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For impassioned romantics, the pandemic has likely proven to be the gravest of impediments. Scarce are the opportunities for grand gestures; barrages of roses, the serenading of hired musicians, promposals, and so forth. Although perhaps to say these kinds of opportunities are totally bereft in our current new circumstances is not entirely true. Maybe it is only that certain adaptations to the norm are in order. To take the three examples above, infinite rose emojis, a melodious audio message, and an over the phone entreaty to prom-esque Zoom dancing may serve a similar purpose. The point is that even if there are alternatives, they are necessarily diminished in authenticity, and that brand of decline is not easily rectified. But to continue further without first consulting a romance expert would be irresponsible. If someone wanted to breed a stallion, they would not ask a cat expert how to proceed; they would ask their local hippologist. While we are lacking a hippologist on Masterman’s staff, and indeed the demand for courses on horse excellence, fortuitously, however, there is someone whose erudition in matters of romance has made them deserving of a title like “The Sage of Love." However, please do not call her this without her consent because it is at present, still unofficial. But whether you are an impassioned romantic or simply someone who needs a little love guidance, Ms. Waber will undoubtedly offer direction.
In an effort to extract the most love wisdom from Ms. Waber’s mind, as well as that which is as widely applicable as possible, a few ad hoc hypotheticals were posed.
The first hypothetical went as follows: Imagine you are deeply in love with another person. But you have never spoken with them on your own terms. You do not feel comfortable speaking with them directly, but it is torturous not to. How would you think about this? “As cliche as this sounds,” Ms. Waber replied, “I really find this to be true: Just be yourself! As scared as you might be to strike up a conversation for fear of rejection, it’s much worse to spend your time wondering what might have been. Just say hello and see what happens.”
Truly great advice. People ought to first off, make a move, and secondly, be genuine. For the second hypothetical we entered the friend zone:Let’s suppose you’ve evaded the first dilemma. That you’ve begun speaking to the person you are interested in, but it’s unclear whether or not they see you platonically or romantically. How do you approach this situation?
“Just be honest,” Ms. Waber suggests. “Authenticity and direct communication go a long way. If you are enjoying each other’s company and are interested in something more, again, as scary as it might feel, simply tell them. It’s better to know the answer than be left in that agonizing in-between place of not knowing! If the answer is no, well, that’s that, and you can move on. If it’s yes, well, that’s awesome!” And so, there appears to be a trend here, that involves being as lucid as possible. It seems to be of great importance. There were then a few hypotheticals that had to do with the betrayal of friends in the name of love, which Ms. Waber vehemently denounced.
“No, don’t do anything!” she exclaimed. Yes, it would be callous and cruel to go behind your friend’s back to express your feelings to their partner.” And in case it was not clear the first time, “NO! Nope, nope, nope. Don’t do it!” Obviously, honesty is key here, and a stark betrayal, is not justified for reasons of love. But continuing forward, imagine your heart is broken. You are devastated. What do you do?
“Heartbreak is definitely a risk you take when it comes to being vulnerable and loving another person,” Ms. Waber explains. “My advice to anyone going through a devastating heartbreak is to first let yourself have a good cry! If you’re sad or hurt, acknowledge the feelings and let them move through you. Lean on your friends and family. Let them know you’re hurting and talk out your feelings with someone who you trust. Let people support you. Distance yourself as much as possible from the individual as you get over the breakup. No, don’t send that text! If that’s not possible as you see this person on a daily basis due to school, work, etc., when you’re in the same environment as them, focus on the things that bring joy to your life in that setting.
Photo courtesy of Ms. Waber
In fact, this might be a time to explore a new interest or hobby, to join a new club, or try a new sport. As much as you want to lie in bed, listen to sad music, and hibernate during a heartbreak, my advice is to get yourself outside in the fresh air and walk, jog, or run at least once a day. And know and try to trust that time is your friend in this situation - your heartache will get better with time. It really will. And don’t let the heartbreak stop you from loving again!” Surely heartbreak can be burdensome, but as Ms. Waber so shrewdly points out, it is only as destructive as one allows it to be.
Finally, what would a discussion in 2021 about love be without mention of how it is changed by the Covid-19 pandemic? Thoughtful, virtual gestures and physically distanced dates can seem unfeasible, and in turn the wick of love hardly holds a flame. Albeit, hope is not lost, for as Ms. Waber has had solutions before, she will have them again.
“Making someone a playlist is a sweet and thoughtful virtual romantic gesture. Whether it’s a playlist of songs that remind you of them, a curated list of your absolute favorite tunes, or a playlist to bring them a smile when they’re having a grey day—sharing music allows for connection, closeness, playfulness, and vulnerability between two individuals. Another thoughtful gesture, honestly, is just sending texts and funny memes at random times in the day to let your significant other know you’re thinking of them. Time and attention are two of the biggest gifts we can give another human being. For physically distanced date ideas, a long walk and a distanced picnic is a nice idea when the weather is good. Another idea for a virtual date would be to make a physically distanced run to the grocery store together, if you can, and decide on a fun meal that you’re both going to cook. Pick up the ingredients, head to your separate homes, log into Zoom, and cook the meal together. After you’re done eating, I’d highly recommend a virtual game (Scattergories is my personal favorite). Laughter, food, and friendly competition always make for a fun night. And there’s always the old standby of staying up late and talking for hours on the phone!”
It is decisively harder than usual to show affection to that special someone right now, but as Ms. Waber has so astutely laid out, it can be done, and it can be done in a careful way. And perhaps it is a thing quite like carbon. Love that is. That only under intense adversity can it emerge as dazzling as ever.
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