor Shen was truly “human”—free, spontaneous, and full of self-expression. She changed the subject. “Is emotional dysfunction common?”

“More common in Asia. Our vocabulary for expressing emotions is often mixed up with words for physical pain. Plus, society suppresses men’s emotions, so we tend to ignore their feelings. But actually, the ones who reflect on it and seek treatment are often more educated and have a stronger moral sense. Others don’t realize it’s emotional dysfunction, thinking of it as just the character of men, and they end up venting in inappropriate ways. I know some men in their fifties who suddenly start pursuing their own identity after repressing themselves for half a lifetime. Liang Daiwen is fortunate—he’s able to recover to this point at a young age.”

Gu Yi suddenly thought of Xu Guanyue’s father, whose whereabouts were still unknown, perhaps also suffering from emotional dysfunction. She said, “I really want to know... why he chose me.”

“You’re a bit insecure.”

“I’m not. I never used to care about status. When I interviewed big directors or foreign designers, I treated them all equally. But when he rejected me at the airport, I spent a long time doubting myself. That kind of rejection with no reason makes you lose confidence. Did I do something wrong? Was I not worth trusting, or maybe I don’t deserve love? Emotional dysfunction really hurts the people around you.”

“Approaching you took a lot of courage for him. He made up his mind the time he ran into you after playing squash. You looked so tired, but you still tried to make him laugh. Because you hadn’t succeeded in making him laugh before, you even jumped when a soccer ball scared you... He thought, maybe you, with your bright personality, could be the one to save him. People who do comedy are used to turning their pain into jokes, and that’s the kind of trait that can help him stay with you. You both have a deep thinking nature... He’s picky; he wouldn’t just pick any random comedian for a relationship.”

Gu Yi blushed slightly, reaching for a drawer, which was not locked and opened easily. Inside, there were a lot of books on stand-up comedy, their pages covered with sticky notes. They were part of a series published in the winter of 2018—all books bought after meeting him.

She froze.

Doctor Shen slowly said, “After doing psychological counseling for so long, half of the couples I see have issues with love. Sometimes I think, maybe people come into this world just to meet certain individuals. Some people might not have enough emotional capacity from birth, their attitude toward life is negative, and they don’t have many worldly desires. So, life arranges a kind of illness to make them meet someone who can shake their world. In the moment, things might seem dramatic, but over the course of a life, the love entanglements are encounters created to heal each other. There are two possible outcomes: becoming a couple or loving someone without being able to be together. But the experience is irreplaceable. It will make the less emotional person change in some way, and the more emotional one will suffer, extending their life’s growth. How should I put it... the will to survive and the desire for growth.”

Gu Yi looked at Dr. Shen, her heart pounding as she felt somewhat moved by the theory. Dr. Shen stood up. “Let’s not talk about this in the study; Liang Daiwen probably thinks I’m speaking ill of him.”

She seemed to remember something. “I have a question. Why is Guan Xingxin seeing you as a doctor? Is it because of her four parents?”

“Kind of. The specifics are private, but the main issue she wanted to solve is probably that she can’t seem to focus on liking someone. She always wants to have a ‘special relationship’ with everyone, easily liking people, whether it’s romantic or as friends.”

This made something click in Gu Yi’s mind. Outside the door, Guan Xingxin was bringing pizza, calling for Yu Dule to come take it. Gu Yi said, “You like her too, don’t you?”

Dr. Shen turned around with a smile. “But I don’t have any intentions toward my patients. To be more brutal, I wouldn’t be with a patient.”

Just as he was about to open the door, Gu Yi pushed it shut forcefully. The noise startled Dr. Shen. Gu Yi looked at his face and said, “Dr. Shen, let me remind you that she has a boyfriend now and is very happy. Once a patient leaves your office, they should no longer be treated as a patient. Learning to respect them is a basic quality of a psychologist.”

“What are you talking about? You’re misunderstanding.”

With that, he opened the door, still keeping his eyes fixed on Gu Yi, as if to intimidate her.

Several people were chatting in the living room. Guan Xingxin was sitting next to Yu Dule, still wearing her apron, enthusiastically serving pizza; Lu Ming’s gaze fell on the two of them with some regret but he tried to join the conversation, discussing northeast traders at the Sino-Russian border; Liang Daiwen was leaning against the chair, most of the food on the table not fitting his dietary routine, doing his best to adapt.

Guan Xingxin cheerfully greeted Dr. Shen, “Why did you talk for so long? Did the little bunny run into a problem?”

“She’s concerned about Liang Daiwen.” Dr. Shen pointed to Liang Daiwen. “How’s your insomnia lately?”

Liang Daiwen shot Gu Yi a glance, his ears turning red. “It’s better.”

“How did you get better? It wouldn’t be because you’re back with Gu Yi, right?”

“No, just counting stars.”

“Where are the stars in Shanghai? Liar.” Guan Xingxin patted Liang Daiwen’s shoulder.

Gu Yi grew more suspicious as she thought about it, losing her appetite. Using the excuse of needing to use the bathroom, she went into Liang Daiwen’s bedroom, crawling under the bed. Sure enough.

There were stars everywhere under the bed. The “counting stars” method they had just been teasing him about was something only they knew. Liang Daiwen had actually pasted 162 stars under the bed, all the nights he had spent away. Just thinking about the nights he couldn’t sleep and would crawl under the bed to paste stars made Gu Yi’s heart ache—he hadn’t changed at all, the clumsy guy who would crawl under the bed and paste stars.

She heard footsteps, and Liang Daiwen bent down to look at her, following her under the bed. The space under the bed was small, and they were closer than last time. Gu Yi laughed first, saying, “Why is it that when others are chatting on the bed, we’re under it?”

After saying that, she felt the atmosphere shift, and quickly stopped. Liang Daiwen, however, didn’t notice. His comprehension seemed to have not fully recovered, and that was probably for the best.

“It’s not for you. Don’t feel pressured.”

“Mm...”

“When I was in the U.S. with nothing to do, I finished Monument Valley. After I finished it... I felt a little moved.”

“Mm?”

“I felt like that Ada. Each level she completes is like atonement. Each level I went through was like searching for myself. Climbing to the top of a tower, crossing the sea, walking through a maze, all to find myself. You might have been that totem, falling into the sea, it didn’t matter, breaking yourself didn’t matter, but I was still doing everything I could to stay by your side. When the totem broke, I felt sad—getting emotional from a game, it’s a bit embarrassing.”

“No. People create these little games to leave behind some emotion, don’t they?”

“You said I was like a robot? I finished watching Ando Robot.”

“Oh?”

“It’s not a romance drama, and the plot doesn’t hold up under much scrutiny. But in these 600 minutes, the male protagonist, with all his middle school spirit and passion, tells a story of a man turning into a hero for love.”

Sure enough, this man was still analyzing things seriously. Liang Daiwen, with his usual serious tone, made a motion with his hand, drawing circles.

“When Mo Island’s Rishi made another ARXII-13 like himself to protect his wife, that itself was romantic, and when the wife renames it to ‘Royd,’ it’s a robot with feelings. Everything changes once the little moments of life are written into its programming.”

Gu Yi heard something different in Liang Daiwen’s words and looked at him. He stared back, speaking firmly: “I’m a robot you’ve reprogrammed. I’m not the cold person I used to be. Whether it’s to protect you, or to protect the memories we’ve had, I won’t leave you. Even if you’re not with me, I will guard the memory of us as best I can. You, who’ve had this memory, won’t deny it, and will live happily. That would be enough for me—you’re my only wish.”

It was truly unbelievable. These words, coming from Liang Daiwen, sounded almost magical. Dr. Shen’s somewhat poetic theory had truly touched her. Was it possible that she and Liang Daiwen had really come into this world just to meet?

Liang Daiwen tilted his head to look at her, only a few centimeters away. Gu Yi crawled out from under the bed, reaching for a velvet box. Her heart skipped a beat. If she wasn’t mistaken...

Her hand moved before her mind caught up. It was the tooth—her pride, courage, and determination.

She froze.