T W O Writing 11
Los Angeles, 09/21/1996
For a long time I sat in the chair, just waiting. I said the 'prayer', the affirmation, I lately use. (See Home page.) You did confirm, "Yes, if you want, a trip is in store for you." You reminded me of yesterday's journey in which for a while I was aware of my other parts, but then also experienced the integration of the me here and the me who is them. You also suggested to remember that I addressed in a personal way the negative forces I encountered.
Without any introduction, a horse was waiting. Again, its face was so close to me that I thought, if I wanted, I can smell and feel its hot breath. The moment I mounted it, it took off vertically. I saw the earth under me getting smaller and smaller.You kept talking to me. "Observe the distance while you rise higher and higher," You said. "You now hear Me as clearly as when you are at home in your chair. I am always close to you and to anybody and anything that is in existence. It's the way reality is. Realize that you cannot go anywhere where this is not so." Then You asked me to look around and tell what I saw. I did. The skies above me were dark. Well, it wasn't so much dark as it was a complete emptiness I looked up to.
he horse stopped. I prepared to jump off. But I saw no ground to stand on. "You're afraid?" You asked, smiling. I heard myself saying bravely but not very convincingly, "How could I be. This isn't a normal world. Plus, You being here with me should take care of fear." So, trying not to think about what might happen, I got off the horse. I didn't feel the ground and realized then that I didn't have a physical body. Yet I was very much aware of myself. My mental functions worked normally as far as I knew. I felt as being one dense bundle of consciousness; whatever that is. While considering this, suddenly all around me throughout the empty space a white world seemed to materialize. It consisted of millions of people. But as sudden as it came, the phenomenon disappeared. The horse also was gone.
I started walking. In no particular direction. For a long time. Effortless. I had no understanding at all about what this meant. Then you said, "This is you, as manifestation of Me. Tell Me, do you feel burdened, bored or impatient?" I answered in the negative and told You that the strongest emotion I felt had to do with me having nothing to relate to or to do, and that on earth, I would get jittery in this kind of situation. 0You told me that You wanted me to get a sense of complete fullness and freedom; that nothing 'had' to be done or even thought.
After a while, You asked, "What is it you would like to know more about?" I took time to think about this. Then, I started to verbalize my inner dialogue. I said, "I would like insight in how I relate to these two other parts of me. How does it work? But no, that information can wait because later, when I die, the question will be answered automatically, I guess. What I'm more concerned about, are all those falsities floating in my mind. I'm so far from being clear-minded. But, perhaps, spotting that 'dirt' and trying to remove it is an ongoing process. And then, there's that issue You repeatedly mention, that my weak point is in the area of 'being' love. When with You or when being by myself I seem all right. But what while I'm with others? I wished I knew to overcome my love-deficiency then. Also, prosaically, there's my struggle to keep my blood sugar in check. Wouldn't it be nice to have full control over it? Yet on the other hand, there's nothing particularly urgent about that situation."
So I didn't come up with something specific. I told You so. Your presence remained comforting and friendly. It always comes with the sensation of a completeness in which I am included.
You told me that You would leave me alone for a while. I commented, "That reminds me of what I sometimes tell myself before going to sleep, that while I'm 'gone' during the night, I would like to be 're-wired' and heal in ways I cannot do by myself consciously." You laughed when You said, "More than you think is going on outside the range of your awareness!" I sort of retreated into myself, but instead of becoming reflective, what I expected, things became confusing. I heard a multitude of voices and related them to the first component of life, the oneness of all things as reality's truth (Writing 5). But wasn't then the sound coming from trumpets? The voices seemed to push towards the center of my active listening, but after a while they faded. As so often in a situation like this, I immediately became alarmed. 'Isn't this all fake? Simply a product of my imagination? What I earlier learned about Your colors and sounds, am I supposed to know them by heart?' I resisted going back in time to remember my earlier experiences. I became very critical of this whole scene. Then, I heard the sounds of a flute. Someone played a very accommodating and pleasantly simple melody. I took time to listen. "Yes," You said, "This is like the music of the gnome yesterday."
You continued, "What about love?" Without thinking, I promptly answered. "Then I have to be factual." I mentioned that the distance between this place and being recently involved in a relationship seemed enormous. You said, "You can go there anyway! As manifestation of Me, you can do it." I thought of the person. Instantly, it seemed we were together. Somehow, I saw how much You are present in that person. I tried to express it but could not find the right words. My partner said, "I know you don't like things about me, but I may have things against you. Still, we both are God's creatures." Spontaneously we embraced. It was a beautiful moment, warm; it had something glorious to it. "This is reality," You said to us. "This is the 'normal' norm for expressing love. Both of you are from love, even while you may be overwhelmed and often overpowered by difficulties and conflicting interests, like all people on earth. Love never changes; it's always there."
From the chair opposite of me, a white glow radiated. It reached me as in an embrace. I knew I would not be able to describe this properly. You told me that it was the love You are that filled me; and that You are present in the same way amidst, in, and with all people if we let You. There are no exceptions. You pointed out that this concluded this journey. I thought of the horse but You said it was not necessary to transport me back, since what I experience on these 'journeys' is happening in the realm of the real reality, in the Positive State, where distances are immaterial. Even if it doesn't seem that way, being there is more real and natural than the familiar here and there, then and now, how to and when, my earthly existence has me facing.