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She had to study for her exams, but she couldn’t focus at all. The garbage Kim Se-jun had spewed lingered in her ears like a ghost, tormenting Da-eun.
“You don’t suit Yoon Joo-won. Do you even know what kind of car he drives?”
“Can you handle him? Do you think he’ll take you seriously? Let’s be blunt, do you think you’re the only woman he’s had in the passenger seat of his car? If he shows up in that car, every Tom, Dick, and Harry will come running, you know?”
She was angry at Kim Se-jun for gaslighting a woman under the guise of confessing, but she also felt unpleasant, as if a third party had confirmed her worst fears.
She didn’t want to be brainwashed by Kim Se-jun and self-flagellate, but it was true that many girls were drawn to Yoon Joo-won.
Until now, their lives had revolved within the same sphere, but in the future, she would spend more time apart from Joo-won than with him. She didn’t need to see it to know how his female colleagues would look at Yoon Joo-won, a Korea University graduate and the son of a mid-sized company owner. Yoon Joo-won himself radiated light, and with his background added, he was truly an object of admiration for women.
She felt dejected from the start. If she could just whine in Joo-won’s arms and shake it all off, her heart would feel lighter, but they hadn’t been able to meet all weekend, and the weight in her heart had grown, pressing down on her chest.
Today, she had also made plans to meet Joo-won in the lab, pretending it was a coincidence. But the juniors who were already camped out inside were whispering behind her back.
“Isn’t Senior Kim Se-jun a bit pathetic? Senior Da-eun told him off so openly, it felt so refreshing.”
“Right? I really hated him ever since that transfer student followed us to the freshman orientation. He made us play weird games and acted like a black knight, thinking he was so cool, but honestly, he was just creepy and annoying.”
“He used to get drunk and call people every night, making drunken rants. So creepy.”
“Looks like Senior Da-eun has been through a lot in the past too.”
When Da-eun heard her name coming from the juniors’ mouths, she couldn’t bring herself to enter the lab and lingered at the door. As she stayed quiet, the juniors continued their conversation.
“But is it true? That Senior Yoon Joo-won and Senior Da-eun are dating?”
“Yeah, apparently. Senior Kim Se-jun must have been drinking with the guys living in the dorms on Saturday. Rumor has it he’s heartbroken? They said Senior Kim Se-jun liked Senior Da-eun before Senior Yoon Joo-won, and he was rambling nonsense about how Senior Yoon Joo-won always steals the girls he likes.”
Da-eun frowned at the juniors’ words.
She had momentarily overlooked the fact that Kim Se-jun was a loose cannon. Rumors had already spread around school that Kim Se-jun had been rejected by Da-eun and that she was dating Joo-won.
“You know what’s really pathetic about Senior Kim Se-jun? He apparently went around asking everyone if he didn’t suit Senior Da-eun better than Senior Yoon Joo-won, and he even yelled at them. Saying he liked Senior Da-eun first and that Senior Yoon Joo-won was the one who interfered.”
Another junior chimed in amidst the giggling.
“But it’s kind of true, though.”
“What is?”
“When you look at them physically, I mean Senior Da-eun. Doesn’t she suit Senior Kim Se-jun better than Senior Yoon Joo-won?”
“What are you saying? Do you still like Senior Joo-won? It sounds like you’re saying he doesn’t suit Senior Da-eun and that you do?”
“It’s not that I suit her. Honestly, isn’t it true? Is Senior Da-eun even 160cm tall? Their heights don’t even match.”
“And you’re over 170cm, so you match?”
“No, that’s not what I meant...”
“Senior Da-eun is pretty though. Go look in a mirror before you talk.”
To make matters worse, the juniors sitting inside the lab, chatting amongst themselves, started taking sides and arguing over Da-eun.
Da-eun was about to open the door and say something, but she turned around instead. Scolding them would be admitting that she was dating Joo-won, and it was also embarrassing that she had been eavesdropping behind the door.
She was upset that she had to endure hearing unpleasant things about herself from her juniors. The emotional wounds inflicted by Kim Se-jun throbbed painfully.
Am I really that bad?
She knew very well that Yoon Joo-won was impressive. But was she really so ill-suited for Yoon Joo-won that people would argue over it?
She wasn’t a superficial person who judged by looks, but being openly compared based on appearance made a corner of her heart feel small. The fact that it wasn’t just one person saying it made it even more miserable.
Her stomach was churning, but in times like this, it was best to just pretend she didn’t hear anything and turn away. She recalled Professor Park Eun-ju’s face and suppressed her anger. If she rashly raised her voice, it could spread unfavorable rumors in a situation where even Kim Se-jun was stirring things up.
[There are kids in the lab, so I came out.]
As soon as she sent a message to Joo-won, a reply arrived.
[Yoon Joo-won: Then come to the third floor of the business school’s underground parking lot. No one’s here.]
[Okay.]
Joo-won must have brought his car straight from his parents’ house. If he parked in the humanities building’s parking lot, there would be many familiar faces, so he probably planned to park at the business school building.
Even as she thought that, she felt a distance between her and Joo-won over the weekend. Kim Se-jun’s ghost kept tormenting Da-eun.
Da-eun looked at the full-length mirrors lined up at the entrance of the humanities building. She wasn’t bad-looking anywhere she went, but it was unpleasant that, following Kim Se-jun, even her juniors were bringing up her height and saying she didn’t suit Joo-won.
Was she really that ill-suited? Was Yoon Joo-won too good for her?
Da-eun stood on tiptoe and glared at her small height reflected in the mirror, then hunched over like a deflated balloon. If she wore flats, her head would barely reach Joo-won’s chest. Even in high heels, she would probably only reach his shoulder.
She felt annoyed, but at the same time, she felt like she could understand what people were saying, and her mood sank.
The more impressive Yoon Joo-won seemed, the more insignificant she felt.
Anyway, now that even her juniors knew about their relationship, it was only a matter of time before the story reached Professor Park Eun-ju’s ears.
Rumors spread quickly in the aesthetics department, where there weren’t many students.
Her head ached. It was said that there were no eternal secrets in the world, but she didn’t expect the rumors to spread so quickly before her graduate school entrance exams.
Should she deny it? What would happen if she admitted they were dating?
She didn’t know why she had ignored it, knowing this would happen from the start.
She just felt a tightness in her chest, and no solution came to mind.
With a heavy heart, she arrived at the parking lot of the business school building. Even from afar, Joo-won’s car was easily recognizable.
He’s wearing a suit...
Next to Joo-won, who was standing by the driver’s seat of an expensive foreign car, a group of unfamiliar girls were gathered, looking at the car.
As soon as Da-eun saw Joo-won, who was well over 190cm tall, wearing a suit, she felt a sharp confirmation that she really didn’t suit him.
He radiated light as he leaned against the driver’s side, his long legs casually crossed, looking at his wristwatch as if he were bored.
The group of girls, who looked like business school students, kept glancing at Joo-won, their expressions eager to win his favor.
She was even infuriated by the sight of girls opening the driver’s side door among themselves and sitting in Joo-won’s car to take selfies with the foreign car emblem for their social media.
Da-eun hadn’t even thought of sitting in the driver’s seat once, yet these other girls were casually taking turns sitting there.
She could clearly see the girls’ underlying desire to date Joo-won the moment he extended his hand. Her chest felt hollow. Her heart beat emptily.
She couldn’t even tell if she should be happy that Joo-won wasn’t paying attention to those girls or angry that he wasn’t chasing them away. No matter what Joo-won did, it seemed like the girls would approach him first, openly showing their interest, and she wouldn’t like either scenario.
Da-eun hadn’t even taken a single picture in Joo-won’s car, afraid of their secret relationship being discovered, and she was annoyed by the girls who were freely taking pictures and laughing. She was furious at the thought of them proudly setting those photos as their social media profile pictures.
While double-majoring, she knew that Joo-won was closer to the business school students than the aesthetics students. She also knew that if he went to work at his company, he would become close with women Da-eun didn’t know.
It wasn’t that she wanted Joo-won to only know her. But she felt suffocated by the way the girls so naturally and openly showed their interest in Joo-won.
“Your appearances don’t even match. Do you even know that the girls in the business department follow Yoon Joo-won around like a fan club because they like him so much? Yoon Joo-won doesn’t even look at anyone who doesn’t wear designer brands, do you think he’d suit you? Or are you just hoping for some crumbs to fall your way?”
Why did Kim Se-jun’s words keep echoing in her ears at a time like this?
Joo-won didn’t even glance at the girls. Rather, he was frowning as if annoyed and ignoring them. He turned his head away, pretending not to hear the girls who were chattering and talking to him. Yet, she felt strange. A heavy weight pressed down on her chest.
Yoon Joo-won, who shone wherever he went, and me, who would be buried in books for the rest of my twenties.
Standing before the tall Yoon Joo-won, I felt smaller in both body and mind today.
Joo-won, who spotted Da-eun, raised his hand from afar. At his gesture, the women all looked at Da-eun at once. Their gazes, filled with caution, were unsettling. It was a sharp exchange of looks that only women could understand.
Caution, envy, spite, jealousy. The girls, whom Joo-won hadn’t even glanced at, all appraised Da-eun from head to toe as he smiled and waved brightly at her. All those unspoken screams flew like arrows and pierced Da-eun.
Da-eun turned around without realizing it. She hadn’t even sorted out her feelings about how to approach Professor Park Eun-ju yet, so she couldn’t go public with their relationship. Her mind went blank. Da-eun fled the parking lot and sent a text message to Joo-won.
[It won’t be good for us to be seen, so I’m going to class.]
A reply arrived from Joo-won immediately.
[Yoon Joo-won: Without seeing your face?]
[Shall we meet after class later? Let’s talk.]
[Yoon Joo-won: I have to go straight to Jamsil after class to pay the remaining balance for the house contract.]
[The remaining balance already?]
[Yoon Joo-won: You said your studio apartment lease expires this month.]
Ah, so that’s why he was wearing a suit.
Da-eun felt a pang in her heart at the thought of him moving out sooner than she expected.
[Then let’s talk later.]
[Yoon Joo-won: I’ll call you later.]
[Okay.]
Da-eun left the business school building, feeling foolishly deflated. She retraced her steps and entered the humanities building.
As she picked up her books from her locker and headed to the lecture hall, a notice posted on the department office bulletin board caught her eye.
‘Notice for Humanities Graduate School Overseas Study Support Program’
It was a notice stating that overseas study would be fully funded by a scholarship fund for humanities graduates. There were strict conditions such as GPA and foreign language proficiency, but at a glance, it was something Da-eun could consider applying for.
It was a scholarship support policy from seniors for promising juniors, and even a quick look showed that the conditions were surprisingly good.
Could this perhaps be a breakthrough?
Da-eun, who had been about to head to the lecture hall, turned and entered the department office. She greeted the teaching assistant, who was two years her senior.
“Hello.”
“Oh, Da-eun?”
“I saw the overseas study notice. Could I get a pamphlet?”
“Are you planning to apply?”
“Not really. I just wanted to properly look at the eligibility requirements.”
The teaching assistant, looking gaunt, handed Da-eun a three-page document.
“There aren’t as many applicants as you might think. The GPA requirement is high, and there’s the language issue. If you meet the criteria, give it a shot. Living expenses are also covered, and a teaching position is guaranteed when you return to Korea. You’ll be tied to the school with a kind of slave contract, but considering how desperate people are for teaching positions, it’s actually a good deal.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Just submit the application first. The deadline is tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Why is it so tight?”
“Tight? This notice has been up since the beginning of the semester.”
“Ah... I didn’t know.”
“That’s why I told you to get close with the other kids in the department. Glad you saw it now, though.”
“Yeah.”
Da-eun bowed her head slightly to her senior and turned away. Her heart was pounding at the unexpected notice for the overseas study scholarship.
________________________________________
Da-eun, unable to find a spot in the central library, decided to stay up all night at her studio apartment with Sujin to prepare for the final exams.
However, despite her resolve to study all night, Da-eun couldn’t take her eyes off the overseas study notice.
“You’ve wanted to study in France since before. What’s the problem?”
Sujin, who couldn’t stand it anymore, closed her book and rested her chin on the table.
“It’s nothing.”
“Nothing, my foot. What is it? Tell me.”
“You know the rumor going around school that Yoon Joo-won and I are dating, right?”
“Yeah. That bastard Kim Se-jun is going around spreading it.”
“It’s only a matter of time before the rumor reaches Professor Park Eun-ju’s ears. Honestly, I don’t even know what will happen with Joo-won, and I’m worried about entering Professor Park Eun-ju’s lab.”
Sujin nodded, listening to Da-eun’s concerns.
“That’s true. You’ve only been dating for a little over a month, how can anyone know what the future holds? And Professor Park Eun-ju is notorious for not easily approving theses. If things go wrong with Yoon Joo-won... Wow. I got goosebumps.”
“You think so too, right?”
“A scary advisor, and then she tries to act like a mother-in-law? No way. That’s giving too much power to one person.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to face Professor Park Eun-ju. I’m worried about how she’ll look at me if I tell her I’m dating Joo-won.”
“Can’t you go to another professor’s lab?”
“I think that would be difficult. If I stay at Korea University, I’ll have to keep seeing Professor Park Eun-ju’s face. It will become more uncomfortable in many ways.”
“Then it’s actually a good thing if you go to France. Why? Are you scared of a long-distance relationship?”
“I don’t even know my own feelings. People keep saying that Joo-won and I don’t suit each other, so I don’t know if I’m just scared and want to run away, or if I really want to go to France.”
“Run away from what? You’ve been talking about Paris since forever.”
“Until a few days ago, I was determined to go to Professor Park Eun-ju’s lab. But my feelings have changed overnight, so I don’t even know what I want anymore.”
“No. And who said you and Yoon Joo-won don’t suit each other? That bastard Kim Se-jun? Unbelievable. You two look great together! And I’m not just saying that because you’re my friend. Hwang Da-eun is the most precious in the world.”
Da-eun forced a smile, looking at Sujin, her only friend, who was taking her side.
“Thanks for the thought. But everyone keeps saying that, so I’m getting discouraged.”
“Is that how Hwang Da-eun acts? If you’re not going because you’re worried about a long-distance relationship, I’ll drag you there by the collar, but you say you don’t know your own feelings. What does Yoon Joo-won say?”
“I haven’t told him yet. I just saw the notice today, and I haven’t even made up my mind.”
“Hey! You should talk to your boyfriend about this.”
“Should I?”
“He’ll be really upset if you tell him after the fact.”
“That’s true... My head is a mess.”
“What’s so complicated? The application deadline is tomorrow.”
“Yeah. That’s why it’s complicated. I don’t have time to think, but I have to make a decision suddenly.”
“Just apply first. You don’t have to go if you change your mind.”
“That’s true, but...”
“Hey. You two have only been dating for a little over a month. You’ve wanted to go to France for years. It’s not running away to go to France, it’s weird if you don’t go because of Yoon Joo-won. Are you going to turn a blind eye to your future because of a relationship?”
“Maybe...”
Sujin stretched, seeing Da-eun nod, and got up. “Ugh, I’m so sleepy, I can’t take it. Any snacks?”
“Besides the chips we bought earlier?”
“Eating chips makes me feel empty. I’ll quickly go out and get some tteokbokki. You want some, right?”
“Yeah. Should I come with you?”
“No, you keep studying. I’ll get some fresh air and wake myself up while getting tteokbokki. I’m starving. My mouth feels bored. Do we have any red ginseng jelly?”
“Yeah. Take some.”
Sujin opened the refrigerator as if she knew where everything was and took out a red ginseng jelly before heading out.
Left alone in the quiet apartment, Da-eun checked the time. It was already well past nine in the evening. There was no word from Joo-won, who had said he would call.
Da-eun hesitated, holding her phone.
Why had things suddenly turned out this way over the weekend?
She just needed to press the call button and talk to Joo-won casually, but for some reason, Joo-won kept drifting further away.
She knew it was her insecurity. She hated herself for feeling inferior because of Kim Se-jun’s petty words, but the image of Joo-won in his suit and the girls surrounding him kept replaying in her mind. It felt suffocating, as if Joo-won was truly someone she didn’t belong with.
While she was hesitating whether to call or not, her phone rang as if on cue. It was Joo-won.
Da-eun cleared her throat and answered the phone. “Hello?”
-I miss you, Da-eun-ah.
Joo-won’s affectionate voice was the same as always, but her heart felt heavy as a stone. “Me too.”
-I finished the contract and moved my things. My dad came, so I’m calling you now. He’s making a fuss about me staying overnight at their place again tonight.
“You’ve already moved?”
-Yeah. My dad said that if I’m going to join the company this year, I should attend the first half’s new employee training. I bought new furniture, so I just roughly moved my clothes.
“Ah...”
-You said you had something to talk about? What is it?
“No, it’s not something for the phone. Let’s talk tomorrow when we see each other.”
In the end, Da-eun hung up without saying a single word of what was on her mind.
She didn’t want to talk about the rumors spreading around school, the miserable feeling of being compared to others and told she didn’t suit him, or the conflict she was feeling now that she had found the overseas study notice.
She felt small in front of Joo-won, who was already preparing step by step to enter society.
Since when had she become so dependent on Joo-won?
She had always been good at taking care of everything on her own during her university life, but she was annoyed at her current self, feeling anxious because she couldn’t consult him.
The more her feelings for Joo-won grew, the more she disliked her regressing self-esteem.
Meanwhile, Joo-won was already steadily preparing to start working even before finishing his first semester’s final exams.
Joo-won hadn’t asked for Da-eun’s permission to start working or to move. It wasn’t something he needed permission for in the first place, and it was a natural step for his future, but Da-eun was the only one hesitating.
Perhaps if she hadn’t been dating Joo-won, Da-eun would have applied for the overseas study scholarship without hesitation. It was a problem she could think about after getting accepted. But she found it absurd that she was hesitating about such a good opportunity because of Joo-won, whom she had only been dating for a month.
One month.
It had only been a month.
She hated being swayed by a man. She had only been dating him for a little over a month and was already unable to make a decision about her future on her own. First love was truly full of clumsy, awkward, and immature moments.
If Lee Sujin had given up on a study abroad opportunity she had wanted because she was blinded by love, Da-eun would have grabbed her by the collar and submitted the application for her.
That’s right. Yoon Joo-won was also finding his own way. She needed to pull herself together. She couldn’t act foolishly.
Da-eun picked up the overseas study scholarship notice that had been pushed to the corner of the table. Even as she decided firmly that she would apply, a corner of her heart ached.
Just as she picked up a pen, resolving to fill out the application, her phone on the table vibrated.
[Lee Sujin: I came out without my walletㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m at Semo Snack Bar, bring your walletㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
Sujin, who had bravely said she would go get tteokbokki alone to wake herself up, was now pathetically asking for help.
Da-eun chuckled and put down her pen. She took her wallet out of her bag and headed out the door.
She had thought that all the stress in the world would disappear once she had a boyfriend. But the more she liked Joo-won, the more her worries grew.
Da-eun had lived with pride as the top student in the aesthetics department at Korea University, but in the past few days, she had felt endlessly insignificant.
That’s right. She should relieve her stress by eating something spicy. Although, that was probably why her stomachache wasn’t getting any better.
“Hwang Da-eun.”
“Oh my god!”
A dark shadow blocking her path as Da-eun stepped out of her studio apartment made her scream in surprise.
Standing before her was Kim Se-jun, completely drunk and staggering as he waited for her.
“You still live here?”
“Kim Se-jun? Were you waiting for me here?”
“Who else would I... hic... be waiting for here besides you?”
A chill ran down her spine. Back in their freshman year, Kim Se-jun had walked her home a few times, so he probably still remembered and had come looking for her.
“Why me?”
“I told you... hic... in the... hic... army, huh? I endured it thinking of you.”
Kim Se-jun, slurring his words with a twisted tongue, leaned closer to Da-eun. Even though he was a familiar face, a large man acting drunk in the dark was threatening.
“Da-eun-ah... hic... can’t you... hic... take me back?”
Da-eun frowned deeply. She was filled with anger at Kim Se-jun, who only showed her an increasingly pathetic side of himself.
“I told you clearly. I’m not interested in you.”
“Hwang Da-eun... I’m very interested. Very.”
Watching Kim Se-jun’s disgraceful behavior, she felt foolish for letting such a guy’s gaslighting erode her self-esteem.
Hwang Da-eun, who prided herself on being smart, had her spirits sink to rock bottom because of this pathetic guy’s words. Her worries seemed laughable in light of his miserable state.
As the commotion continued, people drinking in front of the convenience store near her studio apartment approached in twos and threes, glancing at Kim Se-jun. Someone living on the upper floor of her building, probably annoyed by the loud drunken behavior before exams, opened their window and looked down at Kim Se-jun.
“Please just go away.”
Embarrassed, Da-eun pushed Kim Se-jun away and walked out of the alley. Kim Se-jun, trying to avoid Da-eun, stumbled and fell. She saw people giggling as he writhed on the ground.
Da-eun walked away quickly without looking back.
She passed the convenience store and entered the snack bar across the street. Sujin, who had finished packing their order, was impatiently waiting for Da-eun, tapping her feet.
“Hwang Da, why are you so late? You should have run over here.”
“In front of my place...”
Da-eun smiled and handed her card to Sujin, then stopped, clutching her head. Suddenly, her vision went white.
“Hoo...”
Da-eun couldn’t move. Her vision blurred more and more until her hearing also became muffled.
“Da-eun-ah? Da-eun-ah!”
Sujin’s voice grew fainter and fainter.
Da-eun, her face as pale as it had been sometime three years ago, collapsed with a soft thud.
________________________________________
-The number you have dialed is currently unavailable, please leave a message after the tone.
Joo-won, who habitually called Da-eun for her morning wake-up, tilted his head in confusion and hung up.
What’s wrong? This is unsettling.
If she were still in her studio apartment in front of the main gate, he could have rushed over in ten minutes, but the fact that he couldn’t reach her on his first day in the new place weighed heavily on his mind.
It was strange to worry so much over a grown adult not answering their phone for a little while, but because Da-eun was physically weak, all sorts of thoughts ran through his head whenever they were apart.
Tuesday arrived.
Three days had passed since he had last seen Da-eun’s face on Friday night. He had briefly caught a glimpse of her from afar yesterday, but because there were many people around, she had disappeared as if fleeing.
In fact, he had been desperate to rush to Da-eun’s side. On Saturday, on Sunday, and even yesterday when they had crossed paths in the parking lot.
Since when had he become such a lovesick fool? The three days without Da-eun by his side had felt like an eternity in hell.
The thought of how he would manage to go to work while being apart from Da-eun already made his heart feel empty, but he knew that becoming independent as soon as possible was the way to develop their relationship.
They were still university students. He had suggested living together to Da-eun, but she had lightly dismissed his words. Only then did Joo-won realize how irresponsibly he had been loving Da-eun.
Their secret relationship couldn’t last forever. Someday, they would have to introduce themselves to each other’s parents, and he couldn’t present a casual cohabitation like children.
Even if he was seen as a ‘parachute’ hire, he wanted to earn money with his own efforts as soon as possible. To be able to take responsibility for Da-eun with confidence, he needed to establish himself first.
Having decided to move, Joo-won told his father that he wanted to start working sooner, and his father was pleased to see his only son showing passion for business studies.
He intended to show a respectable image to the adults first, so they wouldn’t treat their relationship like a childish fling.
And on Saturday afternoon, Joo-won went to the hospital. He had been constantly worried about Da-eun taking birth control pills, even if they weren’t harmful, and he had been waiting for the right opportunity. Since he wouldn’t be able to have sex with Da-eun during the final exam period when she would be studying all night anyway, he took this chance to get a vasectomy and returned.
Knowing that his parents and even Da-eun would be shocked if they found out he had gotten a vasectomy, he didn’t tell anyone.
The doctor had said that he could resume daily life once the anesthesia wore off, but in reality, the pain was more significant than he had anticipated.
He was unable to move from his bed not only on Saturday night but also until Sunday evening.
He had told Da-eun that he was staying overnight at his parents’ house because of them, but in truth, he was bedridden because the pain from the simple procedure wouldn’t subside.
The pain had gradually lessened since yesterday, but even just hearing Da-eun’s voice made his lower body react, so he couldn’t even have a video call. Even though they exchanged text messages occasionally, just thinking about Hwang Da-eun made his groin throb. When he was busy moving around, he felt fine, but whenever he contacted Da-eun, the affected area felt heavy, and he seriously worried if the surgery had gone wrong.
Yesterday, he had missed Da-eun in the parking lot and wanted to run after her, but he refrained for the sake of his reproductive organs. The surgical site was painful, so he didn’t have the energy to run, and if he saw Da-eun’s face up close and his cock became erect, he would undoubtedly have to undergo another surgery.
Just a few more days... it’ll only be a few days...
He still had plenty of time before he had to go to school, but Joo-won hurried with his preparations. He showered and tried calling Da-eun again, but her phone was still turned off.
________________________________________
After parking his car at school, he went to Da-eun’s studio apartment from the morning, but she wasn’t home.
Like a madman, he frantically searched the library because he couldn’t contact his girlfriend, and when he still couldn’t reach her, all sorts of wild thoughts crossed his mind, including whether he should report her to the police.
He went to the lecture hall where Da-eun had her first class and waited for her, but Da-eun, who always insisted on sitting in the front row, wasn’t there. He stopped students taking the class and asked them, but no one knew the whereabouts of Da-eun, who was somewhat of an outsider.
He couldn’t believe that Da-eun was absent. If it was Hwang Da-eun, of all people, skipping class, something was definitely wrong.
“Shit, I’m going crazy.”
Joo-won muttered curses and headed to the lab. He was this anxious over not being able to contact her for just a few hours; how would he ever manage his work life in the future? His mind was filled with thoughts of Hwang Da-eun. Was this what first love was like?
He couldn’t help but worry since he had no idea where the model student Hwang Da-eun, who never skipped classes, could be.
Someone had to know where Da-eun was. If only he knew Lee Sujin’s contact information, he would call her, but Hwang Da-eun was the only female number he had saved in his phone besides his family.
Joo-won, who had run quickly and arrived at the lab, took a deep breath as the juniors sitting at the table greeted him.
“Hello.”
“Have you guys seen Da-eun?”
“No.”
“Haven’t seen her.”
Joo-won sighed deeply and asked the juniors again. “Does anyone know Lee Sujin’s contact information?”
The juniors exchanged glances and shook their heads. It seemed that neither the outsider Hwang Da-eun nor her only friend Lee Sujin exchanged contact information with their juniors.
“Hoo...”
Just as he was about to turn around and leave the lab, one of the juniors said to Joo-won. “Yesterday, Senior Kim Se-jun was acting drunk in front of Senior Da-eun’s house...”
“What?”
At the unexpected words, Joo-won’s heart dropped with a thud.
“He was making a scene, saying he liked her and asking her to take him back, it was really loud.”
“Did something happen to Da-eun?”
What had happened in just the three days he had been apart from Da-eun? The sudden inability to contact Da-eun and Kim Se-jun... a feeling of his heart collapsing washed over him.
Could that bastard have done something to her? What had that piece of trash done to his precious Hwang Da-eun?
It felt like the sky was falling. Why did this have to happen when he wasn’t by her side?
Independence and everything else didn’t matter. The thought that this had happened because he wasn’t by Hwang Da-eun’s side suffocated him. He felt like everything was his fault for not being there for her.
“Senior Da-eun just looked like she was wondering where that dog barking sound was coming from.”
The juniors who had witnessed the scene exchanged glances and giggled.
“Hwang Da-eun isn’t hurt anywhere, is she?”
“I’m not sure about that.”
“You saw that and didn’t even report it to the police?”
Joo-won suddenly snapped at them, and the juniors scratched their heads, looking tense.
“That bastard Kim Se-jun...”
“Yes?”
“Do you know where that bastard Kim Se-jun is right now?”
“He probably went to the Western Art History class? Room 1103.”
Joo-won left the lab immediately and headed for the elevator. All three elevators were stopped at the lobby floor. He pressed the button urgently, but the elevator went down to the underground parking lot.
“I’m going crazy.”
Joo-won ruffled his hair and headed for the emergency stairs. He took the stairs three steps at a time, striding quickly.
He wasn’t even out of breath. He was only focused on dealing with that bastard Kim Se-jun right now.
If even a single strand of hair on his precious Hwang Da-eun was harmed...
That son of a bitch. He dared to covet something he shouldn’t.
Along with the thought of wanting to kill Kim Se-jun for lingering around Da-eun, he even wanted to kill himself for not protecting her.
Reaching the 11th floor, Joo-won ran to room 1103, breathing heavily. Looking through the glass window of the back door, he saw Kim Se-jun slumped over at the very back of the classroom.
Students were gathered in small groups in the classroom before the start of class, chatting amongst themselves. Joo-won opened the classroom door and strode inside.
He went straight to Kim Se-jun, who was slumped over his desk, and abruptly grabbed his collar. A chair crashed over, and in an instant, everyone’s attention turned to the commotion.
Kim Se-jun, still drowsy from his hangover, couldn’t resist and was dragged out of the classroom by Joo-won.
“Hey! Let go! Cough!”
Kim Se-jun grabbed Joo-won’s hand and struggled, but he couldn’t overcome the strength of the much larger man.
Joo-won dragged Kim Se-jun out into the hallway and threw him to the ground. Joo-won kicked Kim Se-jun hard in the thigh as he fell, then climbed on top of him after Kim Se-jun rolled once on the floor.
“You crazy bastard! What did you do to Da-eun yesterday!”
Joo-won shook his collar and snapped. Kim Se-jun, even in pain, felt his pride wounded by the people gathering as if to watch an amusing spectacle, and he scoffed derisively.
“Aren’t you two over anyway?”
“Don’t talk nonsense! What did you do yesterday!”
“Nonsense? It’s over anyway once Hwang Da-eun goes to study abroad, why are you making such a fuss?”
“What?”
“It’s true, you’re going to break up anyway... Ah, did you not know? That Da-eun submitted her application to study abroad.”
“You son of a bitch, what the...”
Joo-won felt his blood run cold. He was about to punch Kim Se-jun, who was laughing as if pleased with himself, when Lee Sujin rushed out of the classroom and called out to Joo-won.
“Joo-won-ah, what are you doing here! Da-eun is in the hospital right now.”
Joo-won, who had been about to punch Kim Se-jun, froze. He threw the guy back down to the floor once more and stood up.
“Hospital? What hospital!”
“Korea University Hospital. The one in Yongsan.”
Kim Se-jun, who belatedly got up awkwardly, disappeared somewhere, too embarrassed to even gather his belongings.
Joo-won turned and ran back towards the emergency stairs.
________________________________________
Da-eun, who had been taken to the emergency room, regained consciousness after an hour. It seemed Sujin had been with her and brought her straight to the hospital.
After a simple examination, the doctor said there was nothing serious, told her to go home for now and get an outpatient check-up during the day, but Da-eun couldn’t leave the hospital.
Sujin, flustered, had called Da-eun’s parents in the middle of the night, and her parents, who arrived late at night by car, insisted on a thorough examination and forcibly admitted Da-eun to the hospital.
Da-eun felt embarrassed for having fainted, as she felt perfectly fine now, but her parents were in an uproar. Since she had been collapsing every now and then since middle school, they were making a fuss about getting her properly checked this time.
Examinations began as soon as morning came. She was diagnosed with vasovagal syncope, and the attending physician explained that it was a condition susceptible to stress.
Stress again.
After hearing the doctor’s frustrating preventive measures to avoid stress and get enough sleep and a quality diet, she immediately asked for discharge permission.
How could a modern person sleep well and eat well without stress? It seemed she would have to live her life being frail forever.
She felt dejected again after not getting a special solution. She was relieved that there was nothing wrong with her body, but she felt suffocated because there seemed to be no way to get better.
While her parents went to the cashier to pay, Da-eun was resting in a six-person hospital room bed.
She had been under a lot of stress in the past few days. She hadn’t gotten enough sleep with the final exams approaching, and then there were the rumors spreading at school, the sudden worry about studying abroad, and even Kim Se-jun clinging to her.
She wanted to contact Joo-won, but Sujin had been on the phone with her parents for a long time using Da-eun’s phone, and the battery was dead.
What was she doing, with the final exams just a day away?
She sighed deeply.
“Hwang Da-eun!”
Joo-won burst into the hospital room.
“Joo-won-ah?”
Joo-won, looking pale, rushed over and hugged Da-eun tightly.
“What happened!”
“How did you know I was here?”
“Are you okay? What did the doctor say! Huh?”
“They said it’s vasovagal syncope.”
“What’s that? Is it serious? It’s not a terminal illness, is it?”
Da-eun stuttered, so surprised by Joo-won’s panicked expression. “Huh? Uh. Of course not. I’m not dying. They said it’s stress-related...”
“I love you, Da-eun-ah. Da-eun-ah. Nothing happened, right?”
Hearing Joo-won say he loved her, Da-eun felt the weight in her heart disappear instantly.
“I love you, Hwang Da-eun.”
The heavy burden that had been pressing down on her chest for days vanished without a trace.
“Da-eun-ah, I love you...”
People’s judgments that they didn’t suit each other, the future of being apart, the reality that they had to find their own paths, Yoon Joo-won being popular with women, and even the graduate school issue.
All the problems melted away like snow with that single phrase, “I love you.”
She could feel Joo-won’s heart pounding as if it would burst. She could feel his hands trembling, worried that something might have happened to Da-eun.
“Da-eun-ah. You can’t go study abroad. You can call me selfish, I don’t care. Don’t go. Okay?”
“Huh?”
Ah, right. The application for the overseas study scholarship!
The deadline for submission was today, but she hadn’t been able to submit it because she had been taken to the emergency room.
“Or should I go with you? Should I just postpone getting a job and do my MBA first? If you tell me to, I will.”
Da-eun found it absurd that she had been agonizing over studying abroad after only dating for a little over a month, but Joo-won was resolute. Unlike Da-eun’s hesitation, he said without any reservation that he would follow her if she wanted.
His certainty melted her heart.
At the same time, she felt the fog in her head clearing. She had once dreamed of studying abroad, but at some point, she had come to respect Professor Park Eun-ju. Da-eun also wanted to succeed brilliantly under the guidance of the self-made master.
She had doubted herself, wondering if she was giving up studying abroad because of her relationship, but the answer was actually different. She couldn’t give up the respected Professor Park Eun-ju because of a relationship!
“But how did you know I was going to apply to study abroad?”
“You can’t go...”
What on earth had happened to Yoon Joo-won in the past twelve hours?
She felt sorry for Joo-won, who was pleading with her, even though she hadn’t even submitted the application.
“What studying abroad!”
It was then. Her mother, who had returned after paying at the cashier, suddenly raised her voice at Da-eun. Her father, who followed her in, also urged Da-eun with a stern face.
“You keep collapsing like this. What terrifying thing are you trying to see by collapsing suddenly in a foreign country? No! You absolutely cannot go study abroad! Are you trying to make your mother and father unable to sleep comfortably in their old age?”
Da-eun blinked her large eyes at the strangely turning atmosphere. She had brought the application form for the overseas study scholarship, but she hadn’t even submitted it, yet the three people surrounding her were pushing her, saying she absolutely couldn’t go.
“Hello.”
Joo-won, who had been holding Da-eun the whole time, politely greeted her parents.
“Oh, really. Da-eun’s boy...friend?”
Da-eun’s mother, Son Jeong-hwa, who had become suddenly agitated at the word “study abroad,” scrutinized Joo-won from head to toe as she asked.
“Yes, Mother. I’m Da-eun’s boyfriend.”
They had been caught in an embrace, so it was too late to deny it, but even before Da-eun could answer, Joo-won firmly stated that he was her boyfriend.
“Why haven’t you changed your clothes? Go change right now.”
“Huh? Okay...”
Son Jeong-hwa pushed Da-eun into the bathroom as if shooing her away. Da-eun’s father’s expression as he looked Joo-won up and down didn’t seem good at all.
________________________________________
“What kind of guy is he that a young whippersnapper drives such an expensive car?”
Da-eun’s father, Hwang Jeong-ho, gripping the steering wheel of his Korean mid-sized car that was well over ten years old, glanced at the rearview mirror with suspicious eyes.
“He’s not some kind of Apgujeong playboy, is he?”
“What’s an ‘Apgujeong playboy’? Dad, what era are you living in? It’s not like that. And he lives in Jamsil.”
“When I was in college, we called guys like that ‘Apgujeong playboys’.”
“There’s no such thing these days.”
“The word might be gone, but those kinds of guys probably still exist.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“He’s as tall as a cow thief. And his face is like a pretty boy’s.”
Even though his family wasn’t particularly wealthy, her father, who had worked as a real estate agent for over 20 years, was skilled at discerning wealth by appearance.
He seemed displeased with Joo-won, who was decked out in designer brands from head to toe, despite his young age. Moreover, the fact that he, still a college student, was following his daughter in a foreign car that even most office workers would never get to see in their lifetime worried him greatly.
“He’s a classmate from school. He’s not a weird guy, he’s a professor’s son.”
“Oh my goodness, a professor’s son? Oh dear. No wonder he seemed so elegant.”
On the other hand, her mother, Son Jeong-hwa, seemed to like her daughter’s boyfriend at first sight. The daughter she thought only knew how to study was dating, and her mother felt relieved.
“The guy who calls himself her boyfriend finally crawls out to the hospital now that his girlfriend has collapsed?”
“Well, wouldn’t it be even stranger if her boyfriend had taken her to the hospital that night? Our Da-eun isn’t the type of brazen girl to bring her boyfriend into her studio apartment.”
Her parents bickered about Joo-won. The ‘brazen’ Da-eun felt a twinge of guilt but kept her mouth shut and played it cool.
“Of course not. It’s a women-only studio apartment building. How could a man get in? Absolutely not...”
Hwang Jeong-ho looked inwardly relieved at Da-eun’s words.
Her father parked his car at Da-eun’s studio apartment, and Joo-won parked his car behind them.
Now, secret relationship or not, the rumors had probably spread all over campus.
Her father led the way into the house, and her mother approached Joo-won, who had gotten out of the driver’s seat.
“Come inside for a bit. Let’s talk.”
“Yes, Mother.”
Her mother, who seemed to get along with Yoon Joo-won, was also anxious, but her father, who was frowning and leading the way, was even more unsettling.
And the house must be a mess after she had suddenly collapsed yesterday and been taken to the hospital. A cold sweat ran down her spine, wondering if there were any traces of Joo-won in her room.
As soon as she opened the door and entered the house, Da-eun went straight to the bathroom and hid Joo-won’s razor and toothbrush.
Even as she nonchalantly flushed the toilet and came out of the bathroom, Da-eun’s sharp eyes were constantly scanning.
While pretending to look at her parents and Joo-won sitting around the dining table, she naturally scanned to see if there were any traces of Joo-won.
If even a men’s sock came out, she would be dragged home by the hair, graduate school or not.
“Would you like some tea?”
When Da-eun asked, her mother jumped up from her seat.
“What are you doing when you’re sick? Just sit down.”
“I told you I’m not sick.”
Her mother sat Da-eun next to Joo-won and put water in the kettle.
“So. When did you two start seeing each other?”
When her father asked Joo-won, Joo-won began to answer in a formal posture.
“We’ve known each other since freshman year, and we officially started dating 45 days ago.”
What? She vaguely knew it had been over a month, but she didn’t know he was counting the days.
But was 45 days from the first time they slept together or from the day they started dating? Her mental math, rusty after neglecting it since the college entrance exam, wasn’t working quickly.
“Hmm. That’s quite a while.”
“Yes, Father. Da-eun has liked me secretly for a long time.”
At Joo-won’s words that his feelings for Da-eun went back a long time, her father nodded slightly, seeming a bit appeased.
“Do you also plan to go to graduate school after you graduate?”
“No, sir. After the final exams this semester, I plan to join my father’s company and take business classes.”
“Hmm... Is that so?”
Her father, perhaps worried that Da-eun and her aesthetics major boyfriend wouldn’t earn money, looked relieved at Joo-won’s words about getting a job.
“I did enter the aesthetics department because my mother is a professor in that department, but it didn’t really suit me, so I double-majored in business administration. I will work hard at the company so that I can support Da-eun in pursuing the studies she wants.”
“I’m working hard as it is, why would you support her? Are you trying to take away my role as her father?”
“No, sir!”
Her father finally smiled, seemingly pleased with Joo-won’s reliable words. Her mother, who had brought out oolong tea, placed the cups on the table.
Come to think of it, the dining table had been a mess yesterday after she had gone out while studying and collapsed, but Sujin must have cleaned it up before going to school. The books that had been scattered everywhere and the application documents for the overseas study scholarship were nowhere to be seen.
“Alright. You have the energy of youth. Please take good care of our Da-eun.”
“About that...”
The way Joo-won hesitated, as if he was about to say something, made her uneasy. Da-eun glanced at his expression, signaling him not to say anything unnecessary, but Joo-won didn’t even make eye contact with her.
“Da-eun also collapsed during the sports festival in her freshman year and was taken to the emergency room.”
“Hey! Yoon Joo-won! Why are you saying that!”
Da-eun hadn’t told her parents about that because she was worried they would worry, but at Joo-won’s words, her parents’ eyes widened.
“Is that true?”
“Hwang Da-eun. Why didn’t you tell us!”
Her parents, already worried about their frail daughter, instead scolded Da-eun and listened intently to Joo-won’s story.
“I’ve been making sure she eats well and takes the medicine you sent, but I guess it wasn’t enough. I will continue to look after Da-eun. But if I can’t reach her suddenly like today, I have no way to find her. I was just running around frantically, not knowing what to do. I don’t have a business card yet, but if you give me your contact information, I think I can take quicker action in case of an emergency. It seems Da-eun doesn’t tell you about her being sick often because she’s worried about you, Mother and Father.”
“Yes, yes. Here’s my business card.”
Da-eun shook her head in disbelief. Where did that smooth-talking come from? Watching Joo-won quickly win over her father, who hadn’t liked him, and even exchange contact information, made Da-eun cringe.
Seeing him easily win the favor of her father, who had 20 years of experience in real estate sales, made her think that business administration probably suited him better than aesthetics.
“Dad, aren’t you going to work? I need to go to class.”
“What class! You should rest well today.”
At the mention of going to class, her mother glared at Da-eun.
“I have a contract at the office later, so I really have to go soon.”
Her father, looking relieved after seeing Joo-won, scratched his head and got up.
“Already? Then you should head down first.”
“No, Mom. Go on? The doctor said it’s stress-related. Don’t worry. I have an exam tomorrow, so I need to go to class.”
Joo-won stood up, stepping forward. “Then I’ll take care of Da-eun so she can’t go to school. Mother, please go downstairs comfortably with Father. I’ll contact you immediately if anything happens.”
“Really? What a shame, I didn’t even get to buy you a meal.”
“We’re fine. I’ll make sure Da-eun eats.”
“Then use this to order something delicious.”
Her father took out a fifty-thousand won bill from his wallet and handed it to Joo-won. Joo-won accepted the money without refusing and bowed his head slightly.
“Thank you, Father. I’ll take good care of Da-eun.”
He’s already sorting out the titles. Yoon Joo-won, not bad.
Her father, who hadn’t even opened his office in the morning, hurriedly left the house. Her mother also left, looking worried the whole time.
Joo-won only entered the house after seeing their car drive away. Da-eun, who had been standing in the entryway, hugged Joo-won tightly.
“What is it, Yoon Joo-won? Why is it so hard to see your face?”
“Haa, damn it. Don’t hug me...”
“What? Did you just curse?”
Da-eun blinked her large eyes, looking at Joo-won who was muttering curses even though she had hugged him because she missed him.
“I thought I was going to die from missing you, but what? You’re telling me not to hug you?”
Joo-won leaned against the wall with a pained expression, trying to catch his breath.
“Hoo... I had surgery...”
“What? Surgery? You had surgery?”
“I got a vasectomy... Hoo... Don’t look at me. Just seeing your face makes me want to get an erection.”
“A vasectomy?”
Da-eun couldn’t close her mouth. She had been worried sick on her own these past few days because he hadn’t shown his face. The fact that he had a vasectomy was an unexpected twist.
“Are you crazy? Are you castrated?”
“Ha, not castrated. Vas deferens.”
“Isn’t that the same as being castrated? You mean getting it tied, right?”
“It’s different.”
“How is it different?”
“It’s contraception, why is that being castrated?”
“It’s the same thing.”
“Then, should I get it undone?”
“Huh?”
“Are you going to get pregnant right away?”
“No...”
“You don’t like taking birth control pills. So I got it done.”
Da-eun’s heart sank at Joo-won’s words that he had gotten it done. Of course, she had no intention of having a child right now. And even in the future, she couldn’t guarantee that she would have a child with Joo-won.
It had only been a little over a month. No, according to Joo-won, it had been 45 days, and worrying about having children felt too early.
“Won’t there be problems later...?”
But why was she so worried? Even if he got it undone later, would it affect his ability to have children? Why was she feeling upset?
“You’ll have to take responsibility if there are problems.”
“Me? Why?”
“If you become infertile because of me, you’ll have to take responsibility for me for the rest of your life. What am I supposed to do?”
Da-eun burst out laughing, watching Joo-won still leaning against the wall and catching his breath, worried that his lower body would react even as he sternly told her to take responsibility.
“Okay. I’ll take responsibility. If you become infertile, I’ll take care of Yoon Joo-won for the rest of my life.”
“Write it in a contract.”
“Hey. Still, you shouldn’t just get something like that done without consulting me.”
“Why? Don’t you want to write the contract?”
“Who said I didn’t want to? I’m just worried.”
“Are you worried you won’t be able to see Yoon Joo-won’s offspring?”
Da-eun chuckled, looking at Joo-won’s face, which was sparkling with mischief as he asked.
“Yeah.”
As soon as he heard Da-eun’s answer, Joo-won hugged her tightly.
“Ah, damn it. This really fucking hurts.”
And then, he grabbed his lower body, which was reacting as soon as he hugged her, and cursed.
“‘Fucking dick’? You really have a dirty mouth.”
“Hoo, it still hurts.”
“Don’t curse.”
When Da-eun lightly slapped Joo-won’s arm, he grabbed her hand.
“I wish I could hold you like a bride and lay you down on the bed. But I ran around all morning, and my dick hurts right now, so I can’t hold you. Haa, damn it. Am I really going to become infertile? The doctor told me not to exercise, but I ran like crazy.”
Da-eun obediently lay down on the bed. Joo-won stroked Da-eun’s hair and rubbed his lips against her forehead.
“Stop saying ‘fucking’.”
“Haa. I don’t think I can help it. I get a reaction just looking at Hwang Da-eun’s face.”
“You should just go home. What if you have side effects from the surgery?”
“Go where? I’ve already told your mother and father everything. I’m going to sleep here tonight.”
“Give me my phone.”
Da-eun bossed Joo-won around as if she were a patient, but he waited on her without any complaints.
As soon as she plugged in her phone charger and turned it on, messages poured in from everywhere.
Messages from her parents, Sujin, and Joo-won.
[Your application for the Humanities Graduate School Overseas Study Support Program has been successfully submitted.]
“What is this?”
Da-eun sat up abruptly. Her application, which she hadn’t even submitted, had been completed.
“Why?”
“Ah...”
And then Da-eun belatedly realized. Sujin, in her rush at the hospital in the morning, had submitted the application documents on Da-eun’s behalf.
“You’re really going to study abroad?”
Joo-won asked with a nervous expression. Da-eun scratched her head and replied.
“Sujin must have submitted this. Will this even work? Even if it does, I don’t think my dad and mom will ever allow it.”
Joo-won sat next to Da-eun and buried his face in her neck.
“I’ll respect your decision.”
“Really?”
“But I’m going to chase you to the ends of the earth.”
“Wow. Then your parents will really hate me.”
“Probably.”
Da-eun couldn’t just laugh at Joo-won’s not-so-threatening threat.
She had a firm conviction that she didn’t want to go study abroad right away, but it was only a matter of time before the rumors of her dating Joo-won reached Professor Park Eun-ju’s ears. She still had a headache about what to do about her future career path.
“I’m stressed.”
“Our Hwang Da-eun needs to eat me up when she’s stressed, but what to do? My body isn’t in a condition to provide service right now.”
Joo-won playfully laid Da-eun down on the bed.
“Exactly. Don’t do things like that without permission in the future.”
Joo-won devoured Da-eun’s lips. With each sweet kiss, Joo-won took a breath, but it was as if he couldn’t bear not kissing her, walking a tightrope between pain and pleasure.
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