Part 1



Everything was dark around me when I arrived. Not in a threatening way; I did not feel closed in. Above me, the sky was deep blue. Beautiful. It gave some color to the darkness around. I was alone and found myself sitting and just observing the great peacefulness and calmness I was experiencing.

I sensed the closeness of I AM but for a while I did not want to have specific thoughts or be aware of anything. Later I learned that, indeed, a moment like this illustrates the immediacy and totality of being part of the one reality, of the totality of I AM.

(Just before my walk, I had been reading in the 12 Booklets and one sentence stood out. It asked to check if I really loved I AM. During my visits here, but also at other times, I am very aware of Her/His Presence. It invariably feels pure and warm when we meet. I would say it definitely qualifies as a loving relationship. Yet, do I 'love' I AM? I took my time to reflect on this before arriving here.)

While sitting quietly, I heard a soft, most agreeable sound. I cannot describe it. It filled all space with its modulations, so gentle and calm that it was of an almost unbearable beauty. I started to realize that this, and the dense presence of the blue above was I AM. He/She is within everything.

"You are right," the Voice said, "and what about yourself?"

I looked at myself as far as the darkness allowed. My body's outline and color seemed coordinated with the blue. But it also has some golden shine to it. I now noticed a golden shine around the 'edges' of the darkness. I felt an overwhelming sense of love for I AM. It was unstoppable. I told Her/Him. It was a sensation that welled up from my deepest inner self; nothing interfered.

"We don't have to embrace as you do with Wisdom and the others, do We?" the Presence said. "What you experience now, I do, too. We are one. It means that you do not just love, but that you, too, are love. And love is always in the process of happening, spreading, creating. It is the same as being alive."

(Writing this down makes me aware that there are no proper words for reporting it adequately. I can only say that the experience was 'total'. Despite my defects, resistances, doubts and violations of it, this is the core, the secret, the ultimate reality of my life. It tells me that I do love I AM. I couldn't not love Him/Her. It is as daylight. It is impossible to eliminate it.)

I wondered how to transmit this in ways that others may profit from it. After all, everybody belongs to the same universe.

These thoughts were gently interrupted by the Presence who suggested that I not deal with that now but keep treasuring this moment of bliss.

"What you feel now in full force is what everyone and everything can be aware of. What it causes you see in all the people you meet here. The sense of love for Me is always in their hearts and minds. They know it is the source, energy and essence of their life. They love to operate not just in, but 'as' that kind of reality. Therefore, you see them glowing and happy. They could talk about their love for Me and how they treasure being My beloved but in a way it is not necessary as they are at all times aware of it within themselves and see it in others and in every 'thing'. It connects everything and is the shared inspiration for living. The whole universe and what is in it sings that I am loved. Do I have to say more?"

(How I wished I could hold on to this experience, to the blue, the sound, the more than closeness to One Holy. I wished it would once and for all transform me and clean all my systems so that I can radiate this glorious situation all the time and in all circumstances of my daily life. It suddenly struck me that then, indeed, I would be as a Jesus, a Buddha or any other entity who portrays the oneness with I AM.)

After these thoughts, I 'returned' to the world around me, still aware of a harmony that encompassed my whole being. Is there a greater bliss?

I remembered the difficulty I had the other day with looking behind me. I tried it now. It was easy. I looked left and right. The atmosphere everywhere was the same: the blue, the golden lining and the almost mesmerizing beautiful music.

When I approached my house, I knew that this world I can access did not have to disappear. It is the true universe. Even in my so restricted external life here, it remains my and everybody's real 'home'.

I said, more to myself than to I AM, "Loving you is not doing certain things or having certain feelings for you, but it is choosing to hold on to the Real Reality despite whatever. You are always within and around me."

I know I am right.