S I X T E E N Writing 11
Los Angeles, 11/14/1996
Sitting in my chair, I was thinking about other people who may have similar experiences as I do; who also go through these kinds of spiritual 'journeys'. It so happened that a client today told about her moments of psychic insights. You asked me whether I was surprised about that and let me know that, of course, each person has access to Your reality if they want. You questioned me with, "You think it takes away from your being special, having this closeness to Me, while others may even be more involved in it?" Thinking about this, I don't believe that's so. Naturally, these experiences are very special to me, but my happiness of seeing the truth of everything as relating to You is too powerful to cause serious comparisons with, or even curiosity about, other people's spiritual paths. It doesn't seem to invalidate the uniqueness of my 'journeys' when I realize that other people had or have theirs.
I heard You say that these journeys were coming to an end. I commented that I didn't keep track of how many I made already. I took notes right after they happened but I never read those. The number of trips would be about fifteen, I guessed.
You reminded me of how comforting it feels when I come to You. You asked, "What would happen if I just stayed where I was?" I was puzzled, not knowing what that meant. Then, not really planning it, I saw myself standing up. In a whisk, I felt myself going straight up in the air, leaving my body behind. I saw it getting smaller and smaller while I moved fast upwards. But also I myself, my non-physical, observing part felt as becoming smaller and smaller while ascending. To the point that I seemed reduced to nothing. Except that I still had the ability to be aware of myself. I thought of the Buddhist concept of 'nothingness'. However, I was aware of the void.
For quite some time, I stayed in this state. No movement, no nothing. "Where am I?", I heard Your voice ask. I experienced You all around, everywhere, without images or particular thoughts. Except that vaguely the word 'tohu wabohu', the void of the biblical Genesis story, echoed somewhere. Then, I saw chunks of what looked like rocks coming floating in from the left. They moved silently to the right. From closer up, I could see they were mummified corpses. One was my body, all wrapped up. I stayed with my attention with it for a while, realizing that nothing really mattered of what that body represented.
You asked me what I would like to do now. Did I want to go back? Did I want to stay like this? After thinking about it, I simply answered that I would like to move on, whatever that would entail .Suddenly, in a rolling movement, all the emptiness around me changed into bright shining, white and yellow colored masses of happy, chatting and moving entities. I was in the midst of them. 'Is this how I am when truly united with my two heavenly parts?,' I thought. I wanted to tell the people that I was from earth, but when I did, I perceived something as a frown coming from them. One of them said, "We don't deal with that here anymore. Here is only harmony.
I didn't know what to do. I felt very sleepy, heavy, and sensed I was drifting out of this scene. Observing that, I realized it must be caused by some resistance in me, or by negative entities moving in on me. As always when I think that the latter is happening, I invited them to consider joining me here, or to prepare themselves for changing. It cleared my mind some. Then I considered the possibility that perhaps this was my last journey: that there would be no end to this one. Or, I thought, maybe this one doesn't end now, today, but will continue tomorrow. I left it at that, and when I was back in the chair, I had the sense that indeed, the journey was not over.
S I X T E E N (continued )
It was the first time that I had some idea of what could happen in the situation of sitting and waiting for a 'journey'. In the chair opposite of me, I 'saw' the fullness of Your seven faces.
"You could go to where you left off yesterday," You suggested. I did, and immediately I saw again the masses of moving white and yellow creatures. Actually, I didn't watch them, since I was in the midst of them. Now I noticed that their color was not yellow but that they all had a golden shine. I was invited to look at myself. I, too, was shining all over. Still, while looking at the others, I felt pressure inside, as if an image, a certain way of approaching this scene, wanted to come through, wanted to come into my awareness. When I paid attention to this need, the heads of the entities around me suddenly seemed bloated and then started to look like skulls. I instantly realized this was a distortion. And I knew where the disturbance came from. I recognized it as a desperate last effort of entities of the Negative State trying to confuse me. I firmly told them to cut it out. Indeed, the scene became normal again.
I turned to people around me and asked if they could shed some light on this. I explained that, coming from earth, I wanted to learn how to fit in and how to properly fill my time. In a friendly way they let me know that nobody was in a hurry or felt that they had to do things. Let alone that they would have expectations of me. They put their arms around my shoulders. Others joined us. And that's the way it stayed. You told me that no more journeys would come now. "This," You said, "is your reality. No use trying to understand more. Why trying to grasp what you can't? You now are able to experience a slice of goodness and harmony."
I asked about what to do in the meantime while I'm still living on earth, which evidently I do. I tried to answer that question myself with a statement. I told You, "I want to be honest and loving. I like to live openly with what I experience with and from You." The thought of the rich young man asking Jesus what to do, flashed through my mind. I have been exposed to religious and other types of wisdoms. I'm rich in those. Yet I want to leave those behind and live with this what I personally learn and have learned in Your presence.
I asked, "Following up on all this, does it mean I should give priority to finalizing these Writings?" You said that this is completely up to me.