TIL - 31

Jin Ge didn’t press Chen Cheng further; after all, she carried a debt of guilt.

Shen Wenli saw Jin Ge return disheartened and put down his book: “Did you go see our son?”

Their living room was sunken. Jin Ge walked down into the sofa area and sat down, not wanting to speak.

Shen Wenli ground a cup of almond water for her and brought it to her.

Jin Ge thanked him and said, “You knew I went to see him.”

Shen Wenli sat down: “I know my own wife and son. You only show such sorrowful expressions because of our son, with your brows so tightly furrowed, all these years.”

Jin Ge put down the cup and touched her face: “Is that so?”

Shen Wenli took her hand and held it: “What did he do?”

Jin Ge kept Chen Cheng’s secret, only saying: “I remember our decision to send his friend away before, and I increasingly feel we were wrong.”

Shen Wenli didn’t agree: “That boy had a romantic kind of affection for Cheng. Cheng was still young and couldn’t distinguish. As parents, we couldn’t let him be slowly boiled like a frog in warm water. This was also our responsibility to him.”

When Chen Cheng was little, he had a playmate, the child of one of Shen Wenli’s friends. His friend was a truck driver; their acquaintance was a serendipitous encounter, and so was their friendship. Later, he drove while fatigued, and his truck went into a ravine, killing him. His wife grieved excessively and fell ill from overwork, passing away within two years. She left behind a son, still young, with no surviving grandparents, and rejected by relatives and neighbors, so Shen Wenli took him in.

The boy was a few years older than Chen Cheng and very precocious. The two were inseparable back then. Jin Ge was happy at first, glad someone was accompanying Chen Cheng, but then she accidentally saw the boy’s diary, which was full of affection for Chen Cheng, but not the kind for a brother or friend.

The couple were horrified. Of course, they didn’t care if their child liked boys or girls, but they wouldn’t allow Chen Cheng to be subtly indoctrinated with such feelings. He was still growing, and this would affect his entire life.

They made a decision then to send the boy away to study abroad and restricted Chen Cheng from having any contact with him.

Chen Cheng was only in his teens then, going through puberty. He couldn’t understand why his parents suddenly became strangers. They had always been so open-minded, not interfering with his friendships, so why did they suddenly change? And why had his good friend suddenly stopped contacting him?

He became sensitive and suspicious. When he couldn’t resolve these emotions, he fled abroad, starting a life different from his first half.

Jin Ge had thought about bringing him back then, but suddenly sending his friend away had already affected him, and she didn’t want to hurt him again.

Shen Wenli, however, was different; he was still very stubborn. In a fit of anger, he cut off contact with Chen Cheng, stating that if he didn’t return, his life or death would no longer concern him.

Jin Ge secretly supported Chen Cheng, but he refused it all. He made a bunch of disparate friends in Canada: people from society, from school, and some top executives from companies.

The Shen couple’s sophisticated social skills were now fully reflected in their son.

Later, Jin Ge learned that Chen Cheng had started school; he had finally understood the benefits of education.

He studied physics and showed unprecedented interest in it, gaining recognition from many scholars. They only learned all this later.

Eventually, Chen Cheng returned to China, transformed, having grown into someone Shen Wenli and Jin Ge never expected.

Shen Wenli began to pave the way for him. He had a good foundation, was intelligent, and possessed real ability. His subsequent success was smooth sailing, except that he was no longer willing to live with them.

A knot formed in the couple’s hearts, always hard to digest.

Jin Ge shook her head: “But that decision still made me lose him. He’s my son, and he... he seems to not see me anymore.”

Shen Wenli saw Jin Ge was too sad and hugged her shoulders: “It’s okay. He’s excellent, our son is excellent. He’ll figure it out. That matter won’t stay in his heart for too long.”

Jin Ge’s hands were trembling. She looked up: “It must be hard to be an excellent person, right?”

Shen Wenli froze.

Jin Ge said: “You see, even you think he’s excellent, so he must figure it out. If that’s the case, I really wish he could be more ordinary, more common, not necessarily so excellent.”

Shen Wenli also fell into confusion because of Jin Ge’s words.

The high praise of ‘excellence’ seemed to truly wrong ‘capable individuals.’

________________________________________

Wen Huo was taken by Wu Guo to Yang Yinlou’s resting place.

She used Chen Cheng as a stepping stone, and Yang Yinlou not only met her but also showed great enthusiasm.

For someone of Yang Yinlou’s esteemed status, arrogance was natural, as those around him wouldn’t contradict him. Over time, he would become immersed in the illusion of being the center of the universe.

But he was, after all, highly respected. No one would gather around him without substantial ability, so he could easily adjust and adopt a humble attitude.

His attitude towards Chen Cheng was very humble. He didn’t deny being a senior, but he also acknowledged Chen Cheng’s achievements and was willing to communicate with him. It was just that the two were busy in different fields and rarely had opportunities for deep interaction.

At their second meeting, Yang Yinlou took a closer look at Wen Huo. Her eyebrows somewhat resembled those of some males—sword-like, yet not sharp, just right, a mix of tenderness and heroism.

Wu Guo formally introduced the two: “Professor Yang, this is Wen Huo. We met at the salon before. She’s Teacher Chen’s student.”

Yang Yinlou nodded: “Is your visit related to Teacher Chen?”

He was quite direct, so Wen Huo was direct as well: “I’m sorry, Professor Yang, I mentioned Teacher Chen only because it made it easier to see you.”

Yang Yinlou was a bit displeased: “Then what do you want to see me about?”

Wen Huo took out photos of her grandmother and Yang Yinlou’s mother and pushed them towards him: “The one wearing the headband here is my grandmother. She died of fulminant myocarditis. The heart condition was caused by excessive consumption.”

Yang Yinlou’s displeased expression was replaced by surprise. He picked up the photos and examined them, then looked at her, seemingly searching for similarities between her and the person in the photo. After a while, he said, “What are you trying to say?”

Wen Huo then pushed her medical record book to Yang Yinlou: “I also have insomnia. I want to live.”

Wu Guo, hearing this, forgot his expression management. He felt all his blood rush to his face, staring blankly at Wen Huo.

Yang Yinlou was very surprised for a moment, but being deeply experienced, that slight, unfocused panic quickly dissipated. He casually flipped through Wen Huo’s medical record book, “Although it would be heartless for me not to help when you ask, your method of calculating me into helping seems even more impolite.”

Wen Huo spoke truthfully: “If I hadn’t mentioned Teacher Chen, would you have seen me?”

Yang Yinlou fell silent; he truly wouldn’t have met her.

Wen Huo used to think Wu Guo could help with the introduction, but after interacting with him, she realized he couldn’t make decisions for Yang Yinlou. In other words, no matter what, she still had to use Chen Cheng’s esteemed name to achieve her goal.

Yang Yinlou pondered for a moment, forgave her actions, and told her: “My mother passed away a long time ago.”

Wen Huo felt as if struck by lightning.

Her last glimmer of hope collapsed in her heart, trampled by everyone.

________________________________________

The film festival arrived as scheduled, and Han Bailu was released by Chen Cheng. She had to attend because a film she starred in had been nominated.

She had lost a lot of weight; her cheeks were sunken, and her eyeballs protruded. When she saw Chen Cheng, she showed obvious fear. She was so afraid of this man; he just stood there, and it made her tremble.

Chen Cheng personally unlocked her handcuffs. She had recently been self-harming, so Chen Cheng had put handcuffs and ankle chains on her hands and feet to prevent her from harming herself.

Of course, he wasn’t being kind; it was simply that she couldn’t die yet.

________________________________________

After returning from Yang Yinlou, Wen Huo was not herself.

Yang Yinlou’s mother had passed away long ago, meaning her illness was not cured. This illness couldn’t be cured because, fundamentally, it wasn’t even an illness; it was just insomnia.

She originally thought she had a fallback plan, that she could gracefully leave after ending her collaboration with Han Bailu. But now she was told she had no fallback plan; she couldn’t leave Chen Cheng. How could she remain calm?

She sent a WeChat message to Han Bailu, typed a line of text, felt it lacked focus, deleted it all, and finally asked: “Why did you approach me back then?”

Chen Cheng had already asked Han Bailu. Han Bailu approached Wen Huo entirely because he didn’t allow women near him but was tolerant of physics and relatively friendly to those who studied physics.

Chen Cheng didn’t reply to Wen Huo, instead asking her: “Why did you agree back then?”

Wen Huo, of course, agreed because he could help her sleep and perhaps advance her academically. Secondly, Han Bailu offered her a substantial amount of money.

But she wouldn’t say that. She said: “Because of money.”

Chen Cheng stopped replying.

Wen Huo hadn’t finished speaking: “I’ve never asked you what problems you had in your marriage with Chen Cheng, that you needed to find someone to disgust him and yourself. I was just doing a job for money, and I thought it was pretty good. But did you ever consider what if I fell in love with him?”

Chen Cheng looked at this sentence, and his eyes changed color, becoming the kind that would make one’s feet turn cold.

He called her: “Are you in love with him now?”

Wen Huo hesitated: “I don’t know.”

Chen Cheng, speaking in Han Bailu’s tone, said to her: “Then hurry up and ruin his reputation! Before you fall in love with him! My money will arrive on time. If you can’t help me get a smooth divorce, I won’t just take this loss silently! You won’t have an easy time!”

Wen Huo exchanged a couple of sentences with her, which solidified her belief. Indeed, she couldn’t entertain the thought of staying with Chen Cheng long-term.

Her beginning with Chen Cheng was a transaction. If Chen Cheng found out, she would absolutely not survive. She couldn’t forget this just because she wanted to suppress her insomnia, she desired him, and she was slowly getting used to him being around.

Chen Cheng’s kindness to her was based on the assumption that she was a little white rabbit solving his loneliness.

Once he discovered that this little white rabbit had fangs and had calculated him from beginning to end, he would absolutely not rest until he killed her.

Why didn’t she want Chen Cheng to take Han Bailu to the film festival? He was trying to eliminate any possibility of them reconciling. She was afraid they would turn around and team up against her. She could solve one such crisis, but could she solve all of them?

Paper can’t wrap fire. If she stayed with Chen Cheng for too long, she would expose herself sooner or later, so she couldn’t delay. She had to end it quickly.

As for insomnia, Yang Yinlou’s method was a dead end, but she could try someone else. She hadn’t tried others; maybe they would be more effective than Chen Cheng? She had to try.

If it didn’t work, then it didn’t matter. She accepted it.

She had lived long enough. If heaven wanted her to die, she couldn’t shamelessly cling to life, could she?

She wasn’t a pessimistic person; she would live even if it meant living like a dog, which was why she tried so hard to cure her illness. But when Yang Yinlou told her that his mother had passed away years ago, she suddenly felt that she couldn’t hold on anymore.

She had placed too much hope in Yang Yinlou’s mother, believing there would surely be a way, that she would definitely sleep well every night...

When expectations are too high, disappointment seems inevitable.

She knew little about psychology. When it came to expectations, she only thought of probability and statistics, of mathematical expectation. But that was different from her expectation that Yang Yinlou’s mother would have a cure.

In this matter, she seemed to have only experienced cognitive dissonance. She used existing conditions to guess the most rational outcome, thinking she had everything under control, completely overlooking whether the source of those conditions was reliable.

This blow made her begin to question: what was the point of living so hard?

For family? But they could all take good care of themselves; her value was simply not that great.

For physics? She loved physics, and physics helped her determine her life’s direction, but it wasn’t the reason she painstakingly lived.

She suddenly didn’t know why she wanted to live so badly.

She suddenly felt that everything she had done was superfluous, utterly boring.

She used to read books that said living was a waste of time, and she used to dismiss it. Now, thinking back, what had she been doing all these years? She couldn’t understand it anymore; her rationality was failing her.

When she encountered such a confused state of mind, she would clear her thoughts and think about how to end it.

She replied to Han Bailu on WeChat: “Chen Cheng has given me many privileges recently and offered to take me to the film festival tonight. I didn’t agree. I plan to go secretly to surprise him, and then find a way to make the media there notice us and confirm his affair.”

Chen Cheng calmly replied: “You’ll also become the target of public criticism then.”