Chapter 44

We’re really too good at embarrassing ourselves in front of each other

Zhao Xiaorou only watched ten minutes of The Rhinoceros in Love. She was unmoved by the hysterical performance on stage and seemed to be brewing something bigger.

When the stage lights came on, she immediately tugged at Hu Xiu’s hand: “Let’s go…”

“Where to?”

“Find Diao Zhiyu and settle scores. He stood me up, I’ll make him pay.”

Hu Xiu wiped her tears, amused: “It’s not that serious…”

“Do you know where he lives?”

“No... and there’s no need to find him anymore.” Hu Xiu smiled softly as she sat back on her chair: “I’ve thought it through.”

“I’ve thought it through, you haven’t,” Zhao Xiaorou yanked her arm: “This expression, I last saw it when your ex-fiancé broke up with you. What’s ‘thinking it through’? This kind of thing shouldn’t be about the girl thinking it through. The man should admit his mistakes, with a knife to his neck. Damn it, get up, I’ll teach you how to get revenge.”

This was bad. With Zhao Xiaorou’s fiery temper, Diao Zhiyu was probably in for some serious trouble tonight.

The last time Hu Xiu saw her this angry was when her engagement broke off. Back then, Zhao Xiaorou was still in the role of the perfect woman, like Wang Guangming’s setup.

But when her ex went back home to visit family, this seemingly law-abiding woman hired someone to chop down his door with an axe.

The ex, who had been completely silent, then sent Hu Xiu a single message: asking if she had come for revenge.

Completely unaware, Hu Xiu had no knowledge of this, and the matter ended there.

Half a year later, Zhao Xiaorou casually mentioned: “That guy, his door? I paid someone to chop it down. If not for you, I would’ve buried him where I planned.”

A dark cloud suddenly filled Hu Xiu’s mind: “Zhao Xiaorou, I don’t know where Diao Zhiyu lives. Don’t be impulsive.”

“Is this impulsive? I’ve been brewing for at least half an hour, my mind is clear—death for death.”

“I’m not pregnant, don’t scare me with your words.”

“Let’s go to REGARD. Li Ai will definitely know. If he doesn’t say, I’ll smash his store.”

This wasn’t just about Diao Zhiyu, Zhao Xiaorou also had Li Ai’s account book. Hu Xiu sighed. She hadn’t even had time to put her breakup into the script. This scene of melancholy and autumn sadness was completely discarded.

If she didn’t go along, it was very likely that Zhao Xiaorou would be dragging Li Ai by his neck with shards of broken glass, asking: “What’s wrong with me? Why did you choose that old woman with kids?”

Shenyang had a center for protecting men from domestic violence, deeply rooted in the soil.

Zhao Xiaorou didn’t speak harshly; everything she said was sincere, but she loved to show off. Wang Guangming had been right to force her into that perfect image.

Because compared to her face, her temper was too rough. She often hurt others first and gained the upper hand before speaking.

In the taxi, watching Zhao Xiaorou’s legs swinging violently, the murderous aura seemed ready to ignite the car.

Hu Xiu thought to herself, maybe Wang Guangming didn’t leave because of public opinion.

Maybe he just couldn’t deal with her anymore—no one could sleep soundly with a ticking time bomb in their arms.

Zhao Xiaorou had once said in a relationship tutorial that there are three principles for women: say only nice things, act coy when possible and never rage, only cry when angry. With these three principles, most men could be won over.

But once the camera was off, she was mostly holding a bottle of alcohol: “Men are all useless, don’t bother being nice to them. No matter how much you worry, they only like the big-chested ones who won’t even talk to them.”

When they arrived at REGARD, both Hu Xiu and Zhao Xiaorou were startled by the scene before them.

The stools in the store were knocked over, coffee was spilled on the floor, the glass had shattered, and there were signs of a struggle. Passersby had stopped to watch, and outside the door stood unfamiliar Xu Meng and a barista, receiving the pitying and gossiping looks from the crowd.

Xu Meng, wrapped in a red coat, was looking around. It seemed like she had worn this same big coat repeatedly. The barista kept checking his watch—it was already ten o’clock.

Hu Xiu noticed blood on the ground. “What happened?”

“Relatives of a car accident victim came to find Li Ai, and there was a conflict. Some of them brought a photo of the deceased and started smashing things with it.”

“Where are they now?”

“They’re probably at the hospital or the police station. I’m not really sure.” The police station—a term that felt so old-fashioned.

“Shit, they used their hands?” Zhao Xiaorou opened her mouth in surprise, but quickly followed with a question, “You’ve been here the whole time?”

“Yeah, I didn’t leave tonight.” Xu Meng looked at her watch. “Now that you’re here, I can leave. If they’re fine, I’ll head home in a little while.”

“I helped you speak up for those five types of people before. Has everything been settled with you guys?”

Xu Meng forced a weak smile. “No. Just look at the things broken behind me. It’s clear where the power ultimately lies.”

For a moment, everyone fell silent, the only sound being the cold wind rustling the fallen leaves on the ground.

While Zhao Xiaorou was rushing to the Yihai Theatre, in REGARD, Diao Zhi Yu had stepped forward to stop others from harming Li Ai. This left Hu Xiu with a sense of both shock and some comfort—he hadn’t rejected her on purpose.

A taxi pulled up in front of them. Li Ai and Diao Zhi Yu got out at the same time, one from the front and the other from the right rear door. They stepped out, carrying the aura of the world outside.

Li Ai, with the composed demeanor of a mature man, did not bring a crutch, limping slightly, though still agitated.

Diao Zhi Yu, his arm and wrist wrapped in bandages, stepped out like an iceberg, his black clothes and harsh facial lines clearly indicating he was still angry.

He glanced at Hu Xiu without saying a word, grabbed his backpack with his right hand, threw it over his shoulder, and started walking. “I’m going back first.”

“Where do you think you’re going? Diao Zhi Yu, are you some kind of robot?” Zhao Xiaorou sighed, all her anger turning into helplessness. “Come with me. I’ll pull down the roll-up door first, and tomorrow I’ll get someone to come fix this.”

“You guys go, I’ll clean up by myself.”

“Li Ai, come with me,” Zhao Xiaorou said firmly. “If you don’t come today, don’t bother being my friend anymore.”

It was as though she was asserting her authority in front of Xu Meng.

Before the taxi even drove away, Xu Meng opened the door and got in, saying goodbye to Li Ai. “I’ll leave first…”

“Sorry about today.” Li Ai supported the door, his tone unexpectedly intimate. “You’re also in a bad mood, aren’t you?”

“There’s no need to apologize between us.”

Hu Xiu noticed that Zhao Xiaorou took a deep breath beside her. In Zhao Xiaorou’s eyes, the usual sense of unwillingness, toughness, and domineering nature seemed so fragile in front of a soft and transparent woman like her.

Hu Xiu knew those methods of using softness to overcome strength, but the situation had already solidified in their long-term relationship, and she couldn’t pretend to be gentle in front of Li Ai.

She wasn’t any luckier. Diao Zhi Yu stood at a distance, looking down at his hand, his fingers clenched into a fist but unable to straighten. A wave of pain hit her chest.

The thought of transferring Diao Zhi Yu’s pain onto herself was both humiliating and twisted—her maternal instincts were overwhelming to the point of being laughable.

But love, at its most extreme, was the desire to protect the other person from any harm.

Li Ai sighed. “We’ll deal with this here. I need to organize things and quickly order a new glass wall.”

REGARD had never been this chaotic. The signs of the fight were still visible—guitars smashed, tables twisted from being hit, small speakers and ornaments thrown on the ground in anger, the Christmas tree kicked over and stomped on, the glass that had fallen from Diao Zhi Yu’s hand, the blood staining the floor. Zhao Xiaorou couldn’t bear to look any longer. “I have shares in this coffee shop, I’ll pay for the renovation costs.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s shut down. It’s already this bad. I’m a little tired too.”

“What exactly happened?”

Li Ai no longer kept it a secret. “The lawsuit is going nowhere, the evidence is running out. The other two families came to me, asking for a settlement. If I agree, they’ll each get 2 million in compensation. I didn’t agree, so they’re causing more and more trouble.”

“It wasn’t just about causing trouble.” Diao Zhi Yu, his elbow resting on his knee, his bandages making his fingers turn purple, said coldly. “They were already mentally unstable. When they came in, they said their wife had gone mad and was about to die unless we reached a settlement.”

“Don’t put it that way,” Li Ai said as he took out a cigarette. “They all have their own struggles.”

“This was bound to happen—poverty is a disease. People who have never heard of the term ‘desperate’ will never understand it. They never intended to sue when their child died. When they saw Li Ai, it was like meeting a debtor. There was no reason to argue.”

When Diao Zhi Yu spoke these words, his gaze fixed on his bandaged hand, his tone cold. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen such a scene.

For a 22-year-old boy from Shanghai, the first reaction would most likely be to reason with them, call the police, and resolve it as decently as possible. But this reckless, clumsy approach was no different from Zhao Xiaorou’s. People who didn’t know how to reason resorted to violence, and he absolutely wouldn’t let that slide—he was willing to shed blood if necessary.

It was a bit sexy. Zhao Xiaorou punched Diao Zhi Yu’s shoulder. “You ended up fighting and getting into the police station, huh?”

“I didn’t strike first.”

“How did you end up like this?”

“Pei Zhen bailed me out...” Diao Zhi Yu said bluntly, glancing at Hu Xiu. He was clearly still unhappy.

“I might really need to settle this. I’m getting tired of all this chaos, and more and more people are getting dragged into it.”

Diao Zhiyu leaned against the sofa: “It’s not your fault. What you’re seeking is an answer for your late wife, so why let yourself be offended to this extent? You can’t act, but I can.”

He didn’t look at Hu Xiu. Zhao Xiaorou keenly noticed this: “Diao Zhiyu, did you see the gift Hu Xiu left for you on the Snowpiercer?”

“No...” Diao Zhiyu said little, not offering an explanation. He just stood up to get some water, walking out with the limping aura reminiscent of the character “Lame Co” from Sniper Undercover.

Li Ai chuckled: “It was actually the police officer who found it during a bag search. At the time, they almost detained him for seven days.”

“No need to explain...” Diao Zhiyu said calmly, “If I didn’t see it, then I didn’t see it. Any explanation would be meaningless.”

The first cup of water he poured, however, was handed to Hu Xiu without a word. His peripheral vision caught sight of her red, swollen eyes.

That simple gesture made Hu Xiu’s throat tighten, and she quietly walked to the kitchen to wipe her tears.

Diao Zhiyu followed her. In the darkness, neither of them spoke first. The army cot and lazy sofa, which had once been sources of playful ambiguity, now lay in a corner. Hu Xiu thought to herself that trying to break through the window of a relationship with a boy she wasn’t that into was nothing but self-humiliation.

“Don’t waste your time on me,” Diao Zhiyu spoke first. “I’m not the right person for you. Qin Xiaoyi is perfect, but I am not.”

His words were a rejection. Why didn’t it reach the point of making her eyes dark with despair? If it did, at least she wouldn’t have seen his hesitation. Hu Xiu stared at him, daring him to say everything.

“Anyone who gets involved with me probably won’t be happy. All I can offer you is a dream.”

“I’m sorry for getting close to you before and giving you the illusion that I might be someone to you. I didn’t know where to set boundaries.”

“Did you ever like me even a little bit, from the moment we met until now?”

The figure in the darkness remained still, not responding.

“You can’t get close to me and then push me away. You can’t treat me like this.” Hu Xiu kicked a chair behind her, grabbing the shelf to prevent herself from falling. Diao Zhiyu instinctively stepped closer but stopped halfway.

This series of movements made her laugh. “I get it now. Your care for me is instinctual, like how you protect Li Ai.”

“But that line in the secret room about Qin Xiaoyi... It was just a slip-up when you were nervous. It doesn’t matter who you’re pretending to be to me, because I like Diao Zhiyu.”

“It’s just that I know I’m not number one in your heart. Every time I convince myself you might like me, I’ve been telling myself that maybe, after all this time, you’d start to see me as a little different.”

“I’m not someone who’s never asked others to stay with me. The result always ends badly... But this time, I won’t.”

Diao Zhiyu left the dark space first. Hu Xiu stepped into the light, and a rush of wind suddenly filled her arms.

The cold air from the opened roll-up gate rushed into the room that had no covering. Zhao Xiaorou was arguing with Li Ai. It was strange, everyone seemed unable to hold back their inner frustration, all eager to find a crack they could break through, so that the truth could rush in unimpeded.

“If you really want to push me away, fine. Give me the money for REGARD. I won’t ever come back here. Zhao Xiaorou isn’t someone who would stick around and cling to a cripple.”

“Fine...”

“You’ve tarnished my feelings. You don’t deserve them.”

“Don’t provoke me, I won’t be fooled.”

“Then speak up, say it. You know what I want.”

“It’s late. You should go home.”

This was the first time Hu Xiu saw Zhao Xiaorou cry. She wiped away her tears forcefully. “I lost. You’ve figured me out, knowing I’ll always stick around. I’ll fix REGARD back to how it was as soon as possible, maybe even make it cozier. I’ll stubbornly keep dragging you to be my business partner, forcing you into my life, pretending I can’t do anything on my own and can never find a proper partner.

“And you’ll never turn me down. Just like you never speak harshly to me. You’ll always deflect with ‘I’m not good enough for you’, and I’ll purposely make my life miserable, holding on to the fantasy that I might have you. Even when I see Xu Meng standing between us, taking a bit of your affection, I’ll stay by your side. I’ll endure it. Because—”

“—I can’t leave you.”

After saying this, Zhao Xiaorou ran out. Li Ai, leaning against the cash register, raised his head and took a deep breath. His eyes gleamed with an unreadable light. His eyes were red, and he bit his lip tightly.

Hu Xiu had never seen this side of him. If it weren’t for Zhao Xiaorou, Li Ai would never show this expression.

When Li Ai looked at Hu Xiu again, he returned to his usual gentle demeanor. “Looks like it’s just the two of us now. Do you mind helping me set the tables and chairs back in place?

“I want to at least make it look—before I leave—that it’s not as terrible as it is.”

They were both people who could endure loneliness, yet at this moment, neither could be alone. The tables had to be pushed against the wall, the chairs all had to be turned upside down. The Christmas tree and the broken decorations were discarded, thrown into black bags and placed at the door to become trash. The broom touched the shattered pieces, which collided with more pieces, their sharp sounds seeming insignificant compared to the loud crash when Li Ai threw the broken guitar.

The stains on the wall might need a new coat of paint, and the cash register, with a large chunk of its corner gouged out, would take some time to fix.

Li Ai spoke from behind, “Anyway, the gift exchange for Christmas Eve is set. I can’t back out now. There might be some overtime to make up for it.”

Hu Xiu bent down and stepped back, bumping into Li Ai’s chest. Li Ai instinctively apologized.

She dropped the broom, hugged Li Ai tightly, and cried uncontrollably. She promised herself this would be the last time she would cry. Why is it that when you care about someone, you feel so powerless? Every little thing becomes a reason for tears, a sharp pain in her heart, and yet it’s strangely addictive.

“I long for invisible emotions, even if the love isn’t returned. At least it makes me feel less empty.”

“You casually tell me not to waste my time on you. That’s too cruel. I want to return to a life without pain or feeling, but what I can’t say to you is—I’m not ready yet.”

“We’re really too good at embarrassing ourselves in front of each other,” Li Ai’s chest let out a muffled sound. “I’m feeling pretty sad right now too.”