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“First, I’d like to make one thing clear.”
The woman’s voice, cutting through the air, was quite resolute.
“Our marriage will be a contract, not based on love.”
“......”
“A contract that will be beneficial to both you and me.”
Siliam Beaufort.
That was the opening line spoken by my fiancée, who had caused quite a stir with rumors in aristocratic society, on the day she met me.
________________________________________
I was a man who had always thought life was fleeting.
I was born with an unclear parentage, and my life had been without a clear goal. Especially after wandering the streets and slums and then jumping into mercenary work, I always carried the thought that I might be struck by a sword and die at any moment, so I had even less attachment to life.
Truly futile days.
My heart beat, my lungs expanded and contracted, maintaining my life, but other than that, my existence held no meaning. Perhaps that’s why the color of life for me was a simple, bland, ashen gray.
Maybe it was because my vision was often obscured by the bright red blood that splattered onto my retinas every day. Having spent my days wading through battlefields where I had to swing my sword first and ask questions later, ordinary life felt too monotonous for me.
The Emperor’s unexpected command didn’t deviate much from that.
He was my lord, who had highly valued my bravery and spirit displayed in the previous demon subjugation war and had given me a high position in his military.
<I want you to get married.>
From his noble lips always fell words like ‘kill’, ‘annihilate’, ‘exterminate’. But that day was different. I realized anew that those lips could also utter peaceful and sweet words like marriage.
<I know you have no interest in this sort of thing, but if you agree, a title will be bestowed upon you. It’s not a bad offer for you either.>
His languid tone was close to a suggestion, but in reality, it was closer to an order. There was no particular reason to stubbornly refuse. Nothing would change even if another shade of gray was painted over my gray life. My insignificant life wasn’t the kind that would undergo a significant change just because its colors became richer.
<The other party is the only daughter of Marquis Beaufort’s family. Siliam Beaufort, a woman who once had quite a reputation. Well, she has some flaws, but I don’t think you’d mind them much.>
<May I ask what you mean by flaws?>
<She’s an unwed mother. She has an illegitimate child with a commoner.>
Only then did I roughly understand. Having taken a position in the Imperial Army and serving the Emperor closely, I had come to realize that the world of political strife was more intricate and complex than it appeared. In their luxurious society, marriage was also a kind of business.
<That sly old Marquis presented me with quite an appealing offer. They say Lady Beaufort insists that only you become her groom. It would be convenient for you too if you receive a title this time. It’s rather fortunate. The people around me have been so noisy about me appointing a commoner as Commander.>
The Emperor’s command and my submission. It was just a series of events no different from any other time. The matter I readily accepted proceeded smoothly.
A week later, I received a letter brought by a servant of the Beaufort Marquisate. It was sent by Siliam Beaufort, my fiancée. The short letter contained only the message that she wished to meet me quietly, alone.
And so, immediately after we faced each other, without even exchanging pleasantries, she spoke those words.
That our marriage was simply a contract.
Frankly speaking, there had been quite a few young ladies who had confessed their feelings to me through banquets and gatherings. This wasn’t to boast about my vanity or popularity, but simply the truth. It was a phenomenon that had occurred precisely since I had taken on the position of Commander.
The Commander, a symbol of the Emperor’s trust, was an honorable position that even nobles couldn’t easily attain, so it was quite understandable that they would be interested in a commoner who had achieved it.
And hadn’t the Emperor mentioned that she insisted on me as her groom? Therefore, I had no doubt that it was due to such reasons...
But the resolute tone she used now made it clear that it was merely my delusion.
“I heard you wanted me as your groom.”
Being someone who detested dragging things out, I asked without delay. In a place where the word ‘contract’ was being exchanged, there shouldn’t be any remaining questions. Siliam Beaufort looked slightly surprised, as if she hadn’t known I was aware of that fact.
She lowered her eyes and fiddled with her teacup before letting out a deep sigh.
“That’s true. But it was for Rosen.”
“Rosen?”
“My daughter.”
I nodded indifferently.
I had heard she had an illegitimate child with a commoner, so it seemed that Rosen was the one. My attitude was so dry that it didn’t seem like that of someone acknowledging a future family member, but Siliam Beaufort didn’t point it out.
Instead of pointing it out, she hesitated and then moved her lips heavily, as if pulling out a secret.
“I would appreciate it if the conversation we have in here doesn’t leak outside.”
It was a roundabout way of asking me to keep my mouth shut from that moment on. Seeing signs that she was about to bring up an unusual topic, I shrugged in response. From the start, I had no intention of spreading stories related to this young lady anywhere.
Siliam Beaufort, glancing at my reaction, began to speak with difficulty.
“To be polite, I should tell you in advance that I don’t have long to live.”
It was right after hearing those words that my indifferent attitude changed slightly.
I put down my teacup and looked closely at her face for the first time. I had heard that she was once a lady who had dominated society, and the traces of that reputation still remained. Even to my untrained eye, she had a beautiful appearance that naturally evoked admiration.
“It’s an incurable disease.”
“......Does Marquis Beaufort know?”
“No. Not even my father, no one knows. Keeping this fact a secret is also part of the proposal I’m making.”
“May I ask why you’re telling me this?”
“Because I need to persuade you to agree to this marriage.”
“......”
“I don’t intend to be bothersome. Perhaps I only have about a year left... just pretend to be husband and wife until then. But even after I die, divorce is not an option.”
“In that case, wouldn’t it be better to tell the Marquis and spend your remaining days with your family?”
The more I talked to this woman, the more I felt like I was falling into a maze. I couldn’t understand at all why she, being ill, was so desperately trying to marry me.
Siliam Beaufort gave a bitter smile at my rather cold question.
“No. I absolutely must marry you.”
“......Why?”
“That’s something I cannot tell you.”
It couldn’t be denied that it was a rather one-sided way of talking. I scratched my forehead, reflecting on the short but profound conversation I had had with her. But no matter how I tried to find an opening, there were too many mysterious aspects. It felt like she was giving me a riddle. Of course, in my current state, I couldn’t deduce the answer to that riddle at all.
“If you agree to marry me, Commander, you will receive a title. I heard that you haven’t been very interested in marriage until now. So, after my wife, me, disappears over time, you can live as if you were still unmarried. Here, ‘as if you were still unmarried’ literally means ‘as if’, and it absolutely does not mean that I will grant you a divorce.”
“Why are you so adamant about no divorce?”
I had been trying to be polite, but at her incomprehensible words, a sharp question involuntarily sprang out. However, Siliam seemed amused by my frank attitude and curved the corner of her mouth. Perhaps because I had heard she was terminally ill, her smile seemed more like a pitiful leaf about to fall from a branch than a blooming flower.
“I would like to tell you the reason for that after we get married. Well, if the proposal seems dubious or unappealing, I hope you will withdraw early.”
That meant if I rejected her outright, she would immediately look for another groom.
I rubbed my chin, gazing at Siliam Beaufort. Seeing that she intended to reveal the reason after the marriage, it would probably be an irreversible reason once the ceremony was over. So, she was kindly giving me this opportunity to escape.
There was nothing to think about. In my meager and insignificant life, the Emperor’s command was an absolute that could not be defied. Having already accepted the marriage proposal he had offered, I had to jump into it willingly, even if hell awaited at the end.
“I cannot disobey His Imperial Majesty’s command.”
“So, you will marry me?”
Her asking until the very last moment felt unsettling, so I nodded reluctantly. Seeing that, Siliam Beaufort smiled once more. She was pretty, but it merely grazed my retina, not enough to stir my heart, so my gaze quickly drifted away.
Our meeting that day ended with the matters that had been discussed earlier and the signing of a contract to keep them secret. It was a meeting so devoid of warmth that even business partners would have been more cordial.
I was to meet Siliam Beaufort again a month later.
Marquis Beaufort, whom I had only heard about and who had come out early to greet me, was indeed as cunning as the Emperor had described. He smiled with a curve in his eyes, but the pupils within were busy scrutinizing and assessing me.
To a noble who calculated profit down to the bone, I was probably just some lowlife who had wallowed in filth. Still, he smiled broadly, perhaps grateful that I held a prominent position related to military power and was taking his unwed mother daughter.
I suddenly lifted my head, which had been facing forward, because the breeze that blew at that moment was quite warm.
I slowly closed my eyes, enjoying the pleasant breeze, and then opened them. Only then did I spot a woman leaning against the window, looking down. The first thing that caught my eye was her white, long wrist. As she brushed back her honey-colored hair, swaying in the gentle breeze, and her face gradually came into view, I suddenly swallowed hard.
‘...Snowflake.’
That was my first impression.
Her face was so fair it felt almost translucent, and the delicate features nestled within seemed exquisitely beautiful. Yet, it wasn’t a monotonous whiteness, as her fluttering blonde hair emitted a vibrant color.
Strangely, it felt as if the world, which had been entirely painted in shades of gray, brightened in an instant. It was like clean snow piling up densely in a fetid swamp. That was the natural enchantment that couldn’t help but arise the moment I met her clear, crimson pupils.
It was the first time I had ever met someone’s gaze and then looked away. It was because of my nature, which had never easily bowed down even when facing someone as high as the sky, so I often endured the scornful looks of nobles.
To turn away from such a girl, who was simply entrusting herself to the fluttering breeze, because I couldn’t handle her.
But I didn’t feel resentful. Far from it, my heart was pounding wildly, as if it were in a riot. I had to constantly rub my chest as I followed the guidance to the dining hall.
It was a truly strange sensation.
________________________________________
The outdoor weather, which couldn’t even be hidden by a mere tent, was rather chilly. But I couldn’t easily fall asleep for entirely different reasons. I tossed and turned for a long time on the bed covered with thick animal hides, and finally, I abruptly sat up.
And when I pulled back the woolen blanket...
“Haa...”
My trousers were unmistakably erect. The outline of something fiercely standing, enough to pierce the fabric, was both secret and clear. I tried to think of pious thoughts, but it was a failure. I even recited solemn military songs with my face buried in my hands, but my angry lower region showed no signs of calming down.
A sigh escaped involuntarily. It was a frustrating phenomenon that had been continuing for several days.
That young girl I had encountered before setting out on the expedition. After seeing the woman who was my fiancée’s daughter, just recalling her face brought me to this state.
I repeatedly paced in circles inside the tent. Even the momentum that seemed to be subsiding would make my blood rush back up at the mere thought of her fair face. All attempts to calm myself were futile.
Having no other choice, I sat on the bed and unfastened my trousers. When on expeditions, depending on the characteristics of the cities or towns we passed through, prostitutes would often secretly infiltrate the military camp. These were mostly the actions of those with the audacious ambition of having a knight’s baby and starting a family.
Even when a nearly naked prostitute had secretly entered my barracks, my lower half hadn’t stirred. When the men below me heard this news, they had even been shocked, wondering if I was perhaps impotent. Seeing the oily sheen on their faces, it was clear they had spent a lively night rolling around with prostitutes. Having experienced that night of ecstasy, they couldn’t understand me even more.
There was no particular reason why I didn’t feel lust.
I just wasn’t in the mood.
‘But why like this...?’
I awkwardly grasped the swollen flesh that felt utterly unfamiliar and clumsily moved it. The cock with bulging veins throbbed roughly, as if trying to shoot out the thick fluid that had gathered in my testicles.
But it wasn’t satisfying at all. I held the fleshy pillar and, while stroking it up and down, once again vividly pictured the object that had been stirring my heart all along.
The elegantly curved eyes, the clear crimson pupils, the cheeks flushed apricot from exposure to the cold breeze, the lips as red as if they had absorbed pigment...
“Kuh!”
The moment I imagined thrusting my cock into those small, red lips, my lower region throbbed heavily, and soon I reached climax. The ejaculate, thick and strongly scented as if it had been pent up for a long time, splattered down. The whitish mucus I had powerfully shot onto the parched ground drew a dirty trail.
Afterward, it was only natural that a sense of self-loathing washed over me.
It would have been different if it had been with the woman who was to become my wife.
But with, with, my fiancée’s daughter...? How old was she again? Hadn’t she just come of age? I couldn’t even clearly remember our conversation. I had just been staring blankly at her lips, which made me want to immediately bury my own there.
The deeper my thoughts went, the more my self-loathing intensified.
Feeling like I might really have the urge to kill myself if things continued like this, I got up and went outside. As soon as I pulled back the dark blue curtain, a loud commotion erupted. It seemed that everyone wasn’t feeling tense because we were still some distance from the mountain range teeming with monsters.
There seemed to be no need to scold them when it wasn’t even a state of war, so I strode over there.
“Oh, Commander. Weren’t you going to rest early?”
One of my subordinates, a friendly fellow, handed me a large barrel of alcohol. Smelling it, it seemed to be rum. I plopped down on an empty spot and downed it in one gulp, causing the others who had been chatting to cheer.
I propped my chin on my hand and just drained the rum, letting their words pass in one ear and out the other.
“Ah, that reminds me, Commander. Are you really going to marry Lady Beaufort?”
It was completely unexpected that the topic would turn to me. Even though I had drunk so much rum, I wasn’t drunk, and the question was perfectly clear. The reason I frowned at the question was that the fair face I had barely washed away with alcohol floated back into my mind.
“Yeah.”
“Ooooh.”
“No way, someone who had no interest in that sort of thing!”
“Have you met her in person? They say that young lady is so beautiful it would be easy for her to make any man fall for her. Is that true?”
“Hey, you. Shut up. She might be the Commander’s wife in the future.”
Indeed, being a group consisting only of burly and vigorous men, their words flowed without restraint. I swept back my disheveled black hair and thought.
Still, I wasn’t completely sober, as I couldn’t clearly recall Siliam Beaufort’s face. The afterimage swirling in my retina was quite blurry. What did she look like again? After learning that she was terminally ill, her appearance just felt pathetic, no matter what it was.
Her features were blurry, so there was nothing to even discuss. But strangely, the face of her daughter, the illegitimate child she had with a commoner, the girl who had been leaning against the window looking down at me, was incredibly vivid.
It seemed that only her skin and hair color resembled Siliam’s; her features were strangely different. A fair face that reminded me of a snowflake, or a dandelion seed that would fly away if the wind blew.
Did she take after her biological father more than her mother? It was a question I had no way of knowing. In any case, in my eyes...
“...She was pretty.”
Before my brain could even issue a command, my lips opened on their own. What did I just say? Only after raising my head and seeing the dumbfounded expressions of my subordinates did I realize what nonsense I had just uttered.
Crazy bastard... Self-reproach welled up like a spring.
But those words that had slipped out unintentionally were my true feelings.
Siliam’s daughter, Rosen.
Yes. Rosen was so beautiful that she could make even my lowly, insignificant lower half, which was said to be as good as useless, stand erect at any time. If that wasn’t beautiful, then what was? I wanted to see her again. The more I pictured her in my mind, the more my heart ached. For the first time in my life, I wished the expedition would end even a little sooner.
________________________________________
I came to realize, one by one after meeting Rosen, just how much of a piece of trash and a shameless person I was. I couldn’t control the fiery desire that bloomed within me. When she was in front of me, I just wanted to touch her and was impatient to lick her everywhere. It was as if I had become a beast devoid of reason.
Even when I proposed horseback riding, I really intended for it to be a wholesome activity. I wanted to get closer to her gradually, step by step.
But when I came to my senses, I had already reached out with a sinister touch.
Rosen was like a drug. Once I laid a hand on her, I couldn’t stop. She completely turned me into an addict, to the point where I couldn’t bear it without taking her.
And so, I tried to possess that sobbing child even while forcefully suppressing her. I didn’t even know that such a deep shade of possessiveness existed within me. The gray I used to talk about was laughable; my insides were burning red.
More than anything, when she tried to avoid me, an uncontrollable rage surged from within. Every time, I would ensnare and bind her with lewd jokes and talk of Siliam, which I had no intention of bringing up, and fulfill my desires.
What rationalized my faint sense of guilt was Rosen’s reaction. If she truly wanted to push me away, why would she wrap her arms around my neck first and rub her crotch against my thigh? Her occasional demanding behavior seemed unconscious, as if even she didn’t know it.
Anyway, while her lips repeated words of dislike, her body faithfully responded to the stimulation I gave her. That was both beautiful and infuriating, so there was no denying that I sometimes deliberately brought up our unhealthy relationship and acted cruelly.
To reveal a slightly more vulgar bottom line, the way she would purse her reddish lips and hesitantly utter the title ‘Father’ was somewhat... arousing.
It would be a lie to say there was no self-loathing in that process of pushing her. No, rather than self-loathing... I would occasionally reconsider our twisted relationship.
Rosen was clearly my fiancée’s daughter. So, if I married Siliam, she would legally become my stepdaughter.
I hadn’t touched that child without any sense of responsibility. I was confident that I would willingly take responsibility. However, desire was burning hot, and reality was so far away that our relationship had somehow become strangely twisted and had flowed to this point.
The Emperor’s command hung over me, and my heart was reined in countless times. It was a kind of sense of duty to make this marriage succeed no matter what.
But what good was that?
The moment I saw Rosen, duty and whatever else took a backseat. How could I give up that beautiful girl who would flinch and hug me tightly every time I grabbed her slender chin and pushed my tongue in?
In the end, I had no choice but to admit it. The one I wanted to marry wasn’t Siliam, but her daughter.
Therefore, the night after I had Rosen completely, I had no choice but to go to Siliam.
“I would like to withdraw from the marriage.”
If only I hadn’t laid a hand on her from the beginning, this wouldn’t have happened. But that was impossible. Hadn’t I reached out even when I thought my reason was properly sharp? I was someone who would eventually touch her anyway.
Of course, I couldn’t tell Siliam, Rosen’s mother, about my dirty intentions. So, without any explanation, I abruptly blurted out the main point like that.
Wearing a negligee and a gown, as if she was preparing to go to bed, she stared at me blankly before letting out a sigh.
“It’s too late now.”
“I have no intention of marrying you.”
“Then you should have withdrawn earlier.”
“What is the reason you insist on marrying me?”
The condition she had mentioned before, that divorce would absolutely not be possible if we married, also bothered me a bit. In fact, there had been plenty of time to dig into it, but after moving in together, I had been half out of my mind secretly sleeping with Rosen.
Siliam sat on the sofa, quietly gazing at the precariously flickering candlelight. Her expression was troubled. I waited silently for her to speak. Soon, she gestured for me to sit across from her. As soon as I sat down, she got up and approached the bookshelf.
Siliam took something out from the second shelf and held it out to me.
“What is this?”
Siliam gestured for me to look at it first and then reached for a cigar from the side table drawer. The way she brought the cigar filler to the dim light was as familiar as that of a heavy smoker like me. I watched her for a moment before lowering my gaze.
What Siliam had handed me was a document listing information about a count in the imperial borderlands. The old count, nearing sixty, boasted a splendid history as if his family had a long and distinguished lineage. According to the explanation, he was currently pushed out of the central power and only ruled a single county, but thanks to the significant merits of his ancestors, he still lived lavishly.
The notable history was his marital relationships. He had married six times in his nearly sixty years, and the document stated that all the wives he had taken had died young.
“Count Kidian, he’s famous in these circles.”
She said, exhaling smoke after taking a puff of her cigar.
“For his bizarre habits that lead to his wives’ early deaths.”
“......”
“And he only wants young women as brides. That’s probably one of his habits too.”
“But why this...”
“If I don’t agree to marry this time either, my father plans to marry Rosen off to that count.”
Instantly, my hand clenched tightly, crumpling the document mercilessly. My face had long since turned cold. Siliam looked at me and then turned her gaze to the empty air.
“My father is only noble in bloodline; in his heart, he’s closer to a merchant. He values calculating profits in human relationships above all else. While thinking about how to make up for my failed marriage, he decided to sell Rosen off. It seems Count Kidian made a pretty good offer at just the right time. So, even though he clearly knows what a dirty character he is, he’s thinking of sending his own granddaughter.”
A cold smile played on Siliam’s lips.
“I chose you entirely for Rosen’s sake. As you already know, I don’t have much time left, and I needed a way to protect Rosen from my father. If you become Rosen’s stepfather even after I die, my father won’t be able to easily take Rosen away.”
“But... isn’t it possible with another man, not necessarily me?”
“No. It has to be you. It might sound unpleasant... but I wanted to marry a man who wasn’t from the nobility.”
“......”
“I’m also a noble, but these people really disgust me with how much they value lineage, to the point of obsession. If I were to choose a man from a seemingly good family according to my father’s wishes, would he really look kindly upon Rosen, who has commoner blood mixed in? It would be a relief if he didn’t throw her out the moment I die.”
Only now did I perfectly understand all the schemes Siliam had drawn.
She needed a shield that wouldn’t disregard Rosen because she was illegitimate and that could protect her from Marquis Beaufort.
“My father said he would withdraw Rosen’s marriage proposal as long as I got married. But as you know, I don’t have much time. This is probably my last... chance. Actually, there aren’t any other suitable commoner candidates besides you, so if I miss this opportunity, it will be a complete failure.”
At this point, my concern could only deepen even further.
If we married, Rosen would become my stepdaughter. Since she was already so busy pushing me away, her resistance and rejection would only become more severe. But if I withdrew from the marriage, she would go to that dirty old man...
I had never once been dissatisfied with the fact that I didn’t have a noble title. Rather, there were even refreshing aspects to being able to openly show my dirty and unyielding nature as a commoner. That petty underestimation, I could just brush it off with the words ‘uneducated’.
But at this moment, my mouth felt dry and bitter. As someone without a noble title, I was a low-ranking nobody who couldn’t even stand against Marquis Beaufort. Even though I was a commander who controlled military power, the difference between having a noble title and not having one was enormous.
Siliam’s eyes widened at the curse that burst out of my teeth without restraint. I abruptly stood up and slammed my hand on the table.
“Let’s do it, the marriage.”
First, I had to somehow stop Marquis Beaufort’s schemes. I had no intention of handing Rosen over to another man, especially such an unsightly one.
When I opened my tightly clenched hand, I saw a completely crumpled piece of paper. Siliam took the cigar from her mouth and smiled faintly.
“It seems you’ve already grown fond of Rosen.”
It would be a lie if my conscience didn’t waver at that question. She also had guilt, but anyway, this mother and daughter desperately needed me to escape the clutches of the hellish Marquis Beaufort. I made a vile and base rationalization: someone of that level wouldn’t mind a sin that happened in secret from her.
“She’s a lovely child.”
Siliam looked out the window with pensive eyes.
“...She looks a lot like her biological father.”
It was the first time I had heard about Rosen’s biological father since meeting her. I was about to leave the bedroom immediately but had no choice but to stop abruptly. It was a question I had been curious about in a way.
“Rosen’s biological father.”
“......”
“Do you still love him?”
I wasn’t one to take much interest in others, but since she was someone I would be marrying, even if only formally, I had some lingering questions about her past. Of course, her answers wouldn’t affect me in any way. Perhaps that’s why I asked with an even lighter heart.
Siliam’s eyes widened like a rabbit’s, as if my question was quite unexpected. Soon, a faint smile appeared on her face, and she rose to answer.
“I’ve never once stopped loving him.”
Her smooth answer held no hesitation. Public speculation was that she had returned to the Marquis’s protection because her relationship with that commoner had ended in disaster. That a love that was once strong had ultimately led to ruin, and she had come to the capital after settling things.
But as I pondered the answer I had just heard, even that speculation seemed to be just a rumor.
“......Then why.”
“I didn’t want to be a burden.”
“......”
“Under the name of Beaufort, I was a noble lady, but once I threw everything away with my own hands, I was no different from a helpless idiot.”
Siliam shrugged, and that was the end of her explanation.
She still loved Rosen’s biological father. Did Rosen know this story? No, could she even begin to guess all the details?
“Don’t you plan to tell Rosen?”
“No.”
Siliam was resolute, as if there was no need for reconsideration. Her eyes, which now held more strength than before, stared directly at me.
“As you probably know, this story is also a secret between you and me.”
“......Even if you die?”
She paused, having taken a deep drag of her cigar. Her eyes, which seemed to have gathered darkness and lost their light, held a sorrow incomparable to before. It was only for a moment, but strangely, I could clearly discern it.
“I would prefer it if that were the case.”
“Not about Count Kidian, but even about your condition...”
“Rosen suffered so much scorn and disregard just because her father was a commoner. I wanted to raise that child with love, but... it was beyond my capabilities in my environment. Even my father was eager to belittle her every day.”
As she calmly spoke, a simmering resentment towards Marquis Beaufort welled up within me.
“So, I hope Rosen doesn’t lose any more confidence. If she finds out about this, she will probably be beside herself with guilt. She will struggle every time with the fact that I was forced into marriage because of her. I don’t want to put my daughter in that situation.”
The story about her biological father was ambiguous, but the one about Rosen was quite specific and clear. I could vaguely sense that both were love, but of different kinds. Siliam’s maternal love for Rosen was deeply conveyed.
I stared intently at her as she smoked her cigar before turning away. I was about to offer a presumptuous piece of advice that she should quit smoking as someone with an illness, but I held back, thinking that it might be the only joy left in her remaining days.
And so, with each of us harboring our own inner thoughts, Siliam and I came to an agreement about the wedding that was just a few days away.