Wanted: Elevator Vigilante

As we are all aware of by now, the most dire issue plaguing the school right now is not one of cleanliness or scheduling, but one pertaining to the elevators. Masterman is fortunate enough to yield two elevators, one on each side of the building. They stay locked and unable to use, unless unlocked with a key only given to people who are unable to use the stairs. Masterman teachers are unable to use the stairs due to the risk of run-ins with post-recess middle schoolers, so each teacher is equipped with an elevator key as well. This system has prevailed for years, and there has been little pushback amongst the student body. After all, it would make sense that the elevators be preserved for people who really need them. 

This all changed, however, after a new type of supervillain began roaming the halls. The only known fact of the situation is that somehow, lazy students have been able to board the elevators without a key, and when confronted by the elevator police, they claim that it was already unlocked. It wouldn’t be fair to expect high school students to exhibit self control when presented with an unlocked elevator. Yet, the question remains: who is leaving the elevators unlocked? 

Hushed voices around the halls speak of an “elevator vigilante,” who unlocks the elevator with their contraband key. Little is known of this mysterious entity, but we do know that whoever it is has a target on their back. If anyone reading this knows any information that could lead to the capture of this person, please contact the elevator police, who take their job incredibly seriously. In the meantime, if you see students on the elevators that don’t belong there, please do not hesitate to snap a photo like the one above and send it to Mr. Gilken, who will take swift disciplinary action against these rebellious children.