PBWY - 13

Chapter 13: A Heart Waiting

One year ago.

What had supported Junghoon, who seemed like he could crumble at any moment, was nothing but Yeonhee’s voice.

The last thing he heard was her quiet whisper.

“Team Leader. You’ll be able to shake this off quickly. Within a year, this feeling will be gone. So let’s end it here, between us.”

She had said it was because it was her first time. Because she wasn’t used to rejecting someone, she had firmly pushed him away.

Recalling the cold look in her eyes and the dry rejection he had seen on the streets near the gosiwon, Junghoon barely managed to suppress the boiling urge inside him.

He desperately wanted to run to her, beg her, and hold her, shout out his love, fall on his knees begging her to come back. But he pushed all these impulses deep inside, forcing them down.

The day after being cast aside more pitifully than ever, Junghoon didn’t go to work for several days. The position of Team Leader, which he had taken on diligently because Yeonhee had liked him in that role, now seemed utterly pointless.

He didn’t want to lift a finger and simply murmured the last words she had spoken to him.

“It’s because it’s my first time... she said it would be okay in a year...”

Lying on the bed he once shared with her, he only touched the empty space where she had once been, muttering like a madman.

It felt like the world had emptied. Everything seemed colorless, as if he had become colorblind. The soft sunlight streaming through the window, the bright white clouds rising in the sky, the green leaves swaying in the wind—all of it was blurred in his vision.

Lying there like a broken doll, he groped around for the warmth she had left behind.

When Yeonhee left him, it felt as though all the driving forces of his life had evaporated.

It had always been like this. From the moment he first met her in New York, to when they reunited in Korea, she had always been a beam of light in the dark pit of his life.

He just hadn’t realized it. He hadn’t recognized it himself.

If only he had known earlier...

Even after they reunited in Korea, Junghoon’s life was all about Yeonhee. Yes, looking back now, it was always Yeonhee. No matter how much he tried to deny it, it was always her.

He had smiled when he saw her face. He was happy seeing her smile. When they lay together on the bed, the feeling of fulfillment as he held her was something that filled him up.

He hadn’t even realized that he was the fool who had destroyed his own happiness, the precious thing that had been in his hands.

The day after hearing Yeonhee’s words that she would forget him in a year, Junghoon, unable to move, repeated her words to himself. Slowly, he got up, and then began to drive, visiting the places he and Yeonhee had been together.

He stood at the spots where they had once stood, reminiscing about their happy times. The more he did, the more his doubts deepened.

“She said I could forget her... forget Yeonhee...”

And that in just a year.

He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that he could forget her in a year. He hadn’t been able to erase her during the years they had been apart, even though he had been in New York. He had been trapped, a prisoner to the sweetness he had tasted just once, and he could never forget the fulfillment and happiness he had felt with her. How could he erase the warmth that had once been beside him?

Standing at the Han Riverbank where they had once walked hand in hand, Junghoon let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“Yeah, Jeong Yeonhee. A year. Just one year.”

He mentally gave her a deadline. He would wait for the one year she had mentioned, the time she had so confidently and naturally given him.

“You despise me so much... You hate me so much, so I’ll give you the time you asked for. The year you so firmly said would be enough. Yeah, I’ll pretend to wait. If you’re happy without me... I’ll give you that happiness.”

“But after that...”

But after that, he was determined to win her back. No matter what it took, no matter how difficult the time, no matter how much he had to suppress his impulses, he would endure it all, just to meet her again, no matter what.

After that, Junghoon returned to work. He faced Yeonhee, who treated him coldly as if he were nothing but her team leader, and forced a smile, pretending it was nothing.

He waited for the day when he could get closer to her again.

One year. It is a time that, if short, feels brief, but if long, it can seem endless.

The time was not easy for Junghoon. Hiding his emotions, putting on a façade, and suppressing his impulses required more patience than he had expected. Pretending to have erased his love was incredibly difficult.

At times, when he let his guard down, his gaze would unconsciously fixate on Yeonhee, and when his mind wandered, he would find himself dialing her extension number without realizing it.

• Yes, Team Leader.

Hearing Yeonhee’s voice through the office phone, Junghoon would snap back to his senses, only to ask pointless questions or ramble on.

“Has the list for this event been compiled?”

Even though he had already received it earlier that morning.

• I think Deputy Kwon posted it. Did you not check?

“I found it. Thanks for your help.”

After hanging up, he would clutch his head, muttering to himself in frustration.

“Idiot...”

There was no one more of a fool than him. He had pretended to be a meticulous, perfect Team Leader, but the screws had come loose long ago. He had done all the stupid things on his own.

Fortunately, he hadn’t made any mistakes at work, but every time he faced Yeonhee, he acted stiffly, like a robot. He feared that if he showed his feelings and lingering attachments, Yeonhee might quit her job. He feared that if his hidden love slipped out, she would pull away even further.

He desperately tried to maintain the façade, unwilling to let go of even this small luxury of being able to see her face.

At the same time, he was hurt every day. Each day was a despair. Facing the reality that Jeong Yeonhee no longer loved him was like a constant painful reminder that squeezed his heart.

But, he couldn’t bear not seeing her. If he didn’t face her, he felt like he would go mad. So, he endured. This was the only way he could still see her, so he desperately endured the hellish days.

Yeah, one year. Yeonhee had told him to wait for one year.

In Junghoon’s eyes, Yeonhee was always lovely. She was a beautiful person. Her face, with its warm smile, seemed happy as she faced others. It felt like she had finally found peace after pushing Jeong Minho out of her life.

But why? Whenever he looked at the peace she had regained, dangerous thoughts filled him.

He wanted to push himself back into her life. He wanted to somehow create a situation where she would have no choice but to accept him again, even if he had to threaten her. He wanted to grab her as she tried to run away, bind her tightly, and never let her go. He wanted to hold her forever, locking her away, as she cried.

He was ultimately a pathetic, lowly, selfish man.

But he couldn’t destroy her happiness again. So, he endured, putting on the mask of “the Jeong Minho Yeonhee wanted.”

Even when he smiled from afar while watching Yeonhee, seeing her smile at someone else made him crumble again. It was a vicious cycle of enduring and collapsing, enduring and collapsing.

With his chin propped up, he stared out the window of his office, gazing at Yeonhee like a religious obsession. His thoughts were dark and heavy.

Did Yeonhee smile like that when she was with me? Was she that lively when she was with me?

The answer to that question was obvious. But he couldn’t bring himself to admit the easy answer, “No.”

When he thought about it, Yeonhee had always cried in front of him. In the end, it was always just tears. She was beautiful even when she cried, but since he was the one who made her cry, he didn’t want to see that beautiful face ever again.

He didn’t understand why he had done it. Why had he made her cry? Why had he cruelly turned his back on her sadness? Every time he recalled the past, he was forced to face a painful, regret-filled history.

He only wanted to go back and beat the foolish Jeong Minho senseless.

Yet, even as he thought this, he couldn’t find the courage to completely erase himself from her life for her happiness. He decided to wait and wait, imagining the day they would meet again.

He was the selfish, pathetic bastard he had always been.

But still, he had hoped a little.

Just as Yeonhee had said, maybe, just maybe, his feelings might fade. Maybe, with time, the intensity of his emotions for her would lessen a little.

But as time passed, only longing and desperation piled up, with nothing changing. Like the thin layer of snow gradually turning into a solid, unbreakable glacier, the feelings that built up over time surrounded him, thick and firm. Trapped behind this wall, he could only long for Yeonhee desperately.

It was a wall so solid that he could not break it with his own strength.

He had decided to endure for a year, but each second felt like an eternity.

He could laugh as if nothing was wrong, but once he was alone, he crumbled. Occasionally, in the team leader’s office where he faced her, he wanted to stand up immediately and pull Yeonhee into his arms, but he couldn’t, so he clenched his fists. He twisted the innocent documents in frustration.

Only after Yeonhee left did he finally lower his head and close his eyes in the empty space. He was afraid the trace of her would disappear from his retinas. Staring into the darkness, he recalled and remembered her.

Then he heard it.

“Have you ever seen Yeonhee’s boyfriend, Gharam? I saw him a week ago. He’s so handsome! His face is so fair… Oh my god, Yeonhee asked me to spread the word that she has a boyfriend, and when she smiled, it was like flowers blooming around her.”

The voice of Section Chief Jeong from the PR team loudly carried out from the break room. Standing in the cold hallway, Junghoon eavesdropped on the idle chatter, and a terrifying chill seemed to consume his body, sending a deep shiver down his spine.

The documents he was holding fell uselessly to the ground. At the same time, his gaze slowly dropped and aimlessly scanned the gray hallway floor.

The floor, though cleaned, was covered in stains and cracks, the remnants of years of wear.

Perhaps, his heart was like this.

Even though he wore the calm, relaxed façade of Team Leader Min, pretending to have forgotten everything, inside, his heart was being trampled and cracked open. Blood, unable to be concealed, would seep out through the cracks and tightly coil around his heart in a damp, suffocating grip.

He had promised to wait. He had brainwashed himself into thinking he could wait. Ironically, the petty gossip circulating about her made him feel as if he were dying.

She had endured such harsh pain beside him, but he was suffering over something so trivial.

It had been expected. He had once promised to wait even if a new person appeared beside Yeonhee. But when the pain, which he had prepared for in fantasy and imagination, became reality, his world began to shake. The earth crumbled beneath him, and the wounds shattered and turned into a fine dust that covered him.

In the end, Yeonhee was the only thing that held up Junghoon’s world. So it was inevitable that he would break under the harsh reality. All he could do was sift through the ruins and collect the scattered fragments, waiting.

He dreamed of the day when the seed of Jeong Yeonhee would sprout again, growing branches and blooming. He longed for the day when she would once again color his desolate world green.

One year, ten years—if only Yeonhee, the rain he longed for, would fall again, he could wait endlessly, even in a barren desert. He had to wait.

But on the unbearable days when he crumbled, he would sometimes mutter her name like a madman.

“Yeonhee. Jeong Yeonhee. Yeonhee… Yeonhee...”

Sitting on the sofa where she had once sat, with dead eyes, he would trace her lingering presence, remaining there like a stone statue.

Would she come back? Would there ever be a day when she would smile at him again? Would she ever return to him?

Every time fear gripped him, a chilling cold crawled up his legs. The darkening terror scrambled through his despair. He wanted to run to her immediately and embrace her slender waist. He wanted to beg, kneeling in tears. He wanted to cling to her, like a fool, and ask her to look back just once.

Each time, he resisted the impulse because of something she had said.

“It’ll be okay in less than a year, Team Leader.”

He followed her words like a religion and decided to wait. She had told him to wait for one year.

When that day came, he planned to speak up. He would tell her he had waited a year, but nothing had changed. He would make her take responsibility for lying to him, even if it meant forcing her. He planned to plead with her, like a child throwing a tantrum.

Yeonhee, who even pitied a stranger in pain. She was kind and delicate, and perhaps, even for the terrible ex-boyfriend, she might shed a single tear of mercy.

Even if it was a futile hope, it was the only thing that kept Junghoon going.

One year later, the cruel, despicable Junghoon would worm his way into the cracks in Yeonhee’s heart. He would force his way in, throwing everything he had into it as if that was his only goal in life.

It didn’t matter if he was pushed away, kicked twice, or rejected ten times. It didn’t matter if he cried a hundred times or waited a thousand years.

If only Yeonhee would come back to him. If only he could hold her hand again, embrace her one more time, if only she would smile at him again...

He wanted to thrust his entire world, drenched in Jeong Yeonhee, toward her, begging and clinging, even if it meant his pride was trampled in the mud, even if the pain tore him apart and dragged him through hell.

That was all.

That had been Junghoon’s goal for the past year.