E L E V E N Writing 11

Delft, 11/04/1996

I was aware of my two other sides being present while I reflected on some negative issues. One is that I remember well that in the past I often failed to be honest and direct with people, even with good friends. In general, I felt regret for my inhibitions in matters of closeness to people. I also was annoyed that I didn't control my disability better.

The two brought up our trip to the purifying waterfall, some days ago. They mentioned that they themselves go through 'cleanings'. Those serve as moments for refreshing their minds and also as impulses for renewal and as a never failing source of getting re-energized. They asked me whether I wanted to go with them to You. We went.

Before You, I brought up the concerns about my failures and hang-ups. You let me know that I would be offered an opportunity to learn more about lovemaking, if I wanted. I gladly accepted!

I was led to a stream and was invited to take off my clothes. The situation was not unlike the setting of an open air spa. I dived in the water and emerging from it on the other side, I found laying there for me a lightweight white bathrobe. While I put it on, my other sides teased me, "Don't hide your body now! You are beautiful like everybody else here!" I saw a dark eyed woman sitting on a rock in the middle of the path I was taking. She looked sexy and I felt attracted to her. It seemed the most natural thing when we embraced. It was the way we hug on earth. Her body was typically human. Then, a man, of whom I had been vaguely aware earlier, came closer. He complimented me for being attracted to his lady friend. He told me that I was welcome to come with them and join their lovemaking. He said that You would be present too.

. I felt comfortable with them but they didn't volunteer anything about how to go from there. Yet for the first time in my life, it dawned upon me that there is something like perfect lovemaking. I took time to get this in focus. Then I told them and said, "I would like to experience love without any distracting thoughts, so that on all levels it is one pure and fulfilling act of uniting." Without any sign of impatience or criticism, they still seemed to wait for more to come from me. I thought for a while. Then it came to me that lovemaking never occurs without a context, without an expectation or without creating something new, as a mutual experience or even creating new life. It's never, to say it in a negative way, an empty gesture. They seemed to read my mind because hey nodded when I thought that. I said, "Well, what I would like to come from our making love is proof that lovemaking is worthwhile even while on earth it's so short-lived and partial."

Suddenly, I found myself sitting on a bench in a spacious spa, part of a luxurious 'thousand-and-one-nights' type of palace. I noticed I was an attractive woman. On the other side of the oversized marble bathtub with shiny mosaics, a handsome man was sitting on a bench. He was, like me, dressed in a silken gown. He stood up and came over to me. We embraced and walked off. Now, my observation point was behind us. I saw that both our backsides were covered by one silken white robe. I sensed that we merged in a grand, utterly pleasurable way. It was not as intercourse on earth. It lasted longer and there was no discomfort whatsoever. The word 'merger' seems most appropriate. We experienced each other as well as ourselves. At least I did.

My mind went to the contextual element of lovemaking, I had been so aware of a moment ago. And then, before us, stood a youngster, looking bright and happy. For a very short moment he seemed a baby, but then, clearly, he was an about ten-years-old child. Excitedly, he looked up to us. He thanked us for having him come into being and said that he wanted to learn from us about life. We took him to a house in which there were many people. They were very enthusiastic about our lovemaking and about our now having this child.

Of course, I had millions of questions popping up about the mechanics of this. After all, on earth, I'm a man. But now I was a woman; a mother! I was told the child was the result of, first, the desire to know real love and then, of wanting proof of love's completeness. The spark that made what ripened in me as thought become a life-form, came directly from You. I realized that whatever the mechanics were, the process of birthing and what goes on before, had been without any pain or discomfort; it was nothing compared with what giving birth is on earth. The silken robe I had seen on myself and my partner hid from my eyes the 'delivery'. I was told this was because I couldn't have grasped a thing of it with my earthly brains and, therefore, it would have become a disturbing factor in this beautiful event.

After this, I got some glimpses of what I would call futuristic, ultra-modern computer-type equipment that would be used for the education of the child. But my attention was also directed to my own head in which all the necessary systems were located for direct, clear, 'telepathic' communication, albeit grossly disturbed. It now is so clear to me that real lovemaking, merging and truly uniting is more than superior compared with the extremely fragmented way we as humans know this, and that creating something new is the most natural as well as most awesomely empowering involvement in the flow of life.

The visit ended with the three of us, joined by many others, being embraced by You. All of us moved together as in an extremely gracious slow dance.

Then, I was in the chair again, alone with You. Although still filled with the beauty of what I just went through, and sort of out of breath, I mentioned the three concerns I had expressed earlier in regard to my behavior here. I said I would make them into issues to work on. Hopefully I can improve somewhat.