The Insanity of College Romance

Consider for a second, if you will, a hypothetical situation in a hypothetical world:

You’ve just turned 18, which as you’ve been constantly reminded throughout your life, is the age you will meet your soulmate. In this dimension, elementary and high school are places to learn about romance and interpersonal relationships. Every year, your mind is stretched and your proficiency measured and recorded. This is in preparation for your life’s next moment, contact, and attachment with your true love. Of course, there are plenty of people in this world, with only one true love. It wouldn’t make sense then, for this culture, which gives so much regard to romantics, to let everyone fall for whomever they want, if there was no guarantee to connect with the right person. Therefore, there is a methodical approach to coupling, which requires every new 18-year-old to draft a thorough account of all their worthy qualities to send to prospective partners, who will review these applications with care, hoping to discover someone with accomplishments and a strong character.

You’ve used resources offered to you by your high school to narrow your list of appealing people. Not too few, not too many. Along with all of your other responsibilities, you simply do not have the time to fully process all of the available options or to tailor your applications to all their unique likings. You’re also young, and may not know what you will want years from now. Maybe you don’t even want a partner and never will. Also, all the most coveted partners-in-waiting reveal only their most appealing faces, hiding their shortcomings. Now imagine your dating request is rejected by all the most admired singles, not necessarily because you were unqualified for them, but rather because they were flooded with too many deserving suitors for the limited space in their heart. This will always feel like an unfavorable outcome, but I’m not wholly convinced that it is.

If this world seems ridiculous, with foolish hopes for love, that's because it probably is. Love is complicated because it cannot be manufactured. People don't fall in love because it's pragmatic or because they're forced. It's always for reasons more varied and mysterious. But there is a lesson worth considering. This fake little world isn't so far from the truth of our lives. As high school students, we're constantly reminded how important our current academic performance is in leading us towards college. As seniors, we must find, in a finite amount of time, the "right fit" for us in a university: two words which are really just the platonic version of “true love”.

If you were turned away by your favorite people, how would you feel? I’m sure you’d be hurt; rejection is by no means a walk in the park. But consider the circumstances in detail: the narrow window for investigation, the myriad options, the misty sense of character, and the forced, unnatural style of this process. Wouldn’t it be unreasonable to expect true love under such conditions? Wouldn’t you realize that this situation is not worth your devastation, as one more rejection would not end your quest for true love, but merely eliminate another candidate? In the classic examples of true love, fairy tale stories involving Belle and the Beast, Cinderella and Prince Charming, Nazario and his fine Latina lady, requited interest is an essential quality. There isn’t any case of true love without it. Which is exactly why the “right fit” for college, for any person, could only ever be the place which reflects all the love given to it.

My advice to my fellow seniors is to refrain from allowing these results to weigh like a nightmare on your mind. In this world we’re expected to hone in on our dream school in a matter of months from a selection of thousands. It is impossible for a school that rejects you to be the “right fit,” not only because discovering a perfect college in such a short amount of time is improbable, but because the “right fit” would want you back. I’m not saying, though, that I think it is impossible to find the “right fit.” For those of you who have, good on you. Remember, you are all brilliant people, and world-shapers in the making. The right door will open, and you might miss it. This will be alright, because countless more will be available. And in a world where the right door is close to unattainable, this is nothing short of an auspicious place to be.