WTSP - 56

“Are you... asking me to sleep with you?”

“Right now, I need you.”

Was the reason my pulse was racing faster than usual due to embarrassment? Or was it the influence of another emotion?

With trembling eyes, I scanned every part of Serdel’s face. He didn’t seem drunk or just saying empty words.

If that was the case, then it was genuine... I felt like the pounding of my heart would reach him. Heat quickly rose to the back of my neck.

“Is it difficult?”

He took one step closer to me. It was a narrow gap, close enough to touch completely if we weren’t careful.

Instantly, the woody scent of his perfume and his natural body odor mingled and wafted over me. Serdel’s eyes looked more serious and deeper than ever.

More than anything, his question felt like an order, not an invitation.

A sensual and dizzying command that couldn’t be refused.

Staring straight into his eyes, which were so attractive they seemed to pull me in, I swallowed the saliva in my throat. How should I answer? My mouth felt parched.

“Uh, well... I was a little surprised.”

“And then?”

Serdel seemed to be waiting for my answer. His face was etched with fatigue, but his gaze was alive.

If I answered, it felt like my voice would tremble against my will. In the end, I nodded lightly with a dazed expression.

“......Um, yes. Alright. If Your Majesty needs me.”

Since I didn’t know what sleeping together meant in the first place, I should have asked him more. We were bound by marriage, but we weren’t that kind of couple.

However, agreement had already slipped out of my mouth first.

I didn’t know what I was thinking when I accepted his request... but what was certain was that he seemed to need my warmth right now.

“Excuse me, Empress.”

It was a jumble of completely incomprehensible emotions.

Serdel gently caressed the back of my hand, then lightly led me towards the bed. I followed obediently and sat on the edge of the bed.

Serdel lay down gently on the opposite side of the bed and glanced at me. It was a look that seemed to ask if I wasn’t going to lie down.

“Shall I... turn off the lights?”

“Whichever you wish, either way is fine.”

I turned on the amber lamp on the bedside table, then flipped the switch for the main room lights, turning them off. In the darkness that quickly followed, only the warmly colored lamp glowed softly.

I lay down next to Serdel and subtly turned my head to look at him. The bed was so large that there was plenty of space even with two people lying down.

‘Is this the first time I’ve seen his profile like this, lying down?’

I gazed at Serdel, who seemed somehow subdued. I couldn’t fully understand it, but he was clearly steeped in unease.

Whatever Serdel’s intention was in suggesting we sleep together, at this moment, I was overwhelmed with the desire to embrace him.

“Weren’t you taken aback, Empress?”

“......It would be a lie to say I wasn’t. But... I thought there must be a reason. Your Majesty is someone who has appropriate grounds for all your actions.”

“That sounds as devoid of romance as can be.”

“It’s not a word that suits Your Majesty very well.”

I shrugged, answering quite honestly. It was a joke I couldn’t have imagined making when we first met.

Serdel, who had been answering quietly with his eyes covered by the back of his hand, turned his head to look at me. Even in the darkness, his green eyes held a mysterious glow.

His eyes seemed sadder than usual today.

“Did something happen? Or couldn’t you sleep?”

“It is a childish and utterly weak matter. The Empress would surely be disappointed if she heard it.”

“I know Your Majesty well. Or rather, I suppose it would be more accurate to say I used to think I knew you well.”

Before I possessed this body, I thought I knew everything about Serdel. It was an unavoidable situation.

But after exchanging a few words with him as Ophelia, I realized that was completely wrong.

But now...

“Still, I think I can confidently say I know you a little... just a little. And the more I get to know Your Majesty... the more I want to know.”

“......”

The time we had spent together wasn’t long, but with each passing day, I gained a sense of stability from Serdel. Especially after Theo’s death, my feelings for Serdel changed strangely.

Hearing my answer, he let out a silent, self-deprecating laugh. It was a gentle expression that was rare to see.

Could this time spent with me also feel comfortable for him? Serdel, who seemed to be organizing his thoughts silently, spoke in a calm voice.

“I had a nightmare. It has been almost a year since the last one.”

“A nightmare?”

It was a completely unexpected answer. I had thought he would say he had learned of someone’s conspiracy or that he couldn’t sleep.

‘Serdel has nightmares too... Well, he’s human, so it’s natural.’

What kind of bad dream could it have been? With a slightly somber expression, I carefully patted his arm. Serdel didn’t seem to feel any discomfort at my touch.

“Would it be alright if I asked what kind of dream it was?”

“......I suppose I should first tell you about my father.”

“Father? You mean His Late Majesty the Emperor.”

One story I had forgotten came to mind.

Serdelius Carlot, who had grown up under a father with no blood or tears. The setting that he had not received love from his father was something I had created myself.

Was he going to talk about the past? Suddenly, the contents of the book I had seen at the old bookstore came to mind. I looked at Serdel with a slightly nervous expression.

“His Late Majesty was, yes. He was ruthless not only to the empresses and consorts but also to his children.”

“......”

“Looking back, from some point onwards, his life was steeped in madness.”

Serdel didn’t seem used to telling his story to others. It wasn’t easy to express thoughts that had been held alone for a long time in refined language.

I waited quietly until he continued. Serdel, who had lowered his gaze, murmured in a low voice.

“He made me, and the son of the Third Consort, compete for the position of Crown Prince.”

“But wasn’t it natural for Your Majesty to become the Crown Prince? You were the Empress’s son...”

“He didn’t want to follow the existing order. He was someone who wasn’t satisfied until he saw everything end the way he wanted.”

“......”

“They weren’t things one would ask of children who weren’t even ten years old. It started with making us kill slaves from defeated nations with a single stroke. The Emperor said that an emperor shouldn’t show emotion in the face of any pain, and he would inflict unseen wounds.”

Serdel was calm, as if he were talking about someone else’s story.

I couldn’t help but be shocked. I had created the setting that the Late Emperor didn’t love Serdel, so I had expected it to be a bad story, but I hadn’t imagined it would lead to such terrible consequences.

Serdel swept his hair back with a bitter smile on his lips.

“Among those things, there was something the Late Emperor liked the most. ...He called that act ‘the Scales of Death’.”

“The Scales of Death...?”

I didn’t know what kind of act it was, but the name itself sounded ominous.

For a moment, I glimpsed deep disillusionment and self-mockery on Serdel’s face. Even in this darkness, he seemed to be churning with disgust.

What kind of terrible things had the Late Emperor done to him?

“It was exactly as it sounded. He made us weigh two people who were most precious to each of us. The targets could be servants, friends... anyone. He would tie people to the pillars in a basement where no one entered and hand swords to the princes and me.”

“......Huh.”

“Each of us had to choose one person first and end their life. Otherwise, it was clear that the Late Emperor would kill them all. Only two out of the four survived that basement.”

It was more terrible than I had imagined.

I couldn’t even get proper words out. The life he had lived vividly unfolded before my eyes.

I swallowed a trembling breath and lowered my eyelids.

‘If I hadn’t... given him a past regarding his parents.’

A corner of my heart throbbed as if it had been burned. While writing <Becoming the Emperor’s Concubine>, I thought that an unhappy past would make the protagonist’s narrative more attractive.

Because of that, I added the setting that Serdel’s father didn’t love him and his mother had committed suicide. In just two or three simple sentences.

There was no plausibility, no reason.

I had never thought about the life beyond that. Why the Late Emperor didn’t love Serdel, how he overcame that pain, wasn’t important to the plot.

...To think that these omitted blanks had gathered and painfully attacked him.

It was never an action I took expecting this future. But, but...

A surge of emotion rose against my will. I covered my face with one hand to hide my reddened eyes.

“Empress.”

Serdel slowly and gently wrapped his hand around my wrist. Then, he slowly lowered the hand covering my face.

I regretted not turning off the lamp. I didn’t want to show him this side of me.

“I don’t know what to say, I... I.”

“You don’t have to answer. Just your presence alone makes my heart feel much more stable.”

“Serdel...”

As his cold hand touched my cheek, the heated skin seemed to cool down a little. The upsetting emotions didn’t subside easily.

I felt tormented, as if everything was my fault. Theo’s death too, and from some point onwards, things here had become reality for me.

Serdel, Brillin, Rovair... they were not characters moved by text. Person to person, I felt guilty towards Serdel.

Perhaps sensing the moisture in my eyes, Serdel breathed quietly and met my gaze. His soft breath brushed my forehead.

“And today too, I dreamt of that day. It was a frequently recurring nightmare, so it was nothing strange. But, the moment you appeared, I forgot that it was a dream.”

Serdel bit his lower lip gently and closed his eyes.