Chapter 37: Dazed

He was taken aback, then flustered. What use were his academic achievements or accolades when faced with a girl’s tears? He was just as helpless as anyone else.

“The events of today…”

He struggled to find the right words. Though he had read more than half the books in the reference room, at that moment, he couldn’t muster even a single comforting phrase. While hesitating, her silent crying had escalated into heavy sobs. A grieving little rabbit could soften even the hardest heart, and eventually, he pulled her back into his arms. His hand gently patted her back, whispering softly, “It’s okay now.”

—How could it be “okay”?

Clearly, it wasn’t.

His soothing words did not calm her; instead, they fueled her need to vent. Silent tears turned into continuous whimpering, soaking the shirt on his chest.

“I only liked you…”

Her voice was broken by hiccups.

“…I didn’t do anything wrong…”

What she said…

…was undeniably heart-wrenching.

He sighed, clearly feeling the pot of water that had boiled prematurely being heated further. His hand gently caressed her back unconsciously.

“Yes, you didn’t do anything wrong,” he continued to comfort her. “They bullied you…”

Once her grievances were acknowledged, her sorrow doubled. She cried uncontrollably, releasing all her emotions in his embrace—mainly the shame and fear from tonight, but also intertwined with the sourness and hardship of her secret admiration…

This was beyond his comprehension. Men can never fully understand women, especially when he himself was experiencing his first love. All he could do was address the matter at hand.

“If you think it’s okay, I’ll tell others we’ve been together for a while,” he tried to think of ways to ease her distress. “That photo was taken after we got together, and I also have one of you…”

He probably thought her crying was mainly due to the embarrassment of the photo being discovered, so he provided solutions around that point. However, she herself couldn’t explain why she was crying, and hearing him mention the photo only made her more uncomfortable, her crying becoming uneven.

“I don’t want…” she sobbed. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore…”

“All right, we won’t talk about it,” he continued to accommodate her. “We won’t bring it up again.”

She didn’t speak, but her crying softened a bit.

He quietly exhaled, reducing the frequency of his gentle pats on her back. His voice remained tender, saying, “You’ve been too tired lately. Don’t think about anything tonight. Drink some milk and go to bed early. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

As he spoke, he unscrewed the plastic cap of the boxed milk and handed it to her.

She didn’t really want to drink it, but she obediently reached out slowly and took a sip under his watchful gaze.

He seemed to smile faintly, though the dim light made it hard for her to see clearly. Then she heard him say, “Guo Yue will probably take a while to return. Why don’t you go back to the dormitory first? I’ll give you your things tomorrow.”

She would have preferred to stay with him and wait, but she didn’t want to face Guo Yue, who had witnessed everything tonight. After some thought, she nodded in agreement. He sat with her a little longer, waiting for her to finish the sandwich bit by bit, then stood up to walk her back to the dormitory.

They walked very slowly.

The campus at ten o’clock became even quieter. June was the peak season for flowers and trees. The old campus’s camphor trees were tall and dense, rustling softly in the breeze, creating a sense of tranquility and peace.

He held her hand all the way, both of them silent. Her predominant feeling was dizziness, unable to believe that the man who had seemed distant this morning had become her boyfriend by night.

“Boyfriend…”

—She felt increasingly disoriented.

There weren’t many people at the dormitory entrance. Perhaps ten o’clock was a lull period. Those who went out to play wouldn’t return so early, and those whose relationships hadn’t progressed wouldn’t return so late. Thus, it was just the two of them, quietly saying goodbye.

“Go ahead,” he looked down at her and said, “I’ll contact you tomorrow.”

She nodded, silently repeating “tomorrow” in her mind. Though she knew she should turn and go upstairs after he finished speaking, she remained standing, still lightly holding his fingers.

“What’s wrong?” his voice was low and gentle.

She pursed her lips, still lost in the lingering haze, looking up at him even more confused, thinking he looked better tonight than usual—his widow’s peak was handsome, his eyes beautiful… everything was beautiful.

“Will you regret it?” she secretly tightened her grip on his fingers. “…Will we still be together tomorrow?”

He raised an eyebrow, a hint of a smile flashing in his eyes. The world’s top-tier gentleness appeared in a beguiling manner. He was like a skilled con artist, reaching out to touch her head to deceive her completely.

“I won’t regret it,” he answered her. “We will still be together.”

The little kettle of water was bubbling again, her face flushed with heat, but her heartbeat unusually calmed, sensed in an incredible serenity.

“…Oh.”

She nodded slightly, finally letting go of his fingers slowly. She waved her right hand, saying “goodbye,” while her left hand tightly clutched her little notebook. The first few steps towards the dormitory door were backward, and after entering, she waved at him again. He seemed to be smiling, perhaps finding her a bit silly, but he waved back through the glass door, reminiscent of the evening last semester when he had walked her back from the campus hospital.

Only this time.

…he let her go first.

Back in the dormitory, she continued to feel dazed.

Finals season had arrived, and her roommates were burning the midnight oil, catching up on assignments and reviewing for exams. Even Min Rui was rarely seen watching dramas in bed, sitting at the desk with A History of Chinese Journalism , scribbling away. Seeing her return, they didn’t look up, just greeting her from afar. This was good; otherwise, if they saw the traces of crying on her face, there would surely be a barrage of questions. She was too exhausted to explain anything now.

Drifting hazily to the communal washroom to freshen up, she climbed into her upper bunk bed around ten-thirty. Ren Weiwei asked why she was sleeping so early, and she replied through the bed curtain that she was tired and wanted to sleep early. Her considerate roommates kindly asked if she wanted the main lights off, but she said it was fine, she had blackout curtains and could sleep with the lights on.

…Yet once lying down, she couldn’t fall asleep.

It wasn’t because of the light, but her mind was particularly chaotic. Despite having not slept enough for several days and waking up at five this morning, she still wasn’t sleepy, her swollen eyes notwithstanding. At times, she recalled the terrible incident at the hotpot restaurant; at other times, she remembered the recent feeling of being embraced by him.

He…

…was her boyfriend.

He said he wouldn’t regret it, and they would still be together tomorrow.

The aftereffects of the surprise hit her suddenly, making her more excited than winning the lottery, house demolition compensation, or early college admission. Her heartbeat returned to its chaotic state, reminding her that the serenity she felt downstairs was just a temporary illusion.

Hugging her blanket, she turned over, forcing herself to close her eyes and count sheep. Her spirit was still excited, unable to return to normal. Only then did she realize how weak she was, belatedly aware that… she missed him.

Only half an hour apart.

…she missed him so quickly.

—Was this reasonable?

Did others in love feel the same way?

Perhaps she should ask Min Rui or Ren Weiwei.

What should she do now?

Could she contact him?

Not necessarily meeting…just a simple check-in.

She took out her phone again, quietly opening QQ and entering his chat window. His profile picture, unchanged for over half a year, seemed particularly different today. Her little kettle was gurgling chaotically again.

“Has Senior reached the dormitory?”

Delete.

“Have you reached the dormitory?”

Delete.

“Has Brother Guo returned?”

Delete.

“What’s Senior’s phone number?”

Delete.

“Goodnight.”

Delete.

…

She repeated the input and deletion countless times. Eventually, her phone started heating up, yet no message was sent. Perhaps the caution and timidity ingrained in a secret admirer weren’t so easily dispelled. It would take her a long time to truly believe she had been struck by this unexpected gift from the heavens.

…Then she decided not to contact him.

She turned off her phone, placing it beside her pillow. As she closed her eyes, forcing herself to sleep, his gentle, warm, serene gaze from tonight reappeared before her eyes.

Sigh.

I miss you so much.

But you said you’d contact me tomorrow.

So… I’ll patiently wait a little longer.

Despite the difficulty in falling asleep, she still slept soundly that night, waking up at nine in the morning, called by her roommates. If not for their reliability, she would have been late for her journalism history exam this morning.

Rushing to get ready, it took her about fifteen minutes to leave. But her bag was still missing, along with her pencil case inside it, so she had to borrow stationery from her roommates. They asked how she managed to leave her bag outside, and she stammered, unable to explain clearly. Min Rui said she had worked herself silly at the drama club and needed a break to rejuvenate her brain cells.

The four of them had chosen the same required course and set out together at twenty past nine to the exam venue. As they exited the dormitory building, Wang Xueru suddenly exclaimed, pointing in a certain direction, “Look, look—isn’t that Senior Xiao!”

…Indeed, it was him.

He stood at the entrance of their dormitory building. Many girls passing by stole glances at him, but he was used to being watched and showed no reaction. Only when he saw her coming down through the glass door did his expression change slightly, seemingly smiling and waving at her.

She couldn’t hold back, not caring to conceal anything in front of her roommates. She immediately abandoned them, running out of the building, her heart racing wildly in just a few short steps, thumping as if it would burst out any second.

“Senior… what are you doing here?”

She stood before him, her breath slightly ragged.