Part 1


7. 'IT'

(It had crossed my mind that perhaps I should take once a while a break from these 'visits'. Before my walk today, I brought up that here everything around me is so real: the road, my body, the trees, my dog, the city noises at a distance, etcetera. Compared with this world, the one I enter on my spiritual level is by far not that concrete.

The reaction from within me was quite logical. 'How could it be, as only through and with a part of me, my spirit, I am able to dwell in the full reality. Of course, it is useless to measure 'concreteness' there by earthly standards. I should keep in mind that everything 'concrete' on earth is forced into that position; it is dependent on its environment and stuck with its form until its unit is broken up, by choice, involuntarily, violently or when atrophy sets in. Nothing like that occurs in the Positive State.

In regard to taking a break, I could see that idea as positive as long as I freely choose it. In one of the 'Writings' it was pointed out that taking a break was like sleeping. I made a mental note that dreams do not occur in the real world as there is no 'un'- or 'sub'consciousness doing its own thing. Also, the factor of physical tiredness is unknown. All sorts of rhythms in true life support and modify desired activities.)

When I entered the 'other side', there was a short flash of golden light. It subsided but then I got the impression that I myself looked golden. That is, my body radiated a golden shine. I asked about it.

"Well, how does it feel?"

I answered that it not only looked exciting to me, but that it felt as if every little bit of me glowed with pleasure. I felt very complete, very whole.

"Let me tell you what you are experiencing now", I AM said. "This, the way you perceive yourself now, indicates your ultimate quality. It is caused by your spirit merging with My spirit. I radiate through you. You radiate Me. It is the result of Our love relationship. More personal it will not get because this is all there is. I am all there is."

This was too much for me. Yet strangely enough, it also sounded so simple and natural. I had a sense of a totality but had no idea what to do with it. The thought of Buddha crossed my mind. Did he experience this? An emptiness that at the same time is everything and, therefore, is more than existence itself? It is a nothingness and cannot be described and, yet, it contains all that is there.

"Yes," I AM said, "This is your moment of rest, your 'sleep', your 'break'. And it is not because you are tired or need it, or that your spirit has to be replenished. It is not the goal of life to reach this point of fullness. There are no goals to be reached in the first place. What this experience does and will do every time you give it a chance, is making you aware that your person is part of the depth and width of love. From being love and being real with Me all else emerges on your internal and physical level. Such is the way each particle can experience its being in existence. You, too."

I almost cried, "But my normal self doesn't at all fit the splendor I feel at this moment! And what about other people, the billions of them, what they show, and the trillions of other life-forms that have emerged from You, all with their stories, how does that bring about this empty yet full absolute wholeness? Is that realistically possible?"

The answer caressed me as a cool breeze does on a hot day.

"Yes! Everything not just exists and occurs because of Me. Just think of it as occurring 'as' Me. That is your and everything's true status. You can be aware of this if you want. What do you think, what you have seen here thus far, does it qualify as representing My nature? Right now your attention is focused on what I say but do you think that when you are busy with other things My presence is not in you? All existence is Me: yours, others', nature's. My being also in and through you is the reason that you can feel so free, in charge, happy, so 'everything', in peaceful moments and at any time. I am all-splendor: therefore, you are 'golden'. Doesn't that make sense? It is reality. Enjoy not just knowing this but now also seeing it with your own eyes."

I emptied my mind as much as possible so that I could focus only on the glow I radiated. In the periphery of my awareness, thoughts and images kept streaking by, random ones and critical ones that wanted to comment on what was happening. I had to keep at bay religious sayings that refer to something like this. The sense of sublime peacefulness did not leave me. It was a moment of ultimate harmony and blissful stillness. It was so much more than an emotion. In the most central part of me occurred a oneness with all of the universe and with the Person it is.

(Now, as I write this down, I realize I cannot describe it adequately. But it did happen. Actually, I can say as well that it was not even spectacular. It was also normal, the stillness, the beauty, the power. It was a piece of eternity. It was like having arrived at the beginning of everything. Well, that sounds much too philosophical. Let me try again: it was love in full bloom.)

I asked why I existed. Not just my earthly person but my eternal spirit, whatever that is. Hesitantly, I added, or my parallel self, my female and male parts that operate in this world, the ones I met and not know where to place in my life.

I AM told me that for precisely answering this question my human linear time concept is prohibitive. Only if, for a moment I, artificially for me, ignore it, I may get a glimpse of an answer. I can see then all that happens as happening synchronously, simultaneously. Ultimately, there is no beginning or end, and this fact should be applied towards the ever-evolving external world and to my personal existence as well.

He/She said, "All being, all existence, is Me; is in and through Me. It is My nature, consistency, composition that expands as everything. So your personal 'beginning', like all else's, is in Me. Your life's story, here and on earth, is not planned. By the choices the entity you are makes that your history is written. Allowing the potential of the Negative State to materialize and exhaust itself is My choice. Your participation in its isolated realm is voluntary.

Now, why are you in existence? The fact that you are around tells you that you are part of My fullness. Everything, from atom to galaxy, can apply this to itself. You becoming your specific life-form is an opportunity for Me to experience Myself through your uniqueness and your choices. Even through the Me-denying and My nature violating part in you. You could not be around otherwise."

(Strangely enough, although I see this answer raising more questions than it offers clarifications, when I start thinking about it and realizing it comes from I AM personally, it somehow makes the origin, position and purpose of my life crystal clear.)

I thought of the people I met here: Wisdom, Achmed and his wife, the teacher and his wife, the children, the musician. It was not difficult to imagine they must experience some of this oneness with I AM and, therefore, with all else. There is not a string of passivity in any of them. They don't have to wait for anything in order to be a beautiful expression and image of I AM. The difference with me is, of course, that they don't have another world to operate in. I am an earthling.