Schedule Scrapped In One Bell Swoop

Effective Monday the 11th, Masterman will be completely abolishing its bell schedule and the associated period system. The bell schedule, in recent months, has become increasingly erratic and unpredictable, leading on occasion to school-wide confusion and panic, especially for students testing. Ms. Fennell, one of the people responsible for the bell ringing, stated that the decision was caused by a series of compounding factors, the greatest of which was the advanced deterioration of the bell system, which was taken advantage of by a malevolent demon that managed to escape FLC and migrate southward into the Masterman duct system. A paranormal investigator hired by the District failed to find any trace of malevolent activity, however, an investigator hired by the PFT achieved communication with this demon and managed to obtain its aims, which it will divulge only in the event of a promise on the part of the custodial staff not to disrupt its environment or else it will burst into flames. Some days, the demon is more malevolent than others, in particular Mondays and Thursdays. Other days, the demon is content to mess with the temperature of the cafeteria food. According to Ms. Fennell, the office staff at first attempted to fight with the demon, but the demon would simply turn up the thermostat in response, resulting in the current resolution to essentially let the demon be in the hopes that it will become bored and move onto SLA. Dr. DiPrinzio reported that “similar things [demons[ have been found in other schools in the District, yet they usually move on in a day or two.” The Masterman demon seems to be feeding rather successfully off of the neuroses of Masterman students and staff and as a result, has been given free reign. It is not clear how the abolition of the bell schedule will affect the functionality of the school, but it seems that the idea pleases the Demon, as no further mischief has been reported since 8:00 Tuesday morning. Dr. Payne could not be reached for a comment.