Chapter 88

My Boyfriend is a Superhero

At 3 a.m., Hu Xiu couldn’t fall asleep. In the middle of the night, she posted a song, If I’m Not in Love With You, on her Moments. Diao Zhi Yu wasn’t there, and it was really hard for her to get some rest.

The feeling was strange—she only saw him once or twice a week, yet the habit of being held together had invaded her. Now, with an empty pillow beside her, she couldn’t sleep.

Perhaps there was also some anxiety—her mom had arrived in Shanghai, and she still hadn’t figured out how to meet her.

Having been alone in Shanghai for a while, her mother’s visit always felt a bit like her life was being interrupted.

Then, Diao Zhi Yu’s message came through, which startled her: “Open the door…”

Looking through the peephole, she saw the handsome guy in an Air Force jacket confidently stride in. “I was writing a script, and when I saw you hadn’t slept yet, I decided to come over and sleep with you.”

Such thoughtfulness was a bit too much. Hu Xiu asked, “What script?”

“Two scripts. One is a historical drama script for a murder mystery game, and a venue in Tianjin asked me to customize it for them. The other one is a short film I want to make. I still really want to be a director, and when I went to the southwest, I filmed some footage myself.”

“You’re much deeper than I imagined.”

“Of course. What’s the point of being an idol star? You can’t rely solely on looks to go far. This industry is maturing. Music royalties, outfit costs, meals—everything costs money. You go into debt with the company even before you debut.”

“You’re so clear about this...”

“My classmate went to participate in a talent show. To build a persona, he even shaved off three years, so now he’s born in 1999,” Diao Zhi Yu said, leaning his forehead against hers. “What’s wrong? Are you troubled?”

“I don’t want you to know.”

“Who doesn’t have a dark side?”

“You’re pretending like nothing’s wrong in front of me, but your skills are still a bit lacking.” Diao Zhi Yu squeezed her hand. “If I’m not mistaken from your nightmare, it’s about your parents, right?”

“I just found out today that my parents… haven’t divorced. They had a huge fight back then, and I thought they were giving each other a way out, but in reality, my mom just ran off to the north to hide from my dad.”

“Are you going back to Nanjing?”

“Though it’s not my business, I still want to go back... Recently, I’ve been haunted by nightmares, and it brings back memories of the time when I broke off the engagement.” Hu Xiu smiled faintly. “I’ll have to overcome it to move forward.”

“If you don’t want me to meet them, I can wait for you here. But if they blame you because of me, I’ll take responsibility for it. So, you can bring me to Nanjing.”

It was a bit childish, but it also made her want to laugh. “You really have a hundred ways to make me rely on you.”

After saying that, she kissed his palm and slapped it on Diao Zhi Yu’s cheek. He then held her hand and kissed it for a long while, before she snuggled into the blanket and closed her eyes. Soon, she dreamed of a scooter rolling down the stairs. She woke with a jolt and instinctively hugged herself tighter.

Touching the camel’s arm, she indeed felt more at ease.

The next morning, they headed back to Nanjing. Once a bustling landmark, Zhujiang Road was known as the “Zhongguancun of Nanjing.” The electronics within a three-kilometer radius could circle the globe.

Now, returning, Zhujiang Road had been redeveloped, and the once-new six-story building they lived in had deteriorated, worn and decayed.

Living here for over a decade, from Dr. Jin’s perspective, neither her mom nor herself had found a good place to settle.

She went upstairs, her heart tightly clenched. She calculated the time—it seemed her mom had already arrived.

Don’t be nervous, after all, it’s just dad and mom—but thinking this made her more anxious, her stomach twisting in knots.

Her dad opened the door, his face dark with anger, and when he saw her, his expression became even more furious. “Why are you here too?”

“I’m your daughter.” When she said this, the furniture in her mind seemed to fall out of the window.

The living room and the kitchen on the right were familiar, often appearing in her nightmares. She still didn’t know what to do. Her mom was wearing a green leather jacket, the dryness from living in the north made her skin look parched, though her hair was still dark and shiny.

Her mom was tight-lipped, probably preparing for a confrontation. She patted the couch, signaling Hu Xiu to sit down. The strange feeling of being in this three-person family made her even more uncomfortable.

“This house has changed a lot. Last time I was here, you threw my things out, and when I went to Heilongjiang, I had nothing but a small bag.”

Her mom spoke too directly, and Hu Xiu’s heart skipped a beat.

“You slept with other men here. I just threw out the dirt in this house.”

“You never came home, and your heart was with someone else.”

“That’s because you were always acting seductive. I couldn’t stand you.”

“Now you’re finally speaking the truth. Good. When you promised to marry me, what was it for? Revenge? Vanity? You never really liked me.”

They really didn’t care about arguing in front of her. After all these years, nothing had changed.

The house had passed eight years; there were no more traces of her or her mom. Hu Xiu sat still, sunlight pouring through the window, casting on the piano she’d played day and night.

Her dad’s wall had shelves with a guitar, erhu, pipa... In her gaze, her dad and mom’s harsh words never stopped.

She sank into memories amidst their bickering. Her mom had started a new relationship when she was thirteen, right?

Off and on, after all, the woman who used to cook and return home on time started using “overtime” as an excuse.

That night when she was eighteen, busy filling out her college application, choosing the majors she wanted to pursue from thick guides with a variety of options.

Business administration, human resources, law... Those names were clear, but the future they represented was uncertain. She really wanted to ask someone for advice, considering she’d have to deal with them for four years.

That night, her dad knocked on her door, and his eyes looked like a villain from a suspense story.

She was terrified at the time—mom’s lover was in the master bedroom and was about to leave for the night shift.

Instinctively, she stood by her mom and her lover, as her dad’s eyes were too terrifying.

The lover walked past her dad, and just as he turned to chase him, she spoke up. “Dad, I need to fill out my college application tonight. Can you help me check it before I submit it?”

Had they reminisced before she went upstairs? Was there anything left to become memories of love?

If they had made it to marriage, there must have been some feelings, right? If it was all hatred, then what was her existence for?

The mismatched memories were now just irreparable hatred. One was arrogant, holding grudges and believing his wife’s behavior was unforgivable, thinking divorce would make the other happy, dragging everything down; the other thought her husband had never loved her, seeing marriage as a prison, and using other men to rescue her from the damage and harm caused by him, hiding far away... She thought, how did I end up with these parents?

“Perfect timing, your daughter’s back too. Look at the two of you sitting together; you really are alike.”

“Just like how you used to degrade yourself to please men, your daughter’s now in Shanghai, flattering some guy.”

At hearing this, Hu Xiu was startled awake. “Dad!”

“She rejected the good doctor I introduced, choosing to mix with some small-time actor instead.”

“Good looks are all he has, a 28-year-old almost 30, just like you, destined to be laughed at...”

Saying it didn’t matter to her, but when it came to Diao Zhi Yu, she couldn’t take it anymore. She jumped to her feet. “Dad. I really thought when I was in the hospital, you saw how hard I was trying. And now you’re still fixated on the person I like? Can’t you see me?”

“What’s there to see! You didn’t do the translation for the hospital’s big meeting, quit your job and started making videos on a website, even acting with others. Do you think I don’t know? I didn’t go to Shanghai to teach you, but now you’re back. You…”

“You what? Are you going to smash my things again in the house I rented? You already did that once before.”

“I really don’t understand, why do you have so much hate for me and Mom, to the point of wanting to destroy us?”

“Is it because we’re not good enough? Because we didn’t meet your expectations? Just because we’re close to you, do you think it’s okay to belittle us?”

“You think we’ll never leave, but we all left. We’d rather stay as far away from you as possible.”

“Dad, if you don’t love us, just let go. I now realize how hard it is to earn your approval. And honestly, it’s not that important.”

Before she could finish her sentence, her father raised his hand and slapped her. Her left ear rang, and her mother rushed over to push him away. “Are you crazy? That’s your daughter!”

“She doesn’t deserve it!”

A year ago, Hu Xiu might have run away, avoided it, and comforted herself, thinking that her father’s anger would fade in a few days.

But now, she didn’t move. She turned around, her face flushed, not feeling ashamed at all, and said clearly, “You don’t deserve to be my father.”

After saying that, she walked out, not shedding a single tear. It was strange, she felt sad, but she didn’t feel like crying.

She sat in the hotel room listening to review materials, the thick book impossible to focus on.

She had made plans with Diao Zhiyu to return in a few days and told him not to worry, but just thinking of his name made her nose sour.

She suppressed her emotions and shed a few tears. Damn it, Nanjing had such a heavy, gloomy atmosphere. The phone rang; it was her mother asking her to come downstairs. Strange, how did she find this small hotel in Baixia District?

Her mother stood downstairs, smiling and greeting her. “Tingting, it’s been a long time since we’ve been to Xuanwu Lake Park, want to go for a walk?”

There were few visitors at the park on a weekday, and the weather was damp and cold. They walked deep into the park, sat by the lake, and watched the silver lake surface and the thin mist.

In the distance, a two- or three-year-old girl was chasing her mother, climbing up and running again. Hu Xiu thought, maybe she once had a childhood this intimate with her mother.

Now, it was a relationship that couldn’t even be easily approached when sitting on a bench.

“Mom brought you a lot of snacks. You used to like pineapple cakes, biscuits, the ones that ruined your teeth, so I bought some, from Russia, they’re especially sweet.”

Hu Xiu didn’t like snacks, though. She used to pick the sweet ones to eat because there was no food at home.

“How have you been lately? How’s that handsome boyfriend?”

“Mm…”

“Didn’t expect that. I thought handsome boys, their minds are always busy.”

“How did you know I was staying at the hotel in Baixia District?”

“Mother’s intuition. When you were little, your dad and I often brought you here to eat. Your dad also guessed you were here.”

She held back her emotions. “Why did you chase after my dad back then?”

“I saw him as a teacher. He could play the piano, violin, harmonica, and everything. I liked romantic people.”

“Later, I found out those instruments were just tools for him to make a living. I was careless. This time, I want to get a divorce and move my household registration to the north. It’ll take a bit of time. But I want to stay in the north, and if you ever want to visit me, you’re welcome.”

She had thought that the family had long been broken up, but hearing this again today still made her feel sad.

“Your dad was like this when he was young, incapable of liking someone he didn’t want. He would humble himself to please someone he admired, and belittle those he was close to, but still thought he was expressing love.”

“Don’t speak for him.”

Her mother didn’t respond but continued.

“After your dad kicked me out of the house, I only had 30,000 yuan in my savings account. I rented a small place in the north, with no neighbors upstairs or downstairs.

I bought a DVD player to follow the trend, and sang karaoke at home every day. Sounds a bit tacky, right?

But it was very popular there. I sang even at night, until I turned off the lights and looked at myself in the mirror, thinking I looked like a ghost, which scared me—then I laughed.

That was when I realized, I’m almost fifty, not beautiful anymore, childish, and crazy, but I still wanted to love myself. At this age, I can be selfish.”

When her mother said this, Hu Xiu felt somewhat relieved. Maybe it was because of the damp atmosphere, or maybe her mother’s words, or something inside her had made sense. She asked, “Mom, do you love me?”

“Of course. We all love you. Even though I hate him, there is some truth in what he says.

He didn’t marry the daughter of his mentor because he was just a teacher, and I married him because he was a teacher.

Status and money, how important they are, that never changed. He just taught you the most modern methods he knew, but they’re outdated now, and the way he expresses himself is so harsh.”

In translation terms, it was about the “delivery”—Dad’s delivery was zero.

She sat on the bench, soaking up the sunlight, and her body gradually warmed up. Indeed, the love her parents gave her was misaligned, to the point where it couldn’t fit together.

The relationship between parents and children, apart from familial love, was perhaps more of a bond. It was hard to explain, something you couldn’t let go of or separate from, both happy and painful.

“I live not far from you. I brought back gifts for you. Let’s go back to Shanghai.”

“Okay…”

The next day, with a suitcase full of snacks that she couldn’t finish, Hu Xiu took the high-speed train back, and later that night, returned home.

She knocked and entered the living room. Two boxes of Tangbingjia and Maotai—someone had come. She was startled when she met the eyes of the person in front of her.

Diao Zhiyu, dressed extremely formally, had arrived before her. In a white shirt, black leather shoes, and neatly trimmed hair, he looked as though he was here to propose.

She was thrown off completely.

“What are you doing here?”

“He came to visit me and look for the drama teacher in Nanjing,” her father entered and pulled out a chair, sitting down, not addressing her, only speaking to Diao Zhiyu. “He’s a teacher at Nanjing University of Communications, he discovered some stars, and is a friend of mine. He’s also worked at the Nanjing Small Theater, doing soundtracks. Many students in the music school were trained by him. If you really want someone who can help improve your acting, it’s not impossible…”

He finished speaking and pointed at Hu Xiu: “She really likes the small theater at Nanda. She used to never come home on weekends, often going to watch plays there.”

Hu Xiu found it strange—she had never really examined her father seriously, and it seemed that, perhaps, he was... a little more impressive than she had imagined.

Diao Zhiyu smiled, “I met her at the small theater. I had just graduated and was still a small actor, very lost. If it weren’t for her encouragement, I wouldn’t be so determined to pursue acting now.”

They talked for two hours. Hu Xiu had planned to have a serious conversation with her father but didn’t manage to get a word in.

When Diao Zhiyu stood up, he said, “I heard Uncle still has a class tonight, so I’ll leave now. Hu Xiu, would you like to come with me?”

“Let’s all go, I’m almost out of time.”

Her father didn’t even want to say a word to her?

As they were about to leave, her father suddenly called out, “Diao Zhiyu…”

Diao Zhiyu, dressed formally, turned around, his head nearly level with the doorframe, and stood respectfully before her father.

“Take good care of Hu Xiu. She needs an explanation.”

Diao Zhiyu smiled, “If you agree, I will marry her.”

Hu Xiu floated downstairs, confused—married? Who agreed to that? Was this just a show? She followed Diao Zhiyu as they spiraled down the long staircase, asking, “Diao Zhiyu, how long have you been here? What did you talk to my dad about? What did he mean by that last sentence?”

“It’s all a secret…”

“Marry me? Who agreed?”

“Your dad didn’t answer either.” Diao Zhiyu changed the subject as he opened the building door, “Eight years ago, where were you standing when you saw things thrown down?”

Hu Xiu paused, pointing to an empty space a few meters away, where there used to be three trash bins.

Diao Zhiyu took her hand and led her over to stand there, not saying anything. It seemed like rain was starting to fall, the light autumn rain of the South, falling continuously, soon wetting their faces.

“I heard about you from Zhao Xiaoru—your mom’s lover lived with you, your things were thrown down the stairs, and your ex-husband decided to break off the engagement here. I know everything.

The other day, when I heard about your nightmare, I wondered if there was any way to help you completely forget about all of this. After thinking it over, maybe you could overcome it yourself, but if I showed up, went to the places where you have nightmares, and walked through them, it could wash away those bad memories.

At least, if someone stole something from you in your dreams, I could step in, fight, and protect you, play the superhero.”

“You…”

“What?”

“Are you Ultraman or Iron Man?”

“I haven’t decided yet, maybe I’m Saint Seiya.”

“No, I don’t want to be Athena. She just prays sincerely, does nothing, and has a bunch of Saint Seiya protecting her. At least we should fight together.”

“How about Black Widow…”

“No, too ugly.”

Standing downstairs, Hu Xiu looked up at the fifth-floor balcony, peaceful, with nothing about to fall down.

Instead, snow began to fall from the sky—Nanjing had snow. The snow melted as it hit the ground, and the ground was slippery and clean, not as dirty as it once was.

Hu Xiu said, “So, you didn’t pretend when you came to find me in the North. I’m relieved now.”

“Why pretend? I wanted to see you. Although I need to slowly lock you in, showing up when you need me is what a boyfriend should do. I care about you more than you think.”

“Diao Zhiyu, you’re so nice. Sometimes, I worry if I’m worth it.”

“No one else will be as persistent as you in finding me. Murder mystery games move fast; players change quickly, and liking someone doesn’t last.”

They stood in place for a long time, thinking they would be shivering from the cold, but they didn’t.

Diao Zhiyu suddenly remembered something, “Speaking of which, we’ve never celebrated each other’s birthdays, and we’ve hardly exchanged gifts. The only time was that Christmas when Pei Zhen interrupted.”

“He’s about to become a father.”

Diao Zhiyu paused for a second, “I’m not even surprised. So, do you still have any dreams you haven’t achieved?”

Hu Xiu was silent for a long time, “Just now, I thought about it. If you could read my mind, you’d probably guess.”

Diao Zhiyu smiled, “That’s too much…”

What you probably think is that I want to be with you forever. But the truth is—I want to see Qin Xiao Yi again.

I really like you, more than you can imagine. I once thought, maybe on the Snowpiercer, I wouldn’t let you know everything I feel, keeping it as a private girlhood secret, something that stays in my heart’s record of emotions in my twenties.

I once thought, when you told me your name, I could just stay a simple friend; maybe after work, you’d think of me as a player, maybe when you’re bored, you’d call me downstairs for a drink, maybe after flirting with another girl and feeling lost, you’d occasionally feel something for me, someone who looks at you with anticipation…

Maybe, after you leave the Snowpiercer, you’d occasionally think of the impulsive, exciting player, and in the edge of your face blindness, you’d dig up me, someone who had no presence.

If my humble thoughts of a girl weren’t saved, they’d be another sad story, but my life would still be illuminated—

Qin Xiao Yi gave me inspiration, something between love and reality, the most beautiful and tragic imagination, so much so that even when it breaks, it still leaves a dull pain; if I kept you forever in a fictional dimension, as the most precious and unsolvable fantasy, it might shine brighter than keeping you by my side.

Luckily, I can briefly have you now, and that’s my happiness, as well as my regret.

If I could see Qin Xiao Yi again, and witness your growth, then perhaps me passing through your life’s trajectory would be an irreplaceable moment for you.

And you will never know any of this.