#172: Buddha Bathing (2)

Shen Xiling wasn’t burdened by such reservations. First, her thoughts weren’t focused on this matter, and she had no intention of competing with Xue Yuan for attention. Moreover, the storms she had weathered were far greater; a petty squabble like this from a young girl was hardly enough to stir her emotions. Secondly, although Miss Xue had always been at odds with her, Shen Xiling could see that her nature was inherently kind. Shen Xiling had always felt guilty for interfering with Xue Yuan’s potential marriage to Gu Juhan, so she had always shown forbearance towards her. Now that Xue Yuan had taken the initiative to visit, Shen Xiling certainly had no intention of turning her away.

Shen Xiling instructed her servants to invite Miss Xue inside, offering her tea and refreshments while tidying herself up before meeting her in the main hall.

Although Miss Xue still didn’t show much warmth towards her, she subtly expressed concern, gently inquiring whether Shen Xiling had recovered. Shen Xiling found her endearing and answered all her questions, thanking her as well. This seemed to make Xue Yuan somewhat uncomfortable, and she quickly changed the subject, taking a golden hairpin wrapped meticulously in silk from her maid.

She handed the hairpin to Lian Zi, who then passed it to Shen Xiling, saying, “I’ve come today to return this hairpin to you, Lady. Last time, it was said to be lost at the residence of the Deputy Chief Censor. However, the situation was chaotic that day, and we couldn’t find it immediately. Recently, Lady Zhong found it and asked me to deliver it to you.”

This was clearly a fabrication.

Lady Zhong was a masterful socialite, the most meticulous lady in Shangjing. She was well aware of the delicate relationship between Xue Yuan and the Yan Duke’s household. Why would she specifically entrust Xue Yuan with delivering the hairpin? It was likely Xue Yuan had leveraged her aunt’s private connection with Lady Zhong to seize this opportunity, though her true motives remained unclear.

Shen Xiling saw through this but chose not to expose it, simply following along and examining the hairpin as Xue Yuan described. Then, she shook her head and said, “Thank you for your trouble, Miss Xue, but this isn’t my hairpin. There must be another rightful owner.”

Of course, it wasn’t hers. Her claim of losing the hairpin was merely a pretext—it had been safely tucked in her sleeve all along. Poor Lady Zhong had searched tirelessly for days, and Miss Xue had gone through the trouble of delivering it.

Upon hearing that this wasn’t the hairpin Shen Xiling had lost, Xue Yuan’s delicate brows knitted together, visibly anxious. After her maid returned the hairpin to her, she appeared even more eager to leave, saying, “Then I’ll go back and inform Lady Zhong to search again.”

Shen Xiling knew the hairpin hadn’t truly been lost, so she naturally felt guilty seeing Xue Yuan’s earnestness. However, she couldn’t reveal the truth and could only say, “It’s just a hairpin, not worth much. Please don’t trouble yourself or Lady Zhong further. Let’s leave it at that.”

This was an entirely ordinary statement, yet unexpectedly, Xue Yuan became angry, her eyes widening as she exclaimed, “Isn’t this the hairpin the General won for you during the polo match? How can you be so careless with his gift?”

Shen Xiling was momentarily stunned, finally understanding: Xue Yuan had gone to such lengths to find the hairpin because it was connected to Gu Juhan.

Xue Yuan didn’t harbor ulterior motives. She hadn’t timed her visit to coincide with Gu Juhan’s presence, nor did she intend to keep the hairpin for herself. Instead, she diligently sought to return it to Shen Xiling. Her actions stemmed purely from her deep affection for him—she cherished everything related to him and wanted to preserve it.

This sentiment deeply moved Shen Xiling, reminding her of herself. She had loved Qi Yin in much the same way, except she had been fortunate enough to receive his reciprocation. But what about Xue Yuan…?

Shen Xiling felt even more remorse towards Miss Xue. If she hadn’t suddenly intervened, Xue Yuan might have married Gu Juhan long ago. That union would have fulfilled both their desires and given Gu Juhan a conventional family instead of the cold and lonely existence he currently endured.

Since waking from her dream, Shen Xiling had grown increasingly reflective about human relationships, realizing how fleeting happiness could be and how precious even small joys were. She genuinely regretted disrupting a good match and thus decided to broach the topic of Xue Yuan with Gu Juhan that evening, hoping to reconcile them and atone for her mistakes.

She briefly recounted the story of the hairpin to Gu Juhan, then earnestly suggested, “Miss Xue is truly excellent, especially in her sincere feelings for you, General. If you agree, I can arrange for her to become your concubine without causing any inconvenience to the household. This would surely bring happiness to everyone, and the Xue family would be delighted too.”

Her words were gentle and heartfelt, but they caused a subtle shadow to pass over Gu Juhan’s eyes.

He recalled how she had almost discarded that hairpin just to see Qi Jingchen once.

He was fully aware of Qi Jingchen’s place in her heart. She had yearned for him for five years, willing to sacrifice everything for a single meeting. It wasn’t just the hairpin—he knew she would even risk her life for him, given how deeply intertwined their fates were. Whatever they did for each other was natural, never excessive.

Yet, he couldn’t help feeling a pang of sadness.

She probably still didn’t realize the depth of his feelings for her. When she first married him, she was distrustful and emotionally wounded. He hadn’t dared to express anything, burying his emotions deep within. He had planned to confess his feelings once she moved past her old attachments, but over these five years, she had only grown more entrenched in her memories of Qi Jingchen. Thus, he continued to suppress his feelings, playing the role of her brother and friend, unsure of how long this charade would last.

And now, she was arranging a wife for him.

He understood her intentions—she wanted him to have a real family and heirs, which was especially important for someone who frequently went to war.

He wasn’t blind to this necessity, but he had always resisted remarrying. He vaguely feared that if he took another wife, she would leave, as if finding a reason to depart.

But he didn’t want her to leave—at least, not while Qi Jingchen remained a factor…

The shadows in his eyes grew deeper.

Gu Juhan sighed, set down his chopsticks, and looked at Shen Xiling. For the first time, he felt an urgent desire to confess his feelings to her. His gaze softened, revealing some emotion as he said, “Xiling, I’m not lonely. With you in this house, everything feels perfect.”

This statement wasn’t inappropriate—even as a friend or brother, he could easily say this. But Shen Xiling, ever sensitive and perceptive, immediately detected a different undertone.

She turned to look at Gu Juhan, noticing a new light in his eyes—a familiar glimmer. She realized she had once gazed at Qi Yin in the same way, and Qi Yin had looked at her similarly. They both understood the significance of that gaze.

Words faltered on her lips.

She wasn’t sure if her intuition was accurate or if she dared to believe that Gu Juhan harbored special feelings for her. Flustered, she quickly averted her eyes, severing whatever connection had momentarily formed between them.

She was so flustered that she abruptly stood up.

This sudden movement created an awkward silence. Shen Xiling felt deeply embarrassed, wondering if she had overthought things. If she had misunderstood Gu Juhan, her abrupt departure would seem highly inappropriate.

But she couldn’t dwell on it then. Hurriedly, she said, “I…I’m finished eating. My head aches a bit—I’d like to rest in my room.”

Without waiting for Gu Juhan’s response, she hastily exited the small reception hall.

As Gu Juhan watched her retreating figure, his expression grew complex.

He knew he had made a mistake, acting too hastily and scaring her away. He wasn’t usually an impulsive man; he had faced countless battles and endured rigorous discipline in patience and self-control.

So why had he acted so recklessly today?

Was it Qi Jingchen’s sudden arrival that triggered a sense of crisis? Or was it her subtle hints of leaving that unsettled him?

Gu Juhan sighed inwardly.

Xiling, you still don’t understand.

That person…can never give you lasting happiness.

A few days passed swiftly, and soon it was the eighth day of the fourth month—the Buddha Bathing Festival.

Also known as Buddha’s Birthday, this festival commemorated the birth of Sakyamuni. Originating in Jiangzuo, it later spread to Great Wei, becoming a widespread tradition. On this day, Buddhist temples often held chanting ceremonies, bathing statues of the infant Sakyamuni with fragrant water. Devout men and women also practiced charity on this occasion. Every renowned Zen monastery in Shangjing hosted Buddha Bathing rituals, including the imperial-funded Jade Buddha Temple, where the Wei Emperor personally attended.

Gu Jingqi had eagerly awaited this day, behaving impeccably for several days. She memorized her poetry flawlessly and even wrote her assignments neatly, pleasing her tutor and father immensely. Thus, she was permitted to join the festivities.

Delighted, she dressed early that morning and rushed to her eldest sister-in-law’s courtyard, coincidentally meeting her brother and sister-in-law as they emerged.

She politely greeted her elder brother, then cozied up to her sister-in-law, hoping to visit Yi Tower for a meal after returning from the Jade Buddha Temple. Knowing how fond Shen Xiling was of her, she readily agreed.

Gu Jingqi was thrilled, sticking close to Shen Xiling from the courtyard to the entrance. Outside, the Gu family was already preparing to board their carriages.

They greeted Gu Juhan respectfully. Seeing Gu Jingqi clinging to her sister-in-law, Gu Jusheng, her biological brother, chuckled helplessly, saying, “We couldn’t find this little monkey earlier—turns out she was bothering her sister-in-law. Come here, your carriage is ready.”

After apologizing to Shen Xiling, Gu Jusheng thanked his elder brother’s wife. Gu Juhan smiled, waving dismissively, and said, “If she enjoys being with her sister-in-law, let her stay.”

Turning to Gu Jingqi, he added, “Behave yourself in the carriage and don’t disturb your sister-in-law.”

With a nod to Shen Xiling, he instructed a servant to bring his horse, intending to ride there himself.

Shen Xiling said nothing, boarding the carriage with Gu Jingqi as it set off toward Zhe Mo Mountain, where the Jade Buddha Temple stood.

Throughout the journey, Gu Jingqi couldn’t sit still, puzzled by her brother’s unusual generosity in yielding the carriage to her while riding his horse. Surely, there was something amiss.

She suspected her earlier hunch was correct—some vixen must have taken advantage of her sister-in-law’s illness to steal her brother’s affection! How infuriating that her brother was so oblivious, easily swayed, and growing distant from his wife!