Where Hath My Classmates Gone?

The True Story of What Happens When the Cameras Are Turned Off

Jacob Smollen, Noel Chacko, and I guess Guillem?

(please note, text acronyms have been translated as laid out by the AP journalistic guidelines)

It was a brisk winter morning when Jack Weiner (12-4) realized he’d become addicted. Although we were not yet 3 months into the school year, Jack was hooked on turning his camera off. At first Jack only turned his camera off to run to the bathroom or to grab his calculator in stat class but soon his habit grew into something more sinister. “I just felt such power from turning it off. It corrupted me,” he explained. However, it was not until early February when Jack began to realize how to wield the power of shutting off his camera for good. Over quarantine, like many of us, Jack has put on some weight. His “freshman fifteen before freshman year” as he likes to call it. Online gym just wasn’t doing it for him and he decided to try something new.

“I realized, wait a second. I’ve got all this free time when my camera’s off in drama. Why don’t I do something positive with that time? So I started training for a marathon,” Jack told us over zoom. This coming from someone who got a 23 on the pacer last year shocked many.

“I can’t lie. I was surprised when I saw Jack getting out and about. In the fall I feel like all he did was watch South Park and eat sour patch kids,” said Ms. Weiner (Jack’s mom) in an exclusive Voices interview.

Kevin Guan (12-2) has been using the time with his camera off in less effective ways. Telling voices reporters through text messages: “bro like I’m not even gonna lie I’m dead asleep most of the time,” continuing he said, “[expletive]’s crazy bro. I shut the curtains, light a few candles for ambiance and I’m out lol. [D]on’t even know what Mr. Ostrikov’s voice sounds like tbh [to be honest].”

Others have turned to, for a lack of a better word, more unique activities with their cameras off. Maya Lindsey (10-4) has recently gotten into bird watching. “Look, I spend most of my time inside now, so anytime I can get outside is a great opportunity,” said Maya, talking about the contrast between the extended screen time and her hikes. “It’s been great. I just join on my phone, turn my camera off, put my headphones in, and start walking in the Wissahickon.

Last week, I saw a yellow burbled fur belly by the creek during fourth period. It was such a thrill.” Maya has also turned her birdwatching into a passion for taxidermy. “Hunting is illegal on the Wissahickon trails, but no one is really up first period anyway so I bring my shotguns into the park most mornings,” said Maya, “The yellow burbled fur belly watches over me now. It’s quite peaceful actually.”

Some students have turned to more creative expressions. “Every once in a while I just turn my camera off, stand up and do a tik tok dance” says Aden Gonzales (12-2). “I say I’m going to the bathroom but I’m really not. There’s nothing like doing the renegade in front of Mr. Taranta with him blissfully unaware.” Aden told us that she’s not too fond of many of the new tiktok trends, but when inspiration strikes, she has no other choice but to get up and shimmy.

Maya Lindsey (10-4), by the Wissahickon

The free time has led more financially inclined students to turn to the job market. “Yeah, I don’t really care about school to be honest, so I decided to get a job.” said Kethan Shirodkar (10-2). During his afternoon classes most days Kethan turns his camera off in order to work as a referee for the local 65+ basketball league. “All the old folk are vaccinated now so they’re back on the grind. They aren’t too much trouble, I just make a few BS calls here and there and do the tipoff. I wish I could get out there but they said I’m too spry,” he explained. Kethan doesn’t find it too hard to keep up with classwork though. “I feel like I’m mostly able to keep paying attention in class. Every once in a while I just type ‘mic broke, camera broke, wifi down’ in the chat just to keep ‘em guessing you know?”

Unfortunately, while such freedoms really make it possible to do school from anywhere, some students have taken that a little too literally. Like one anonymous student (pictured on the right), who told us sometimes the computer ends up going places it shouldn’t.

“Look I’m not gonna tell you I have brought it into the bathroom with my camera off, but I’m not gonna tell you I haven’t either,” said the student with a laugh.

Teachers have been lured into the black boxes of zoom as well. “It’s been a great opportunity to focus on what I really love. Pickling.” said Mr. Lebold. “There are just so many items to pickle. You think ‘oh pickling is

Anonymous student

just for pickles’ but oh no no. You can pickle cauliflower, carrots, asparagus, you name it I’ve pickled it.” The double lab periods have allowed Mr. Lebold to experiment with his long held passion, pushing the boundaries of modern day pickling. “Most contemporary picklers, John Deerhooding, Burt Kendries, Sally MacDufferies, like to stick to the vegetables, but last Friday while I had the class doing some dumb activity, I turned my camera off and dropped an apple in the brine.” Mr. Lebold said with a smile. (Featured on the right: John C. Fourhead, the father of modern day pickling)

Unfortunately, with school hopefully back in session next year, many students (and teachers) will have to return to the classic pre-covid in-class passions: Papa’s Pizzeria UNBLOCKED and 2048.

John C. Fourhead