CITM - 38

A person’s capacity to endure has its limits. Wenbin’s words—”She is my life”—crashed heavily onto Ye Yun’s heart, suffocating her to the point where she couldn’t breathe.

Even escaping to the tailor shop didn’t ease her distress. The constant flow of customers, all neighbors from nearby, made her feel as though she were being scorched under the sun. Every glance from others burned into her, leaving her perpetually anxious.

By the time the shop closed and she mounted her bike, an invisible weight pressed down on her chest. As she approached the newsstand, the towering residential building came into view, and her heart began to retreat. Unconsciously, she slowed her pace until she came to a complete stop, unable to take another step forward.

She was afraid to go back—to face Wenbin’s obsession, Tong Mingfang’s sighs, and the endless gossip from those around her.

In her eyes, the residential building had become a sinister, ominous wall. It felt as though if she took one more step closer, it would collapse on her, crushing her completely. This fear grew clearer with each passing moment. Her knuckles gripping the handlebars trembled slightly, and in a trance-like state, she remounted her bike, turned it around, and pedaled furiously, as if something terrifying were chasing her, forcing her to keep moving without pause.

She didn’t know where to ride or where else she could go.

She was no longer the naive country girl who had arrived not knowing her way around. She now recognized many roads and could easily find her way to various places. But so what? None of these paths led to her true home.

She even began to think: If she just kept riding this road forever, if she simply disappeared, wouldn’t all the problems resolve themselves?

This thought gnawed at her mind like a monster, tearing apart all her restraint, reason, and patience.

Ye Yun rode until sweat poured down her face, her eyes bloodshot, yet she couldn’t stop pedaling. Finally, as she approached a street corner, a black car emerged. She slowed down to let it pass, but unexpectedly, the car decelerated and stopped right in front of her.

The rear window rolled down, and Ye Yun stared at the woman with red lips sitting in the backseat, too stunned to speak.

In her daily life, most of the people she encountered were still busy scrambling for scraps of fabric, eggs, or oil. She had never seen anyone with a four-wheeled car before.

“Don’t recognize me?” Su Hong leaned out of the window.

Only then did Ye Yun snap out of her daze: “Sister Hong?”

Su Hong looked her up and down, a playful smile curling her lips: “Still exercising this late at night?”

Ye Yun parted her lips slightly, gasping for breath, but said nothing.

Su Hong opened the car door, stepped out in her high heels, and beckoned Ye Yun with a crook of her finger: “Get off.”

Obediently, Ye Yun dismounted her bike. Su Hong bent down and whispered something to the driver, who then got out and lifted Ye Yun’s bicycle.

Ye Yun panicked and reached out: “What are you doing?”

Su Hong looped her arm through Ye Yun’s: “Don’t worry, your bike won’t be lost. We’ll send it back for you. Now, come with me.”

Ye Yun kept looking back, worried about her bike, and asked: “Where are you taking me?”

“Well, since you don’t want to go home anyway, I’ll take you somewhere fun.”

Not far from there, Su Hong dragged her into a dance hall. The evening crowd made the place even livelier, the lights hazy and enchanting. This was Ye Yun’s first time stepping inside at this hour.

Su Hong led Ye Yun past the dance floor and straight to the back, where they sat down at a table. She asked: “Have you ever had alcohol?”

“Once.”

Su Hong crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair: “Ah yes, now I remember. Bai Wenfu brought you here last time, didn’t he? I knew sooner or later he’d corrupt you.”

Su Hong raised her hand to signal the waiter to bring drinks. Hearing Ye Yun mutter softly: “He won’t corrupt me. He’s not a bad person.”

Su Hong smirked: “Look at you, defending him already. What’s there to defend? If it weren’t for his crooked intentions toward you, do you think things would have escalated to this point?”

Ye Yun pressed her lips together, her brows furrowing: “So you know about it too?”

Su Hong arched an eyebrow and glanced at her: “It’s hard not to know. Everyone around here knows what’s going on in your household. You still say he’s not a bad person? He’s stolen his own younger brother’s wife—how can he not be considered bad?”

Ye Yun turned her head away, her voice muffled: “Don’t talk about him like that.”

Seeing her genuinely upset, Su Hong burst into laughter, leaning forward and backward in her seat. She knew Ye Yun had thin skin and was simple-minded, always falling for teasing. Watching her get flustered, soft and unwilling to lash out, only made Su Hong laugh harder. In a way, Su Hong could understand Bai Wenfu’s feelings. If she were a man and had such an endearing little treasure, she’d probably want to lock her away and spoil her endlessly too.

Ye Yun turned her gaze back to Su Hong, momentarily confused about what exactly she found so amusing.

When the drinks arrived, Ye Yun said to Su Hong: “I’ll only drink half a glass. If I drink more, they’ll notice when I get home.”

Su Hong raised an eyebrow: “And what if they do? That family isn’t your biological parents. What right do they have to control you? Even if they were your parents, you’re not a child anymore. Can’t you make your own decisions?”

Ye Yun stared directly at Su Hong, suddenly realizing that in some ways, Su Hong and Bai Wenfu were alike—unbound by societal norms, disdainful of rules and conventions. They were like intruders from the old world, cloaked in the brilliance of the new. This contrast often pulled Ye Yun briefly out of the constraints of tradition, leading her thoughts astray.

Su Hong raised her glass to Ye Yun, who clinked hers lightly and took a small sip.

“I actually envy you,” Ye Yun said earnestly after setting her glass down.

Su Hong smiled faintly: “Envy what?”

“For living freely.”

Su Hong lifted her eyelids slightly, shrugging indifferently: “Freedom isn’t handed to you—it’s earned. I’ve been unfree before. In this world, it’s much harder for women to be free than men.”

Her gaze shifted toward the dance floor: “Look at them dancing so joyfully—are they truly free?”

Ye Yun turned her head to look, hearing Su Hong continue: “These people suppress themselves during the day and come here at night to seek pleasure. Is anyone truly free? Living in this world, feeling unfree is self-inflicted, but freedom can also be sought by oneself.”

Su Hong picked up her glass and drank heartily, mirroring her bold personality.

After setting the glass down, Su Hong pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her elegant clutch. Only then did Ye Yun realize that Su Hong smoked. Her thick lashes lowered slightly as she lit the cigarette, holding it between her slender fingers. A stream of white smoke drifted lazily from her red lips, exuding an alluring, cold beauty.

This was Ye Yun’s first time seeing a woman smoke. Contrary to the crude or unrefined image people often associated with female smokers, on Su Hong, it was strangely captivating.

Through the haze of smoke, Su Hong’s gaze grew deeper as she spoke to Ye Yun: “When I was eighteen, I fell for a man back in my hometown. He sweet-talked me into believing he’d come to marry me, but instead, I waited and waited, only to hear that he’d left town. After that, I became a laughingstock. Even my own family despised me, telling me to leave home as soon as possible.

“I stowed away to Gangcheng during the gold rush, enduring hardships along the way that I still refuse to recall.

“When I arrived, I had no identity and could only wash dishes in someone’s restaurant. To stay and gain legal status, I married a man fifteen years older than me. He loved gambling and spent all his time in mahjong parlors. When he won money, he treated me decently, but whenever he lost, he took out his frustrations on me. Eventually, he was swindled out of everything and, desperate, tried to sell me to Fenglou. Do you know what kind of place Fenglou is?”

Ye Yun shook her head.

Su Hong flicked her ash: “You’re better off never knowing.”

“My savior was a wealthy Mr. Jiang. He treated me well, taught me how to run a business, and introduced me to influential people. If I had become Mrs. Jiang back then, you might only see me in the newspapers now.”

“Then why didn’t you stay with him?” Ye Yun asked.

At this question, Su Hong’s smile faded, a fleeting shadow passing over her eyes—but only for a moment.

She didn’t explain why, only saying: “Look at me now. I run a restaurant, never worrying about food or shelter. The money I earn in a single day would take others half a year to make. Men? If I feel like it, I’ll entertain one; if not, no one dares bother me. If I’d stayed with Mr. Jiang, would I have this kind of freedom? I’d still be relying on his mood to give me money. And if one day he dumped me, I’d be worse off than I am now.”

Perhaps her two experiences had made Su Hong lose trust in men, leading her to return inland and build her own footing. Did she have regrets? Life, after all, is made up of countless choices. How could anyone live without a single regret?

Her experience gave Ye Yun a considerable shock, making her deeply realize that saying: in this world, it is much more difficult for women to be free than for men.

Su Hong stubbed out her cigarette, exhaling the last puff of smoke: “However, Bai Wenfu is a reliable man with a strong sense of responsibility, and you are stronger than me. Back then, I knew nothing but washing dishes. At least you have good skills. The coat you sent me some time ago, I tried it on. I quite like this kind of large lapel and structured shoulder pads. Wearing it out to discuss business this season gives you presence. Tell me, where did you get these ideas from?”

“From books, magazines, the streets, department stores, just looking everywhere. I like to think about these things.”

Su Hong lightly clinked her glass with Ye Yun’s: “This is called a keen sense of fashion. Have you thought about your future?”

Ye Yun picked up her glass and took a sip: “I have. Master Zhang might not continue after the end of the year. I’m wondering if I should open my own shop.”

Su Hong curled her lips: “What’s so good about opening a tailor shop? You’ll be tired to death, stuck in that tiny place your whole life, unable to go anywhere.”

Ye Yun’s expression became serious: “Besides tailoring, I don’t know how to do anything else.”

Su Hong raised her chin slightly, glancing at her: “You can aim for something more long-term. Being with Bai Wenfu, you should have heard some news about the outside world, right? A market economy is inevitable. Not everyone is aware and ready to ride that wave.”

Ye Yun fell into a long silence. Since she first heard the term “market economy,” it seemed that many things around her had been subtly changing throughout the year. When you didn’t pay attention, it seemed no different from the past, but as long as you took the time to observe, an undercurrent of change was relentlessly pushing the era forward.

And where would she be swept away by this tide? Would she drift along with the current, or desperately grasp at a piece of driftwood? The driftwood wouldn’t stop to wait for her, so where should she look for it?

Su Hong leaned closer, her expression serious: “But coming back to the main point, the hardest part is still Bai Wenfu. No matter what kind of situation arises later, he will be the one ultimately responsible.”

Ye Yun understood the meaning behind Su Hong’s words. One was Bai Wenfu’s younger brother, whom he had raised since childhood, and the other was his only living elder in this world. These two people were connected to him by blood. He wouldn’t abandon Ye Yun, so how could he abandon his family?

In the current situation, he had to consider the overall picture, lead everyone to find a way out, and try his best to maintain peace at home. All the difficulties were weighing on him; it was too hard...

Su Hong turned her head, raised her arm slightly, and Ye Yun followed her gaze. Bai Wenfu was striding towards them through the shifting light and shadows of the crowd.

Ye Yun was taken aback: “Did you tell him?”

Su Hong’s eyes crinkled with a smile: “If you were out alone so late and something dangerous happened, and Bai Wenfu found out I had seen you and didn’t tell him, he would kill me...”

Su Hong stood up with a smile as Bai Wenfu reached them.

“I’ll leave her with you. I’ll go first.”

Bai Wenfu thanked her and looked down at Ye Yun. The dance hall lights flickered across his face, his gaze deep and his expression solemn, making it impossible to discern his emotions.

Ye Yun’s fingers nervously gripped the edge of the chair, her heart tightened, and she felt slightly uneasy. She hadn’t gone home after work, hadn’t said a word, and had even come here to drink. Now that she had been caught red-handed, she felt like she had done something rebellious and didn’t dare to look Bai Wenfu in the eye out of guilt.

Until she heard a soft sigh, Bai Wenfu pulled her up from the chair and led her inside. After reaching the innermost corner, he reached out and drew the curtain, blocking the flickering lights from outside.

The space behind the curtain was cramped, with only one chair. Bai Wenfu sat down on it and looked up at her.

Ye Yun stood obediently in front of him, asking cautiously, “Are you angry?”

Bai Wenfu deliberately hardened his face: “Do you remember the consequences of me being angry last time?”

Ye Yun’s mind was in complete disarray. How could she not remember? He had lectured her for an entire evening. Although he hadn’t really made her suffer, it was still a deeply刻骨銘心 experience.

Ye Yun’s cheeks burned fiercely, turning a deep red. Bai Wenfu leaned forward and said to her slowly and deliberately, “Next time you want to come out, tell me. I won’t stop you. At least let me know you haven’t run into trouble and disappeared.”

Ye Yun nodded: “Understood.”

Bai Wenfu glanced at her: “Why are you standing?”

Ye Yun shifted her feet: “There’s no chair.”

Bai Wenfu patted his thigh: “Sit here.”

Before Ye Yun could hesitate, Bai Wenfu had already wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap.

Ye Yun was petite. Sitting on his lap, her feet dangled in the air, and she was nestled in his arms. She asked worriedly, “Is this okay? Will it put pressure on your right leg?”

Bai Wenfu chuckled softly: “Your weight is like nothing.”

Ye Yun felt relieved and relaxed, leaning her head on his shoulder. When he said she was light, his eyes held a heart-stirring warmth. Ye Yun couldn’t help but recall the last time in the utility room when he had lifted her with one arm and spoken fiercely, he seemed to have said something similar...

Ye Yun buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his cool scent, which always brought her a sense of peace.

Every time they were together, the lights were off. Ye Yun asked curiously, “I haven’t had a good look at your leg yet.”

“There’s nothing to see. There’s an ugly scar. You’ll dislike me if you see it.”

Ye Yun’s arms went under his and hugged him: “I won’t.”

Her arms were so slender, barely noticeable around him, yet gentle as water.

He tightened his arms around her, pulled her closer, and lowered his head to tell her, “I’ve already been looking for a house outside. Once the house is settled, and you’re taken care of, I’ll talk to Wenbin openly.”

Ye Yun raised her head: “But... what if he doesn’t agree?”

The light filtered through the curtain, vaguely outlining Bai Wenfu’s heroic features. He lowered his eyes: “If he doesn’t agree, will you go with him?”

Ye Yun looked into his deep eyes, opened her mouth, and said, “No.”

“Then that’s it. The decision is yours, not his.”

Ye Yun vaguely recalled Su Hong’s words from just now. She wasn’t a child anymore; she could make her own decisions and didn’t need anyone else’s agreement or disagreement.

“I’m just worried about his illness. I don’t know how it will turn out.”

Bai Wenfu was silent for a few seconds before speaking, “We have to face it eventually. It can’t go on like this forever.”

When Bai Wenfu said these words, Ye Yun felt the weight on his shoulders.

He could send her away, hide her, and avoid the storm. But he had to go back and face it. This was unavoidable for Bai Wenfu, and it was something he would ultimately have to bear.

“No matter what kind of situation arises later, he will be the one ultimately responsible.”

These words echoed repeatedly in Ye Yun’s mind, causing her heart to clench painfully.

“Is it easy to find a house? Will it cost a lot of money?” she asked him.

Bai Wenfu took her hand and repeatedly caressed the thin calluses on her fingertips, a testament to her hard work.

Apart from public housing, there were also state-owned residences, which required a work unit affiliation, complicated applications, relying on connections to queue and wait for approval. The housing problem was not easy to solve. During the welfare housing allocation period, saving money for a few years might have presented an opportunity. Since the reforms, the real estate market had undergone tremendous changes in the past two years, with many people using up the savings of three generations to buy a ticket to the city.

Bai Wenfu had earned some money in recent years, enough to make the family’s life slightly more comfortable. But to suddenly come up with such a large sum was indeed a significant challenge. He needed time to raise the money and also needed to rely on connections to find someone to secure housing. Neither of these was an easy task.

However, he didn’t tell Ye Yun any of this, only saying, “I will figure it out. It won’t take too long.”

These words were like a reassurance pill for Ye Yun. The confusion and hardship she had felt earlier were temporarily put aside. She saw hope, saw the life she would have with Bai Wenfu away from the communal housing soon, and a look of anticipation couldn’t help but appear on her face.

The enchanting melody danced and flowed into people’s bodies. Once the tension in her heart eased, she relaxed.

Nestled in Bai Wenfu’s arms, surrounded by his intoxicating scent, the alcohol started to take effect, and a charming blush rose on Ye Yun’s cheeks. When he spoke, she couldn’t help but move closer to him, her soft lips seemingly brushing against his face.

He stopped speaking and lowered his eyes to look at her. She was like an impulsive yet timid adventurer, not daring to truly touch him, not knowing what she was doing, which made Bai Wenfu’s eyes fill with a smile.

They had kissed quite a few times before, but each time Bai Wenfu had taken the initiative. Today, he remained still, just looking down at her.

Ye Yun wanted to get closer to him, but people kept walking back and forth outside the curtain. She was afraid someone would lift the curtain and see them, so she couldn’t bring herself to do it and resentfully pulled her neck back.

The smile on Bai Wenfu’s lips widened. He held her head, brought it closer, and lowered his head to gently touch her lips. He pried open her moist lips, hooked her small tongue, entwined and possessed, gradually deepening the kiss. Her heart beat faster involuntarily, even the tip of her heart felt soft and numb. A bold thought flashed through her mind: even if someone lifted the curtain now, she wouldn’t want to separate from him.

This wasn’t their most passionate kiss, but it was the longest. Ye Yun only remembered that the song had finished playing when they finally stopped. Just one kiss made her body feel like it was melting.

But then, she noticed something unusual, her expression suddenly changed, and she said awkwardly against Bai Wenfu’s cheek, “Is it... I feel like you’re...”

Bai Wenfu held her away from him slightly, cleared his throat, cupped her small face in his hands, and lowered his head to ask her, “What should I do? You’ve sparked this feeling in me. Aren’t you going to take responsibility for putting out the fire?”

Ye Yun was even more embarrassed and timidly glanced at the curtain outside: “This won’t do. What if someone comes over...”

Seeing that she was serious, Bai Wenfu smiled and put her down on the floor: “Just kidding. Let’s go home.”