It's Not All It's Chalked Up To Be

On the days leading up to Monday the 4th, all Masterman students were urgently reminded to ensure they brought their Chromebooks to school with them on that day. But when the 4th rolled around, and students flocked into Masterman with their laptops, they were greeted with the curious sight of antiquated school materials. During the week of March 28th, the School District announced their new district-wide “educational reinvigoration” plan: Chalk or Walk. The plan, seemingly named for the lack of choice from students and staff, was described by the SDP’s Head of Technology Mgmt. and Dist, Rick T. Schule, as “all students exchanging their district-distributed Chromebook, and staff exchanging their district-distributed Macbooks, for a slate chalkboard and a piece of chalk.” Schule told us that initially, there was some debate about the main goals of the plan. “Someone wanted to do Whiteboards for Smartboards, but whiteboards are actually useful and smartboards are still annoying as {heck}, and there’s no way we’re doing anything to benefit the schools and improve the learning environment.” All students received their District-regulation chalkboards throughout the day on Monday, but, contrary to the plan’s name only 60% of students received their piece of chalk. “We’re having an unforeseen system-wide distribution error caused by a shortage of regulated chalk-production,” Schule stated. “Students may face an indeterminately-long delay in receiving their materials.” In a stunning display of camaraderie, Masterman students spoke to each other for the first time since the introduction of Chromebooks into the curriculum and began sharing what little chalk they had with those in need. And as laptop computers quickly phased out of Masterman, this trend of increased fellowship continued.

Despite the immediate benefits of the plan, the Chalk or Walk initiative was obviously flawed. When asked what students whose only internet access was through the Chromebook should do, or what would happen upon a forced reinstatement of virtual learning, Schule replied, “I know it’s hard to believe, but we don’t have all the answers at the School District like everybody thinks. We didn’t think of everything,” he said. “We’re all human at 440, and we make mistakes every few seconds, just like the rest of you.”

Masterman’s teachers had a wide range of opinions on the matter. Ms. Lerer stated: “I actually applaud the School District, because they managed to find something more useless than Chrome OS to distribute to students. But seriously, I haven’t had anyone come to me with technology issues recently, except for one student who couldn’t figure out how to turn his chalkboard on.” Ms Russo seemed to be enjoying the switch to slate, telling us that “at least for me, it’s been a win-win since we phased off of Chromebooks. Whenever students in my class get off-task and play one of their extensions, they have to draw the whole game in themselves. I’ve seen students drawing Tetris on their chalkboards, and it looks amazing. Some of them are getting really good at etching out the geometric intricacies of the shapes over and over.” A few teachers seemed confused by the technological change, and in response, a student-led organization playfully dubbed Boarding School arose to educate teachers and other students on how to use these unfamiliar contraptions. “It’s been fun teaching my peers and my teachers how to use these new devices,” a student running Boarding School said. “I’ve learned a lot along the way, like how to do that cool thing where you jitter the chalk while you’re drawing and create a finely dotted line.”

Although the cancellation of Chromebooks might chalk up to a net positive, the latest developments might change some people’s minds. The chalkless 40% have just been rationed their stick of chalk, and health complaints have been plaguing the nurse’s office ever since. A small investigation has revealed that the newly distributed chalk contains hazardous materials, harmful to everyone, that have been released and spread through the chalk’s dust. This hazardous chalk dust has been causing spontaneous lacrimation and breathing issues for students, which has been especially severe for students and faculty with previous medical conditions that induce breathing difficulty. “Did we cut corners? No, of course not. We simply acquired chalk from a provider that delivered it faster and cheaper than before. In this decision, we were thinking of the 40% of students across the district who were unable to get access to chalk previously, and how they must have been at an educational disadvantage. It was important that we get more chalk as fast as possible, for their sake,” Schule explained. “But currently, everything is fine in regards to health risk exposures despite what might be said by others, because the District has determined that the environment is safe and that students are still required to use the District-mandated chalk materials.”

When asked why the plan was conceived and implemented at all, Schule said “it was for our monthly stupid idea quota. Down at 440, we a have a big dart board that’s got a million stupid ideas written all over it, and every month, we throw a dart at it to pick one,” Schule described. “Don’t worry, in a few months we’ll redistribute all the Chromebooks and put everything back how it was so that all we did was waste valuable education time. That’s how it always goes. But hey, it’s my job.”