Hacky Sack Is Back!

Move over, basketball. Step aside, soccer. There’s a new sport taking over Masterman. Hacky sack is officially back, and it’s becoming the most elite sport in the school. What started out as a few kids casually kicking around a sack outside the cafeteria has now turned into a full-fledged movement, complete with organized teams, heated rivalries, and a dedicated coach, Dr. Paul Braff.

“It’s a game of finesse, precision, and unparalleled foot-eye coordination,” Braff declared while demonstrating a flawless behind-the-leg stall. “People laughed when I said we needed funding for the official Masterman Hacky Sacks™. Who’s laughing now?”

Indeed, what was once dismissed as a silly pastime is now an ultra-competitive sport, with players perfecting advanced moves like the “Flying Lotus,” the “Inverted Rainbow Stall,” and the “Math Teacher’s Revenge” (a move so complicated it’s rumored to require AP Calculus to understand). The first-ever Masterman Hacky Sack Tournament is already in the works, with top players battling for the coveted “Golden Sack” trophy. Even Headmaster Laurie has taken notice, reportedly considering hacky sack as an official P.E. unit, replacing badminton this quarter.

Not everyone is on board though. Some traditional athletes have scoffed at hacky sack’s rise, but their criticism was quickly silenced when a rogue sack flew across the gym and took out a varsity soccer player mid-dribble. The message was clear: Respect the sack. As for the future of the sport? “Hacky sack is a lifestyle,” says senior and reigning school champion Miles “toe-tap” Ottinger. “You don’t just play hacky sack. You become the sack.”