BXG - 36

◎ Dawn and Dusk ◎

Qu Cheng was a historian. Hearing her ask this question, he felt surprised but didn’t show it on his face, only asking, “Why do you ask this?”

“What I’ve seen in books, heard in rumors, and learned from the world—none of it matches what I’ve personally witnessed or heard,” Qu You stirred the plain porridge in her hand, half-truthfully saying, “Sometimes I think words are far removed from people, and even what we see with our own eyes might not be real. Unless I can master the art of reading hearts, everything remains mere conjecture.”

“In the past, you only cared for poetry and prose, never reading the histories of previous dynasties. That you can ask such a question today shows progress,” Qu Cheng praised, pleased. “Zhuangzi once said, ‘After ten thousand generations, one may encounter a great sage who understands the truth, and that meeting would feel as close as dawn and dusk.’ Do you know what this means?”

“If there is a kindred spirit, even separated by ten thousand generations, it would feel as intimate as meeting morning and night,” Qu You thoughtfully replied. “This phrase comes from The Equality of Things .”

“The Tang poets wrote of a spiritual connection where understanding flows effortlessly—one point of resonance and all becomes clear. What Zhuangzi sought was just that,” Qu Cheng’s expression grew solemn. “What you call ‘the truth of a person’ is too ethereal for a historian. In my hands lie thousands of years to explore—not just one person. To reach the truth you speak of, one must read their heart and share their emotions, like a drop of water merging into the ocean, only then can one comprehend its vastness. It’s exceedingly difficult.”

He fell silent for a moment, but ultimately couldn’t help asking, “You believe Vice Minister Zhou is different from the rumors?”

So he could understand. Qu You wasn’t sure what he meant, so she lowered her head to eat her porridge and said nothing.

Father and daughter silently finished breakfast. Qu You had already eaten earlier but forced herself to drink another bowl of plain porridge. By the time she left, she still felt somewhat bloated. After discussing that question, they didn’t speak again. After parting ways with him, she went to the back garden.

Qu Jiaxi and Qu Jiayu were waiting for her in front of the hall. When they saw her, they pulled her left and right into the hall, seating her. One poured tea, the other brought melon seeds, both asking in unison, “Did Father punish you with the ruler?”

Qu You proudly replied, “No!”

Seeing the three of them together, Yin Xiangru couldn’t help but laugh. “When you returned home, they didn’t have a chance to talk to you, and when you came last time, you weren’t here, so they were dying to chat. Spend some time with them now.”

The two surrounded Qu You, chatting about various things, asking many questions about life at Zhou Mansion and pestering her to tell the story of the Drum of Appeals on Imperial Street. Qu You patiently answered each question, then divided two boxes of jewelry she’d brought between them. Excitedly, they began to argue over which pieces were better.

Taking this opportunity, Yin Xiangru called her closer, taking her hand and examining her carefully, slightly reproachful. “You said before that Vice Minister Zhou treated you well. Why has gossip turned so ugly? I see your clothing and lifestyle are extraordinary—it’s clear he hasn’t mistreated you. But…”

Qu You quickly cut her off, repeating what she’d told Qu Cheng and sharing the stories of Ding Xiang, Zhi Ling, and Yan Wuping’s lives. Listening, Yin Xiangru nearly shed tears, muttering prayers while pressing her chest.

Born into nobility and disliking socializing, Yin Xiangru had married Qu Cheng young, devoted herself to raising her family, and enjoyed a peaceful household. Aside from the few days of hardship when Qu Cheng was imprisoned months ago, she had little opportunity to encounter such lives.

“I know little and have little to say. You’ve always been decisive. If you think something is worth doing, gossip is meaningless,” Yin Xiangru sighed. “One day, accompany me—I’ll visit Qing Mountain’s Xi Qing Temple and pray for these pitiable people.”

Qu You didn’t believe much in gods or buddhas. When Ding Xiang and Zhi Ling first left Fangxin Pavilion, they invited her to Xi Qing Temple, but she declined due to being busy. However, noblewomen of Bian Capital seemed fond of visiting Xi Qing Temple to burn incense, and Yin Xiangru was no exception.

She said nothing. Yin Xiangru sat in her chair, her gaze shifting behind the screen where Qu Jiaxi and Qu Jiayu had just gone, continuing, “Come to think of it, you haven’t been there in a long time, have you? You have a deep connection with the master of Xi Qing Temple—you should visit often.”

“Oh?” Qu You became interested. “Mother, what do you mean?”

“Have you seen a medical official recently? Why hasn’t your memory improved since your drowning?” Yin Xiangru said worriedly. “You forgot—you and your sisters took the ‘Jia’ generation name when you were seven after falling ill. A master from Xi Qing Temple happened to come down the mountain and suggested changing your names.”

“What was my original name?”

“Jia Yi—a good name, but the master said the timing was wrong, conflicting with your birth chart, so it was changed.”

Mother and daughter talked until noon. Qu Xiangwen returned from school, hearing that his eldest sister was home, hurried over with his book bag. Qu You saw him wearing a long white Confucian robe, bowing upon entering. After only a few days apart, he seemed to have grown taller.

Qu You casually tested him with a few lines from The Great Learning , not expecting him to speak eloquently at such a young age, revealing lofty ambitions in his words.

“Xiangwen plans to try his hand next year. I see how ambitious this child is—he shouldn’t have any problems,” Yin Xiangru smiled at her. “Now that our family is reunited, it’s wonderful. If you suffer any grievances, don’t hide them from me.”

Qu You hugged her arm, looking up to see Qu Xiangwen put down his book bag and start playing with Qu Jiayu. Outside the door, the sunlight was bright, filling her with an unusual sense of warmth.

After lunch, she bid farewell and left. Yin Xiangru saw her to the door, suddenly remembering something. “Jiaxi is currently discussing marriage with one of the candidates your father promoted. Though he’s keeping an eye on it, we still need to observe the candidate’s character and family privately. If it’s convenient, help inquire a bit.”

Qu You agreed. After getting into the carriage, she realized Qu Cheng had followed her out. She got out, bowed, and received one final remark from Qu Cheng: “Next month is your mother’s birthday. If your husband comes, make sure he doesn’t draw attention.”

It seemed her words had touched Qu Cheng to some extent.

As the carriage emerged from the alley, Qu You reflected on the morning’s conversation with Qu Cheng about “the truth of a person,” feeling a whirlwind of emotions. She instructed the driver to detour to Bian River Street. After disembarking, she entered the Spring Wind and Rain Pavilion through the back door Ye Liuchun had used before, intending to change into men’s clothing and head directly to the Ministry of Justice.

She arrived at just the right time—knocking on the door, she unexpectedly encountered Bai Shating.

Since Ye Liuchun sang that song last time, Qu You found herself looking at Bai Shating with an indescribable feeling. Before, reading about great poets frequenting brothels and having affairs hadn’t struck her as deeply, but seeing Ye Liuchun’s emotional state firsthand made her realize how heartbreaking a wandering life truly was.

However, based on the meaning of the poem, the two had known each other for a long time. Bai Shating mocked himself as “unreliable,” while mentioning that she treated him with a “thousand charming faces,” indicating that Ye Liuchun wasn’t deeply devoted to him either. Her self-pity was merely nostalgia. The entanglement between them was a tangled mess, and as an outsider, she indeed shouldn’t say much.

Ye Liuchun personally fetched the set of men’s robes Qu You had left behind. Bai Shating sat at the table drinking tea, noticing her thoughtful gaze. He couldn’t help but smile, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

His smile abruptly interrupted Qu You’s train of thought.

Because she inexplicably felt that Bai Shating’s smile now bore a striking resemblance to Bai Ying.

“Master Shisan… do you happen to know a friend of mine?” Qu You blurted out, startled. “He practices medicine in Bian Capital, surnamed Bai. For some reason, I always feel he has a deep connection with you.”

“Is that so?” Bai Shating said with interest. “Then introduce him to me next time. I love making friends—the more, the merrier.”

Qu You couldn’t resist adding one more sentence: “The more, the merrier—but Master should also cherish those close to you.”

Ye Liuchun returned just then, accompanied by two maids, gently leading her to another room to change. Before leaving, she overheard Bai Shating slapping his thigh and exclaiming, “Seeing Lady Zhou reminded me—I met that rascal Zhou Yang again yesterday while drinking by the Bian River. This guy dresses like a night thief—no idea what he’s up to…”

Ye Liuchun asked curiously, “Why are you calling her ‘Lady Zhou’ now?”

She walked farther away, only vaguely hearing Bai Shating grumbling, “Hmph, it’s because someone…”

Zhou Tan had arranged a proper position for her at the Ministry of Justice. When she arrived, she checked in at the back hall register like everyone else. Previously, Li Hongyu had been in charge of this task, and every time she came, she ran into him, almost suspecting he slept in the back hall of the Ministry of Justice and never went home.

She circled the position of “Legal Clerk” in the register. Li Hongyu put down his pen and immediately started chatting familiarly with her: “Brother, it’s been a while since I last saw you. Do you know what news I heard recently? The other day, when I went home, my sister-in-law said she met Vice Minister Zhou’s new wife at a banquet!”

Qu You nearly fell off her stool.

Unaware, Li Hongyu enthusiastically continued, “My sister-in-law said that though Lady Zhou is young, her demeanor is extraordinary, and she’s as beautiful as a celestial being. They had a misunderstanding and argued, but Lady Zhou didn’t get angry at all and even apologized, leaving her deeply ashamed… Hmph, with such a wife at home, how can Vice Minister Zhou still linger in the pleasure quarters?”

Chatting about gossip with a colleague whose name she didn’t even know, Qu You confirmed—he really lacked common sense.

But she didn’t expect Gong Yuying to speak highly of her after returning home. It seemed holding back during their confrontation at the banquet was the right move. Women ate up the strategy of retreating to advance—honesty prevailed.

So Qu You casually deflected with a few words: “Really? I didn’t expect Vice Minister Zhou to have such good fortune! By the way, I heard that when Lord Liang An escorted the former Chief of the Penal Department out of the city, they were ambushed by bandits. Poor thing—things outside Bian Capital aren’t safe. Lord Liang should’ve brought more guards.”

Li Hongyu lamented, “Exactly. Though His Majesty rewarded him generously, Lord Liang couldn’t bring the dead back to life. Now I’ve transferred under Vice Minister Zhou’s command. I wonder if he’s easier to work with?”

Just as Qu You was preparing to leave, she suddenly remembered the words she had written on the folding screen earlier and circled back. While chatting idly with Li Hongyu, she crouched down to examine it closely.

The second folding screen was nearly full. The question she had written earlier was small and tucked away, so she assumed Mr. Bai wouldn’t notice it. Surprisingly, he had responded. His handwriting was interspersed among the mundane chatter, appearing quite formal.

She had asked: History is vast like the sea—how can one glimpse the truth of a person?

His response echoed Zhuangzi’s words she had just heard—

“After ten thousand generations, one may encounter a great sage who understands the truth, and that meeting would feel as close as dawn and dusk.”

Qu You froze, her fingertips trembling as they brushed the screen. Earlier, when conversing with Qu Cheng, she hadn’t felt this way. But seeing Mr. Bai’s elegant calligraphy inscribe these words, an image immediately flashed in her mind.

It was as if she had seen it in a dream—a spring day in Lin’an, apricot blossoms stirred by the spring breeze, fluttering around her. Looking down, she realized she was wearing her favorite green windbreaker from her old wardrobe. When she had crossed into this place through history, she had been wearing this very coat.

The sun was setting in the west, and across a small stream stood a figure in white. Everything felt so real yet surreal. The wind lifted the wide hem of his robe, and in the golden glow of the sunset, he turned around, his light amber eyes bright and clear.

Qu You stood rooted in place, gazing at Zhou Tan across from her. He was still very young, his eyes free of shadows, smiling faintly. He stood there, not stepping closer to her, yet the sound of flipping pages filled her ears. At the moment their gazes met, she suddenly felt she truly knew this person.

They didn’t exchange a word, but somehow—she didn’t know why—she felt she understood him completely, and he understood her just as deeply. Though a thousand years of time and space separated them across the stream, they absurdly yet genuinely met here, transcending time and space. Picking an apricot blossom from The Spring and Sandalwood Collection , she only needed to read his words to meet him in her mind.

The vast distance collapsed into inches; a thousand years passed in the blink of an eye.

Zhuangzi lived and died in loneliness, longing to meet a great sage after ten thousand generations. But here she was, facing him morning and night, no longer lost in emptiness.