Tap, tap. With a few swings of his hammer, the door that had been troubling her for days was fixed.

Knowing his strength, she had worried he might break the whole door, but he precisely hammered in two new nails.

Yeon, who had been waiting behind him holding the toolbox, put the hammer he handed back into the toolbox and followed him out into the living room.

“Do you want some snacks too? I have squid and chocolate cookies.”

“No thanks, come sit here.”

He declined the snacks and sat on the sofa, opening the beer he had brought.

She had said she would give him an answer at home, and without a word, he had left the parking lot. Then, as soon as he sat on the sofa, he stared at her intensely, as if trying to see right through her. If she didn’t answer, he looked like he would crush the beer can he had just opened.

The truth was, starting over for the first time wasn’t easy. She had two painful experiences, and she worried that her painful dating history might hurt him.

He had said he was her first. Her first love. Compared to him, she wasn’t.

She had already been hurt enough, loved enough. She knew the bitter and sweet tastes of romance all too well, even up to today’s encounter with Shin Myunghyun. She had been hurt, her heart had been scratched.

Could they, could she, start a new love? Honestly, she was scared.

Wouldn’t she get hurt again, wouldn’t she hurt him? Could she love again?

“I’m a little scared.”

“What, again?”

“That I might hurt you.”

“What, me?”

“...Yes.”

“Bullshit... no, are you kidding me?”

As if her worry was meaningless, he crushed the beer can he had been drinking. It reminded her of the old days. Cha Yi-hwan on that day, drinking beer in the blink of an eye and crushing the can as if it were paper.

“What? Why are you laughing?”

“No reason.”

“It hurts more if you don’t date me because you’re thinking like that. Know that before you speak.”

“Surely, in the relationships where I failed, there must have been my fault too. If our relationship goes wrong again because of me... like the two failures, again...”

“I guarantee you, it wasn’t your fault in the relationships you had. Those two bastards were just bastards. Why are you thinking so complicatedly?”

It must be nice to live so simply. Yeon was about to retort but closed her mouth. It wasn’t just because her eyes kept going to the crushed beer can he was holding.

Come to think of it, what could be as difficult as something as simple as dating? Maybe that was the answer. If you like someone, you like them; if you don’t, you don’t. The past relationships where many conditions were attached to “liking” someone might have failed for that reason. He liked her, but he had to think of his family; he liked her, but he couldn’t let go of other women.

“You’re attracted to me too, aren’t you? You like being with me, don’t you? Or, did you just use me because you needed a body but had no feelings for me?”

The truth was, she couldn’t deny his words. If she wasn’t attracted to him, she wouldn’t have slept with him. No matter how impulsive it had been, sex without any emotional basis wasn’t her thing at all.

Now, she couldn’t even call it impulsive. She didn’t want to excuse choosing him twice as just an impulse.

“Um, but there’s one more thing I’m curious about. Why did you suddenly go to America back then? Was it for business classes?”

He fiddled with the opening of the empty beer can and mumbled a casual, “Uh, yeah, something like that.”

“I used to live recklessly, you know? Always getting into fights. Once I went to the police station because of a brawl, and a candidate who was fighting with my old man for a city council seat used me to attack him, so my old man lost his bid for a National Assembly seat, and I was, well, kind of kicked out, like I was running away. People were saying things about my behavior as a son and all that.”

“I knew it from the way you were always fighting.”

“What?”

“Nothing, never mind.”

He let out a hollow laugh and tossed the crushed beer can onto the table.

“Pick one, use formal language or informal. I’d prefer if you just used informal. You call my name all sweetly when we’re having sex, but then you call me ‘Sunbae’ after we’re done?”

“It strangely happens like that when I’m feeling good. So, make me feel good. If you want to hear my name from my lips.”

“What am I supposed to say to that?”

He was genuinely speechless and chuckled a little, saying, “Oh, brother.” Ah, with his handsome face and that subtle smile, it was truly captivating.

“Just say, ‘Okay.’“

She had acted a bit bratty. She wanted to see him smile in that pleasant atmosphere a little longer.

He laughed as if he was dumbfounded, but he didn’t miss what she wanted. Even if he pretended not to, the end of his burst of laughter seemed happy. She thought he was a little cute. This tall, well-built, wild beast of a man was just a little bit...

“To be honest, I’m not sure if this is the right choice.”

Even as he chuckled, unable to hide his laughter, the expression on his face changed as if he had gone to hell and back at her words, and she strangely liked it. It was as if seeing him unable to hide his true feelings and revealing them completely made her laugh. Not all of it, but she felt like she had glimpsed a piece of his heart.

“I’m still not sure about this relationship, and I’m still scared. Can I love again? Can I trust again? Maybe meeting Sunbae without this certainty is hurting him. Still, do you want to meet me?”

“Why are you deciding what hurts me? I’m happy every time I meet you. Apart from my dick getting hard, I just feel good. Should I ignore all these feelings and let you go because of some ‘someday’ when I might or might not get hurt?”

He always answered clearly about feelings that even she wasn’t sure about. At least, he was clear about his feelings right now. Everything else aside, his feelings for her were definite. If she only looked at her feelings for him... yes, the truth was, she was attracted to him.

He was the one who always appeared when she was having a hard time, and every time, she felt like he was her support. It felt like both her body and heart were being filled.

Her heart raced in his embrace whenever she cried, and her own heart fluttered whenever he showed affection. He wanted her to make a decision based on that one fact.

“Do you want to shower first? I’ll go get another pillow.”

It was as if she had officially declared her place next to him. He didn’t hesitate any longer, worried that she might change her mind again, and quickly went into the bathroom. Yeon placed two pillows on her bed, preparing for an early night.

“You know, it feels a bit too close.”

She turned her back to him and lay down, and his broad chest pressed snugly against her back. She felt a tickle around her navel, and then his hand, which had slipped under her shirt, cupped her breast. His breathing, which had been coming down her neck, became even more rapid.

The truth was, the hard lump in his pants had already been poking her butt insistently. It was clear that things would escalate again. Maybe she would even make the first move. Just like in the parking lot, abandoning all reason.

She had pestered him to go to the movies, and they went all the way to the mall, but they didn’t even watch a movie before returning.

Eventually, she turned back to face him again. He pulled her close, embracing her tightly as if he had been waiting, a subtle smile on his face. His mischievous eyes, tinged with a hint of playfulness, curved dangerously.

“You’re such a pervert.”

“Who was it that spread their legs wide, saying they were going to eat me up and down?”

“That was...”

He had been looking at her with clearly lustful eyes, but now his gaze had silently softened and was tracing the contours of Yeon’s face.

“...Why?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar. You have something to say.”

“Stop asking.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. Just go to sleep quickly. If you can’t sleep, you can touch mine while you sleep.”

Without a hint of a smile, he suddenly presented the enormous presence in his lower body, and it was clear he was serious.

There was definitely something on his mind, but he kept frowning and saying it was nothing. She noticed anew how handsome his well-defined eyebrows naturally connected to his brow. She couldn’t help but look.

It wasn’t as if he had no interest in beauty. His well-sculpted nose wrinkled, indicating something was bothering him. He pressed closer to her, as if he was going to sleep very close. Yeon quietly patted his back.

It was as if he were a giant tree, yet he had a side that stirred a sense of maternal affection. Maternal affection. Well, even if it wasn’t such a grand emotion, she felt a desire to stay by his side.

“You’re cute.”

“What?”

“Go to sleep quickly. I’ll pat your back.”

“Hey, am I a kid?”

He tried to push himself away as if to protest, but Yeon hugged him even tighter.

Then, he gave in and let her hold him.

“Oh, right, it’s your birthday, though it’s passed. Is there anything you want to do?”

Yeon woke up from the drowsiness that had been washing over her at his clumsy but tender voice.

“...There was, but we already did it.”

She just wanted to spend time with someone whose mere presence felt good. That was all.

That night, Yeon couldn’t fall asleep easily.

“This is driving me crazy.”

Choi, his secretary, flinched at his low groan, spoken as he was drinking coffee.

No matter how hard he tried not to, every time he saw her, he was reminded of the men she had liked. He didn’t want to dwell on her sleazy past lovers, but petty jealousy surged madly, churning his insides and making him furious.

He had heard somewhere that women hated it when men asked them detailed questions about their past lovers, saying it was pathetic. This was driving him crazy.

Had she smiled so beautifully at those bastards too? Had she sucked them so passionately? Had she cried out, shaking her hips with pleasure? All sorts of thoughts tormented him. He felt like he wanted to catch both of them and kill them...

“Um... CEO.”

“......”

“CEO?”

“Oh... Secretary Choi.”

Hwan belatedly noticed his phone vibrating on the desk and picked it up. It was a text from Yeon saying she had arrived at the cafe on the first floor of the company building.

Last night, lying next to him, she had told him that she had night duty tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to meet. She had asked if she could stop by briefly in the afternoon before going to the precinct, and there was no reason to refuse.

When she asked if they could meet in front of his company, she seemed uncharacteristically hesitant. He had told her to wait at the company cafe with a warm coffee, and he couldn’t forget the strange expression on her face then.

She had said she would briefly stop by the company and had arrived a little early. Hwan, who had told Secretary Choi to go ahead and leave, quickly left his office.

Looking around the company building, Yeon entered the cafe and ordered a warm coffee, taking a seat.

If the CEO was in the cafe with a strange woman, rumors would definitely spread. That’s why she had cautiously asked if it was okay, but he just let out a hot breath with an indifferent expression.

He was disarmed by her simple words that she was going. She couldn’t help but think of the man who had forbidden her from coming near his clinic while they were having a secret relationship.

There was no point in trying to fit the memories of her old lover into this new relationship, yet Cha Yi-hwan kept making her think of those who had passed.

As if trying to soothe her wounded heart, he focused all his attention and enthusiasm on her. The feelings of Cha Yi-hwan, the weight of his heart, which she had struggled not to see back then.

He, who had allowed her to touch his lower body as if it were just a bus handle, something she could grab and touch whenever she needed, had kissed her cheeks, neck, and lips at her every word.

Hoo. Yeon blew on her coffee and took a sip, then took out her vibrating phone from her pocket. It was an unknown number. It might have been reasonable to suspect Myunghyun first.

Not wanting to receive any more of his pathetic pleas, she had kept her phone off all along, only turning it on to contact Hwan. As soon as she opened her inbox, a desperate plea filled with lingering affection burst forth.

Let’s meet again, I know this isn’t the end, I might really die if it’s not you, are you really not going to see me anymore, messages demanding answers she couldn’t give. She had learned from her past relationship that not even responding was a way of not giving any hope.

Either way, both she and Myunghyun knew well that the ending was already irreversible.

Yeon quietly dismissed Myunghyun’s begging and put her phone back in her bag.

He had said he would come down soon, and indeed, he appeared in his shirt not long after. He was talking to a man who looked like a colleague, then stopped and finished his conversation. The colleague bowed his head and quickly disappeared towards the building entrance, probably heading out on business.

Hwan, who had suddenly appeared in front of her, quickly took the seat opposite her. He clearly looked like he had come straight from work. The day she had met him in front of his company after five years, he had been dressed similarly.

“The CEO is taking care of personal matters during work hours. That’s quite unprofessional.”

“If you don’t like it, why don’t you become the CEO?”

He was so brazen. His rolled-up sleeves were a bit wrinkled. This man must have poured all his energy into work today as well. Yeon quietly reached out and smoothed the wrinkled sleeve.

She smelled the same skin scent she had noticed on him during sex. A cold, gray scent. The scent that had permeated the shirt he had been wearing all day. She probably wasn’t the only one feeling this strange sensation. As she properly buttoned his shirt, she felt his undivided gaze upon her.

The surrounding noises disappeared, and it felt strangely as if they were the only two in this large space. Yeon swallowed hard. His collar, lips, eyelids—she could vividly feel the thrill flowing through his gaze, as if she could touch it with her hand. She didn’t know how long it had been since she had felt this strange trembling.

Would her relationship with Hwan be different? She didn’t know. She knew now that nothing was as foolish and clinging as believing that love would last forever.

Maybe she was the fool. Knowing full well that love wouldn’t last forever, she still hoped for another relationship, felt excited, and wanted to be with him. She tried to forget the wounds she had suffered.

At least for this moment she was with him. She wanted to declare that this time would be her last love. That he would be able to embrace even her wounds completely...

Yeon, who had been fiddling with his cufflink, traced down his firm arm and gently pressed the bulging tendon.

“...I don’t know if this is okay.”

“...What.”

His slightly suppressed voice was low, as if barely holding onto his crumbling reason.

“Breaking up is supposed to hurt, but I deliberately avoided thinking about whether it would hurt again like before if I broke up with him. I kept avoiding it, even though I knew we were already over, telling myself we’d be okay, we’d get through this crisis. I thought I’d be in so much pain that I wouldn’t be able to meet anyone for a while again, that it would be like that this time too... but why now...”

Now, she was so thrilled in the present moment that she sometimes even forgot that she had broken up.

She didn’t know why she had this unfounded certainty that they would be able to navigate things well in the future. Maybe it was just a temporary feeling she was experiencing because it was the beginning of their relationship. The beginning of a relationship was always like this.

Even after this moment passed, would they still be able to look at each other? It was a question she couldn’t be sure of.

“But now. How is it now?”

“Huh?” His arm muscles bulged even more firmly, urging her for an answer. Unable to meet his eyes, she looked up, and then she heard a familiar voice.

“CEO.”

A woman approached their table, nodding her head with a bright smile. Yeon had seen her somewhere before, but where? While she was thinking for a moment, the woman had already reached their table and greeted Yeon, recognizing her.

“Oh, aren’t you the police officer?”

The woman she had run into in front of this building that day. The woman who had been hiding behind Hwan. As soon as Yeon recognized her, she shook off his arm that she had been holding and greeted her. His gaze fell sharply to the spot where her hand had been.

“Ah, but what brings you here...”

“I have some business with the CEO.”

“Ah... I see.”

She thought it would be rude to suddenly reveal their relationship to his subordinate without any prior discussion with him. She wondered if the trauma Hyunwoo had left behind had made her this way. The cold gaze that had fallen upon her when she had gone to the clinic. The wound had left an indelible mark on her heart.

While awkwardly enduring a brief silence, the woman held up her vibrating pager. Seeing her turn away at the sound that her drink was ready, Yeon finally turned her gaze to the man in front of her.

His expressionless face had been fixed on her from the beginning, Yeon realized as soon as their eyes met.

“I have a day off tomorrow, but what time do you get off work, Sunbae?”

Trying hard to ignore his gaze, the woman holding a paper box full of warm coffees approached them. It seemed to be coffee for her to share with her colleagues.

“Then, I’ll head in first, oh my!”

The woman, who had bowed her head politely, dropped the paper box when she bumped into someone coming the other way. The spilled coffee splashed onto Yeon’s shoes.

Yeon was startled by the sudden spill and stood up abruptly. Worried that the hot coffee might have hurt the woman, she quickly tried to approach her, but a strong force gripping both her shoulders made her stop in her tracks.

“Are you okay? Huh? Are you hurt anywhere?”

He knelt down without hesitation and examined her leg where the coffee had splashed, then took off one of Yeon’s shoes. Looking up at her urgently, asking if she was really okay, she couldn’t say a word.

Just glimpsing the disarray in his heart made Yeon feel as if her racing heart had stopped. It felt like this moment with him had frozen in time.

The woman whose clothes were actually soaked stood behind him with a devastated look. It wasn’t pleasant to learn that she had feelings for Cha Yi-hwan, but looking down at him, who was focused solely on her, she couldn’t care about anything else besides Cha Yi-hwan.

Sunbae, is it really okay for me to love again? Is it okay for my heart to beat for you? Can I give you only love, and no more hurt?

“I’ll try to finish work as early as possible tomorrow, so just go to my place and wait. I’ll text you the front door password.”

She nodded, abandoning all the questions she wanted to ask. The internal arguments that had been raging in her chest turned to ash the moment she looked into his eyes. The black soot settled on the floor, and a hot, heart-tickling breath floated softly towards him.

When she touched his shoulder, many gazes immediately shifted towards them. But she couldn’t question anything further. In the middle of his company, surrounded by many people, just the way he looked at her was enough.

***

Having worked the night shift, Yeon returned home in the morning and lazed around on the sofa until late. In fact, apart from work-related things, she wasn’t a very tidy person.

Someone might say that no wonder she couldn’t get married properly, but she didn’t really agree with the idea that women should naturally have tidiness ingrained in them.

Sweeping up the chocolate cookie crumbs scattered on the table, she prepared to go out. Since she had nothing else to do anyway, she decided to leave home a little early. Recalling the address Hwan had given her, she chose some clothes to change into, and then her phone rang. It was that number again.

Debating whether to just turn it off, she picked up the glowing screen. She pressed the call button, intending to lash out at him for acting so pathetic, for where his much-touted cool understanding had gone, for how incredibly pathetic and disgusting he seemed right now.

- Hello, Officer. This is Myunghyun Teacher’s tutoring student.

The caller was someone she hadn’t expected at all.

The news that Myunghyun had taken a large amount of sleeping pills, whether intentionally or accidentally, and was hospitalized troubled Yeon. It was said to have happened around the same time she had received the call yesterday. The sobbing girl still seemed unable to calm her shocked heart.

Inside the taxi speeding towards Hwan’s house, a heavy atmosphere pressed down on Yeon.

“You bastard.”

He was tormenting her until the very end.

“Excuse me, driver, could you please go to Haesung Hospital?”

The taxi changed direction and started moving again. She had clearly been the period at the end of a sentence, but he hadn’t. She was going to see his face and tell him to stop acting so pathetically and for them to go their separate ways cleanly.

Yes, she would show that much generosity for the last time, not for Myunghyun’s sake, but for the sake of that girl who might be left with a permanent scar. That’s how she justified her reason for going to the hospital.

The girl who had been waiting outside the hospital room stood up abruptly when she saw Yeon.

“Hello.”

“Are you alive?”

“...Yes. I’m sorry.”

Yeon tried to walk past the girl, who was bowing her head like a sinner, and enter the hospital room, but she faced the girl again.

“It’s not your fault. We didn’t break up because of you. So you don’t need to feel guilty.”

If she had to assign blame, it was to the man lying in the hospital room, not the girl.

“You need to get into a good school. Can you just stay here like this?”

Yeon squeezed the girl’s hand briefly and then slowly opened the hospital room door and went inside.

Tears quickly welled up in Myunghyun’s eyes as he opened his eyes. “Yeon-ah,” he said, his voice choked, and reached out his hand, but Yeon didn’t take it. She simply sat in a chair and faced him, offering her presence as a greeting.

“Did you really try to kill yourself?”

“......”

“That’s not like you. You always liked understanding, didn’t you? You naturally expected a lot of understanding from me, so why can’t you understand me?”

She wasn’t angry, but genuinely bitter. Seeing him make them both miserable until the very end made Yeon’s mouth taste bitter.

“This is the last time. Since it’s the last time, please understand me. That’s what I came to talk about.”

“Do you like that man?”

“I don’t know. Apart from it not being those typical feelings of liking or loving, I can’t really express it clearly myself either. I just have a feeling that something’s there. I don’t know what it is, but I’m going to try.”

Myunghyun, looking haggard, dropped his head. He clearly felt that her hospital visit was the perfect end to their relationship.

“I felt really lonely when I was with you. It was hard. But I don’t feel lonely even when that man isn’t by my side. Even when we’re apart, I always feel like we’re together. It feels like he’ll protect me, and I know these feelings are foolish, and I’m not naive enough to believe in love anymore, but you know, Myunghyun-ah.”

Yeon calmly poured out her true feelings. Since this was truly the end with him, she didn’t want to hide or conceal even a sliver of her heart.

“Even though I know nothing lasts forever, I want to try being by that man’s side. That’s what I came to say. To completely put an end to things with you. So that I don’t hurt that man anymore because of the past I shared with you. I’m going to go now and tell him. I won’t hide it. I’ll tell him that I met you and that it’s completely over.”

*Drip, drip.* Yeon wiped the tears that ran down her cheeks and declared resolutely.

“Take care. Don’t die.”

Leaving the collapsing Myunghyun behind, she got up and left the hospital room. She wanted to say that these endlessly falling tears were because of relief. She vowed to herself that she would no longer think about the wounds of the past and would move forward. She would leave the wounds Myunghyun had inflicted on her with him, and she would no longer look back.

As soon as she left the hospital, she got into a taxi that approached her and asked the driver to take her to Hwan’s house.

Getting out of the taxi, she walked to find his house address. A detached villa, the villa he stayed in was as impressive as he was. Quietly climbing the stairs, she heard voices. The familiar voice of Hwan and a strange man’s voice.

“You good-for-nothing, even in college you smeared your father’s name because of some girl, and now you won’t even let me come home. You’re my son, you hear me? You made your father lose his bid for National Assembly, and that girl was all that mattered. If you hadn’t touched the Seoul mayor’s son because of that Yeon or whatever her name is.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of saying the same thing? Just stop and leave.”

“I barely managed to get you out of going to jail and sent you to America. Do you still resent your father? If you hadn’t been fighting over that girl, your father would have...”

“Please just leave. Huh?”

Yeon’s heart sank. He had touched the Seoul mayor’s son because of her? What did that mean...? Was all of this...? Yeon clutched the bag she was holding with trembling hands.

She didn’t even know what state of mind she was in when she left the villa. Yeon quickly went out to the road and made a call.

“Eun-song-ah. Eun-song-ah, it’s me. You know, maybe, just maybe...”

Eun-song’s voice, soothing her to speak slowly, faded in and out, then became faint.

- Yeon-ah, where are you right now?

“I’m here, in front of Sunbae Cha Yi-hwan’s house.”

- ...What?

“Why did Sunbae, why did he go to America? Do you know? Why did he suddenly disappear? Why suddenly...”

- ...Yeon-ah, let’s meet first. I’ll come out now. Tell me where you are. Huh?

She hadn’t heard or seen anything yet, but at the vague reality of the incident she could sense, Yeon sank down on the spot.

Bang! A car horn piercing her eardrums, the loud mix of people’s voices, the beeping of the crosswalk signal, Eun-song’s last voice echoed in her ears like a reverberation.