Chapter 70

The Answers in the Notebook That I Don’t Plan to Let You Know

The teacher’s favorite surprise test method in the simultaneous translation class was to randomly call out someone’s name and have them directly translate what they heard, testing their ability to improvise.

At the time, the teacher said that only those with mature skills could achieve muscle memory; those with insufficient experience would mostly panic or unconsciously give the answer they most wanted to say, as there was no time to think.

What she was testing was whether Pei Zhen would lie or tell the truth when suddenly questioned.

Pei Zhen awkwardly paused for a moment: “We attended a conference together, of course, we met. That day, it was too late to return to the hotel, so I stayed at a friend’s house temporarily. There were five of us, and I was one of them.”

“As for how I got the name Mr. Aurora, I can tell you. We were a group of seven people who went to Scandinavia. While driving, everyone fell asleep, and I drove at 230 kilometers per hour to catch up with the aurora. I stopped by the roadside and woke up all six of them. The name Mr. Aurora comes from the fact that I was the one who woke them up.”

“This isn’t a love story for two people; it’s just a miracle that a group of friends stumbled upon.”

So it had nothing to do with love after all? Pei Zhen casually crossed his legs, showing no signs of lying, eating pasta while looking at her. He seemed at ease. “But... how do you know about her?”

“Her Weibo. Zhao Xiaorou saw it.”

He smiled helplessly. “She likes to post some weird nicknames, her Twitter is all about work-related things, like being a Seattle city ambassador, but her Weibo is full of these flashy life updates.”

“If you’re really trying to investigate to see if I’m lying, I swear, I’m not. But since you asked this question, I guess you don’t completely not care about me.”

“The fist gesture you made...”

“We often make that gesture in the operating room, doctors would understand. If I did this in front of normal people, they’d probably think I’m crazy.”

Hu Xiu looked up, and Pei Zhen’s gaze unexpectedly burned her. “The way you looked just now seemed like you were forcing me to admit that over the three months, I fell in love with someone else, that I didn’t contact you because I didn’t like you enough, and that I immediately went to find my ex-girlfriend when I got abroad.”

“But when I saw her, I knew you two were not the same. She’s impulsive, radical, and acts on her feelings. When I saw her, I immediately thought of you. You’re gentle and cautious, always needing protection, yet your brilliance can’t be hidden...”

“Then I realized that I had already lost the chance to pursue you... I didn’t want to say this, but after being engrossed in medicine for many years, after many times of being hypocritical, I finally spoke honestly once. And you misunderstood me, and I just can’t accept that.”

Pei Zhen smiled at her, his face perfect. The two tired people were quarreling over the three months of silence after work, and Hu Xiu felt like she had crossed the line. The smile on his face was not what she had hoped for, and she had originally wanted to end things quickly.

Now, she was ashamed of her own recklessness. She absolutely couldn’t let him notice that her hand under the table was clenched into a fist—he was too clever.

“You two only ate a little, and yet you’re reminiscing for so long?” Li Ai’s timely appearance was like a breath of fresh air. “Hu Xiu, Diao Zhi Yu is coming back this Friday evening. He wants to shoot a short film with us. Do you have a meeting this weekend?”

Hu Xiu looked into Pei Zhen’s eyes. “I should have one, but I can give my senior, who’s closer to Suzhou, the meeting. I also need to rest for a while.”

Pei Zhen blinked, cleverly understanding the implication, and smiled. “How is Diao Zhi Yu lately?”

“He’s been filming a movie, writing scripts for a murder mystery game, and opening an escape room. Now he’s acting in a new murder mystery and auditioning for a new TV show.”

Li Ai washed his hands and picked beans for a hand brew: “The life of a young, handsome guy is so rich and colorful.”

The two sat at the table, each with their own thoughts, drinking coffee.

Life had to go on. In the hospital, when Hu Xiu ran into Pei Zhen, everything went smoothly in terms of work coordination. Occasionally, confused colleagues still made remarks about their relationship: “Oh, Hu Xiu and Doctor Pei are a couple again this weekend?”

Hu Xiu didn’t respond, leaving Pei Zhen to gracefully handle the situation. A week after returning, she wore a mask and secretly looked at Pei Zhen.

He had lost weight due to overwork, his jawline became more defined, and his high nose and gentle eyebrows made his gaze especially affectionate when it landed on her.

She quickly avoided his gaze and handed him the schedule. “Doctor Pei, here’s the schedule you wanted.”

“Thanks...” He said seriously, “Are you avoiding the head nurse?”

Diao Zhi Yu had been busy with auditions and rehearsals, and she hadn’t seen him for a week. When she woke up and went to change clothes, she looked at herself in the mirror and noticed a lump on her back that seemed to have gotten bigger. She hadn’t noticed it before, but now it was so pronounced that it seemed like there was an eye growing on her back.

After confirming several times, she realized it wasn’t just a simple pimple... The troubles of love had made her sick!

She went to see the plastic surgeon and had blood tests, which confirmed it was a hemangioma, and recommended removal. She scheduled the surgery as soon as possible, hoping to recover during the spring, but she was worried about encountering a careless doctor who would leave her with a large scar.

With the sterile cloths and disinfectants all set, Pei Zhen entered with the medical record. Lying down, Hu Xiu recognized his shoes and felt embarrassed. “How is it you...”

“Small surgeries are assigned randomly, and I’m not busy today.” Pei Zhen might have once said something about fate, but now, wearing a mask, he said nothing. He took the tray and asked the nurse to leave first, as the next surgery was short of people.

The anesthesia needle stung for a brief moment, and the area was numb. Hu Xiu’s hospital gown was halfway off, and though only a small patch of skin was exposed to him, she still felt uncomfortable.

“Actually, you could just come to me directly.”

“Why use a sledgehammer to kill a chicken...” The scissors made a crisp sound, and she felt her skin being tugged; now there was definitely a new scar on her back.

Pei Zhen, wearing a mask behind her, sutured with meticulous care, though slowly. “I’m not stalling on purpose, but the wound right now looks like a cleft lip—three flaps—and it’s on your back. It’s easy for it to open up again within seven days. Since you’re going to wear a strapless top, it’ll take some time to avoid scarring.”

“What does the tumor look like?”

“Clear and translucent, about fifteen millimeters in diameter. Have you ever played with a glass ball?”

That’s pretty big. Hu Xiu lay on the operating table and softly said, “Thank you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” Pei Zhen remained calm in the operating room, speaking steadily and directly. “Don’t deliberately keep your distance from me. I know you’re dating Diao Zhi Yu, and I won’t interfere in your life. I’m not that free. If you’re happy with the person you like, I’m glad for you.”

Hu Xiu wasn’t sure if he was pretending to be relaxed. Trying to lighten the atmosphere, she asked, “Do I look like a frog in this position?”

“I can only see the sterile cloth. Besides, why would a good girl look like a frog...”

He smiled after speaking. Hu Xiu thought this scene seemed familiar. It reminded her of a moment in Grey’s Anatomy when Mark finally realized he liked Lexie, and Lexie, while dating her student Jackson, kept missing those opportunities with Mark.

Thinking of this, she asked, “Dr. Pei, have you watched Grey’s Anatomy?”

“No, I’ve only watched ER.”

When she got home, Hu Xiu indeed saw Diao Zhi Yu downstairs, carrying a backpack and playing with his phone. His hair seemed longer, and the naturally curly black hair was puffed up on top of his head, making him look exactly like Qin Xiao Yi.

Hu Xiu always found it fascinating; his aura was so unique. The reviews for Snowpiercer on Dazhong Dianping still gave it high ratings, and the boss pampered the new Qin Xiao Yi. Meanwhile, the comment section still spoke of Diao Zhi Yu’s legend. Players who came to replay the game couldn’t find him and would sigh, “Where did that handsome, talented Qin Xiao Yi go? After all, only he had that aloof, cold prince aura. Now, the current Qin Xiao Yi is like a walking air conditioner, greasy and central.”

As she hurried forward, Hu Xiu suddenly remembered the bandage on her back. She slowed down her pace, trying to avoid hurting herself, and awkwardly turned her shoulder toward him.

Diao Zhi Yu looked at her as though she were a monster. “Have you seen yourself? You’re like a plane with faulty wings, gliding over.”

“I had the little tumor removed from my back.”

Diao Zhi Yu hurried upstairs, opened the door, and pulled down the collar of her shirt. He stared at the bandage for a long time. “Who stitched this? It’s amazing.”

“Pei Zhen...”

“He’s back?”

“Mm...”

The boy behind her seemed to quickly get irritated. His voice dropped, “Should I be worried about him trying to steal you from me?”

“What are you thinking!” Hu Xiu slapped his head with the back of her hand. “We’re just colleagues. But you men are really weird. I asked him why he didn’t message me while he was in America for three months, and he said he was too busy. And when I thought about it, it made sense—during the month and a half in Western Sichuan and then over ten days in Hengdian, I didn’t hear from you either.”

“Why did you ask him why he didn’t reply?” Diao Zhi Yu accurately pinpointed the problem.

“I was curious...” Hu Xiu wrapped her sweater tighter around her. “I really don’t get how you guys do it. If a girl likes someone, she wants to talk to them every day. And that day, he seemed a bit off, so I kind of clashed with him.”

“Busy, focusing on your own things. You don’t do the same? You have to lock your phone to get into the simultaneous interpretation box.”

Diao Zhi Yu gently patted her back, which had a protrusion. “This must be really uncomfortable when you sleep. I had a fight in middle school and got a bad scrape on my back. That week was terrible—painful and itchy, and I couldn’t sleep properly. You must be suffering lately.”

Of course, it hurt, but it wasn’t as dramatic as he was making it sound. Hu Xiu asked, “How did your interview go?”

“It was fine, but after the audition, they changed the role.” Diao Zhi Yu spoke in a deep voice as he turned to find a t-shirt. “I’m going to take a shower.”

It seemed like Diao Zhi Yu had predicted everything. That night, no matter what position she lay in, it was hard to fall asleep. The pain from the skin pulling kept her awake, and the small injury in a spot that needed to move was enough to make her stare at the ceiling. Hearing her turn over, Diao Zhi Yu turned on the lamp. “Can’t sleep?”

“Mm...”

“Well, neither can I. Let’s chat.” He leaned against the bed and pulled out a An Di magazine. “I still haven’t watched Li Ai’s interview.”

The soft light outlined his clean features. Hu Xiu leaned on her pillow, reaching out to slide her hand over his profile.

Zhao Xiao Rou once said that Qin Xiao Yi’s best feature was his side profile, especially how well-developed his nasal base made him appear noble. But when his face turned, his double eyelids looked uneven, making his left eye seem cunning, while his right eye appeared deeply affectionate.

His aura came from his naturally perfect features. His handsome face was the best kind of painkiller in this world. Hu Xiu greedily swallowed. The boy she had worked so hard to chase, the actor who appeared in other people’s dreams, was in her bed now. Just this fact was enough to make her want to smile herself awake. How could they fight? If they did, she’d be the one to slap herself.

She greedily said, “Actually, I was relieved when you didn’t act in a drama.”

“Oh?” His tone carried a teasing edge.

“You must be very popular...”

“You need to learn to discern. Being a celebrity is fragile. They might like me for a specific role, but if I act in something else, I’ll lose part of my audience. They might be fascinated by some aspect of my personality, but if that fades, so does their affection. Or they like me as a star, but if I just be myself, they’ll reject me. And eventually, they have their own lives and will find their own place. For them, I’m just a companion for a certain phase—everything in this is illusory.”

Every time he analyzed the industry like this, Hu Xiu found it rare. While people her age were fighting for popularity and traffic, he just wanted to be a bystander to the noise.

Stuck in an awkward position, about to close her eyes from exhaustion, she heard Diao Zhiyu ask.

“If I weren’t so exceptional, if my temper wasn’t so unstable, and if I didn’t really become an excellent actor, would you stop liking me?”

“Yes…”

“Oh…”

“I hate people who give up halfway.”

Diao Zhiyu laughed. “I didn’t get the role for this drama, but on the way back, I was thinking, the market didn’t choose me for a reason. Maybe I just don’t fit in this industry…”

“No one succeeds right away. When I first did simultaneous interpretation, I was so nervous I couldn’t say a word, I even thought about giving up. You just graduated, just try again.”

“But I want to make some money, want to move to a bigger house so we can live together, want to make your life easier. This place has a collapsed ceiling, rats, cockroaches in the drain, it’s really tough…”

Feeling touched and becoming more awake, Hu Xiu patted her chest with her eyes closed. “I’ll support you…”

There was no sound for a while. Hu Xiu slowly opened one eye and saw Diao Zhiyu in the light, his features still sharp, but his eyes were especially bright, as if there were tears in them. He looked a bit flustered while holding his phone.

Such a sentimental scene seemed perfect for a kiss or an emotional outburst. But Hu Xiu still closed her eyes—after all, touching her back... it was too painful.

He clearly had something he hadn’t told her. This boy, fiddling with his phone and unable to sleep, wasn’t much of an actor.

In early April, Pei Zhen came to meet Li Ai to sign a renovation contract and wanted to have a cup of coffee at REGARD.

There were no seats on Sunday afternoon, with groups of young people gathered together, and the small space was filled with youthful voices.

He sat at a high stool by the window and took out his notebook to jot down some work—he had always kept the habit of writing by hand.

Finally, a seat opened up, and a laughing couple barged in—Hu Xiu and Diao Zhiyu.

They walked inside and met Pei Zhen’s gaze. Diao Zhiyu greeted him casually, “Back?”

“Mhm, here to find Li Ai to sign a contract.”

“Has the design plan come out?”

Looks like Hu Xiu had mentioned it. Pei Zhen smiled and replied, “Not yet, I’ve seen a preliminary draft, I trust him.”

“Li Ai is really talented. Want to sit with us?” Hu Xiu smiled, seeming to finally not have any barriers with him.

“You guys talk, I’ll sit for a bit and leave.”

The two of them laughed and ran to their seats, giving up an extra stool to someone next to them who wanted to share the table, picking up a guitar and a laptop to study music scores.

Hu Xiu held a printed music review and explained music theory to Diao Zhiyu, her voice clear and confident—sounding like she was giving him a crash course on the music work that actors need to understand. The guitar mixed with background music and the sounds of people chatting, and Pei Zhen thought, Christmas had only passed four months ago.

Unable to listen any longer, Pei Zhen stood up and went outside, just in time to see Li Ai sitting on a bench.

The store was too busy, and the designer shop next door had a grassy area with benches, attracting tourists to stop and take photos, which gave him the chance to hide outside.

He greeted Pei Zhen, and the two of them, both of the same age, sat together. It was much quieter outside.

Neither of them spoke first. After all, the conversation would eventually turn to women.

“Business is this good on Sundays?”

“When the weather’s nice, it’s better. On weekdays, more people come in to work, sitting with their computers all afternoon.”

“I’m only now realizing how comfortable it is to stop and just live. Before, I was always around the operating room, busy writing papers, thinking about how to get something published in New England, anything with high factors. You’re just graduated, so try again.”

“I know. You really like her.”

“Maybe you won’t believe it, but Christmas and the time we played that murder mystery game were the two happiest days I’ve had in the last five years.”

“Hu Xiu spreads happiness when she’s happy, and she’s easy to trust people. When she likes someone, she pours her whole heart out. She’s like my little sister—smart, a bit timid, but deep down very thoughtful. She went through a really tough low period before, completely listless. At one point, I thought she was getting depressed, so I’d call every night to make sure she was still alive. It’s not easy for her to get to where she is now. Diao Zhiyu really treats her well.”

“Before, when I liked someone, I wanted to possess them. Now, I just want them to be happy. After all, I’ve gradually realized that some of the qualities that make her happy, I don’t have.”

Li Ai smiled. “I used to think time and a new love were the best medicine. Now I understand that some aftereffects just stay with you.”

After saying this, he patted his leg, helplessly took out a cigarette from his pocket, and offered it to Pei Zhen.

Pei Zhen, who didn’t smoke much, thought of refusing but took it anyway. The smoke was like an unspoken metaphor for both men, neither needed to explain, but they both understood who the other was talking about.

Pei Zhen looked at the cigarette in his hand. “Do you think love belongs to young people? I feel like at our age, God doesn’t seem to care for us anymore.”

“Maybe…” Li Ai looked inside at the young people chatting and laughing. Without needing to listen, he knew every table was lively. On his rest days, without a computer, the customers gave him the illusion of being surrounded by noise.

While the server was moving back and forth with coffee, he knocked over the notebook Pei Zhen had placed on the windowsill.

In the mixed Chinese and English medical log, a few short diary-like sentences appeared, mentioning Hu Xiu’s name without intention.

“January 26, Old Jin’s call said Hu Xiu seems to be in a relationship.”

“February 1, too busy to check WeChat. We went to the University of Maryland, and Olivia invited us to a villa party that night. But after settling in, the whole place went quiet as people fiddled with their phones. I had nothing to do, luckily there was a cute West Highland Terrier in the house…”

“February 12, stole some time to watch the Superbowl. On TV, there were so many cardboard cutouts on the stands, the photos printed and stuck on cardboard pretending they were at the event. I wanted to put Hu Xiu in the translation booth on TV, that way, it felt like we met on TV too.”

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade...”

“March 1st: The joint meeting of the hospital, translator Hu Xiu, attended several times but kept zoning out. This doesn’t seem very professional. After all, the woman across from me was so composed, completely different from how she was during the morning teaching sessions, so timid...”

“March 19th: Arrived back in Shanghai and immediately rushed to the hospital. I didn’t see Hu Xiu, so I went to the Yangpu branch to do translation. It felt like I wanted to see her quickly, but also a bit of reluctance to return to familiar places.”

“April 2nd: A simple surgery to remove a hemangioma. I spent forty minutes stitching it up. It’s nothing, just wanting to take better care of the person I like. After all, my chance might only come once.”

The owner of the notebook would never let the person involved know.