N I N E Writing 11

Delft 11/01/1996

I mentioned that yesterday You stated that my illness would heal. Was that really You saying it, or was it a trick of the Negative State? After confirming that it was You, You said, "It's your wish to be healed, right? Well, that wish is fulfilled. In your longing for it is the reality. You, as you are here, are whole. You seeing Me the way you do is the ultimate to achieve for someone living on earth." While You spoke flashed in my mind an image of a vertical, round, shining, steel rod, one foot in diameter. I immediately interpreted this as being the symbol that I was in 'cold' control of this whole setting and conversation. It meant that I was, in an ironclad way, in the service of, and used by, the Negative State! It showed me I have the power to take all this, to take You!, as mushy compared with the un-scratchable steel I am as my earthly person. I can decide to declare all this meeting and speaking with You to be ridiculous and in that sense I can bar You from operating in my space.

My reaction to my own thinking was spontaneous. I cried that I didn't want to go that route. If it's true that the cold and steely power of the Negative State possesses me, then I still don't accept it as doom. I want that force, the evil-connected and in evil participating part of me, to see You as I do now; even if it seems 'iffy' and not provable. If I can see You, why not they? I feel hopelessly small. I didn't know what more to say or think, so I threw this out as my final word.

I felt better after saying it; I felt lighthearted and almost happy. I sensed that my other parts were close; were in fact within me. I saw a brownish dust- or tumbleweed ball coming my way. I wanted to get out of its way but they said that I could step in it when it was close enough. I did. I still could breathe and I smelled nothing special. It seemed to keep moving with me in it. Then, the air became clear. I looked back and saw behind me a pleasant yellow glow. They said, "You will go to the city again where you were before." This happened. They asked, "How do you feel?'' I said that I felt relaxed and very much at home, like I had felt this very morning when I walked through two towns close to here I never visited before. Just walking through a city seems to give me great satisfaction. I evidently don't have to engage in a particular activity in order to feel connected. They said they would have me meet someone.

I had a sense of walking into a huge Arabian style villa; patios, vistas and many open spaces, several floors high, all white and almost transparent. They said, "This is our home. We have to live somewhere!" I asked, "Does everybody live this luxuriously?" Amused, they simply answered, "Of course!" Vaguely, I saw a few elegantly dressed women walking around. Then some more. I was strongly aware of the possibility of being close and intimate with them, engaging in a mutually rewarding and happy experience. I just knew that touching and uniting could be done harmoniously, by the free will of whoever wanted to be involved. Nothing complicated, in other words.

After I let that sink in, I wondered about food here. Right away, on a big plate, an arrangement of foods was brought in. It looked appetizing, although I didn't recognize any of it. I was urged to taste it. I did and it set me aflame in an extremely pleasant way. They invited me to tell them how I felt. I related to them that, emotionally, I right now felt completely disconnected from my earthly self. I was with them, and that was it.

They then brought me to a room where meetings were held. Many white-robed men sat there. In a casual way they acknowledged my presence and made me feel welcome. I sensed they wouldn't put me on the spot by asking questions. Still, I wondered how, eventually, I could be of service to them. They let me know that they would give me insight in how to cope with that duality of being from earth and still being able to visit these dwellings here. They mentioned as an aside, seemingly without giving it any importance, that they also lived on earth.

What transpired after that I mostly forgot. I do remember I received insight about the city I'm in, my town of birth. The place, I was given to understand, is a correspondence. It expresses, indicates, represents, symbolizes, and relates to, a particular stream of energy that got its form in what on earth we call a town. Every place on earth, and elsewhere for that matter, has that function. "You will be able at one point," I heard someone telling me, "to see the particular stream of energy, the purpose, reason and spiritual history of this city; how it became what it is, also with you in it. In a minute way, you participate in this materializing flow. You didn't create it, obviously, but your affinity to it is related to, is based on and originates in your search for the true reality. Because of your closeness and openness to the multi-dimensional aspects of what exists, your emotional and intuitive sensitivity is hyper-alert. It transcends the earthly time factor for you. You can, as it were, 'drink' the past or the future and feel fulfilled. You understand?" Weirdly enough, on some level, I did.

The wise man Wisdom was there again. Had he been speaking? He came close. He put his hand on my shoulder and we walked and talked. Then we stood still and sat down. He grasped my shoulders and I saw him looking at me. I asked him to take a close look at me while we were sitting and tell me how I looked. He did. He said that how I look fluctuates. When I am deeper and fuller into the truth, I am young, also physically, and vibrant, spontaneous, full of fun, glowing.

When he mentioned my body, I became aware that it became restless. I asked him if it was time to break up for today and how I should initiate that. He answered, "You don't have to end it. Be in a journey all the time!" So I just went to the desk and made these notes.