E I G H T Writing 11
Delft (The Netherlands), 10/31/1996
(I'm visiting my place of birth, a well preserved old city. Even as a boy I loved the place. The weather was dark, windy, rainy, gloomy, cold; typical for the fall in this area. I sat in my hotel room, ready for resuming the journeys; if they would continue, that is.) I was relaxed and wondered what I would see first. A pink horse came to mind, then a brown one. I noticed that I could switch colors like switching TV stations. I was aware of Your presence as well as of my two other parts. You asked where I wanted to go. I answered that I would like to leave that completely open, as I have done all the other times. But I added that there was a question on my mind relating to being in this particular city. Was there any significance to having such a lifelong deep affection for this town. It puzzles me why I feel so connected with it. It's the place where the famous Vermeer painted, his contemporary Van Leeuwenhoek discovered the 'alien' micro-world visible through the microscopes he developed, and where the scientist and later in his life mystic Swedenborg had his conversion experience. "Does this mean anything in regard to my relationship with You?" I asked. You didn't answer the question but said instead, "Come, go with Us."
I suddenly felt old, compared with these two other parts of me. I told them so. They said, "We understand, since you know yourself only from pictures or mirrors!" I laughed and said emphatically, "Right, and in those I'm a sixty six years old man on planet earth!" They invited me to add to this what I recently had learned about myself. And to keep attaching that information to my self-concept as my real reality. They happily said, "You are us, too!"
We walked on a smooth and soft surface. Everything felt comfortable. We came to a waterfall. I undressed and stood under it. It was refreshing and it also seemed to reshape me somehow, outside and inside, from the feet upwards. I was conscious that I was thoroughly cleansed by this clear water. I felt no embarrassment from being naked in their presence, though I was fully aware of the fact. They told me that we would go to the city where I once found myself for a very short moment and that they would introduce me to some of their (our!) 'social' life.
The first person I recognized after arriving, was the wise man in white whom I met on my last journey a few weeks ago. I asked him the question, "How do you relate to God?" He put it this way, "You can see me as a 'thinking' manifestation of I AM. Like you are a particular manifestation, and everything else in its way is, I had no difficulty accepting this. He then proceeded to tell me that my fondness for my birth place could be a trick to enslave me into some external addiction or preference. Anything can serve the purpose of getting us hooked and so fit into the Negative State. Now, is my being here accidental? He pointed out that the word 'accidental' is not correct. When my parents conceived me, a green light was given for the entity I am to voluntarily attach to that fetus while leaving full existence behind. When that happened, I became subjected to all the limitations of my now localized spot in time, place, body and history on earth.
He said that, of course, I am free to enjoy this city or anything else I've affection for. I can let the city connect me with its history. The churches, towers, canals, and the prettiness of it speak a language that somehow may have picked up the sense of the real reality and given it form, in spite of the all-over brokenness on our isolated planet. Everything on earth can manifest something of transcending quality and let some of creation's full nature shine through. Anything positive can be correspondence or correlation to pure beauty and harmony.
(I realized that this town, for me, comes through with an abundance of 'transcending' moments. I guess the great majority of today's citizens only experience some of this on the level of local sports clubs' successes and the like, if at all. Perhaps it doesn't make a difference. Life's essence as love and genuineness can inspire any activity of mind and body, collectively and individually. It can show in the products of people of the past that now endure the ages. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that so much of this, the mystery of my home town included, has come my way. As celestial teasers, I could say now. All living is indeed a form of making love; it's getting involved and playing with others, things and forms and so creating something real that corresponds to eternity.)
I looked at the man Wisdom. He was there, but much vaguer now. I realized that his insights stimulated my coming out of my closets of un-wisdom and not caring much about the full truth. Wisdom is the truth in living form. Reality exists because You are it. For all and forever. I don't remember if I saw or talked to others there; yet I felt very satisfied.
I was in the hotel room again. You were there. I told you how thankful I was and how close toYou I felt. You then said, for me out of the blue, that my ailment (diabetes) was healed. Instantly, I was all doubt again. I'm not ready to take this at face value. Did this remark really come from You? And why? I cannot deal with this now. I don't for a moment believe what You said. So if next week I still am not 'healed', will it mean You lied? I know I chickened out when I told You that, for the time being, I was going to interpret it as meaning, being healed 'in principle'.