Chapter 38: True Feelings Can’t Be Hidden

The last time Shang Zhitao danced was during her freshman year of college, when the school’s club organized an event and she was reluctantly pushed onto the stage. After stepping on a few classmates’ feet, they stopped letting her dance. If she couldn’t dance, at least she could make occasional appearances, right? Later, while washing clothes in the laundry room, her clubmates passed by and heard her humming a tune. It turned out that Shang Zhitao had a pleasant singing voice—something even she didn’t know about herself. As a result, she was forced to sing on stage once or twice.

Shang Zhitao disliked performing in public. She remembered how, during holidays as a child, relatives and friends would gather and always ask the kids to put on performances. Shang Zhitao had no special talents, so every time, she would bring her brush, ink, paper, and inkstone. When it was her turn, she would stand there and say, “I’ll perform calligraphy for all my uncles, aunts, grandpas, and grandmas!” Writing took time, and by the time she finished a piece, half the meal would already be eaten.

Now, she had no talent for dancing, and she always lagged behind the female colleagues who had been dancing since childhood.

Kitty, the choreographer, was a little dissatisfied with Shang Zhitao. Facing the mirror, she said, “Flora, are you struggling to keep up?” She was still upset inside. Earlier that afternoon, Shang Zhitao had gathered various departments for a project coordination meeting, but her own progress was a bit slow, and Luan Nian had criticized her during the meeting.

“Sorry, sorry,” Shang Zhitao wiped her sweat and apologized to everyone.

“Let’s try again.”

Everyone danced in front, while Shang Zhitao awkwardly mimicked their moves from behind. Her dancing abilities were truly lacking; completing a routine was almost unbearable. The other female colleagues couldn’t help but laugh. Some kindly suggested, “Don’t pressure Flora anymore. Flora, why don’t you just hold up the sign?”

“Okay, okay, okay.”

Finally, Shang Zhitao was rescued from the torment of dancing. Holding up a sign was easy—she didn’t need to rehearse anymore. So she stepped out to arrange food delivery for everyone. When she returned, she found that everyone had already decided on hairstyles and outfits: twin braids and short sporty skirts—the skirts were ones Shang Zhitao had previously purchased. No matter how they styled her hair, as long as she didn’t have to dance, she was fine. Rehearsals continued until 10 p.m., and after synchronizing the next day’s venue, schedule, and precautions with everyone, they disbanded.

On Friday night, nightlife began. Shang Zhitao wanted to go to Luan Nian’s place, but he hadn’t invited her, and she didn’t dare to ask—it would seem too desperate, though she really was eager. She had discussed this state of mind with Sun Yu, thinking she might have developed some kind of sex addiction. Was this considered an illness?

Sun Yu laughed at her for overthinking. “When I first started dating my ex-boyfriend, I wanted to be together 24/7. Would you say I was sick?”

“No.”

“Well, there you go.”

When she got home, only Sun Yu was there. She changed into her cheerleading outfit to show her. Shang Zhitao usually dressed modestly, but the short cheerleading skirt revealed her long legs. Her legs gleamed under the light, and with her twin braids, her eyes sparkled mischievously. Standing there, she looked surprisingly striking.

Sun Yu carefully examined her from all angles and suddenly remarked, “I bet you won’t be coming back tonight.”

“Huh? If I’m not coming back, where would I go?”

Sun Yu smirked knowingly, “That cold-hearted boss of yours might not be able to resist.”

Shang Zhitao finally understood what Sun Yu was implying and blushed slightly. “He wouldn’t. His partner in Guangzhou is incredibly beautiful, and his ex-girlfriend was stunning too… He’s seen so many beautiful women.” The word “partner” was cleverly chosen. She didn’t know what kind of relationship Luan Nian had with Zang Yao, but the person who entered his room late at night must have had a complicated connection with him, right?

“Who cares! Enjoy your youth!” Sun Yu patted her shoulder.

Shang Zhitao practiced holding up the sign in front of the mirror for a while before going to sleep.

The next morning, she arrived at the basketball court early. After handling logistics, people from both companies gradually arrived. Both companies were industry leaders, and the basketball players were physically fit. The cheerleaders were lively and beautiful, making the gathering of men and women a delightful sight.

When the cheerleaders emerged from the locker room, someone on the court blew a whistle.

After the employees cleared the court, San Tian’s cheerleading team took the stage. The girls from San Tian’s team were all beautiful. After the lead dancer finished her routine, she ran up to Luan Nian and hung a ribbon around his neck. Everyone cheered, and Luan Nian stood there, smiling rarely. His gaze swept over Shang Zhitao with her twin braids—among the group of girls, she was the fairest, and her smile was the brightest. Luan Nian was amused by her somewhat silly yet serious demeanor as a sign-holding cheerleader. For the first time, he saw such a solemn cheerleader.

And then, in his mind, he tore off her short skirt. Suddenly, Luan Nian became serious. He didn’t like himself acting this way.

Shang Zhitao thought his smile was really handsome—if only he smiled more often. During Lingmei’s performance, Shang Zhitao diligently held up her sign. After the cheerleading routine ended, she stood there, recalling Sun Yu’s words from the previous night—that Luan Nian might not let her go home tonight. She stole a glance at Luan Nian, but he wasn’t looking at her; instead, he was talking to someone from San Tian. During a break in the conversation, he glanced at San Tian’s lead dancer.

Shang Zhitao quickly averted her gaze, no longer looking at him. Finally, the event concluded, and while changing clothes, she overheard Kitty saying, “Just now, Luke told me to join Grace for dinner tonight, so we won’t be going back with you guys.”

“Oh, okay,” everyone seemed unsurprised, exchanged a few more words, and then dispersed.

After changing, Shang Zhitao left the locker room and saw that Luan Nian had already changed and was talking to someone from San Tian. The lead dancer stood beside him. The two looked quite compatible.

Luan Nian was truly irresistible to women wherever he went.

Shang Zhitao left the gym, feeling a bit regretful about canceling her meeting with Long Zhentian that morning. She realized she had overthought things and resolved never to disrupt her study schedule because of her wandering thoughts again.

She returned home, and Sun Yu wasn’t there. She turned on her computer, watched an episode of an American TV series, and then went downstairs to eat. She felt distracted, constantly wondering: Would Luan Nian take her home? Would he ask her, “Do you have a boyfriend? Are you open to a one-night stand?” Just like he did with her.

She ate some noodles absentmindedly and then went to bed. The weekend passed in a haze.

On Monday morning, they met again in the elevator. They stood on opposite sides, and Shang Zhitao greeted him with a “Good morning,” then fell silent, just like before. Luan Nian didn’t speak either.

They exited the elevator, walking one in front of the other. Shang Zhitao went to her desk, and Luan Nian went to his office.

Shang Zhitao found it hard to bear. Over the weekend, she realized something: Sun Yu was right. She wasn’t the type to have one-night stands with just anyone. She had relations with Luan Nian because she liked him. That liking had been well-hidden, and she hadn’t noticed it before. But after the basketball game ended, when Luan Nian and the beautiful women went out for dinner, and his eyes briefly lingered on San Tian’s lead dancer, a faint sadness welled up in her heart. Only then did she realize that her feelings for him were deeper than she had imagined.

She felt helpless, unsure how to handle these emotions. Distracted, she made mistakes. The brief she sent out was wrong, and she didn’t notice.

This week was extremely busy. By Thursday, Shang Zhitao felt her stomach was uncomfortable. Checking the calendar, she realized her period had started. Unlike others who suffered severe menstrual cramps, she experienced diarrhea during her period. She had run to the restroom several times that day, and by evening, she felt utterly exhausted. Sitting at her desk, she struggled internally for a long time before finally deciding to go home and rest.

This was the first time she had left work on time since starting her job. In the past few months, her period’s first day had coincidentally fallen on weekends.

When she got home, she was surprised to find Sun Yuanzhu there.

They hadn’t seen each other in a while, and Shang Zhitao was delighted. She sat on the living room sofa and chatted with Sun Yuanzhu.

Seeing her clutching her stomach, Sun Yuanzhu asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Shang Zhitao replied shyly.

But Sun Yuanzhu understood. He said to her, “I’m going downstairs to buy some food. Have you eaten?”

“I haven’t.”

“Then wait for me. I’ll bring something back, and we can eat together.”

“Let me pay you.”

“No need.”

Sun Yuanzhu went to buy food and returned after a long while with several boxes of meals. He said to Shang Zhitao, “You must be starving. Let’s eat.”

Shang Zhitao was grateful and thanked Sun Yuanzhu: “Thank you so much.”

“No need to be polite.”

Zhang Lei and Sun Yu hadn’t returned yet. The two of them sat across from each other, eating and chatting about work. Shang Zhitao mentioned that she had independently taken on a project recently, and Sun Yuanzhu was genuinely happy for her. He praised her: “I always knew you were amazing.”

He was genuinely happy for Shang Zhitao.

After the meal, he got up and went to the kitchen, clattering around for a while before bringing out a bowl of brown sugar water. “Drink this. I don’t know if it’ll help, but my female classmates used to say it worked during school.”

Shang Zhitao’s eyes reddened slightly. She took a sip—it tasted wonderful.

“It’s delicious.”

“That’s good.”

Sun Yuanzhu sat beside her, and for a long time, neither of them spoke. Shang Zhitao felt that Sun Yuanzhu seemed a bit sad, though she couldn’t explain why. Perhaps it was because she had always been ordinary, so she was especially attuned to others’ emotions.

“Are you feeling down?” she softly asked Sun Yuanzhu.

“Why do you ask?” Sun Yuanzhu was a bit surprised. No one had ever asked him if he was happy before. Everyone assumed he was always cheerful. But Shang Zhitao’s question warmed his heart.

“I don’t know why, but I just feel like you seem unhappy.”

“I’m very happy.” Sun Yuanzhu smiled at her. Shang Zhitao loved seeing him smile—it was pure and bright.

“That’s good.”

As Shang Zhitao sipped the brown sugar water Sun Yuanzhu had prepared, they chatted. He told her stories from his school days, about his colleagues, and about books he had read. They talked about everything under the sun, and the unease in her heart seemed to dissipate.

“Are you traveling tomorrow? If not, can I treat you to dinner this weekend? I’ve eaten so many meals at your expense.”

“I’m not traveling.”

“How about hot pot?”

“Sure. But can we eat at home?” Eating out would be more expensive, and Sun Yuanzhu was mindful of Shang Zhitao’s wallet. She had just started working, and earning money wasn’t easy.

“But I can’t cook,” Shang Zhitao said, feeling a bit disheartened.

“What about grilling at home? Our company recently gave us electric skillets, which can be used for grilling.”

“Great!”

Shang Zhitao and Sun Yuanzhu chatted for a while longer. Zhang Lei and Sun Yu still hadn’t returned, so they bid each other goodnight and retreated to their respective rooms.

Shang Zhitao felt a little better. Though she had been waiting for Luan Nian to send her a message—anything, about work, life, or even ending their relationship—he hadn’t sent anything. It was as if, in his mind, she wasn’t worth a single message.