WTSP - 45

‘......It feels strangely familiar.’

With a peculiar sense of déjà vu, I turned my head, only to widen my eyes in astonishment. To put it slightly dramatically, my eyes grew so large they felt like they might pop out.

Suddenly, the warm sunlight vanished and a shadow fell... only to discover a tall man standing behind me.

It felt as if Serdel had completely swallowed the sun. He wore an expression of clear displeasure.

“Hyacinths aren’t exactly flowers known to be good for coughs, Imperial Concubine. Surely you said you were ill?”

“Ah..., Your Majesty, that is...”

I stammered without realizing it.

In response, Serdel narrowed his eyes and raised one eyebrow. It was clear at a glance that he was not in a good mood.

And why would he be? Just an hour ago, I had refused his summons under the pretense of being sick.

He didn’t seem outright angry, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty. A mix of apology and prickliness welled up within me.

‘He must be very upset... Maybe I shouldn’t have come out after all.’

I didn’t know where to even begin explaining. Harpin, standing behind Serdel, also wore a troubled expression.

After a brief moment of deliberation, I fidgeted with my fingertips and began to speak.

“Actually... being sick was an excuse... I just came out for some fresh air now.”

I knew how well Serdel could see through people.

There was no point in making lame excuses now; one lie would only lead to another. I was scared, but I thought it would be better to confess my honest feelings.

Serdel tilted his chin slightly, as if telling me to speak my mind.

“I was planning to rest for a bit and then see Your Majesty again. I know you must have been upset. But to tell you my honest feelings...”

“Your Highness! I finished it! It looks pretty good, don’t you th-, hic!”

Lena had been so engrossed in her drawing that she wouldn’t have noticed if thunder had struck.

The moment she turned her head to show me the finished sketch, she gasped in surprise and dropped the paper.

I nudged Lena gently, as if to tell her to calm down. She seemed a hundred times more surprised than I was.

A hiccup escaped her, a testament to her shock.

“Hic, Y-Your... Your Majesty. Your Highness, when did His Majesty...”

“Lena, it’s alright. Go over there and catch your breath. You were very startled.”

“No, I never imagined His Majesty would come... That is, hiccup!”

“Lady Lena, would you come this way? Your Majesty, please converse comfortably. I will wait at a distance.”

Harpin, who had been discreetly observing, supported the still-hiccuping Lena and helped her up.

Then, he moved away with her to a spot not too far off, apparently giving Serdel and me some space to talk privately.

Serdel, unfazed by the small commotion, kept his gaze fixed on me. I stood up awkwardly, took a deep breath, and met his eyes.

His black hair, as if it had absorbed all the colors of the world, swayed lightly in the breeze.

Serdel looked angry at my lie, but it seemed he would still listen to what I had to say. If he were truly furious, he would have taken severe action immediately.

I inhaled deeply to calm my pounding heart. A slightly trembling voice escaped my lips.

“...When I face Your Majesty, I feel like my mood will sink uncontrollably. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s just... my emotional state isn’t the same as usual.”

“......”

“Even if you punish me, I won’t feel resentful... but I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t avoiding you because I dislike you.”

I knew how much misunderstanding avoiding someone without a proper explanation could cause. I myself had almost lost a friend due to a lack of communication in the past.

But now that I was in that position, I could somewhat understand why my friend had acted that way.

I wanted to tell him everything about how Theo’s death had affected me. But...

‘How can I say that I’ve barely adjusted to this world, and I’m terrified that you might suddenly die like that child one day?’

I bit my lower lip hard.

Even if Serdel was greatly disappointed by my attitude, it was a consequence I deserved to face. Imagining his return to his former coldness was quite painful...

Serdel, who had been listening to my story silently for a long time, raised his eyebrows once more.

I was a little afraid of what words would come out of his mouth. The silence between us felt heavy.

I let out a weak voice.

“...I’m sorry. I want to ask for a little more time, but...”

I knew it was selfish. I couldn’t bring myself to say the rest of my thoughts out loud. However, Serdel’s reply was unexpected.

“I have tried to wait.”

The sentence that came from his lips was shorter and more concise than I had anticipated.

I blinked and stared into his deep eyes. Serdel, who had maintained a displeased expression all along, relaxed his face and let out a short sigh.

“That is why I didn’t even confirm if you were truly ill. ...It wasn’t easy. It was something I had never done before. I kept feeling restless and impatient.”

“...Your Majesty?”

“Yes. I, of all people.”

I felt a strong sense of guilt towards him at his unexpected reply.

I had made him anxious for the sake of my own peace. I regretted not meeting and talking to him sooner. But regret was only regret because it couldn’t be undone.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to feel that way... I thought it was enough for just me to be depressed. Because I always want Your Majesty to be happy.”

It was a sincerity that came from the depths of my heart. There’s a saying that joy shared is doubled, and sorrow shared is halved.

But I didn’t want to burden his shoulders with even half of my sorrow.

‘I want the people I cherish to always be at peace. I hope they never die or get sick.’

It had been like that since I was young. I wasn’t one to live at a disadvantage, but when it came to my precious ones, I became quite self-sacrificing.

My friends would advise me, saying, ‘It’s for our sake that you don’t do that,’ but it was difficult to change as easily as they suggested.

At some point, Serdel had quietly entered the category of ‘precious person’ without me even realizing it. I had vaguely felt it, but now I was realizing it anew.

I glanced up at Serdel. He still had a serious expression. Seeing him blocking the scorching sunlight with his broad back, I could understand why he was called the sun of the Empire.

“I will wait a little longer. I am slowly reaching my limit, but I still hope you will come to me voluntarily.”

“It’s alright. I’ve overcome it a lot now...”

“No, you are not alright, Imperial Concubine. Even now... you are forcing strength into your eyes, aren’t you?”

“Ah...”

“The moment I saw you just now, it is true that I was angry. It seemed you were making up excuses just to avoid me. But... if it is that you need time, and if you will return to me in the end.”

Serdel gently stroked my eyes with a seemingly indifferent yet tender touch. At that moment, I felt slightly dazed.

“Then... I think I can endure it.”

I blinked, looking into his deep eyes.

I had thought that meeting his green eyes, so similar to Theo’s, would be painful, but instead, I felt a sense of stability. And...

‘It’s warm...’

At least to me, Serdel’s touch and embrace were always warm. Serdel Carlot was a man who possessed both coolness and warmth.

People only saw his cold side, but I often felt warmth in the gaps. Of course, it hadn’t been long since I started feeling that way, but I could be certain.

“...However, do not make me wait too long, Ophelia.”

Every time his lips uttered the name Ophelia, my heart tingled and my fingertips trembled.

Due to the uncontrollably rising heart rate, I took a step back and nodded.

‘Ah, that was a little... dangerous just now.’

Without realizing it, I had felt a desire to be embraced and comforted in his arms. I hoped Serdel wouldn’t notice these feelings of mine.

His gaze, which had been touching my flushed eyes with his thumb, fell downwards. He seemed to have noticed the paper and pencil Lena had left behind.

“By the way, were you drawing?”

“Ah, no. I came out intending to draw... but I’m not very good at it. This is Lena’s sketch.”

“I want to see your drawing. Draw one for me.”

“I’m sure you won’t be very satisfied. My drawing skills are truly the worst.”

I would rather write him a story, but if I gave him a drawing, he might be shocked.

It wasn’t that I had low self-esteem. Objectively speaking, even a seven-year-old’s drawing would be much better to look at.

Serdel, who had been watching me wave my hands in refusal, sat down on the cloth spread on the ground. Then, he took out a new sheet of paper and clipped it onto the wooden board.

“I really told you, I’m terrible at it...”

“I am not asking you to draw.”

“Then?”

“Since you say you won’t draw, I have no choice but to draw myself.”

What was he talking about now?

I sat down beside him in a daze. Serdel took the pencil as if it were the most natural thing in the world and turned his gaze to me.

“Sit a little further away, Imperial Concubine. You are too close now.”

“But I want to watch you draw.”

“Unfortunately, it will be you that I am drawing. I think we should keep a distance.”

Serdel rarely said anything that fell within the realm of expectation.

Me? I pointed to my face with the tip of my index finger, and he slowly nodded.

I smiled awkwardly and sat a little further away.

Why the sudden interest in drawing...?