Chapter 43

I Feel Like a Writer Without a Goal

It seemed like everyone’s life had suddenly gone wrong.

The video of Zhao Xiaorou’s breakup kept circulating online, and people were mocking her for her previous online persona. The divorced woman who wanted to date a younger man, an older woman chasing after a younger man—it was all too much. In her live stream, she faced harsh comments, and though she initially tried to ignore them, she couldn’t help but snap back. She couldn’t just swallow her frustration.

Once, the persona Wang Guangming had crafted for her had mostly collapsed, but fortunately, her advertising revenue was still on the rise.

After the last team-building event, Li Ai was visited by the Industrial and Commercial Bureau, with REGARD suspected of selling counterfeit alcohol.

That night, there were ten boxes of alcohol, all bought through normal channels from past suppliers, and there was absolutely no fake product involved.

However, a complaint received by the bureau stated that someone had been hospitalized after drinking, with a diagnosis of alcohol poisoning, and the compensation was substantial.

Li Ai personally visited all the distributors the ten boxes of alcohol passed through and provided lengthy documentation of the supply chain, willing to cooperate with the investigation.

After two days of mediating and another two days of closure, REGARD resumed operations, but with a tarnished reputation, and the ratings on review sites had dropped.

As for Hu Xiu, her father’s sarcastic remarks were never late—there was an official post about hospital promotion quotas on the website. Her father angrily messaged her to come to the ward, where, in front of a room full of patients, he lectured her: “Do you see all these widows and orphans? You’re still single and unemployed, enjoying it? When you’re old, you won’t even be able to afford this hospital room!”

It was indeed a high-end ward, but Hu Xiu sighed inwardly. Living this frustrating life, whether she’d make it to old age was questionable.

That night, a rare gathering was held at Li Ai’s apartment—REGARD, for some unknown reason, had another hygiene issue, with termites and cockroaches appearing again, and even the guitar in the store had its strings cut.

Li Ai’s leg was still healing, sitting in bed smoking; Diao Zhiyu stood leaning on a shoebox, trying not to make eye contact with Hu Xiu. Xu Meng was also present, and Zhao Xiaorou, with her back to Hu Xiu, stood next to Li Ai, occasionally rolling her eyes. The entire room was eerily silent, and the air felt unbearably awkward.

“REGARD has been open for three years. Normally, there shouldn’t be so many problems, right?” Hu Xiu spoke first. “I rarely use my review account, but I do help REGARD with five-star ratings.”

“Xiaohongshu (Little Red Book) has many ways to do it. If we really want to mess with the data, I can have a few level 7 users write reviews,” Zhao Xiaorou said. “The main problem now is whether Li Ai has been targeted. It used to be peaceful.”

“Highly likely. Li Ai, do you have any enemies?” Hu Xiu asked.

Li Ai didn’t answer, just sat there smoking. Hu Xiu vaguely guessed that Li Ai, who refused to reconcile with the victim, had become the enemy.

He was the one who refused a two-million yuan settlement and insisted on justice. These underhanded tactics, whether initiated by the perpetrator or the victim, Li Ai wouldn’t let them slide easily. He just hadn’t found a complete solution yet.

Zhao Xiaorou, enraged, said, “Check the surveillance, find someone to mess with him, isn’t that just direct confrontation? Shanghai is too civilized, people like him need a physical lesson.”

“It can’t be like that. Li Ai is in a lawsuit now, the last thing he wants is to give people ammunition.” Diao Zhiyu took a puff. “People will only protect the perfect victims. The moment Li Ai reacts, everyone will focus on him.”

Xu Meng avoided Zhao Xiaorou and sat beside Li Ai on the bed, gently massaging his leg, like she was giving him a massage. “At this point, would a settlement be satisfying?”

“Are you kidding?” Li Ai scoffed.

Xu Meng’s eyes darkened for a moment, but Hu Xiu saw it. Zhao Xiaorou’s eyes were fixed on Xu Meng’s hand, and she muttered angrily, “Li Ai, don’t worry about the money. If you want to go after this, I, Zhao Xiaorou, will back you up with both money and people.”

As they left, Zhao Xiaorou continued to complain, “Did you see that? She just casually put her hand there. I don’t even dare to touch Li Ai, but she did it so naturally. Does she have no sense of boundaries? Doesn’t she have a husband and kids? How could she get so close to Li Ai? Did they actually sleep together?”

“Don’t overthink it. How can you come up with so many scenarios from such small things? You should be writing novels,” Hu Xiu replied.

“My mind is filled with their adult films, damn it. I only missed a little while being in the hospital.”

“You know how much courage it took me to apologize to Li Ai? Even though I didn’t say it in the end, I was anxious for a whole week and had to pretend to be calm in front of him, because he doesn’t like hysterical women.”

“Alright. Anyway, knowing that Xu Meng and he have no future, you still have a chance.”

“Love for married women with children is dirty. The responsibility weighs down on their heads, and more trouble comes from there. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re in pain.”

After saying this, Xu Meng in a red dress walked past them. The small alley was narrow enough for them to hear everything, but she only wore a pair of knockoff BV high heels that seemed somewhat cheap.

Diao Zhiyu also came out, “You should watch your words. I can hear everything even without going downstairs.”

“It’s for her to hear,” Zhao Xiaorou replied, a little embarrassed. “I’m leaving now...”

In the narrow hallway of the small house, Hu Xiu and Diao Zhiyu were a meter apart, neither of them could bring themselves to speak first.

Hu Xiu couldn’t organize her emotions and just wanted to delete the confession she had written earlier. “Can I borrow your computer again?”

“You should get your computer fixed,” Diao Zhiyu replied.

“Please, I beg you.”

Diao Zhiyu sensed something was off and straightened up, “Sorry, the graphics card was burned out. If you need it in a few days, I’ll lend it to you. By the way, REGARD is having a Secret Santa event on Christmas Eve, I’ll bring it over.”

Hu Xiu just nodded and left.

“What are you going to do now? Are you just going to wipe everything away?” The voice on the phone was Zhao Xiaorou’s. She must have been drinking on the couch, her speech slurring.

Hu Xiu didn’t want to bring up the issue of her confession about the game, knowing that Zhao Xiaorou would probably yell at her because of the alcohol. She just muttered, “I don’t know…”

“Of course you can’t just let it go. Does Diao Zhiyu have a mental problem? If he only likes Qin Xiaoyi, he should have just cut off all contact after switching roles. All his charm would be gone. Why keep playing the game, spending nights in escape rooms, even sleeping on military beds in the street?”

“Those little boy tactics he uses can be dropped at any time. This can’t just end like this.”

“Besides, Hu Xiu, when we were chasing Lee Donghae, didn’t he ask us whether we liked SJ’s Lee Donghae or the normal Lee Donghae?”

The person inherently has many sides, and the way Diao Zhiyu rejected you makes you lose face! Women who have pursued Donghai can’t easily admit defeat.”

“But he doesn’t like me. This is different from chasing Lee Donghae.”

“You’re not even close to understanding. Trust me, this can’t just end like this.” Zhao Xiaorou curled a strand of her hair and stuck a brow pencil in, casually fixing her hair behind her head, exuding the golden-and-jade-like aura again: “We’ve all pursued Super Junior’s members. Those old men getting married, drinking and driving, being boycotted—who cares if their fragile hearts are broken? It’s already been shattered. What’s the harm in poking at it more? Let me ask you, Diao Zhiyu, what does he like? How much do you know about his hobbies?”

“The Lakers...”

“That won’t work. The cost of going to America is too high, and you don’t even play basketball. Anything else?”

“He plays games, but he’s not that good at it.” Saying that made her feel even more dejected.

“You really like him too much, to the point where your brain isn’t working anymore,” Zhao Xiaorou scrolled through her WeChat Moments. “I saw that they put up a Christmas tree in the Snowpiercer lobby. You should buy two tickets to a play, two consecutive ones. Professional performers won’t turn you down—Meng Jinghui, Lai Shengchuan, anyone’s fine. The staff will collect the tickets for the actors, so they won’t get lost.”

“If he recognizes your handwriting, he will definitely come. Then, when you sit together and watch the play, he’s Diao Zhiyu, not Qin Xiaoyi. There won’t be any drama, no Lin Qiumei, only you, Hu Xiu. You’ll feel his body heat up close for an hour and a half—everything will melt away.”

These words made Hu Xiu’s eyes finally light up a little. “How do you come up with so many ideas?”

“What are friends for? To help with worries and problems.” Zhao Xiaorou searched on her app: “This one, December 23rd, it’s coming up fast.”

Hu Xiu went during her lunch break to pick up the tickets. When she came back, she left them on the desk. When Pei Zhen came after work, he noticed. “Going to see a play?”

“Yes...”

“‘The Rhinoceros in Love.’ I’ve seen this one. It was in Beijing, with Duan Yihong performing.”

“That was a long time ago...”

“Yes. I can still recite the lines. It’s the bible for ideal love. But now, that kind of love is probably extinct, the times have changed. Are you going with Diao Zhiyu?”

“With Zhao Xiaorou...” She didn’t want to complicate things.

Pei Zhen gave a knowing smile. “If I get the chance, I’d like to see it too.”

After work, Hu Xiu went to the Snowpiercer, just hanging the ticket on the Christmas tree before leaving.

The tree’s greeting cards hadn’t been collected yet, and it seemed like a real-time popularity list, with many people writing ambiguous wishes for Feng Youjin and Li Rong.

Thinking of the words “I performed Feng Youjin for you, Qin Xiaoyi’s unrequited love tortures me,” Hu Xiu’s hand paused. For a moment, she wasn’t sure if she should hang the ticket there.

The iron door rang, signaling the end of a game. Hu Xiu hung the envelope on the tree and left. The contents of the envelope were very simple: one ticket and a wish: “You are born to be the protagonist, you don’t need others to shine. Become a true actor, and I will always be there for your performances.”

Whether Diao Zhiyu would see it, she wasn’t sure.

On the evening of December 23rd, before leaving work, Hu Xiu touched up her makeup and prepared to take a cab to Yihai Theater.

Just before leaving, she ran into Pei Zhen, who was about to have surgery. There seemed to be a hint of unease in his eyes.

After a brief goodbye, Pei Zhen asked, “You’re really going to see the play with Zhao Xiaorou?”

Hu Xiu’s smile was stiff. “Of course...”

“Have fun...” Pei Zhen climbed the stairs to the emergency exit.

The night was flowing, and she walked north along the busy street, watching the cars rushing home, filled with a bittersweet sense of anticipation.

Diao Zhiyu had once briefly mentioned at REGARD how much he liked theater, yet she had failed to think of it as carefully as Zhao Xiaorou had.

Zhao Xiaorou comforted her on WeChat: “You were just too fond of him, so you couldn’t think clearly. You’ve been blushing and your heart’s been racing every day.”

“Later, don’t tell him the tickets were my idea. Just watch the play together and see if he’s moved enough to hold your hand.”

“Even though ‘The Rhinoceros in Love’ has been seen by many young people, no one would refuse to watch it again.”

“In real life, crazy love is becoming rarer and rarer. People are posting little ads in the People’s Park matchmaking corner.”

“I also double-checked your seats next to him—they haven’t been sold yet, so no one will disturb you.”

“I hope he’ll come.”

“If he doesn’t come, don’t mention him. I’ll cut ties with him. You two have so many memories together. If he doesn’t show up, he’s cold-hearted and ungrateful.”

“Anyway, I’m going live. By the time we message again, you two will be a couple. You’re finally going to get out of singlehood.”

The worst thing was friends’ encouragement—Hu Xiu smiled at the screen. Before entering the theater, she bought two bottles of water and grabbed some play-related stickers and posters. Sitting in her seat, she looked at the woman on the poster, who was starring in “A Letter from an Unknown Woman” by Huang Xiangli.

Hu Xiu had read the novel, and Huang Xiangli’s gaze didn’t convey the original woman’s humility and loneliness from the story; instead, it carried a rebelliousness.

When Diao Zhiyu arrived, she could ask him his opinion since professionals usually understand better.

Someone who loves theater so much wouldn’t miss a romantic date. After all, the ticket left on the Christmas tree in Snowpiercer was the best wish for an actor.

At 7:15 PM, Hu Xiu folded up the poster and pamphlets, took a deep breath, and focused on the stage.

At such a close distance, if Diao Zhiyu held her hand, even the actors might notice.

They had so many memories—he was the one who took her to the escape room, he was the one who begged her to stay when she had stomach pains, the one who confirmed his feelings downstairs, hoping to give them more time together. He would definitely come to this play.

At 7:25 PM, Hu Xiu began to feel uneasy. Five minutes passed in silence, and her phone stayed still. She kept glancing around; everyone who was supposed to come had arrived. She got up a few times to give up her seat.

At 7:28 PM, the lights dimmed in the theater. Hu Xiu became anxious, hesitating over whether to send a message to Diao Zhiyu: “Where are you? It’s about to start.” She thought, maybe he didn’t recognize it was her, or perhaps he wasn’t interested in “The Rhinoceros in Love,” or maybe he was still on his way—she didn’t send the message.

7:30 PM, the theater was pitch dark, and the first scene on stage began.

Hu Xiu was straining her ears in the darkness, waiting for footsteps behind her and for someone to sit beside her.

Every time someone walked past, she would raise her head to glance. It was always hurried couples or staff crouching down, but not him.

Her heart gradually grew cold. On stage, the long monologue was nearly over: “You are different, the only one, soft, pure, like the sky, my Mingming. How can I make you understand?”

Disappointment and anger spread in her chest. Hu Xiu stared at the chat box, typing and deleting, before finally sending a message: “The ticket was a gift from me, I really didn’t expect you wouldn’t come.”

There was still no response. Hu Xiu took a shaky breath and stared at the stage. Damn it, of all things, she had chosen The Rhinoceros in Love. Every line was driving her crazy.

“You have an angel’s face and a bitch’s heart, I love you, I truly love you, I love you madly, I flatter you, I make promises to you, I swear eternal love, what can I do, how can I make you understand how I love you?”

This was Hu Xiu’s first time watching The Rhinoceros in Love. She felt somewhat guilty towards this millennium love bible; the script was great, the actors were great, but her mood was terrible.

Zhao Xiaorou sent a message: “How’s it going? Did he come?”

“No. I’m at Yihai Theater by myself.”

She felt like a lost novelist, confusedly listening to others’ manic monologues, not knowing how to write her own love story.

It started so suddenly, after going through twists and turns, it smoothed out quickly and sweetly, but now, the pen in her heart was touching the paper, then pulling away, leaving only dim stains. Mingming’s lines felt like they were speaking for her:

“I remember one evening, you fell asleep, like a child, your breath light, quiet. I watched you, recklessly, getting closer to you. With each breath you exhaled, I greedily inhaled it... thinking that this is sharing breath. A person can live on carbon dioxide, as long as there’s—love.”

When the play was almost over, footsteps suddenly approached from behind, hurried and fast, with heavy breathing.

Hu Xiu held her breath, someone forcefully sat down beside her. The puzzle was revealed, as if her own words had come true. Her heart leaped to her throat and then gently eased—it was Zhao Xiaorou, who had brought a sweet fragrance belonging to girls between them. She grasped Hu Xiu’s hand: “I turned off the live stream and bought tickets. It’s okay if he didn’t come, I’ll watch this play with you—I won’t just watch my friend suffer after ten years.”

Zhao Xiaorou tightly held Hu Xiu’s hand, and the lines on stage were too moving. Hu Xiu finally let her tears fall.