Chapter 38

But True Love Is Dirty

For adults to come together, there’s no secret—it’s all about seduction. Appearance, body, money... these are secondary. In the end, it all comes down to the atmosphere of love. Attraction is the first step, and getting the person is all about tactics. Whether it’s natural or intentional, what stays in your mind are those sticky feelings, the ones that keep you hooked—when you can’t extricate yourself, that’s when you’ve succeeded. The highest level is becoming the other person’s scar, their cinnabar mole. Love during adolescence is pure, but true love is dirty. It’s the dirt that makes it unforgettable.

Hu Xiu ran a hundred meters like she was losing her mind. Her heart was almost breaking. Looking back at Diao Zhiyu, he was casually carrying her bag full of study materials, walking at a leisurely pace. Seeing her turn around, he calmly said, “Why are you running? I won’t eat you.”

He was so calm, as if nothing had happened, which made Hu Xiu feel embarrassed. Did Zhao Xiaorou’s flirting guide no longer work? Or was it that Diao Zhiyu had a cleanliness obsession and didn’t like physical contact? Had she crossed his line? Thinking this, Hu Xiu felt nervous. People really can’t get too carried away; if this made him unhappy, she’d probably lose even their friendship. He must think she’s some kind of perverted player—an older woman who got attracted by his good looks and tried to take advantage of him when the opportunity arose. Oh my god, I just like him, it was a bit impulsive! How do I explain this?

Diao Zhiyu walked up to her and saw her eyes spinning wildly on the ground. He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her forward, “What are you dazing out for? Why do you space out when you’re with me?”

“Just now...”

“Hmm?”

“Well, I...”

“It was an accident, I know.” Diao Zhiyu pretended to be calm, his ears turning red and hot. “You’re really good at acting.”

Hu Xiu felt a little embarrassed by his words. She almost confessed, but it still didn’t feel like the right moment. Diao Zhiyu continued walking by her side, his expression bright yet feigning calm, chatting with her casually. She had a nagging feeling in her heart. Whenever it came to ambiguous moments, he would sidestep. There were only two explanations: either he genuinely had no habit of being flirtatious outside of acting and was just shy, or he didn’t like her that much and someone else was in his heart.

At her age, Hu Xiu couldn’t fail to understand this, but just thinking about it made her sad. Please, don’t let that be true.

Diao Zhiyu waved his hand in front of her face, “What are you thinking? Have you decided which escape room you want to go to?”

“No...”

“Then I’ll decide for you. I’ve been wanting to go to an escape room for a while, but I had no one to go with. Now I finally found the opportunity.”

“Is it scary?”

Diao Zhiyu smiled with his mouth closed, his voice low and attractive. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Hu Xiu had seen this expression before—the same mischievous look when she stole a kiss and got caught. She ran a few steps and caught up with him, her hair dancing in the shadows. The winter night’s road seemed long, still far from home.

The next morning, Hu Xiu woke up at 7 AM and arrived early at the cancer ward her dad had sent her a photo of. The man lying on the bed was Du Fengnian, 86 years old, in the fourth stage of lung cancer, unconscious. When her dad came in holding a basin of hot water, Hu Xiu almost thought she had mistaken the person, but her dad skillfully wiped the old man’s face and arms, as though caring for his own parents.

“This is my piano teacher. His children are all abroad, so he asked me to come take care of him in his final days,” her dad said after finishing the cleaning, carrying the basin. “Come with me.”

He led her to a nearby water room, where he took an envelope out of his pocket. It was thick, like it contained ten thousand yuan, and from his expression, Hu Xiu could tell it wasn’t going to be anything good. As expected, her dad’s words were tough to hear: “I saw Dr. Pei this morning. He doesn’t have a girlfriend and he’s interested in you. Why keep that a secret? He even came to tutor you early in the morning—was that all? There’s no such thing as a pure friendship between men and women. Don’t use Dr. Pei like that. He’s too good for you to be a backup. Forget that bad boy actor and realize who’s really right for you.”

“We’re just colleagues.”

“You’re my daughter, how could I not understand? You’re using him just like your mom did. I’m at the hospital lately, so we can look out for each other. Take this money and buy Dr. Pei a new shirt—his sleeves and elbows are all torn.”

Hu Xiu handed the envelope back to her dad. “I have my own salary, please keep the money. I’ll remember about Dr. Pei’s shirt.”

When she arrived at Dr. Pei’s office, he was wearing his white coat, and his sleeves were hidden. He was sitting with his legs crossed, exhaustion in his eyes. “Did you read the surgical hospital manual I gave you last time?” he asked.

“I did.”

“You don’t need to take it too seriously, just have a general understanding of the orthopedic system. I was too strict with you before; I can’t hold you to the standards of a medical student. But having a degree related to medicine will still be beneficial in orthopedic surgery. If you get promoted, the director might suggest you pursue a medical doctorate. It’s difficult to graduate, but as long as you’re enrolled, the hospital will find a way to get you through.”

“Is this your suggestion...?”

“This is how the promotion process works in the hospital. If you want to stay here long-term, you have to follow these rules. Annoying, right? If it were me, I’d suggest you work hard in your studies and master the subject knowledge.”

“Mm. It’s a bit boring—actually, I think I’m quite interesting. But in too dull an environment, it feels suffocating. Like this,” Hu Xiu took out Pei Zhen’s notes, “This kind of note-taking with patterns and collages helps me remember much better. But if it’s just formulas and symbols, it’s a bit too much to handle...”

Pei Zhen stood up and sat next to Hu Xiu. She instinctively moved to her right, and the reference materials from his notes, which had been cut and pasted, fell out because they were old. Both of them bent down to pick them up. When their hands touched, Hu Xiu quickly pulled hers away. The sudden change surprised Pei Zhen. He acted like nothing had happened, continued to correct mistakes in the paper, and spoke in a stern tone, making Hu Xiu’s face flush and pale with embarrassment. After the tutoring session ended, Pei Zhen stood up to take off his white coat, and indeed, his sleeve had a hole in the elbow. He hadn’t noticed it, and with an awkward expression, he said, “It seems like you’re trying to keep a distance from me.”

“I’m not...”

“I did run into your father this morning, but what he said I’m not taking to heart. I hope you won’t either. Don’t take your parents’ demands too seriously, and don’t let that distance us. Well... I’m off work now.”

“Off work?”

“I’m resting today, came to tutor you.” Pei Zhen seemed to notice the hole in his sleeve. “I really seem like one of those top-performing, failed senior students.”

This made Hu Xiu feel a little frustrated. Fortunately, she had been asked by Li Ai to deliver a cake to Zhao Xiaorou after work—on the surface, it was just delivering a cake, but in reality, it was a subtle invitation to meet Zhao Xiaorou at REGARD. Li Ai hadn’t explicitly said so, but Hu Xiu understood. Zhao Xiaorou had moved into a new house to record videos. She lived in the same neighborhood, a 200-square-meter apartment with a monthly rent of 30,000 yuan, so expensive that Hu Xiu thought she had moved into an ICU. When she entered the house, the entire room had bright white walls and harsh lighting. Zhao Xiaorou was recording a beauty video, wearing a lavender sweater on top, glowing, and sweatpants on the bottom. She left the door open without turning off the camera and sat back down to continue recording: “This mascara doesn’t give sunflower lashes, it gives fly legs. Sisters, trust me, don’t buy this kind of hellish product. Also, don’t use such heavy eyeliner; the best state is when men can’t tell you’re wearing makeup, but think you’re beautiful...”

After turning off the camera, Zhao Xiaorou complained, “Damn, a few days ago, I bought a beauty instrument, didn’t expect it to slim my face so much that I lost all the cheek fat. I had to get hyaluronic acid injections in my cheeks, the sound of the fascia being cut was creepy. The beauty instrument cost 4,800 yuan, the hyaluronic acid 22,000 yuan, totally not worth it.”

“You were already very beautiful.” Indeed, her face had become thinner than before, her features fragile, like they could break at any moment. Zhao Xiaorou had slimmed down, and her black curly hair reminded Hu Xiu of... Nakayama Miho.

“You don’t understand, there are so many internet celebrities, and on camera, it has to be perfect.”

Hu Xiu certainly remembered how ruthless Zhao Xiaorou was. Once, Zhao Xiaorou was kind and lively, unique, and well-liked on forums, but no one had ever seen her picture. When they first met in Beijing, Zhao Xiaorou had single eyelids and no nose bridge, her whole nose flat against her face, and she would avoid Hu Xiu’s gaze, hiding an understandable inferiority complex—at least Hu Xiu could read it. During their first trip to South Korea, Zhao Xiaorou had just had double eyelid surgery, and her whole demeanor became more seductive. The way she took selfies in Myeongdong while eating spring chicken skewers had changed. That was when she realized that cosmetic surgery not only changed appearances but also subtly shifted her personality.

The next day, she accompanied Zhao Xiaorou on a long walk to find a beauty clinic to get hyaluronic acid injections. Along the way, Zhao Xiaorou was excited, as if she were about to be reborn. If Hu Xiu remembered correctly, it was August 15, Independence Day in Seoul, and all the stores were closed. On the 16th, they were supposed to attend a concert, but her dream of becoming beautiful was easily shattered. Standing in front of the closed store, Zhao Xiaorou repeatedly checked the sign before turning away, disappointed. The next morning, when Hu Xiu was still asleep, Zhao Xiaorou went out. When she returned, her nose bridge had been altered, her eyes were closer together, and her face looked much more delicate, like IU.

She claimed she had followed a Korean translator in Myeongdong to every available ATM machine, withdrawing 540,000 Korean won, and the doctor, moved by her dedication, had given her botox injections in her nose wings.

That evening, Zhao Xiaorou looked very beautiful. She stood in the pit without calling out, but she carried the dignity of a beautiful female fan—poised, gentle, not letting her obsession with the idol show. The light sticks and paper rolls that fell from the sky cheered the fans, and Zhao Xiaorou was enveloped in the spotlight at the end of the performance. Her radiance no longer came from being a star on stage but from herself. Hu Xiu didn’t understand at the time, but now, looking back, that sense of humble, fan-like awe had transformed into a burning desire for equality and brilliance: to become beautiful, anything was possible.

It seemed that was when Zhao Xiaorou’s obsession with plastic surgery began.

Once, Zhao Xiaorou liked to add features to her face. She admired Min Hyo-rin’s nose and Song Hye-kyo’s chin. Her double eyelids were large and parallel, and from a distance, her features appeared larger, but indeed, she radiated beauty. Even though her plastic surgery scars were visible, it was undeniable that she was stunning. Her personality also became more outgoing. After marrying Wang Guangming, she reached the peak of her self-confidence. But after marriage, she was often teased by Wang Guangming for her heavy double eyelid scars. She gradually became quieter, and when discussing traveling with Hu Xiu, she had already bought the tickets and passport, but only Hu Xiu ended up going. She stayed in Shanghai to have both her double eyelids and nose reshaped—jaw surgery. What a terrifying woman; she could do anything. She tricked Wang Guangming into thinking they were having a feast on an island, but in reality, she was in the hospital with a nasal feeding tube. During the month she stayed in a hotel, Hu Xiu vacationed on the island and sent Zhao Xiaorou pictures, which she then used to craft a travel story. Whether Wang Guangming noticed or not, Hu Xiu didn’t know. But after that, Zhao Xiaorou found a strange pleasure in secretly getting prettier, going alone for various tweaks and fixes, a bit of ultimate loneliness.

Now Zhao Xiaoru is the epitome of a “born with a beautiful face” online. She has become more delicate, growing into a perfect version of her childhood photos. Few know the detours she took along the way, and Zhao Xiaoru never brings them up anymore. In fact, she wasn’t ugly to begin with. She has a superior skull shape and brow bone, but the surgeries she underwent, in Hu Xiu’s view, were all caused by the pressure from Wang Guangming. Countless nights, Zhao Xiaoru wandered the streets alone, buying beer and getting trapped by the “internet celebrity” and “persona” labels. She couldn’t escape the unnoticed mockery of Wang Guangming, passed out on the streets, only for Hu Xiu to take her home. The pain became her form of release. According to Zhao Xiaoru’s pattern of cutting ties with useless old friends, Hu Xiu should have been eliminated a long time ago. The only reason she stayed by her side was probably because Hu Xiu still had some value to her.

Glancing at the pile of luxury brand catalogs in front of her, Hu Xiu smiled. They were all in English, and Zhao Xiaoru couldn’t understand them well. This was the friendship of adult women built on real competence.

“Want to have a couple of drinks?”

“Stop drinking alone at home all the time.”

“Compared to my crazy friends, I’m quite tame. I don’t go to clubs or drink excessively, I just drink with you at home or at REGARD. I’m a good citizen now.”

At this point, Zhao Xiaoru paused, and so did Hu Xiu. Zhao Xiaoru said with a hint of melancholy, “I guess I’m lucky that after all these years, I still have you by my side. It’s been ten years of mutual support, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, we met in ‘08,” Hu Xiu replied, realizing it wasn’t entirely based on competence.

“Time flies, we’ve known Li Ai for two years now, right? Remember when we were stuck in the rain like drowned chickens? REGARD was the only place still open because he was teaching a guitar lesson. I was like a bolt from the blue, didn’t even want him to know I was married.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“I know you do. So when you liked Qin Xiao Yi back then, I wasn’t surprised at all. There’s always someone who makes you realize that there’s an emotion called ‘love at first sight.’ You wish you were born a few years later, or that you weren’t married, or even want to cross moral boundaries to get them, to do anything possible. After all, in love, luck comes with the right timing, place, and people, but most are too scared, greedy, or impatient to wait for true love.”

“Wow, you’re sounding so philosophical all of a sudden.” Zhao Xiaoru laughed bitterly. “I just don’t understand… why Li Ai doesn’t like me.”

The room fell silent, and Zhao Xiaoru looked at the messages on her phone and smiled. She handed the screen to Hu Xiu. Zhao Xiaoru had sent a message to a young guy on Douyin, who could only reply with three messages due to unfamiliarity: “Cutie, can I add you on WeChat?” “Seen and ignored, that’s too much!” “Send me your WeChat, don’t be so shameless when I’m this pretty.”

Sure enough, the boy replied with a string of numbers and letters for his WeChat ID. Zhao Xiaoru wore a victorious smile as she typed on her phone: “See? More often than not, it’s about making do. Now I even write little love stories for singles on my public account, the flirty messages plus a little storytelling, and they get more views than advertisements. People are always interested in gossip.”

“Then… aren’t you going to meet Li Ai? He’s been looking better than before his surgery. He used to seem like he was waiting to die, but now he greets everyone, and his guitar class is back to normal.”

“Has Xu Meng come?”

“…Probably not. Xu Meng has a husband and kids, there’s no future with Li Ai.”

“What about me? Li Ai has never even liked me. You know what? I genuinely envy you being able to flirt with Diao Zhi Yu, mutual liking is so rare.”

“Don’t even mention it. You know that guy who kissed me once? I tried, but he didn’t really react.”

“You were looking in the wrong place. If you want to know how to get a reaction, look between the legs.” Zhao Xiaoru glanced at Hu Xiu’s expression and snorted in amusement. “You really only scratched the surface. When adults come together, there’s no secret—it’s all about seduction. Looks, body, money… those are secondary; in the end, it all boils down to whether the atmosphere for love exists. Attraction is the first step, getting them is all about technique, whether it’s natural or intentional. What stays in your mind is that sticky affection, the kind you can’t get out of your head—that’s success. The highest level is becoming the other person’s scar, their cinnabar mole. Teenage love is pure, but real love? It’s dirty. It’s the dirt that makes it unforgettable.” Zhao Xiaoru lit a Marlboro, the smoke strong. “I can spout all kinds of love philosophy, but none of it works on Li Ai. The trick can only be used once. If you don’t use it at the start, it’s too late after.”

There wasn’t much left to say. Hu Xiu clinked her glass with Zhao Xiaoru’s. “The cute guy on Douyin? Meeting him wouldn’t hurt. Diao Zhi Yu is taking me to an escape room next week. We can double date.”