Chapter 42: The Resting Place of the Heart

Shang Zhitao’s first project went relatively smoothly, apart from the initial hiccup. That afternoon, as she sat in the conference room, completing the project handover, she felt a faint sense of excitement. Although it was just a very ordinary small project, it was a significant step forward for her.

She sat in the conference room for a while longer, feeling an urgent need to talk to someone. The first person she thought of was Luan Nian. He had been guiding her on what to do, and Shang Zhitao was very grateful to him. She wanted to share her joy with him. That’s what she thought, and that’s what she did. She sent a message to Luan Nian: “Hello, my first independent project has been delivered. I’m a little happy.”

Luan Nian was in a shareholders’ meeting. Seeing this message, he unusually replied, “Congratulations.”

A little while later, he sent another message: “Want to treat me to dinner?”

“Yes!”

“Go to the mountains to eat fish?”

“Okay.”

Shang Zhitao’s joy had a resting place, and she was as happy as a child. She found a place far from the company to wait for Luan Nian. He drove to pick her up, and when she got in the car, he asked her, “Choosing such a far place?”

“Afraid people will see.”

“…Not because of work?” Luan Nian asked her, and couldn’t help but laugh at her realization. “You’re probably a bit silly.”

The two drove towards the mountains. When they were almost at the fish restaurant, Luan Nian turned onto a small road. Shang Zhitao made a small “Eh?” sound.

“Didn’t tell your roommate you were going out with me today, did you?”

“No.”

“Then it’s convenient for me to commit murder and dispose of the body.” Luan Nian said with a serious face. Noticing Shang Zhitao’s tightened breath, he turned his head to glance at her. He drove to a dilapidated house and parked.

Shang Zhitao followed him and stood in front of the house. There was a large open space in front of it, which could serve as a natural parking lot.

“I want to open a bar in the mountains and I’m scouting locations. What do you think of this place?”

“Huh?” Shang Zhitao had no concept of these things, only that the place looked a bit run-down. “Will it need renovation?”

“Tear it down and rebuild.”

“…Then why open it in the mountains?”

“Convenient for stargazing.”

Shang Zhitao looked up. The stars in the mountains were indeed prettier than those below. Shang Zhitao sneezed. The mountain nights in winter were too cold.

“Let’s go.”

They got back in the car, and Luan Nian asked Shang Zhitao, “What do you think of this place?”

“It’s great for stargazing.”

“Then it’s here.”

“Ah?”

Luan Nian was never an indecisive person. Someone else had sent him this address, and today was his first time seeing it. Shang Zhitao standing in that open space, looking up at the stars, was quite beautiful, and he suddenly made a decision.

The owner of the fish restaurant actually remembered Shang Zhitao and asked them, “Catch them now?”

“Yes, thank you. Don’t charge my card today, this lady is treating.” Luan Nian said to the owner with a straight face.

“Yes, yes.” Shang Zhitao nodded.

“Catch a big one. If we can’t finish it, I’ll take it to go,” Luan Nian added.

“That won’t be necessary,” Shang Zhitao refused.

The owner stood aside and smiled, “I’ll go catch the fish.”

It had just snowed in the mountains, covering the lanterns and the branches of the trees. Shang Zhitao liked it very much. She stood on a rock and shook the snow off the branches, smiling to herself. Luan Nian just stood there watching her, not joining in her play.

Shang Zhitao thought this evening was very nice. She didn’t ask for much. Like today, she had made progress, and Luan Nian was willing to celebrate with her. That was enough.

In the blink of an eye, deep winter arrived.

Shang Zhitao sometimes hoped for more, like the company would have a holiday for Christmas. Young people all liked Christmas, and so did Shang Zhitao. But Luan Nian was going on vacation, to Hokkaido. Shang Zhitao felt a little disappointed.

Shang Zhitao finished work early and called Yao Bei, “Senior, I completed the delivery of that project, and there’s a project bonus! I want to treat you to dinner.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up after work.”

“Then can I invite my roommate? And my supervisor.”

“So the ice city girl is starting to rally the troops?” Yao Bei laughed.

In Shang Zhitao’s hometown, not a very big city, the winters were long, and the most common thing people did was drink. People scattered in various corners of the city could quickly get together with just a few phone calls. The most common question people from the ice city asked before drinking was, “Rallying the troops?” Shang Zhitao had learned this habit well.

Shang Zhitao laughed, “Let’s have some fun together. Don’t drive, and I won’t let my supervisor drive either. Let’s go have some drinks.”

“That’s good, it just snowed. But don’t you have work tomorrow?” Yao Bei asked her.

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and our company has three days of Christmas holiday.”

“There’s such a luxurious and practical holiday as Christmas?” Yao Bei was truly envious.

“American company, you know.”

The little disappointment Luan Nian had brought her vanished in an instant. She unusually didn’t work overtime, packed her things, and left. Lumi asked her from the side, “Is that the sister I sent home last time?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m going to have a good drink with this sister today.” As she spoke, she wrapped her arm around Shang Zhitao’s neck, hooking her shoulder to shoulder, “Let me ask you, you’ve been in Beijing for almost half a year, have you found a boyfriend? How are you spending Christmas?”

How to spend Christmas? Shang Zhitao hadn’t thought about it. Luan Nian’s flight was that night. Shang Zhitao was at his house listening to him make phone calls. It seemed he had a few friends he spent every year with, from Christmas to New Year’s. This year he was going to Hokkaido.

“I want to sleep for three days at home.” She had made up her mind. She had been too tired recently. Have some drinks tonight, and sleep soundly tomorrow.

“That’s such a waste.” Lumi smiled at her, “Can I introduce you to a boyfriend?”

“Hmm?”

“My childhood friend, three years older than you, owns a small restaurant, has three houses, and is good-looking. Would you consider it?” Lumi really hoped Shang Zhitao could date her childhood friend. She liked Shang Zhitao, and if they got together, they could always hang out in the future.

“But I don’t want to find a boyfriend yet,” Shang Zhitao said quickly. She felt her relationship with Luan Nian wasn’t clean, and she had no intention of withdrawing. She didn’t want to insult anyone.

“Okay. Then having dinner together another day is always fine, right?”

“Haha, okay.”

The two left the company to take the subway, going to eat grilled meat near Lumi’s old house. When they got off the subway, they saw Sun Yu already waiting there, mesmerized by the falling snow. Shang Zhitao called her, and she smiled at Lumi, not seeming shy at all. Yao Bei wasn’t shy either. The few of them gathered together for the first time like this.

Yao Bei said to the other two, “Little Peach Blossom was very popular in school, and many boys liked her. Right?”

Shang Zhitao blushed a little from the praise and quickly shook her head, “No! Only Xin Zhaozhou!”

“No, many boys liked you. You just didn’t know. You were so oblivious, only Xin Zhaozhou’s obvious affection could make you see it.”

Shang Zhitao thought of Xin Zhaozhou.

Yao Bei was right, Xin Zhaozhou really did favor her. But what good was all that favor? Didn’t they still end up going north and south? Shang Zhitao felt a little fragile as the holiday approached, and she wondered how Xin Zhaozhou was doing in Shenzhen now.

She picked up Lumi’s wine and took a sip, her eyes a little red, “Xin Zhaozhou really favored me. I think I probably won’t ever encounter such blatant love as Xin Zhaozhou’s again in this lifetime.”

She was very pessimistic.

When it snowed, she admitted she liked Luan Nian, but she didn’t expect Luan Nian to like her. Luan Nian didn’t avoid her when he was on the phone. She heard a man say, “This trip to Hokkaido, can you and Zang Yao finally make it official?”

Who was Zang Yao? Would Luan Nian send her a bouquet of flowers during the holidays? Shang Zhitao liked flowers. She still remembered on Christmas of her junior year, Xin Zhaozhou standing downstairs in her dormitory holding a bouquet of flowers. Afraid the flowers would freeze, he opened his coat and protected them in front of him, a clumsy kind of romance.

After they finished eating, Lumi clamored to go to a nightclub. She said to them, “Don’t be good girls! Go to the nightclub to dance and drink! Once you get there, you’ll realize, to hell with men!”

The women who had never been to a nightclub followed Lumi just like that. Only when Shang Zhitao arrived at the nightclub did she realize how naive she still was. Within the second minute of entering, she felt her heart was about to jump out. Yao Bei and Sun Yu, on the other hand, adapted well and danced with Lumi. They didn’t let her sit there, nor did they allow her to drink lemonade, ordering her a cocktail instead. Lumi shouted in her ear, “No going home tonight!”

Shang Zhitao found her extremely amusing, laughed out loud, and also took a sip of Lumi’s drink. Shang Zhitao started drinking from that day on. But she was picky about who she drank with, only drinking with people she liked. At that time, her alcohol tolerance was still poor. After half a glass of cocktail, she felt dizzy. Fortunately, she was still relatively sober, swaying to the music. When Luan Nian’s call came in, she didn’t see clearly, only saw her phone light up, and answered casually, “Hello?”

It was also a coincidence that no one had bothered her for so long, but the moment she answered the phone, a man leaned close to her ear, “Beautiful, want to dance?”

Shang Zhitao subconsciously dodged him, and looked at her phone again. It had hung up. She opened the call history, brought the phone closer, and saw Luan Nian’s name. So she politely called him back, “Is there something wrong? I didn’t hear clearly just now.”

“Where are you?” Luan Nian asked her.

“I’m at a nightclub.” Shang Zhitao didn’t think there was anything wrong with going to a nightclub. Apart from being too noisy, it was quite fun, and she was starting to enjoy herself.

Luan Nian didn’t reply to her. He knew that young girls liked to have fun, and even the most well-behaved ones had rebellious moments. Shang Zhitao going to a nightclub had no essential connection to him. Even if she went home with some man tonight, he wouldn’t mind. After a long time, he sent her another message: “Could you please take care of my fish for me?”

Shang Zhitao didn’t reply to him again.

To be precise, Shang Zhitao had drunk too much. She didn’t even know where her own phone was and was sent home by the other three women. When she opened her eyes the next morning, a thick layer of snow had accumulated.

She felt a little lost.

Did it snow this heavily in Hokkaido too? So she took out her computer to check the weather in Hokkaido. The snow in Hokkaido was indeed very heavy, and Otaru was truly beautiful. There were only a few travelogues about Hokkaido on the website, which she had read countless times. It was on the night of Christmas Eve that she suddenly saw a short travelogue, newly uploaded. There was a group photo in the travelogue, and in one of the pictures, she recognized someone very well: Luan Nian.

Luan Nian reached under a girl’s armpits, lifted her up, and threw her into the snow. He was laughing very happily.

So he also had such happy times.

Shang Zhitao also found that girl familiar. She thought for a long, long time before remembering that it was the girl who went to Luan Nian’s room that night in Guangzhou. So her name was Zang Yao.

Zang Yao was really beautiful. No wonder his friends wanted him to make it official quickly.

Shang Zhitao read that travelogue dozens of times. She could even recite Zang Yao’s description. She wrote: “In this lifetime, you must come to Hokkaido with the person you love. Drink sake in Otaru, watch the snow at Lake Toya, soak in an outdoor hot spring, a group of people slightly tipsy, look at each other, and say: Let’s be together forever.”

This passage was written so well that Shang Zhitao almost cried. She liked Zang Yao’s photo the most, dancing on tiptoes in the thick snow.

It was the life she couldn’t have.

Her Christmas Eve was a little lonely. Downstairs, adults were bringing their children to exchange apples. In those years, everyone was enthusiastic about Western holidays. She felt she should also eat an apple, so she jumped out of bed and went to the living room, where she saw an apple on the dining table. Under the apple was a piece of paper with the words: “To Shang Zhitao. Merry Christmas Eve. Sun Yuanzhu.”

Shang Zhitao suddenly burst into tears.