#85: Qin Xing & Chu Ran Extra - Blinded

In early November, filming for “How Should I Love You,” starring Chu Ran, began. This drama was shot in Beijing and Xiamen, moving to Xiamen three months later. Today was the second week of filming. They were currently shooting scenes between the male lead and the second female lead.

Chu Ran sat resting nearby. Her lines were memorized, so she scrolled on her phone to pass the time. In the company’s small group chat, there were [279 messages]. Since joining the crew, she had set the company group to do not disturb. It wasn’t that she didn’t have time to read the group messages, but rather she didn’t want to see messages from a certain someone.

Today, foolishly, Chu Ran clicked on the group messages. The first thing she saw was Qin Xing’s profile picture, and the message he had sent to someone, she didn’t know who: [Busy tonight, have a movie date with my girlfriend.] The consequence of her foolishness was a sharp stab to her heart. Chu Ran deleted the group chat and handed her phone to her assistant. The wounded spot still throbbed faintly even after filming wrapped up for the night.

After removing her makeup, Chu Ran prepared to return to the hotel. The set was far from where she lived, so she opted to stay at the hotel with the crew to avoid the commute.

“Sister Ran.” Someone called from behind her. The voice was gentle and sweet, belonging to the actress playing the second female lead in the drama. Chu Ran turned around and politely asked, “Is there something?”

“No night scenes tonight. They’re planning to find a place to eat hot pot. If you’re not busy... join us. It’ll be lively with more people.” She added, “Oh, Director Zhou is going too.”

Chu Ran barely hesitated. “Sure!” This was a treatment she hadn’t received in years. In previous crews, no one invited her to private gatherings; she was a buzzkill. Who would want to entertain a difficult person when they were trying to relax?

On the way to the hot pot restaurant, that sense of unreality still made Chu Ran feel dazed. She wouldn’t say she was popular with the crew, but at least, they no longer disliked her. Since filming began, as Director Zhou Mingqian put it, her performance was commendable. Zhou Mingqian was usually stingy with praise, so that sentence was a great honor and recognition for her. “Reborn” was a new label given to her by netizens after the variety show she participated in with Chen Yinuo aired.

Just as she was lost in thought, Sister Li called. Sister Li asked her what time she would arrive at the hotel, as there was a business contract for her to review. “And try on the dresses.” Chu Ran was attending a fashion event next week, and Sister Li had borrowed two haute couture dresses to see which looked better on camera.

Chu Ran: “We’re having dinner tonight, and I don’t know when it will end. How about tomorrow night?” She sounded like a child who had received candy, unable to resist showing off to an adult. “It’s a private gathering with the crew; it wouldn’t be good for me to leave early.”

Sister Li certainly understood the subtle pride in Chu Ran’s words. Finally being well-regarded, as her agent, she naturally felt happy too. Sister Li spoke quickly: “You have achieved what you have today. Besides Shen Tang, you should thank Qin Xing the most for pulling you back from being a mess.”

Suddenly, Qin Xing was mentioned, and Chu Ran fell silent. Sister Li: “Honestly, even if I were your agent, I couldn’t have done what he did.” She helped Chu Ran recall the past: “During those days of training for the variety show, he was always by your side, the first to arrive at the company every day, running with you, doing physical training with you, meticulously correcting your bad habits, and enduring your occasional sarcasm and harsh words.”

Chu Ran pinched her fingertips. She hadn’t forgotten, even without Sister Li saying it. But at that time, she hadn’t realized at all that Qin Xing was so strict with her, even sometimes shouting at her, because he wanted her to improve. At that time, Qin Xing was so exasperated by her that he crumpled the cigarette in his hand and threw it away, angrily scolding her for not trying harder: “Are you planning to be a laughing stock for the rest of your life?”

“Even when you fell out with him, he still made sure others kept an eye on your physical training, carefully selected scripts for you, chose variety shows, and fought for any advertising resources he could get for you.” Sister Li’s words brought Chu Ran back to reality.

“Sister Li, what was your impression of me before you became my agent?”

“Huh?” Sister Li laughed herself, then retorted, “What do you think?”

Chu Ran: “I want to hear the truth.”

“The truth is, you were stupid and mean back then.”

“...” Even though she was mentally prepared, hearing that phrase still stung.

Sister Li sighed, “I couldn’t understand it then either. You could clearly establish an image of a rich and beautiful girl who is also hardworking and ambitious, but you insisted on being an arrogant and bossy young lady that everyone disliked.”

Chu Ran self-mocked, “When I look at my past self now, I feel like I was mentally retarded.”

Sister Li found it hard not to agree, “Rare self-awareness.”

“...” Chu Ran wasn’t in a good mood and wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

The car stopped at the entrance of the hot pot restaurant. They arrived late, and there were no parking spaces. Having arranged to try on dresses with Sister Li tomorrow night, Chu Ran hung up the phone and got out of the car.

Chu Ran had only walked a few steps when a group of young men and women emerged from the parking lot to her right. It wasn’t close, and it was night, but she still spotted that familiar figure at a glance. This hot pot restaurant was notoriously expensive, but aside from the price, there was nothing to fault. So, it wasn’t surprising to run into Qin Xing eating hot pot here. Didn’t he say he was going to watch a movie with his girlfriend tonight? Was he eating after the movie, for a late-night showing?

Qin Xing was seen with a cigarette in his mouth, pulling out a lighter. A small cluster of blue flame ignited. Before he could light his cigarette, the girl next to him blew it out. Qin Xing looked at the girl, said something, she tried to blow it out again, but he held her by the neck and pushed her aside. Laughter ensued. Chu Ran looked closely at the girl; she remembered the girl’s delicate profile from before—it was Qin Xing’s girlfriend. She stopped and turned her head away, not wanting to see such an intimate scene.

Among those few people, only Qin Xing and another man were smoking; the others had already entered the private room. When Chu Ran looked back, Qin Xing’s girlfriend was no longer there. He had his back to her, chatting with his friend, cigarette smoke curling from between his fingers. He wasn’t a heavy smoker; when he trained with her, he sometimes wouldn’t smoke a single cigarette all day.

Ha. Chu Ran felt like she was sick. What did his smoking or not smoking have to do with her? He had a girlfriend now.

Her phone rang; it was someone from the crew calling, asking where she was. Chu Ran spoke softly, “I’m at the entrance, almost there.” This time, she couldn’t avoid walking past Qin Xing; it was her first private gathering with the crew, and it wouldn’t be good to be late. Chu Ran pretended to be nonchalant and walked into the restaurant.

At first, Qin Xing didn’t see her. It was the person opposite him, who was flicking a cigarette butt, who saw Chu Ran. That person jutted his chin backwards, “Isn’t that your company’s... what’s her name?” He couldn’t recall Chu Ran’s name for a moment.

“I’m going in first.” Qin Xing turned his head, and his gaze met Chu Ran’s directly. He was her company’s boss and had tirelessly helped her. Both emotionally and logically, she should have greeted him properly, and ideally, said thank you. Chu Ran prepared herself mentally. As she walked past Qin Xing, she slowed her steps, no longer arrogant as before, but maintaining her pride perfectly. “Mr. Qin, what a coincidence.”

Qin Xing nodded, extinguished his cigarette, and strode into the hot pot restaurant. He didn’t look at her again, bothering to ignore her. Chu Ran stood rooted to the spot for a while.

________________________________________

The next time Chu Ran saw Qin Xing was two weeks later, at a fashion event. That night, Sister Li accompanied her, intending to introduce her to a few people. After the red carpet segment, she saw Qin Xing surrounded by a crowd inside. The young master of the Qin family had suddenly changed his cynical, playboy demeanor and started earnestly building his career, astonishing everyone. Since he joined Shen Tang’s film and television company and became a major shareholder, he had been personally involved in everything, and crucially, never put on airs. Discussions about him in the industry had never stopped. Today, seeing him in person, there were naturally many people gathered around him. The charm and boldness of a prodigal son turning over a new leaf made him the focus of the night.

Through the crowd, Chu Ran glanced at him. This dazzling man had once been meticulously good to her. Before their falling out, he had never missed a single recording of her variety show. But what had she said about him? She had called him useless, said he was inferior to Zhao Chiyi, said he wasn’t even worth a penny.

“Chu Ran.” Sister Li came to find her. “Let me introduce you to some veterans in the fashion industry.” Chu Ran smiled faintly. “Okay.” Her peripheral vision flickered towards Qin Xing again.

Sister Li seemed to see right through her, her tone incredibly casual, “Originally, with Qin Xing here, I wouldn’t have to make an extra trip to introduce you. He just broke up, so I was afraid he wouldn’t be in the mood to joke around with people, but looking at him just now, he doesn’t seem to be affected.”

Chu Ran’s feet paused. “When did he break up?” Her voice could barely conceal her surprise. She immediately felt she had lost her composure and quickly tried to compensate: “Last time I saw him with his girlfriend when I was having hot pot with the crew, their relationship looked good. I didn’t expect them to break up after only two weeks. It’s such a shame,” she said against her true feelings.

Sister Li: “I’m not sure when they broke up. That night when we were working overtime at the company and having late-night snacks, he casually mentioned that he was single now and didn’t need to rush home.” Chu Ran quickly drank the red wine in her glass. It was sweet and fragrant. Sister Li gave her a “you’re crazy” look. Chu Ran smiled gracefully: “Don’t worry, my alcohol tolerance is fine.”

He broke up. She had never been so happy. The inexplicable sense of loss, even sadness, and a hint of unwillingness that she had felt these past few months finally found a reason. Even if she didn’t want to admit she liked someone, the truth was now slapping her in the face.

After meeting the fashion industry veterans and chatting warmly for a while, Chu Ran’s mind had already drifted far away. Sister Li could tell and let her leave. She wandered around the banquet hall but didn’t see Qin Xing. She asked around and found out he had gone outside to smoke. Chu Ran: “Thank you, I need to ask my boss about a contract.” No one doubted the truth of her words.

Chu Ran went to the smoking area to find him. There were four or five men gathered there, chatting and laughing, but Qin Xing was not among them. In a window on the other side, Qin Xing leaned against the sill, holding an ashtray in one hand, half his body shielded from the wind. It was late November, and the cold wind pierced to the bone. He wore a thin shirt with two buttons open at the collar, standing there lost in thought. At this moment, Chu Ran suddenly couldn’t feel happy. From his appearance, he looked exactly like someone who had just gone through a breakup.

Feeling a shadow nearby, Qin Xing turned his head, his eyes narrowed. He seemed not to welcome her presence. Since she was already there and he had seen her, Chu Ran straightened her back and walked over calmly. Qin Xing no longer looked at her, returning to his previous posture.

Chu Ran stopped about a meter away from him. The cold wind, mixed with choking smoke, directly hit her face, making her cough several times. Qin Xing showed no reaction, continuing to smoke his cigarette. It seemed she wouldn’t wait for him to speak first. Chu Ran involuntarily clutched her handbag. “Thank you for before.” The words “I’m sorry” were stuck in her throat, unable to come out.

Qin Xing said nothing. The silence tormented her. Chu Ran braced herself. “I heard you broke up.”

Qin Xing impatiently said, “Just say what you want to say all at once, don’t be like squeezing toothpaste.” He took a drag from his cigarette, and it took a while for the smoke to be exhaled. In those few tens of seconds, Chu Ran remained silent. Perhaps she didn’t know what to say.

Qin Xing satisfied her curiosity: “Yes, we broke up. Our personalities weren’t compatible, it was an amicable breakup. You don’t need to gloat; just because I’m useless in your eyes doesn’t mean I’m not a gem in others’. Out of all the girlfriends I’ve had, which one wasn’t better than you? So don’t take yourself too seriously. It was my willingness to give you the chance to squander my patience, otherwise, what did you think?”

Chu Ran latched onto the point in his words she cared about most. “Why were you willing to give me the chance to squander your patience?”

Qin Xing extinguished his cigarette butt. “I admit, I was... a little bit fond of you back then.” After a few seconds, “I was blind.”

Chu Ran’s heart raced. Looking out into the night, she gathered all her courage and whispered, “Then, can you stay blind forever?”

“...” Qin Xing glanced at Chu Ran, then turned and walked back into the banquet hall. Chu Ran was left alone by the window, drinking in the cold wind.