Chapter 28

The Nine-Sided Mirror - Confession (3)

She didn’t understand why He Yingze was always criticizing Su Jinian. Was he... jealous? Could she think that he liked her? Could she expect something? What if, at this moment, she told him, “Actually, I’ve always liked you,” and it would lead to a happy ending...? What a joke. The last time she bravely called him late at night, the person who picked up the phone was a woman.

She tightened the strap of her bag and said to him, “Thank you.”

He Yingze was still admiring the oil painting and casually asked, “What are you thanking me for?”

It was so awkward. And so exhausting. Whether it was his profile, his eyes, his eyelashes, his smile, or even his hair, everything made her heart race. But even while her heart raced, just the sight of his silhouette made her sad. She took a deep breath. “Thank you for helping me today. You’re really amazing; you could tell at a glance that I was in trouble.”

Finally, he turned to look at her: “Without me here, you wouldn’t have been able to settle things today.”

She smiled sweetly. “Yes, Xiao Ying is the most righteous, that’s why I want to thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I promised before that I would help you deal with those who bully you.”

Up until now, he had not mentioned the diary.

She shouldn’t have any expectations anymore. If she continued to expect, if she kept making herself fall for him, the memories of Xiao Ying would be forever tainted.

He was the first person she had ever liked, and the one who had occupied her heart for these years. Now, she shouldn’t do anything—just keep this pure feeling hidden in the deepest part of her heart and never try to touch it again, so she could preserve the beauty of it...

She hesitated for a moment, wanting to find an escape route for herself. “Xiao... Xiao Ying, about what happened earlier, could you forget it? I did feel a little attracted to you before, but I’ve decided to seriously be with someone else... I hope you won’t mind.”

“It’s fine.” He said, casually.

Those two words were like a heavy rock, making her dizzy. She had already known he didn’t like her, and that he wasn’t a gentle person. But to hear such a response after making such a fool of herself? Just “It’s fine”?

“Then, I’ll go back first.”

She quickly lowered her head and turned to leave. The glaring chandelier was too bright, and as she turned, two streams of hot tears slid down her inner corners. It was all her fault. Was it so hard to control her emotions? Why did she have to write some essay? Now, she didn’t even have the right to feel unrequited love. She would quit tomorrow. No, she would just leave Gongzhou entirely. She didn’t want to see him anymore. She didn’t want to be hurt again, and she didn’t want to hurt anyone else. If only this night were just a nightmare, and when she woke up, all memories of him would be stuck at the childhood moment when he said, “When the flowers bloom again, I will marry you.” How nice would that be? If they never reunited, how nice would that be... She dared not wipe her tears, just letting them fall freely as she walked quickly toward the door. But before she had taken more than a few steps, her wrist was tightly grabbed.

“Let... let go.” She panicked, still not turning around, “I have to go.”

Her body was forcibly turned around, and her awkward appearance was fully visible to him. He Yingze sighed, using the joint of his index finger to wipe the tears from her face. “If I let you go like this, how long do you plan to hide and cry?”

She shook her head, unable to speak a word except trying to hold back her tears. She had finally hoped for him to be a bit gentler, but she never expected the next words to hit her even harder. “Lo Wei, listen carefully, your feelings for me aren’t love.”

She froze. He continued, speaking flatly, “You just think my conditions are good and got momentarily confused.”

“This... Is that really what you think?”

“Yes. We haven’t been in contact for so many years, what do you really know about me? You don’t even know what I’ve been through or what I’ve done. You’re just deceived by the surface, you don’t actually like me.”

That was enough. She couldn’t listen to it anymore. The wrong person was herself. Why did she have to like him of all people? Feeling hopeless, she said, “You can reject me, but there’s no need to humiliate my feelings like this.”

He Yingze stared blankly for a long time, his eyes widening suddenly. “So, I’m right?”

“Whether I like you or not is my decision, you don’t need to worry about it.”

“Stop this meaningless behavior.”

“...What?”

“You can’t like me.” He furrowed his brow impatiently, pinching her cheek and saying forcefully, “I’ll give you whatever you want, but you can’t be foolish anymore, get a grip.”

This person... he was really too much...

She hadn’t asked him for anything, and he could have simply rejected her. But now, did she no longer even have control over her own feelings?

Tears welled up again, and she opened her mouth but couldn’t say a word. However, in that moment, just as she was opening her mouth, a shadow covered her vision, and her lips were suddenly pressed by something soft. She was stunned to find that he had lowered his head and captured her lips. He pressed her entire body against the cold wall, leaving her with no escape. There was no way to avoid his domineering kiss. The moment their tongues met, her brain went blank, short-circuiting and unable to think. Yet, her heart was still beating wildly and painfully, and her tear ducts produced more and more tears. As his kiss deepened, she felt like she was suffocating...

Finally, he pulled back, a bit out of breath, but his voice was cold. “I tried, but it doesn’t work. I feel nothing.”

Just like that, she lost completely.

Her carefully protected dignity was casually trampled under He Yingze’s foot.

She raised her head, her eyes full of tears, but also full of determination. “I know, we grew up together after all. It’s hard for childhood friends to become lovers. But I don’t want your response, and you don’t need to persuade me anymore.”

His face turned pale, and his lips lost all color: “I’ve already told you, your feelings for me aren’t love. You’re just dependent on me, in love with the fairytale of childhood sweethearts, and have been blinded by external appearances.”

The golden light from the lamps gently tore at her fragile eyes. After a long, long silence, she bitterly smiled and said, “I enjoy talking to you, I like hearing your voice, I think you look amazing no matter what you do. When I can’t get in touch with you, I worry, afraid you’re working too hard. Just thinking about you makes my heart race, and every day I’m on edge, easily hurt by you... all of this can be explained as dependence on you, being infatuated with the fairytale, and being enchanted by your external qualities, right? He Yingze, you’ve rationalized a woman’s feelings into so many pieces and still say it’s not love. Fine, I believe you. Then tell me, what is this?” She let large tears fall, glaring at him with a look full of hatred.

Perhaps it was an illusion, but she thought she saw an uncontrollable shake in his eyes. However, the words that came out of his mouth were: “...Why can’t you control your emotions?”

She bit her trembling lip, burrowed into his arms, and hugged him tightly: “Fine, I’ll trust you. If this isn’t love, I really want to give this feeling, which isn’t love, to someone else. Unfortunately, I can’t do that.”

He reached out as if to touch her, but then his hand clenched into a fist, paused for a few seconds, and tiredly relaxed, never giving her a response. It was only when she let go of him, smiled while wiping her tears, and turned to leave that he said nothing.

Though she spoke decisively and left gracefully, the suffocating feeling only grew in her chest. She took a taxi home, repeatedly telling herself to be strong, not to take the heartbreak too seriously, and that there were more important things to do—everything would be better after a good night’s sleep... But she couldn’t hold it together until she got home. As the neon lights outside the window flickered across her, she curled up in the corner between the car door and seat, silently crying, afraid to sniffle too loudly.

The author has something to say:

Little Pepper: “I heard a scary piece of news today.”

Luo Wei: “What is it?”

Little Pepper: “‘Mirror Roses’ is going to be published in Korea...”

Luo Wei: “Ah… isn’t that great? This is wonderful, ‘When the Moon Falls and the Sea Blooms’ just went to Thailand, and now we’re going to Korea ^_^.”

Little Pepper: “Shan Shan refuses to delete her writing, I’m thinking of bribing the Korean publisher. I called them... Ah, Yo Poseyo, Editor Unni, mianhae, can you please delete my scenes with Lu Xiren, please?”

Lu Xiren: “...”