SELA - 52

“So, what happened? Did he meet him?”

“It seems the Director did meet him.”

Sa-hee pressed her throbbing head with her hand.

“But what happened afterward was a bit... He went in and started talking loudly about money. When he came out, he had a bright expression, like he got what he wanted.”

“...”

“The employees were acting a bit strange today, weren’t they?”

“Yeah.”

“Words spread quickly, you know. Rumor has it that Secretary Yoon’s family extorted money from Director Shin.”

Coffee filled the cup. A pleasant aroma wafted through the pantry air.

“From their perspective, it’s strange. Why would Secretary Yoon’s family ask the Director for money, and why would the Director grant their request? Everyone seems curious, so they’re gossiping more.”

“I see.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Sa-hee’s face turned pale. The very thing she feared had finally happened. She felt ashamed, as if she had exposed her hidden shame to the whole world. She even found it difficult to look at Hae-young.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for listening without misunderstanding. I’ll drink the coffee myself. I have a meeting soon. See you later.”

Hae-young patted her shoulder kindly and left the pantry. Sa-hee stood blankly in front of the cup filled with coffee.

After acting all high and mighty, pretending to be cool and saying they should break up, her family came to ask for money. How absurd must it have been? How pathetic must she have looked?

She was tired. She was truly, utterly tired. In her past life and in her current life two years ago, she was sick and tired of herself for not being able to escape the trap called Yoon Cheol-woo.

Sa-hee took the cup to the sink and poured out the coffee. Then she turned on the water and washed the cup clean. She placed the washed cup on the drying rack. She also threw away the used coffee machine capsules. And then, and then...

Sa-hee buried her face in her hands and crouched down. She didn’t cry, but she couldn’t do anything properly.

She felt dizzy. Her stomach churned. She felt like throwing up. But there was nothing she could do to relieve herself.

“I’m tired...”

The small voice that barely escaped her lips sounded cowardly even to herself. She had always known it, but now she really couldn’t face Ji-hyuk. Tears welled up belatedly.

________________________________________

Sa-hee stood still for a while. She wasn’t protesting. She genuinely couldn’t do anything.

Time ticked on, and Ji-hyuk, who had been watching her silently, finally opened his mouth.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to report?”

Sa-hee’s heart ached at his dry voice, which was no different from usual.

“Did... did my brother come by last night?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“He asked for money.”

Ji-hyuk leaned back in his chair, answering monotonously as if it were nothing. Sa-hee closed and opened her eyes, feeling ashamed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, Sa-hee?”

“It’s because my family made a mistake. You didn’t give him what he asked for, did you?”

“I gave him what he asked for.”

“Why on earth...!”

Sa-hee’s voice rose. Ji-hyuk, who had been staring at her silently, broke his mask. His eyes instantly turned sharp, and his lips tightened. His jaw muscles tensed and relaxed, showing that he was gritting his teeth.

“You said you were having a hard time. So I gave it to him. Do you need another reason?”

Sa-hee wanted to cry.

“That’s a lie. You knew, you knew and still gave it to him, Director.”

“I don’t care whether it’s true or not. As long as you don’t go through any more terrible things, I’d let that bastard who calls himself your brother fleece me like an idiot. Do you understand?”

Had she ever seen Ji-hyuk’s face so cold? Ji-hyuk, who was looking at her with cold eyes beyond indifference, left her speechless.

Sa-hee barely held back her tears and opened her mouth.

“That’s enough. How much did you give him? I’ll repay you.”

“If you’re going to talk like that, leave.”

“Please don’t humiliate me any further. Just tell me.”

“I told you to leave.”

“Director!”

“I’ll leave.”

Ji-hyuk stood up abruptly and left the office, leaving Sa-hee behind. The door slammed shut, seeming as cold and hard as possible. As if to prevent her from ever reaching him.

Left alone, Sa-hee finally shed tears as she watched his retreating figure. Lonely and bitter tears, with no one to wipe them away.

________________________________________

She was curious. She had begged for him to be with someone else, but why didn’t her guardian angel grant her wish? Was she doing something wrong?

As her mind was cornered, Sa-hee began to blame herself for everything. Whether it was true or not didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was thinking this way and that she needed to find an answer.

Sa-hee pondered over her past life. What were the circumstances when her wish was granted then?

At that time, she had lost her will to live and sank into the bathtub at the house she shared with Ji-hyuk. So, if she recreated that situation, wouldn’t the same thing happen again?

Dangerous thoughts began to fill her mind.

That day, Ji-hyuk had a dinner appointment with Director Park of Il-young Construction. Having checked his schedule in advance, Sa-hee headed to his empty house.

The password was the same, and the house was the same. Nothing had changed.

After standing still in the living room for a moment, looking at the night view through the window, Sa-hee moved to the bathroom. The pouring water was refreshing. Sa-hee stared at the water filling the bathtub.

If this plan really worked, her love with him, his heart, would end. There would be no turning back. As soon as she reached that thought, her whole body, from her hands to her legs, trembled. It was a kind of fear. The fear of knowing she could never have Ji-hyuk back.

Sa-hee stepped into the bathtub with her clothes on, one foot at a time. When she slowly sat down, the overflowing water spilled onto the bathroom floor. Her body, which had been trembling for a while, continued to tremble even in the water.

Hugging her shivering body, Sa-hee sat in the bathtub and made up her mind. There was no need to waste any more time.

Leaning her head against the bathtub headrest, Sa-hee gradually slid her body under the water. Her body sank, her neck sank, her chin touched the surface. Soon, her mouth, nose, and eyes sank below the surface. Sa-hee closed her eyes and held her breath. All she had to do was wait for her wish to be granted.

After waiting for a while, she began to suffocate. Her dizzy mind grew faint. Just when she thought her mind and body were melting away.

“Yoon Sa-hee!”

Someone called her name and pulled her up.

Gasp, gasp. Cough, cough. Sa-hee gasped for breath and coughed violently.

“Are you crazy? Are you so desperate to die?”

Feeling someone hug her and frantically rub her cheeks and neck, Sa-hee opened her eyes. Even in her blurry vision, she could clearly see the eyes of the person looking down at her. It was Shin Ji-hyuk.

“Why? Were you planning to die in front of me?”

Ji-hyuk, gripping her wet hair tightly, hugged her tightly, not knowing what to do. Sa-hee gasped for breath, but she felt a strange sense of stability from his body heat and scent, which she felt so close.

“Is this how much you want to break up with me?”

His self-deprecating voice rang in her ears. Sa-hee felt something wet, whether tears or water, brush past her eyes and fall down. Cough, cough, another violent cough shook her body.

“Don’t die, please don’t die...”

Ji-hyuk, cupping Sa-hee’s neck with his hands, met her eyes. Then he pressed his lips against hers, whispering like an incantation. Don’t die, stay alive.

Sa-hee barely raised her hand and gripped his shoulder. Then she smiled faintly. That was all she could say.

“Why... did you come... so early...”

At her words, Ji-hyuk’s mind went blank. If the appointment hadn’t ended early, if it had ended at the expected time, and if he had come home late, you... the you at that time...

“Is that all you have to say? Really?”

Ji-hyuk was a little angry. So he grabbed Sa-hee’s body and shook her shoulders violently. Sa-hee, whose whole body was limp, was shaken helplessly. Her pale face narrowed her eyebrows and bit her lip.

“Ji-hyuk... it hurts...”

“...”

Ji-hyuk, who was looking down at Sa-hee silently, kissed her forehead, cheeks, nose, and lips madly. And he regretted it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you, he said. In fact, he was already out of his mind.

The joy he felt when he came home and sensed someone’s presence, the elation that it might be Sa-hee, the anxiety that arose from the quiet silence, the fear he felt when he found the bathroom light on, the terrifying horror he felt when he found her body submerged in the bathtub...

The rapid changes in emotions that swept through him made him laugh, cry, and go crazy. But he could never forgive himself for hurting Sa-hee. Just like now.

Ji-hyuk came to his senses at Sa-hee’s words that she was in pain.

“Sa-hee...”

“...”

“Sa-hee, Yoon Sa-hee...”

Even in his chaotic emotions, Ji-hyuk seemed to know vaguely. What he was doing to this person, how he had allowed this person to make such a choice.

In the end, it was all his fault.

He had lived his life thinking he could have anything he wanted under his feet. This kind of admission was never easy for him, but it was clear. Sa-hee’s pain was his mistake and fault. So he made up his mind.

“If I’m so terribly hateful to you that you’d hurt yourself...”

He barely managed to speak, suppressing the urge to choke himself.

“If my love is driving you to death...”

The fact that he still loved Sa-hee’s eyes looking up at him, but that he had nothing more to give, filled him with despair. That’s why. He pulled out words as sharp as a knife, suppressing the vomit-inducing revulsion.

“Okay, I’ll let you go.”

A long, deep wound was carved into his soul.